One year+ TTC part 4

[lemons44]

Hi all
Onto thread 4! Hopefully this one is lucky for us 🍀 🤞🏼

Just a supportive thread for those of us who have been TTC for over a year. New faces are welcome. Feel free to vent, cry, laugh, ask silly questions, seek advice and talk about anything.

Tagging our BFP ladies who are rooting for us too.

@Tinkerbell098
@NatW2021
@Koalie
@Netflixnchilli
@JSS15
@BakinABaby
@KatieLooLa
@Indianna2006
@Carla2601
@BritInNZ
@FlyOnTheWall89

Feel free to tag anyone I have forgotten.

@summerchild92
Onwards to the next cycle then. I think stress can be a big impact on cycle, it seems to impact me anyway.
What does letrozole do?

@lemons44 my word, I can't believe the rollercoaster you're having! Good luck today, keep us posted.

@lemons44 - omg i am just in utter disbelief, i cannot believe the luck you have had with all of this. Really hoping for no mire hiccups 🙏🙏🙏🙏

Just a quick hello to all the the new people on the thread. Sorry i haven't responded or engaged much in conversations. Feeling utter crap yet again, i am getting worse but just trying to keep myself together.

@Koalie - really pleased things are moving forward for you 💗 xx

@lemons44 You are such a warrior!! I don't know how you've pulled through this so far. Everything crossed for positive news today. You so so deserve it after everything you've been through X

Morning girls
So sorry for a delay in updating you all - yesterday was very full on.

So it is good news so far…they did the procedure and they found sperm!! They just need to check the quality of it but fingers crossed it is good enough to use for some ICSI!

The doctor only told my husband this once he had woken up and was groggy/sleepy and we didn’t have a chance to talk to her again before we left last night. So we’ve sent through a lot of follow up questions we need more clarity on. For example, how much they found, whether the azoospermia was due to an obstruction in the end, and how easy it was to find (she said if a normal surgical sperm extraction doesn’t work she will do a micro-tese there and then - judging by the amount of time DH was gone we think it may have ended up being a micro-tese).

It seems from the discharge notes that DH had a lot of old scar tissue in his testes. He’s also been prescribed antibiotics in case this tissue is linked to an old infection. DH had surgery for a hydrocele when he was a teenager so we are wondering if that’s caused scar tissue that’s affected the sperm.

For now, we are just sooooo relieved I can’t even tell you! We have both woken up feeling so much lighter and slept well for the first time in months. Finally it feels we have taken a step forward!

I am going to catch up with all the other messages now but thank you for all your lovely messages - you have all been on this journey with us and your messages really did help me yesterday x

@lemons44 Soooo glad to hear things are moving forward and that you're both feeling a lot lighter today! What a relief. Hope you have a nice relaxing day x

@lemons44 Amazing news!!!! So pleased for you both, it must be a big relief and whilst i know you are waiting on more details, enjoy the win, god it never feels like there is enough of them on this journey. Have a lovely weekend 💗 xxxx

Oh @lemons44 I'm so pleased the appointment went well, bloody hell you were well overdue some luck!! Everything crossed for you

@lemons44 Can’t tell you how happy I felt reading your post! What fantastic news 🥰 hope you get all the answers you need so you can prepare for the next step 😊 xx

Does anyone else just start crying all the time? Honestly starting to think i am losing the plot i am just so depressed about this whole situation and i cant hold my shit together.

I just worked out on my calendar next month marks 18 months of TTC. I cant believe we have been doing this for that long. I know people are trying alot longer but i am honestly at my whits end and i feel i need an end to this as i am just miserable. Still got 2 stone to lose for NHS funding so i have accepted the fact we are going private i just don't know when to bite the bullet.

As we will be using all our savings and there is technically nothing wrong i try to keep hopeful it will happen naturally but the months roll by and it gets harder and we get older. I am 35 next month.

Sorry to come on and be depressing i just need to get my feelings out to people who get it x

Hi @NatW2021
Totally know what you mean. Sometimes I want to cry and others I just feel numb.
It's such a frustrating journey.
I'm similar to you, about 18 months in and we have 'unexplained' infertility.
I'm overweight but think I'm within limits for NHS funding, so if no luck in the next few months we will be looking at IVF as we get towards 2 years.
From what I've heard, 2 years is meant to be a good measure for starting other methods like IVF as it's more unlikely to happen naturally if it hasn't happened by then. Which is why NHS use that timescale.

Obviously every cycle there's a chance though! Plenty of people on Mumsnet that it happens for after years of trying, so don't loose hope :-)

Have you had the usual checks through the NHS to make sure you're ovulating / sperms ok etc?

@NatW2021 I just want to give you a hug. I know our situations are different but I really get it. I have had days over the past months where I have just imagined being on top of a mountain and screaming with everything in me until I can't scream anymore. It's SO hard.

I think the point @SaraSS made about 2 years is a really good one. Maybe if you have a month in mind as the last month before you start exploring IVF it won't feel so scary?

@Koalie II'm sorry the frag results were not what you wanted but at least you have some clarity and reassurance now on the best path for you both. How exciting that you are going to start ICSI! 😃🤞🏼How are you feeling about it?

@Carla2601 33 weeks! 😱😱 where has that time gone?! I hope you're feeling ok and not uncomfortable. I'm genuinely so excited for you.

Thank you all again for your comments the last few days. ❤️ I have mentioned mumsnet a few times over the last few days to DH. I just explained to him how grateful I am to have a group that gets it and is supportive. When we had all this bad luck the past two days he said 'your mumsnet girls won't believe this' lol.

@NatW2021 you’re not alone, I completely feel the same too some days but it comes in waves for me. I have days where I’m full of hope but then can literally just feel so sad the next day and like this hell of a journey is never going to end 😭 I think the girls are right in that you should maybe set yourselves a deadline for starting the IVF process otherwise it might be more difficult to bite the bullet if you haven’t drawn yourself a line. Big hugs xx

@lemons44 that is so cute that your DH said that about your mumsnet girls! Mine also knows about you all - he’s been really praying for a good result for you over these past few days! 🥰 I’m feeling excited but also a little apprehensive about starting ICSI with DH’s DNA frag results, as it does put us at risk of failed cycles or further miscarriages even if ICSI does work ☹️ he actually has an appointment with an NHS urologist in a couple of weeks which we were referred for aaaaages ago when we got our first ever abnormal SA so at least we can investigate some potential causes before going into IVF head first 🤞🏼x

@lemons44 i honestly couldn’t be happier or more relieved for you! And my DH was chuffed when I told him too! Let us know what they say on Monday but for now just enjoy the progress and have a lovely weekend together….you’ve more than earned it!!

@NatW2021 im so sorry you’re feeling that way, I remember days sitting in front of a radiator on the floor just crying all day and not being able to see a light. Genuinely IVF made it better (not just because of the result) because I had something I could do, a focus and a bit of control. I think the ideas from the others are great but of course can only be your decision. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you

@SaraSS @Carla2601 @lemons44 @Koalie - Thank you all so much for your kind words and support. I had definitely had the 2 year mark in my mind but it felt like a long time away till i realised we are almost at 18 months. I think it was just the thought Of having to go through trying and trying for the next few months and continuing to feel like this that scares me but i dont want to part with all our money if i dont have too, i always planned to use that to have no money worries when i was on matt leave and when i wanted too reduce my hours at work. I have still been saving in the event that ivf is needed.

@lemons44 - aw that made me smile about "mumsnet girls" so lucky to have a support group of girls who cheer each other on 💗 xx

@lemons44 thrilled for you and hope they'll give you more info soon so you can start to move forwards in some way.

@NatW2021 having IVF in the diary, an end date to the monotonous month after month of trying really helped me focus on TTC differently. It took the pressure off because even if the IVF was unsuccessful I felt like we would have been trying something new. It is a gruelling journey - try to still believe at some point it will end and you'll be pregnant and it will feel like the greatest gift.

@Carla2601 so close now - feeling raging with hormones rn and I cry very easily. Also failed my glucose test which I'm so annoyed about. I know it can happen to anyone even slim fit people with a good diet, but it really feels like a big fail and I'm taking it so personally. Have to go to the hospital next week for the full test (3 sets of bloods an hour apart). 😪

@FlyOnTheWall89 its not your fault!! The fittest women I know (she competes internationally at cross fit) got gestational diabetes and then I’ve got friends who’ve exclusively eaten cream cakes and been fine….no logic to it (as with most of this ttc stuff). Let us know how you go.

ikr should be this month!!!! Wild! Still doesn’t feel real!

@lemons44 just checking in to see how the recovery is going? Hope you’re both ok!

Hi @Carla2601 thanks for checking in.

We are ok, still haven't had our debrief so still don't know the quantity and quality of what they found. Mr R's pa is chasing for us. I think I will finally relax after that.

I looked at our discharge notes a bit more thoroughly after the emotions subsided and DH did have both a TESA and a micro-tese on his right testicle (obviously the TESA failed although I won't know until our debrief if this was because of old scar tissue or because DH has a production issue!).

Anyway because he had a micro tese he is still in a LOT of pain and discomfort. I think it will be sore for a few days yet but he is on strong painkillers and enjoying some time off work 😊

Thank you for your comment @FlyOnTheWall89 and sorry you had those blood results. I think what @Carla2601said just demonstrates how it's totally not your fault. Be kind to yourself, you've been through SO much and deserve to enjoy your pregnancy ❤️

@Koalie I totally get your worries. I still don't fully understand frag results if I'm honest, it blows my mind that the tiny sperm has DNA strands in it! That's good timing that he has a consultation with a urologist, hopefully that can provide some useful information for you both. Are there foods or supplements that can help?

So confused. Apparently they are waiting for our Embryologist report in the new few weeks before we can hear about quantity and quality of sperm. I don't know if this is normal and can't find anything online

@lemons44 sorry he’s still in so much pain, my OH only had the first half so wouldn’t have been as painful!

Sorry if I’m being daft but does that mean they’re going to try to fertilise the eggs first then use the embryos to judge quality? Does that mean you’ll have to have your collection soon too? So many questions!

It's ok I'm also still so confused ☹️ all we've been told is the consultant will tell us about sperm quantity and quality once the embryologist report comes back in a few weeks. My suspicion is that they are either doing a frag test on the sperm (I read online that takes two weeks) or they are investigating the biopsy cells to establish is there is any sort of testicular failure like sertoli-cell only syndrome.

I'm finding it all a bit frustrating and I'm emailing again tomorrow to ask why it needs to take so long.

@lemons44 thats so frustrating - you need more information! Also should surely be able to tell you the quantity. Hopefully they’ll respond to your email tomorrow and at least explain what they’re doing so you have some clarity.

thinking of you

@lemons44 I find the whole sperm and egg thing fascinating! Lol. Like, with ICSI, how do they even pick the sperm up, let alone inject it into the egg 😵‍💫🤯 sorry to hear your OH is in so much pain and that you’re not getting the answers you want. Can you call them and discuss on the phone and just ask them to explain exactly what it is they’re doing next? I always have so many questions and the other day I could sense the consultant getting frustrated with me which isn’t fair really because we every right to understand exactly what’s happening. Even more so you guys after everything you’ve been through! X