Very early pregnancy after losses... Daren't migrate to pregnancy board yet... Anyone else?

[SnookyPook]

As the title says... Currently 5+2 but had a MMC in April and a chemical in September at 4+5... Really struggling to feel excited or hopeful this time. Is anyone else in a similar position? Thought we could chat here until things seem a bit more certain..?!

@SnookyPook I'm really sorry to hear this. Keeping everything crossed for you 🙏

@SnookyPook Augh I'm so sorry :(

@SnookyPook how did everything go today?

oh @SnookyPook I'm so sorry. Those numbers don't sound great. Do update us on your scan today if you feel able - I'm thinking of you. If you ever need to chat to a veteran of miscarriage, I am here. It's a shite club to be in and I really hope things still go your way, but here if you need a virtual hug xxxx

Ah thanks for checking in guys. Well the plot thickens.

They wouldn't do the scan as they said my last HCG result was too low for it to show anything on a scan (threshold is around 1000) but they took blood again. And the nurse called me this evening... My bloods have perfectly doubled twice since last Thurs.. if it wasn't for that weird first week, they would be textbook. But I definitely ovulated when I thought and the BFP date confirms that. So I don't really know what to think. She said if they've doubled again by this Thurs that will put me above threshold for a scan after all... Basically in complete and utter limbo still. I don't know whether to be glad that there still seems to be hope, or annoyed, which might sound really odd but I just can't help feeling it surely can't be great that the HCG dithered about so much in the first week?! I guess just keep taking it one day at a time as I have been doing and trust that I will cope with whatever is thrown my way... It's not really the clarity I was hoping for though!

Hi @SnookyPook - I thought I’d pop over here to say hello! I’m so glad to hear there’s still hope! 🤞fingers and everything else crossed for you that it continues this good upward trend now! That’s very confusing though, it would be lovely to have clarity…

I’m also bobbing around in limbo land, if it makes you feel any better… the dr basically said there’s no point me coming in before week 6/7 for a scan, and we’re away for the next two weeks so I just have to wait and see until then I guess? 🤷🏻‍♀️ it’s hard after a loss, you don’t get the same excitement as the first time…

@El1988 ah sorry to hear you're in limbo too. Yes it's a shame it robs some of that joy and excitement for you doesn't it. Are you going anywhere nice? If possible, I would just try to enjoy your holiday as much as possible and trust that the pregnancy is either doing what it should be, or not. Unfortunately that's all we can do isn't it?! Hopefully your little bean will keep growing nicely and then you'll be able to see it when you get back. Xx

@SnookyPook Still a bit of hope then! :) I know the worry when it seems to be stalling but then increasing though. I had that with my second pregnancy and it turned out to be a blighted ovum. Not to say that yours will be of course and I very much hope that it's not xx

@TheBirdintheCave thank you. Yes from reading a bit I think blighted ovum and ectopic are my big concerns now so just hope I get more clarity over the next few days. It will be what it will be I guess. At least I'm in the system now and being monitored. I guess right now, that's all I can ask!

Hope you guys are all doing well. X

@SnookyPook I'm ok :) My poor husband had a migraine this morning though so I had to step up and get the toddler dressed and ready for childminding whilst also feeling very sick. Fortunately my son was having a good morning so didn't fight me when I got him dressed etc.

hope you're all getting on OK. Any updates, @SnookyPook?

I had another scan today - I should have been 9w5d according to last LMP but there was a baby with a good heartbeat measuring only 6w4d according to the sonographer - its CRL was 7mm so I guess it could have been a few days more.

I don't know what to think. I had this same thing last year and it ended in a MMC. But they are saying that the growth tracks with my scan from a few weeks ago where gestational sac and yolk sac were seen but no foetal pole. Last time the baby's growth was falling behind with each further scan. Obviously they can only comment on what they see on the day, and not make predictions about how it'll all pan out, but I really do feel heartsick over it all. I think I wanted the clarity of either a 9w5d baby or a blighted ovum. I'm finding it hard to know whether to remain hopeful when the baby looks well but is measuring so far behind what it should.

@ladycarlotta oh that sounds really tough. I'm so sorry that you are in such limbo. I'm so sorry I can't remember but is there any chance you had a longer cycle/late ovulation? It's so hard isn't it because of the growth is tracking well from last time then it gives hope... But the hope almost feels frustrating and annoying when you feel like it can't be right. I will keep everything crossed for you and hope on your behalf that it's all ok 🙏🏻

Unfortunately I started bleeding yesterday at 7weeks, however, I've known the pregnancy was over for a good few days. My repeat blood test last Thursday had barely risen.. they mentioned ectopic, I got really scared. They did bloods again Sat and thankfully (!!) the HCG had started falling. They booked me for a scan and repeat bloods (again) for Monday. The scan was inconclusive but sonographer saw no obvious evidence of ectopic, but not really evidence of anything at all other than blood flow on my uterine lining - she was surprised I'd had no spotting/blood yet. The bloods that day had fallen again so they were happy to avoid methotrexate (phew) and informed me I'd likely start bleeding soon and I should do a home pregnancy test in 3 weeks....

Not long after the appointment I started spotting, then full bleeding started yesterday. It's all been so draining and I was so scared etc that initially I was just relieved to be ok and barely registered I was losing another pregnancy. I think I'm still in a bit of a weird place. I've asked for some MH support and they are also referring me to the fertility clinic. So I'm going to take a step back for a bit and try to enjoy Christmas and come at it all fresh in the New Year....

It feels so weird to think of myself as now having fertility issues after everything was relatively straightforward with my son. It's frustrating and tiring and bleurgh. But I will be ok. And hopefully my rainbow baby is still on their way.

@ladycarlotta please keep me updated if you would like to. Really rooting for you. ❤️

Oh @SnookyPook I've been keeping an eye out for an update from you and I'm so sorry!! What a totally crap journey you've been on. I think trying to take a step back and enjoy Christmas is a good move - I'm doing the same. Asking for some MH support sounds positive also. Thinking of you and hoping your giving yourself some time and space to process x

oh @SnookyPook I'm sorry. But I know what you mean about the relief of it being over safely and at least getting to draw a definitive line under it.

And I SO relate to you re how weird secondary infertility feels. It's so complicated. I had losses before my daughter but years earlier and at a bad time, so I really assumed after she was so easy to conceive and such a straightforward pregnancy that others would be the same and we'd have as many babies as we wanted. I'm sure there's no fun way to be infertile but it is particularly weird to believe you're on the road to something and then suddenly that road is strewn with obstacles.

I hope you get some good R&R over Christmas and sending all the baby dust for 2024.

I've got a scan tomorrow which I think will be quite decisive. If the baby has grown on track with its size last time, I can retain a bit of hope for it. If its growth is slow then that's really it.

Fingers crossed.

@ladycarlotta thank you and I've got everything crossed for you tomorrow. Do let me know how you get on. Yes, secondary infertility is full of complex emotions isn't it. Not least the "well I'm so lucky to have one gorgeous child and some women go through all of this without even having a child to snuggle"... Which is true of course but there is a very particular type of ache and struggle that I think only others who have experienced secondary infertility will get.

Sending you loads of positive wishes for your scan ❤️

@ladycarlotta how are you getting on my love?

I've got an unexpected update. As planned, the month after my last loss at Halloween, we weren't tracking, I took a step back. Had an appointment with the MH midwife which was really cathartic, had some date nights and drinks with Hubby, very hot baths etc... we dtd twice, CD17 and CD19. I usually ovulate CD14 and I'd had a mega spot appear then so presumed fertile window was over... But, apparently not. Suddenly realised AF hadn't appeared. As it was post-loss I didn't think too much of it but then thought I ought to do a test before my work Christmas Do just in case. Was fully anticipating a BFN... But it wasn't! Was completely unexpected and unplanned for pre-Christmas. I got a scan at the EPU at 7wks, super nervous... But they found a strong heartbeat and healthy looking pregnancy (despite me having had barely any symptoms which had made me super nervous with my history).

Currently 8+2... Very much not feeling out of the woods yet but... Here we are! Got my booking appointment 5th Jan and another scan at EPU on 10th. Nervous and very much taking things day by day... But, little one did seem quite determined to be here despite my best efforts to have a chilled out Christmas!! So, we'll see.

I really hope everyone else is doing ok and sending lots of good wishes for 2024. X

@SnookyPook Awww congrats! Fingers crossed for this one!

ahh @SnookyPook so pleased for you! What a lovely update. I wish you the healthiest and happiest pregnancy.

Sadly it didn't work out for me. I did have a good scan and the baby was growing as it should but a week later I had some spotting and got another scan at the early pregnancy clinic, and that time there was no heartbeat. I had to go for another D&C after a horrible partial miscarriage at home. Gutted that I made it to 13 weeks and potentially out of the woods before losing it but I'm grateful for all the scans I had - I can't imagine rocking up to the 12 week scan thinking everything was fine and having the horrible shock of a much smaller foetus with no heartbeat, which I know so many women have to go through.

I'm not sure what our next move will be - if we'll keep trying or accept this is how it's going to be for us. Christmas has been quite sad, knowing I should be about 17 or 18 weeks and sharing the news with family. But we'll be OK. I am OK. I'm wishing all of you in this horrible situation the very best of luck in 2024.

@SnookyPook congratulations! That's a lovely update, so pleased for you!

Nothing at all for me since my miscarriage in March which is pretty disappointing. Finding it all very draining.

Wishing you all the best!

Ah so sorry to hear these updates ladies 😞 I know I'm so lucky, although I'm still not relaxed into this pregnancy and I'm not sure if/when that might come. It's a shame that loss robs us of that. I'm still a long way from feeling like there will be a baby at the end of this.

@ladycarlotta that sounds really tough - especially the glimpse of hope only to have it taken away again. I hope you're doing as ok as can be.

@BusiBo that must be so tough too 😞

Sending you both tons of love and hopeful wishes for 2024. 🙏🏼🌈💕