Cd1 of ttc first cycle after loss... anyone want to join me? 🙂

[Ladyinpink1]

Hi 🙋‍♀️, just as the title says, I am now on cd1 of my first cycle after a loss at 11+4 (stopped growing just after a scan showing strong heartbeat at 8 -9w)

Feeling nervous but positive about a new cycle ...but finding it hard to think of anything else other than ttc 🙂

Happy for some company to obsess with over these next weeks x

@SnookyPook I just think we should be able to talk about it, it's nothing to be ashamed of. And maybe it'll help them think about how to approach those topics.

Hilarious about the condoms!! When's your appointment? To be honest it's nice just having sex for me, as opposed to pregnancy (although that would be a lovely benefit so soon). Just trying not to get my hopes up. I'm planning to test two weeks Saturday if AF hasn't arrived as that'll be just shy of 6 weeks post MMC x

Completely agree with everyone on here. It feels sometimes that miscarriage is so stigmatised or just not talked about. It made me feel as if it was something that only happened to a tiny group of women, but actually it's so much more common.

I've been getting a bit annoyed with my FIL lately for this reason - he keeps going on about how we shouldn't tell anyone too early in case anything goes wrong, wait until 12 weeks etc, so much so that that was his first reaction when we told him. I get that he's coming from a good place and he's of a certain generation, but I feel like the 12 week wait is also there to prevent people from talking about MC, and making everyone feel as if it's something you "keep to yourself" so as to not upset anyone around you. It's also made me even more scared to miscarry partly because of a stigma I now feel I have because I would have "told them too early".

I wish more people would speak openly about miscarriage as it’s such a horrendous thing to go through and then to be made to feel like you can’t talk about it for fear of the other person not knowing what to say. After mine last year I went for Botox to make myself feel better. The lady only asked if I was ok and I broke down and told her the whole story of how I miscarried a few weeks previous, how i felt my whole life was falling apart and how I couldn’t understand why my body would let me down like this. Luckily she was super understanding of me crying on her 🤣.

If / when I do get pregnant again I plan to tell my closest family and friends from early on as I know that regardless of what happens I will need them.

I think my early loss has made me even more nervous about telling anybody before 12 weeks if/when I get pregnant again - last time we told both sets of parents at just under 8 weeks after having an early scan, but immediately I felt as though there was almost more pressure on the pregnancy because it was so much more real once we'd said it out loud to a few people. I also haven't told many people about my miscarriage, but I think that's partly because it still feels very recent and it still makes me feel really emotional - I think with a bit of time and distance from it I'll feel more comfortable speaking about it.

@SnookyPook We used condoms for the first month after I came off the pill and then again after my MC until I had my period - it was quite refreshing putting my husband in charge of the contraception after so many years of organising it myself! 😅

@CluelessInLondon haha yes I can imagine!

The veil of silence around miscarriage is such a shame. I did a post on my FB for baby loss awareness week and got a message from a FB friend thanking me for my honesty and that it had been a real comfort... She'd had a MMC at 9 weeks in July and hadn't even told her Mum about it all 😞

That said, I've been a real mixed bag on telling people. With my DS (lockdown baby) we kept it quiet until the 12wk scan - partly because there were people in the family who'd been through first trimester loss etc who would have found it stressful knowing... So we announced when we were past the first big danger zone and it was lovely to be able to say we were already through the first trimester. Then, the one that was my MMC in April, we told close family pretty much asap! And when I lost it, I was glad they had been able to share the joy while it lasted etc, and we're also primed for full support. My most recent one, I kept quiet as realised I'd hit 12wks in December... After the earlier loss I thought it would be lovely to share our good news at Christmas when we were again through the worst... However that obviously went south. I ended up telling close family and friends when I was worried it was going wrong so they didn't get any of the joy of it but we're very supportive. No idea what I'll do when (saying when not if!!) I'm pregnant again now!

Gargh autocorrect were we're 🤓🤪

The telling people throws me every time. With our daughter (who was very poorly and who we had a TFMR with at 25 weeks) we told everyone at 12 weeks as we had passed the first danger zone (like @SnookyPook said). I was also very naive and tbh didn't realise all the things that could go wrong so after that initial all clear at the 12 week scan we felt happy we would be bringing a baby home. After the 20 week scan I told a few people as and when I saw them as we'd had a good scan, they just couldn't measure one part of her brain due to how she was lying but everything else looked good. So you could imagine how many people we then had to inform she had been born sleeping. I don't regret that at all though as everyone was amazing and tbh it showed us who are true friends were.

With the last two losses we hadn't told anyone, as both were before 6 weeks we'd only just got our heads around it ourselves. I've told very few people since, 3 to be precise and my husband has told 2.

I find I will blurt out my daughters loss without any rhyme or reason and generally feel better for doing so. I haven't got there yet with the two MCs, but I'm sure that will come.

Sorry that turned into a therapeutic post of my thoughts!

So interesting to hear everyone’s reflections on sharing the news of a pregnancy. I’m divided now on whether I’d tell more people straight away since they already know the details of my previous and would (I hope) understand the precarity of saying ‘I’m pregnant’ and be able to support me in those first weeks and months. But part of me wants to hide the whole thing away though and not tell anyone till I’m basically giving birth - or ideally after. That was easier with a lockdown pregnancy tbh! I may well do a mix of both.

Not that this is an issue I’m going to have to face any time soon I don’t think - 8DPO and I can feel pre AF mood shift of extra grumpiness and easily tearful. Thanks v much Mother Nature…!

Good for you @Vic231 talking about your daughter. You lived with her and the promise of her for a long time, I’m glad you feel able to keep her with you in your conversations now and you’ve had supportive responses. 💛

@Oxalis00 thank you lovely, that made me tear up a bit. It's so hard but she was real and she existed so I speak of her whenever I can.

Also I'm 8DPO too! With my daughter I thought my period was coming and I ended up with a BFP so I never know until AF arrives, although I do tend to symptom spot!

Hey @Oxalis00 I've thought about this too and right now (although I'm very far away from a positive) I don't think I'd tell many people until 12 week scan, maybe just a select couple, but I'll wait to see how I feel at the time x

@Ladyinpink1 Any change for you the last couple of days? 11DPO now…?

Anyone else testing soon?

I’m 9DPO today but it’s not really convenient to test as we’ve got stuff going on the next few days that I don’t want to cloud with either a BFN or BFP - there would be too many feelings either way! So will just remain in blissful ignorance/hope…

So many messages to catch up on!
That was really brave of you @ThelastRolo20 with your hairdresser, and how did you feel after telling her? I also get asked quite often would we like another... and actually acquaintances of ours stopped us out for a walk the other day to tell us they were pregnant then asked what about us, would we like another. I felt so much like saying but didn't given the news they had just shared.

It's a tough one but I would say I am ok talking about it but the at the same time I don't want anyone to feel pity towards me and I don't know if anyone else feels this but I get a feeling of failure sonetimes because of the losses (i know that makes no sense because it's nothing I did) but I worry people think that when I tell them x

Hi @Oxalis00 I am definitely out, still waiting on my period so no changes, hoping it comes soon to start a fresh new cycle but then but not too soon that my LP isn't too short. Ahhh it's all so much waiting again! Lol.
All the best for test day for you and anyone else still waiting to test x

@Ladyinpink1 I felt absolutely fine, it's just something that happened to me and that's okay. I also don't like pity but the conversation totally moved on haha.

My neighbour then yesterday "thinking about number two yet then", "yes definitely but I had a miscarriage" she had the grace to say she'd put her foot in it 😂

Hopefully your period comes soon ish so you can move onto the next cycle. I'm having the weirdest couple of days, feels like I'm about to come on - gassy, massively thirsty, headache, itchy boobs. All very weird for me and definitely not pregnancy related as it'd be far too early.

@ThelastRolo20 How many dpo are you? Do you still feel the same today? Last time I was pregnant I felt a fullness in my womb area and dreamt that I was pregnant, I thought at the time it was unrelated as was too early but days later I got my bfp so I do believe with all the hormonal changes some people are more sensitive to them and that you can at times get symptoms early.

I hope that is the case for you! 💜. x

@Ladyinpink1 that's the thing, I have no idea! During the week of MC bleeding I did a couple opks to make sure I wouldn't get a fake positive as I know it can confuse HCG. All completely blank so no issues there.

Once bleeding stopped I did OPKs until last saturday then stopped as they weren't getting stronger and it wasn't doing me any help mentally. I know from before I have a very rapid rise and fall, it comes and goes in a day, so realistically the earliest I could have ovulated is Monday just gone so this is far too early for symptoms.

Putting it all down to hormones still being out of whack! For all I know I haven't even ovulated yet X

When I say weren't getting stronger, they weren't blank and were likely on the way up, but just not quick enough for my impatient liking 😂 as I was having funny symptoms I actually did an OPK yesterday and it was back to completely blank so I tentatively think I have ovulated early this week, so I'm maybe 5 DPO if I had to guess? But who knows after a miscarriage

That's frustrating for you not knowing either way. I hope it's good news for you but if it isn't, I hope that your first cycle is a nice regular (fertile) one 😊 @ThelastRolo20 x

11DPO here and having some light spotting (CD25) which seems to be my new normal before a period since the MC 😖 Not thrilled about this! 😭 I know it hasn’t been long in the grand scheme of things (2 cycles trying since MC, though a year since we started) but I’ve always conceived within 1 or 2 cycles before so this is new and I’m worrying about whether something has gone wrong in my body since the MC, and/or whether age is hitting differently now (38).

@Oxalis00 have you done a test yet? Could well be implantation bleeding, so you never know!

If it's not, and AF is on the way try not to worry about the time. Two months is super quick, and having that happen twice is very rare! Really normal to take a few tries so don't get disheartened.

Having looked at my symptoms from earlier in the week to now, I reckon I've already ovulated (early in the week), so unofficially calling myself 5/6 DPO. I'm just looking forward to an outcome either way!

Hi @Oxalis00 Sorry about the spotting, hopefully it's not af as rollo said but I understand how it feels.
My period started this morning and so I'm onto cycle 3 since my most recent loss (also over a year since starting) and of the 4 times we conceived, 2 of the times it happened right away, the other 2 times it took 5 cycles (we didn't do anything differently) so I know it can feel that way but I don't think there is anything wrong with you at all, just some cycles are longer 💜

@ThelastRolo20 5 or 6dpo is great, will you test or wait for AF? Do you still have all of those symptoms from the other day? x

How is everyone else doing?
I think someone with a bfp had an appointment today? But I can't remember who, sorry, I hope all goes well for it! xx

@Ladyinpink1 i don't think I'm pregnant to be honest, I had a rummage around to check out cervical mucus and bumped (!) Into my cervix 😂 did some reading on line and both point towards heading to a period. Which I'm okay with as the chances were so low.

So just waiting for it to arrive which should happen in the next week then I can start afresh

Sorry to hear about the spotting @Oxalis00 but like others have said it could be implantation🤞🏼.

@Ladyinpink1 i read you were waiting on AF to start, how long has this cycle been for you? Are you going to do anything differently this cycle?

I took a couple of days away from socials, the last cycle hit me hard and panic set in. Didn’t help that my scan got cancelled and now I have to wait another week. It’s now scheduled for Friday which will be my predicted ovulation day. I wonder how much they can actually see.

@ThelastRolo20 Just thinking about the conversation you had with your neighbour, I wonder if people just assume that if you've already got a child, there can't possibly be any issue with having another one so it's fine to ask - there's definitely a naivety about miscarriage and I think people assume that it only happens to people who are trying for their first baby. I don't have any kids and nobody ever asks me if I'm planning on having any!

@Ladyinpink1 I'm partly sorry to hear your period has come, but also glad to hear you can get ready for another cycle - it's a strange dynamic isn't it, on the one hand you don't want your period to arrive, but on the other if you aren't pregnant you just want to be able to crack on with the next cycle!

@Oxalis00 Sorry to hear about the spotting - have you tried taking a test yet, or will you just wait to see if your period arrives?

I'm due to ovulate any day now so I'm impatiently waiting to do my next OPK - got a flashing smiley on a digital one yesterday morning, then promptly forgot to do one when I got up this morning because I was really tired. 😂 Now trying to wait another hour or two before I pee again so I can do it then!