2023 TTC 35+ Part 3

[VixFromThe6ix]

New thread!!!

The other one filled in so quickly. I'm happy that many of you are finding this space supportive and helpful.

@VixFromThe6ix I totally get that, my 3 year old adores younger children and it makes me sad he doesn't have a sibling.

Thanks so much @Freya8 @CurlyWurly1991 @RoseH36 and everyone.

It's good to hear your stories of sertraline - the docs did say it wouldn't affect fertility so it's totally pointless me worrying. Anecdotal stories do help, for some reason I really do trust other women over doctors a lot of the time! Unfortunately my pnd was prolonged and just got worse over time. The meds have helped so much so apart from baby stuff I have no desire to come off.

@CurlyWurly1991 sorry for your period - mine arrived yesterday too! It's never bright red on the first day and I always lie to myself "maybe it's implantation bleeding" despite the negative test and knowing that I'm not pregnant!

@RoseH36 the first time around I had the blood tests and was ovulating fine. My period has always been regular as clockwork and still is, although my cycle is a day shorter since my son and my period is shorter too, maybe 3-4 days where previously was 5 and slightly heavier. I had scans which told me I had a tonne of fibroid but none of them were poking out into the womb to cause infertility. I now have a caesarean scar though. My husband only had 6% normal sperm and this was years ago and before lockdown so I do worry a bit!

We are so lucky to have our lovely little family and I'm really trying not to get caught up in it this time and just to be grateful. Of course as a woman it is always gonna be hell that week before your period though.

Does anyone have any tips on the actual trying bit? I don't know if I'm trying hard enough, it's just the first time round we had SO MUCH SEX and nothing worked. Then the only 2 times I fell pregnant we had happened to have sex pretty much the exact same 4 times in the month (days 6, 12, 14 and 16). Now I'm convinced my husband needs a day or 3 to "recover" to improve his sperm quality, but maybe im overthinking it...

And final question how is everyone doing with the general shitshow of getting older even without the fertility aspect? I'm currently laid up with a back spasm, my husband needs physio or he can't drive due to knee pain, and I often feel I wanna hang out with the grannies rather than the other mums at playgroups - sometimes were closer in age etc! Although having said that there's plenty of older mums about these days (or "geriatric mothers" as my friend got labelled when her son was going through the asd diagnosis process!!!)

Hope everyone's weekend is going OK xxx

@Eirlys1986 sorry I missed your message. I'm so sorry for your loss 3 weeks ago, miscarriage is horrific and just having to sit with all the hormones whilst you're waiting with an mmc is even worse. Yeah for that to be my first pregnancy after 16 months trying was just awful. Then the 6 months waiting for the next pregnancy was horrendous and i was absolutely mental. I'm surprised my husband went anywhere near me in that period to be honest I remember one or 2 months where I would just cry but still want to have sex - dark times. Our little family of 3 is in such a good place now though I have high hopes that I'll cope a lot better this time. And if not I have joined here as honestly groups like this on mumsnet are just lifesaving and filled with such kind women xxx

@MOGMOGMOG85 im so glad you’ve found the groups helpful and supportive in the past and I’ve certainly found this one has really helped me. I absolutely hated the hormonal changes that were obviously happening around the time of the miscarriage. Like horrific post delivery hormone drops but obviously I had no baby so that was just really really sad. I feel so much better physically now and mentally getting there so just really want to try again now.
re:your other questions to the group- with TTC we do Smep which is knackering (literally! 😂) and I take proceive max (because I love to literally piss money down the toilet- bright orange incidentally after taking the vitamins 😆). I am feeling my age a bit (37) but I think the toddler has a lot to answer for on that front. I had a skiing accident aged 34 which snapped my ACL and was never fixed as lockdown then got pregnant but I feel like if toddler wasn’t here I’d be a lot fitter but I wouldn’t change anything obviously, he’s everything 💕 x (well, OH is also everything too of course 😆)

@MOGMOGMOG85 my DH doesn't have a very high sex drive (to be fair these days I don't either lol) so we've only been DTD on my two peak days. It's worked for us so not going to change what we've been doing.

But yeah feeling our ages over here too, I had a work accident when I was 18 and permanently injured my back so have to take things easy. Struggle to sit on the floor for long periods of time so don't feel like I play with my son as much as I'd like. DH has trouble with his knees so he feels the same way too.

BUT we do all have years more wisdom to pass on to our children so we're not all past it yet 🤣

Crossing everything for you @FiddleLeaf. Big congratulations on your quality eggs 🥰

I’m sorry that you’ve had such a hard few months @Freya8 and @MOGMOGMOG85.

I love your new mantra @Eirlys1986.

I’m loving having DH back at the moment, but equally just feel bone tired and am finding it hard not to feel a little deflated that I am so tired when he’s only around for two weeks. But I have my graduation to look forward to before he goes, so going to look forward to that! 👍

It looks period maths wise as though I will ovulate just after he leaves this time, so going to try to DTD as late as we can to him going. However the next time he is home I think it looks as though I will ovulate after he’s gone again and the time after we will need to skip as the due date would fall over my best friend’s wedding. So… if we aren’t lucky this cycle we’re out of potential TTC cycles until October. But at this point, that month does look as though it could work for us 😂😂

Trying not to overthink it. I’m exhausted toddler wrangling on my own, I think the stress of the year is taking it’s toll a little and although a pregnancy would bring a huge amount of joy, I am struggling by at the moment even as we are. I think my mantra is that ‘this baby will come when the time is right’. That time just might not be when I think it should be.

I’m 9dpo and I woke up with heartburn… I never get heartburn (maybe 4 times in my life!) could this be a sign??

Ooh fingers crossed for you @AgeGapBbe

12dpo here! Got my usual pre-period cramps, although also had them the two times I was pregnant so none the wiser 😆 That said, combined with my general feeling this month I'm pretty sure I'm probably out. AF should be appearing tomorrow. At least I'll be out of the valley of torment then and onto a fresh cycle (which my phone just put as a 'french cycle' - maybe a cue to eat lots of baguettes and pain au chololat 🤔)

@AgeGapBbe fingers crossed for you! However, I hope I'm wrong, but this has happened to me before and nothing came of it. Symptom spotting is a lottery! Every month I do exactly the same.. xx

Hopefully it means something @AgeGapBbe , so difficult to get through that last bit of tww looking for symptoms. I really hope it’s something for you xx

Fingers crossed @AgeGapBbe !!!

@MOGMOGMOG85 hi!! I wish I knew the secret on what else to do when ttc. I track and when we hit peak we DTD. It worked for us with my son. There is no way I could have sex every day lol I don't know how I function most days as my LO is keeping me busyyyy plus I work at home so by the end of the day I'm done. Also my hubby doesn't have as high a sex drive as before so it works for us. Timing is everything.
And I do feel you on the age thing. I'm 40 next month and never thought I'd be TTC at this age but it is what it is. Our son is our world and I'd love to give him a sibling. Fingers crossed :)

Hi all, just popping back in! Huge congrats on having too quality embryos @FiddleLeaf 👏 hoping this cycle is a lucky one! 🤞🏻

@MOGMOGMOG85 Lovely to see a new "face"! We had some bug drama in our house (long story) and had Glastonbury, so only managed to DTD once in my FW when I hit peak on an OPK. I've always heard stories of couples having sex once and getting pregnant and here I am (5 weeks)! So sometimes less is more if the timing is right. And another pal on a Mumsnet thread shared some stats and it looks like after ovulation there's no chance of conceiving which I didn't realise!

@Bumblebee413 That's a great way to look at it. Sounds like you've put a lot of pressure on yourself, but actually the timing might work out and being a parent to a toddler makes everything more tiring! I honestly think you're so impressive managing without DH for such large chunks of time. I read a post on here last month about a women who DTD 5 days before ovulation and fell pregnant 💜

@Eirlys1986 How are you feeling? 🥰 Also, is work going okay (with your nightmare colleague)?

@SnookyPook Eeek,fingers crossed for you!

@VixFromThe6ix i can tell you're such a wonderful mum 😊 I always feel really young until I get on Mumsnet and read 29 year olds say they are getting passed it 🤣 hopefully you'll have a great 40th year.

Hi @LeopardLover hope you are feeling good and 5 weeks is treating you well! 😂. I’m feeling much better thanks, just waiting for AF to reappear. Annoying colleague has actually been ok, colleagues mostly know I’ve just been off for 2 weeks for “personal reasons” so she hasn’t pried at all so that’s good. She is starting to show signficantly now and is only around 3-4 weeks ahead where I should’ve been so of course that’s hard. I just spoke to one of the locums we have in practice who knows my son and he asked me if “there are any siblings on the way”, I just laughed it off and said I’m too tired for that but it hurts inside. People of course say these things without thinking and I know I would’ve done in the past but it’s tough.

@Eirlys1986 ah that's tough isn't it. I cringe now thinking back and wondering if I ever said one of those comments to someone who found it hard. Sadly it's just one of those things that you know better when you know better... I find it so hard seeing people who are where I 'should' be at... Having a to work with one must be doubly hard. Sending big hugs. Xx

Thanks @SnookyPook 😊, currently sat doing my paperwork feeling sorry for myself as midwife always does her Monday clinic next door to me so I can hear all the little heartbeats on Doppler through the wall. Life is a bitch sometimes eh? 😂

@Bumblebee413 you do an incredible job juggling so much by yourself. Definitely best not to overthink things and know that it will happen when it's right.

@AgeGapBbe could well be. So hard not to symptom spot and overthink everything though isn't it?

@SnookyPook you never know! I had cramping with mine as usual too so doesn't necessarily mean you're out.

@Eirlys1986 I just hate it when people ask that. I've never been one to pry so would never ask that question but DH had it asked of him on a night out recently so he ended up explaining what we've been through to 3 of his friends and also his sister who was there. That part I found annoying as my parents and his mom are the only people who know about our 2nd mc. He has told her not to say anything as we didn't want any sympathy. Hopefully it will make them think twice before asking other people about wanting kids though.

Thanks so much for all the messages, and for giving me some very gentle perspective. I have halted the choosing of baby’s name and planning their birthday… and decided to do an el cheapo test when I get home- which will no doubt put my mind at rest! I can’t imagine actually ever getting a BFP!

@LeopardLover thanks so much that's so kind of you to say 💕 most days I don't feel a day over 27 😂 I'm so crossing my fingers this is the year and we can finally complete this family and make this triangle into a square hope you're doing well!!! Are you getting any strong symptoms or have you been lucky and it's been mild??

Good luck @AgeGapBbe ❤️ x
@VixFromThe6ix ”make this triangle into a square” I love it! Xx

@Eirlys1986 😁 could be a rectangle, parallelogram, rhombus or a trapezoid as well technically. But square sounds cuter 😂 how are you darling??

@VixFromThe6ix I guess none of us cares about the exact shape we get so long as it has the number of sides we are longing for 😂. I am so much better thanks, still adjusting and having some sad days and things happening. I’m just so eager to see AF now and to be able to start trying again, although that will come with a whole other heap of emotions and anxiety when I get a BFP (notice I now say when and not if, trying to be a positive Nelly)

@Eirlys1986 I'm so proud of you. I love that you're being positive. It's so important to be in that mental space. My first Mc set me back a whole year. I was in some kind of denial till I realized that time is ticking with or without me. Second time around, we kept trying quite soon after. I gave myself lots of pep talks to keep my brain on the end goal. It's so easy to fall apart and have a pity party for one. It's so much harder to remain positive. Even now I'm finding myself think "well, at least we already have one..." And I need to think more like "he will be the best big brother". Positivity attracts positivity after all. Fingers crossed we get our BFP and a sticky bean 🫘🤞🏻🙏

@Eirlys1986 love this and I am also using 'when' not 'if'. We can practice being positive Nelly's together!

@VixFromThe6ix yes.. this is another one to work on! He WILL be the best big brother 🥰

Fingers crossed for the 🌈🫘s!

Yes @SnookyPook @VixFromThe6ix positivity party now 😂.
I’ve lost enough already from the MC already and of course I’ll be anxious when pregnant again but why should it be allowed to take the joy and excitement/fun announcements out of my next pregnancy? If the worst happens again what have I really lost if I bond with the next bean to come along? I’ll be devastated either way so I may as well just try to jump fully on board and enjoy a pregnancy as much as I can. I know that will be monumentally hard at times and of course so difficult, especially for those with more than one loss. I can completely understand where people are coming from when they want to be cautious and protect their feelings (this is my usual “style” and gut instinct) but I did that to a degree with this last pregnancy and I’m not sure it really changed how horrid it all felt anyway for me so 🤷🏻‍♀️. A big giant screw you to miscarriage today! 😂

@SnookyPook @Eirlys1986 #teampositivenancy