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Original poster

Is 37 too much old to have a third child?

155 replies

summerfinn · 30/04/2023 19:53

Is 37 too risky to have a third child? Are the chance of having a disabled child too high to risk it. Would a healthy 37 year old be putting their health at risk by having another child at this age. Also is it unfair on the child to have an older parent? Thoughts please?

OP posts:
Fundays12 · 30/04/2023 21:54

I had my third at 38. Admittedly he was unplanned but I wouldn't change him for the world. We all adore him. My first born child who I had at 31 has disabilities. My other children who were born when I was 36 and 38 dont. It's definitely with considering how you will cope with disabled child though.

I am 42 now and wouldn't even consider having anymore but that's more because I have 3 and the youngest is nearly 4.

Fudgewomble · 30/04/2023 21:55

I think the most relevant considerations are : there will be a big age gap between all your children (even the middle child that’s a big gap), are you in good health (eg healthy bmi, blood pressure etc) and can you afford it / do you have appropriate accommodation and a car for a family of 5; will you need to cut down on holidays etc.

Hugasauras · 30/04/2023 21:56

DemBonesDemBones · 30/04/2023 21:50

@Hugasauras nice try, but I and most of my friends are university educated Grin The places I've lived range from very deprived to very wealthy areas. Late 30s would be very unusual and 40+ almost unheard of.

Good for you! I'm not Grin but I think you do tend to make friends with people at similar life stages to you, so I don't think it's unusual that all your friends do X and mine do Y. That doesn't mean either is more common or 'right' than the other. Plenty of people have their first children in their mid 30s. Plenty of people have them before.

Fundays12 · 30/04/2023 21:57

Fundays12 · 30/04/2023 21:54

I had my third at 38. Admittedly he was unplanned but I wouldn't change him for the world. We all adore him. My first born child who I had at 31 has disabilities. My other children who were born when I was 36 and 38 dont. It's definitely with considering how you will cope with disabled child though.

I am 42 now and wouldn't even consider having anymore but that's more because I have 3 and the youngest is nearly 4.

I actually asked my midwife when I got pregnant with dc3 was it much higher risk. She advised that as I was fit, healthy, had a healthy BMI it wasn't and they are now looking at those factors more than age.

Taxitaxiforever · 30/04/2023 21:57

ttcat37 · 30/04/2023 21:07

37 too old for a baby? Cheeky fucker.
Read the room!!

Rude and disrespectful! She was asking a question. Has OP innocent question touched a nerve ?

HistoryFanatic · 30/04/2023 21:58

Aren't you the poster who is struggling to get by, lives with her father and wants to throw him out of the house?

I don't think 37 is old at all. I think having issues with mental health as you are doing is more of an issue.

Justalittlebitduckling · 30/04/2023 22:01

Are you serious?

Abacusporttaco · 30/04/2023 22:04

OP, two weeks ago you said you didn’t want to be a mother anymore. You’re living with your father and paying his large rent. Your other threads are alarming. And plentiful.

I don’t think you being 37 is what you should be focusing on.

alcquestion · 30/04/2023 22:04

AlltheFs · 30/04/2023 19:56

Don’t be ridiculous.

I had my DC at 41. Are you deliberately trying to be insulting?

This

ttcat37 · 30/04/2023 22:07

Taxitaxiforever · 30/04/2023 21:57

Rude and disrespectful! She was asking a question. Has OP innocent question touched a nerve ?

Show quote history

Yes, it was rude and disrespectful of her to insinuate that a perfectly healthy and normal age to have children is too old. And in a forum packed to the rafters with women who have been battling infertility for years, yes, of course it’s going to ‘touch a nerve’.

Abacusporttaco · 30/04/2023 22:08

ttcat37 · 30/04/2023 22:07

Yes, it was rude and disrespectful of her to insinuate that a perfectly healthy and normal age to have children is too old. And in a forum packed to the rafters with women who have been battling infertility for years, yes, of course it’s going to ‘touch a nerve’.

Show quote history

Ignore the smug posters who don’t often get to feel smug about having a baby in their early twenties and are enjoying the moment. Yes, I’ve been piqued by this shitty thread…

Taxitaxiforever · 30/04/2023 22:08

Looking at OP previous threads doesn’t hide the bullish attitude of many posters !
The gist of this thread are women bullying someone who has asked a perfectly reasonable question .!

Abacusporttaco · 30/04/2023 22:09

Taxitaxiforever · 30/04/2023 22:08

Looking at OP previous threads doesn’t hide the bullish attitude of many posters !
The gist of this thread are women bullying someone who has asked a perfectly reasonable question .!

If 37 was ‘much too old’ to have a third child? That’s reasonable is it? She only had her last one three years ago.

ttcat37 · 30/04/2023 22:10

Taxitaxiforever · 30/04/2023 22:08

Looking at OP previous threads doesn’t hide the bullish attitude of many posters !
The gist of this thread are women bullying someone who has asked a perfectly reasonable question .!

Bullish? Bullying? Did you not read my response? Read the fucking room.

Taxitaxiforever · 30/04/2023 22:13

Abacusporttaco · 30/04/2023 22:08

Ignore the smug posters who don’t often get to feel smug about having a baby in their early twenties and are enjoying the moment. Yes, I’ve been piqued by this shitty thread…

Show quote history

That is how you chose to interpret the OP question! How will she know that you have had fertility problems ? I personally have never looked at the fertility board and the chances are that OP hasn’t 🤷‍♀️

SemperIdem · 30/04/2023 22:13

37 is a completely normal age to have a child.

I think, to be honest, your primary focus should be on what impact that third child will have financially etc. I know quite a few couples who have really struggled after having a third, some ultimately separated. It seems to be a real tipping point in relationships, not dissimilar to the way having a first child can be.

lunaloveroo · 30/04/2023 22:14

Op was asking a question. There was nothing rude about it. People got all uppity when Cheryl Cole made a comment about being too old to have another (I think she's 38/39). Personally at 37 I would've felt too old. At that age my dc was double figures. I was in the best shape of my life at 37, and very secure financially and on great career progression- but wouldn't have been in a head space to go back to sleepless nights and nappies. Everyone is different.

In 2020 the mean birth age for all mothers in uk was 30.7 years so 37 is quite a bit above that, regardless of what the demographic of Mumsnet says.

Vintagecreamandcottagepie · 30/04/2023 22:14

@Taxitaxiforever

You should really do one.

We are allowed to answer the question. Nobody has shown a bullish attitude.

State your answer to her question, don't label all the rest of us who have done so.

Using the label bullying is a joke.

It's been explained why some may take offence/ get hurt at how this question was worded.

Show some fellow feeling.

SemperIdem · 30/04/2023 22:17

lunaloveroo · 30/04/2023 22:14

Op was asking a question. There was nothing rude about it. People got all uppity when Cheryl Cole made a comment about being too old to have another (I think she's 38/39). Personally at 37 I would've felt too old. At that age my dc was double figures. I was in the best shape of my life at 37, and very secure financially and on great career progression- but wouldn't have been in a head space to go back to sleepless nights and nappies. Everyone is different.

In 2020 the mean birth age for all mothers in uk was 30.7 years so 37 is quite a bit above that, regardless of what the demographic of Mumsnet says.

Does that statistic not relate specifically to first time mothers?

Northe · 30/04/2023 22:18

I had my third at 39 but I disagree with most of the posters here. Statistically, at 37 you are a geriatric mother and their are risks to you and the baby associated with that. We, however, live at a time when socially and medically it is very acceptable. It is up to you to decide on whether you have other risk factors that mean it's not feasible for you and your family and also if you are not yet pregnant to factor in that it may, or may not, take some time or in fact just not happen at all. Whatever you decide, i hope it works out.

Abacusporttaco · 30/04/2023 22:18

Taxitaxiforever · 30/04/2023 22:13

That is how you chose to interpret the OP question! How will she know that you have had fertility problems ? I personally have never looked at the fertility board and the chances are that OP hasn’t 🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

Have you ever managed to pull your head out of your arse and look around you at any point?

I don’t read the fertility boards as I haven’t had fertility issues, and I am more than acutely aware of what people go through on here. Wise up.

updin · 30/04/2023 22:18

If 37 was ‘much too old’ to have a third child? That’s reasonable is it? She only had her last one three years ago.

As MN will attest, the question of asking about a third is a completely different kettle of fish vs your first, there is a lot more at play here, especially if you had your first child in your early 20s. 37 for your 3rd when your first is 14 is very different to asking about having your first at 37.

sunshineandtea · 30/04/2023 22:18

I had my third at 35, and at 42 glad I wasn't any older. BUT... as seen in this thread many many women have babies later than this.

If you're an old and knackered 37 yo maybe best not to, but if you're in good mick and happy to parent for another 18 year go for it!

Taxitaxiforever · 30/04/2023 22:20

I genuinely don’t think that OP asked anything that was offensive and yet all these people have attacked her ! Am not an insensitive person.
If the posters are having problems with fertility I genuinely feel sorry but don’t ridicule someone who just asked a question who clearly doesn’t know anything about you .

Abacusporttaco · 30/04/2023 22:20

Taxitaxiforever · 30/04/2023 22:20

I genuinely don’t think that OP asked anything that was offensive and yet all these people have attacked her ! Am not an insensitive person.
If the posters are having problems with fertility I genuinely feel sorry but don’t ridicule someone who just asked a question who clearly doesn’t know anything about you .

You like to say the same thing over and over, don’t you?