@Houseelf90 @HeathenPlayingHouse @Dreamingof3 @LucyLoopyLu @krissy12 @DesertSnow thank you all xx
I'm doing okay. It's tough, but that's the reality of IVF. Nothing is guaranteed. The embryo that was transferred was a grade 3BB, the embryologist said to me it was a beautiful embryo. The grading is no reflection of the DNA inside, so even they have no idea what's going to happen, hence they always say "Good luck!" once the transfer is done.
In the time that we've been trying, a new starter at my work has got pregnant and given birth and when both announcements were made, it felt like a stab to the heart. Everyone's path in life is different and I do still believe I'll become a mother to my own kids eventually, it may just be later than I'd hoped.
At the time of transfer, the clinic very sweetly gave us a printout of the embryo along with a screenshot of the ultrasound of it being put in me. I've since taken both of those things and put in with two easy@home hCG test sticks with faint positive lines on, along with the day the embryo died and the hCG results from the two blood tests I took. I put 'Rest in peace little baby'. DH and I had a good cry after that and it seemed to have helped get it all out of our systems.
Looking back, Mother's Day was bad, and now the anniversary of my first miscarriage, Easter Sunday will be bad because I'll be seeing my in-laws again and thinking "You still have no grandkids yet, sorry." Just have to smile sweetly and get on with it. I know it's not my fault, though it's hard to not feel like a failure. I will become a mother, I have to believe that.