POAS: bodies are weird and stupid 🤦🏼‍♀️

[bringmearainbow]

@FfayeN @MrsJGrealish @LuckyMoonstone @Indianna2006 @usedtolovenaps @monsteramunch @bunnykins123

@bringmearainbow I forgot to check, maybe 7 or 8? If you don’t want to carry on doing loads of FRERs every day you could buy a box of ICs to satisfy you 😂 I’m excited for you to ring the EPU and start your new journey :)

@FfayeN thank you I really appreciate everyone staying so positive for me

@bringmearainbow that's exciting! I don't think my indents really looked pink, they were faint and grey so it sounds really promising 🤞

@TheBirdintheCave glad you enjoyed your shower! That first one is heavenly.

@LuckyMoonstone I wouldn't worry that it's not that different, I would wait now to see how tomorrows is. I defo could see progression - really hoping this is your sticky bean!

@monsteramunch my cramps were really strong, was convinced AF was going to arrive. What CD day does AF usually show for you? Would 15dpo be late?

@bunnykins123 How many weeks are you now? Six? I can't remember. Are you planning on having an early scan?

....

Also, as I'm now not giving birth in July as I previously thought I'm looking at holidays for June again. Has anyone been to Palermo in Sicily before? It's currently my top option :) I can't book anything until we have a more concrete plan for the IVF but it's fun to look.

@LuckyMoonstone I have 12 ic already and 3 more frer so that should keep me going until 14dpo when I'll ring EPU

I just had a awful thought 🙈 I technically never tested negative on a frer my last one was 16th December which was very faint I would akin it to my 8dpo test from last time what if this is just left over hcg still. I mean I feel like it's probably unlikely but argh what a thought to have 🙄 why is pregnancy and TTC just a mindfuck

@bringmearainbow I really doubt after all this time that it would be leftover HCG :) I feel like this must be a new bean.

@TheBirdintheCave gosh I hope so 🤞🏼 I am absolutely exhausted today and the ol girlies have started to hurt but sore boobs is always a pms symptom for me. Felt queasy this morning I think my symptoms are reassuring me more than anything atm🙊

With rhetorical question/thoughts as always.....
I am (maybe wrongly) assuming that a lot of people here have majority of friends who had been pregnant and/or already have kids. Or are TTC. This assumption is based on the fact that many people here already have DC and I think you often make friends through your DC, that's what people often say!
Do you find these friends to be more supportive?
Most or half of my friends are single or not sure about kids, some are feeling time pressure but still thinking whether to TTC and I'm wondering if it could be why so many friendships fell apart, because people couldn't relate to wanting to be pregnant/have DC so couldn't understand why I would even be sad. At the same time, some people with kids were just as bad especially as someone with DC said she wouldn't even try again if she were me.
Sitting home alone realising I don't really have anyone to invite over anymore and having all these thoughts 😂 Felt bloody isolated for months, but maybe it's me who isolated myself from everyone. I'd still rather have fewer friends than be friends with people who refuse to acknowledge MC. I think a lot of people who don't want kids/pregnancies think it's better to not mention anything (and just not contact you altogether) as to not to remind you of what happened - as if you could ever forget...

@TheBirdintheCave ooh holidays I need inspiration! We went to go to Greece again but not sure where? Help!!

@usedtolovenaps I have a group of friends who are a mix of parents and non parents and they are all equally supportive of the child-having friends in the group, they know I’ve had several MCs and so has one of the other women in the group and I would never expect any of them to be less supportive than others. But they are all lovely people, I am very lucky to have them as my friendship group.
My sister in law absolutely does not want kids but she has been one of my biggest cheerleaders in my TTC journey.
HOWEVER I do (or rather did) have two other friends separate to this group, who went quite distant from me after I had DS, and then have basically stopped speaking to me completely after my MC last January. It has been very hurtful. Even if you don’t want kids, you can still have empathy for someone who does.
I think it will get easier to make friends when our kids are older and start school. My mom has a huge friendship group and 99% of them are other moms from when all their kids were at primary school (nearly 20 years ago!).

@usedtolovenaps oh and since having DS I have only made one new ‘mom’ friend in those 2 years! Met her on a parenting app!

In other news, i think I’ve finally stopped bleeding. But I think this is where my tests are going to start dropping off… still not feeling like this is viable sadly

@LuckyMoonstone thank you for sharing and I'm happy for you for what sounds like an absolutely amazing bunch of people ❤️ My absolute best supported was someone who isn't set on having kids so yes, you don't need to want the same thing to be capable of empathy.
Why do you think those two people stopped speaking to you after MC? That's awful! I had the same situation with one person but that was because she wouldn't understand how someone can be upset about MC as she apparently had a friend who had a MC and was totally fine so she had this expectation for everyone. Do you think your friends had similar stupid reasons?

@LuckyMoonstone one thing I want to say is that our thoughts/our 'premonitions' about what's going to happen don't equal facts ❤️ I think after loss people often feel things won't work out and take it as a fact but actually, it's just our mind's natural reaction/protection mechanism. So even if you have a very negative feeling, it doesn't mean it would lead to a negative outcome of that makes sense!

@usedtolovenaps I really don’t know… one of them is very anti-children so maybe she thought I was just boring after I had DS. The other one does want kids so maybe she’s been having struggles (not that I’d know because as I said she doesn’t talk to me anymore) and finds it hard… but she knows what I went through last year so obviously life isn’t all perfect just because you get pregnant! Plus she knows other people with kids and still spends time with them.
You are right and it is such a shame that going through MC leaves us with such negative feelings and worries that last our entire TTC lives 😞 takes all the fun out of it! It’s hard not being able to just be happy and relaxed, always thinking something bad is around the corner.

@usedtolovenaps ...unless you're me haha. My negative premonitions about myself are basically always right 😂

I don't actually have any friends (mum friends or otherwise) all of the people my husband and I do activities with are other couples or singles. Most do have kids or are married/engaged though and two couples have had miscarriages before so we do know some people who fully understand what we're going through.

@MrsJGrealish Greece was our original plan but going island hopping on top of IVF is going to be too expensive so Italy seemed cheaper and we can still get an island experience in Sicily.

@TheBirdintheCave I haven't had my 4th booster mind. Spain were a nightmare with checking 🙄 saw my nieces baby today she's an absolute tiny doll 💕

@MrsJGrealish Do we have to have it for travelling now? When we went to Granada we took all of our paperwork but no one ever asked us for it.

I don't think you need proof of vaccinations anymore we didn't for Greece in august

@bringmearainbow @TheBirdintheCave Greece never checked. Barcelona a different story 🙄

@MrsJGrealish really that's mad I thought everywhere was open now 😳 we were just discussing where to go in July though suppose we might have to go a bit earlier now and I think we're headed back to Greece or Greek islands

@bringmearainbow I'm 41 in May. My 40th was the 2nd miscarriage so I plan to be happy (I'll book in a week) if this cycle works might reconsider xx you testing tomorrow or leaving it? Sorry haven't had a chance to catch up but saw the positive FRER 🤞🙏🙏🥳

@bringmearainbow @FfayeN @bunnykins123

Thanks for replying re cramps, it really helps to hear what other people have experienced as it's quite lonely TTC even with a lovely partner like mine, as it's hard I think to explain the very specific pains / feelings e.g. menstrual cramps to blokes whereas other women understand what you mean right away.

my cramps were really strong, was convinced AF was going to arrive. What CD day does AF usually show for you? Would 15dpo be late?

They've faded now so I wonder if they'll be back again tomorrow... 15DPO (so tomorrow) or 16DPO (so Monday) would be the usual days for it to arrive on paper. Definitely not testing until it's at least a day late, I just can't do it again.

My boobs are so, so sore though. Like tender to touch just brushing against them getting dressed. Very unusual for me and annoyingly had me feeling really hopeful last night before the cramps started today. As I say though, they've faded the last few hours.

Gah it's just all consuming this isn't it? Hyper aware of my body constantly!

@monsteramunch what's the CM like? I had desperate cramps with 2 positives maybe not this late but you can never tell with implantation. I have everything crossed for you lovely xx

@monsteramunch I'd always have implantation cramps late. As in, I would test positive before significant cramping would start so my significant cramps would start after the embryo was implanted enough for HCG to be secrete into my body if that makes sense. To me your cramping isn't too late to be implantation.
I think having sore breasts sounds very positive!