Anyone else trying to get pregnant and want to talk about it?

[WideWebWitch]

I thought I'd start this thread as monkey and I have been talking about getting pregnant on another thread. Is it just the 2 of us? Anyway, this might be a good place to talk about it before (and if) we can add to the expecting in 2003 thread

My ds is just 5 so if I do get pregnant soon-ish he will be 6 when any half sibling is born (separated from his father). I feel ambivalent about being pregnant again, as I've said elsewhere. Some days I feel excited at the prospect, some days I think Oh No, no sleep, ever again...Anyway, I thought we could all (or both if it's just the 2 of us!) chat about ttc, pregnancy tests and feelings here. For me I have to say that starting trying was strange (sorry if this is too much info) as it's the first time I've ever had sex whilst deliberately trying to get pregnant, as ds was a happy mistake. Very odd...

bayleaf

Oh Bayleaf, I'm REALLY sorry to hear all this after the continuous advice and support you've given me and others on Mumsnet. I so well know the feeling of every month ticking ominously away inside your head. Hope your consultant is receptive and helpful when you call him today - let us know how you get on.
All the good jokes I hear these days come from Mumsnet so I am at a complete loss to contribute one you haven't heard already...and I know you are a Private Eye reader, so can't even post one of their ridiculous links to cheer you up.
Cyberhugs and good luck for 2003.

Bayleaf, many of us know that having to wait yet ANOTHER month to conceive does indeed feel like aeons. All sympathy to you.

Bayleaf, I'm REALLY sorry the treatment didn't work this time. I can imagine it must be very frustrating having to wait a little longer when you had staked a lot on being able to try again straight away. However (and I realise this is perhaps not what you want to hear right now), these treatments take a lot out of you physically and emotionally, and an enforced pause may help you to recuperate a little before your next trip on the roller coaster - and hopefully give you space to concentrate on dd over christmas. Sending you cyber hugs and lots of good luck for the new year.

I can see the logic in going for full ivf again as your next step - certainly at my clinic the success rates are higher. What are your thoughts about how many attempts you are willing/able to go through?

Coincidentally, we have our appt at the clinic tomorrow, when I hope we'll be able to schedule another ivf attempt for early in the new year. HAve been too busy to think too much about it though - probably a good thing.

Bayleaf, lots of sympathy and good luck for the future

Oh Bayleaf, sorry you are going to have to wait another month and hope it is definately good news next month.
sis

Hi Bayleaf,
I can understand what you're going through ... I think you should go for another icsi as soon as you can (finances allowing!!) as long as you are physically and emotionally ready for it - and you sound as if you are.
Dh and I went through 4 years and 6 cycles of icsi (and, I might add, never had the luxury of being able to freeze any embryos!) and when the consultant said no 6 had to be the last (I was 40, on the maximum dose of drugs and only producing 2 or 3 eggs) we had to try to reconcile ourselves that we might end up childless. As luck would have it, attempt no 6 was successful and we now have a beautiful 21 month old dd.
There was a point about 2 years into it all where I doubted whether I could continue, but dh and I decided that for our own peace of mind we had to persevere and even if things didn't work out eventually, at least we had given it our best shot.
It's really tough going, I know, but stay positive and keep talking (I had to keep the whole thing a deep dark secret and it nearly drove me mad).
Best of luck .... CM

Bayleaf, sorry you are feeling so fed up. Hope, despite this, you have a good christmas and get the news you so much want to hear in the new year.

Thank you all so much everyone - is lovely to come on this lunchtime and get so much support - in fact I feel a bit of a fraud now as I feel so much happier this morning.
I tried hard to tell myself that lots of lots of people HAVE to wait because they have to save up again and 2 months is nothing - so I am LUCKY really - but last night it didn't work on me emotionally at all EXCEPT to make me think f**k the money - I'll have full blown ivf/icsi next cycle ( ie starting 22nd Dec ish)- yes it might spend £2,500 that we could otherwise possibly save - but they're not good odds on that happening ( about 20% for a FET) and is more likley that I'd spend the £800 on FET and then spend £3,500 on ivf/icis in March - AND have been frustrated and unhappy waitng another 3 months.

I know exactly what you mean Elliot - I did briefly think ''oh !'' when I realised my decision meant back into the whole thing rather than the 'easier' version of FET - but I didn't find it too bad last time - I think I'd psyched myself up for the worst after tales from friends who had been thru it ( mostly unsucessfully so not uplifting tales...)so the reality was really OK - no horrible physical side effects ( well the odd hot flush but then I'd been on clomid for months so was no stranger to them!). I sniffed to down reg and only took 9 injections to stimulate - felt a bit tired toward EC - but it seemed to me that the REAL stress is for people who a) have no children and this really is make or break - and the people who have had to save every penny and don't know where the next lot would come from.

Luckily the money is coming from savings rather then an overdraft. I'd told myself in the beginning that I'd spend £12,000 without another thought ( the amount dh had ear marked for a car for me)but I actually think if the consultant thinks that carrying on after that would be sensible then I probably would.
CookieMonster ( good name incidentally!) I can't begin to imagine how awful it must have been to have been on the ttc treadmill for so long - I take my hat off to you - but it does go to show how perseverence ( and a lot of money!)can pay off and be worth it in the end.
I'm glad now I've made the plunge and gone public ( on Mumsnet anyhow - in real life like you I've kept it pretty quiet - the only people who know are my dad and 4 friends who have all been thru ivf ( which luckily includes my closest friend) so they know not to keep asking questions and let me tell them how it's going in my own time - I felt a fraud before contributing on the ttc thread but not telling anyone about my real ttc situation!
Thanks again everyone - Mumsnet as therapy is very effective

bayleaf, glad today is a better day. hope you don't think I was being patronising about your coping abilities - I was really just trying to point out a silver lining in having no choice about waiting.

I too didn't suffer too much physically - hardly any symptoms from sniffing, and didnt find EC too bad (after dreading it!). But I was completely emotionally absorbed by the treatment - couldn't think about or concentrate on anything else - and I think that was quite a strain, even though at the time I'm sure I felt I was coping fine. I hope this time things will be different - I've the massive distraction of ds for one thing - and I agree it is not nearly so distressing as when you don't know whether or not you'll ever have children.

You are lucky to have friends who can understand what you're going through - I personally know absolutely no-one who's had problems, all my friends get pregnant in the blink of an eye, and although they are sympathetic and supportive, they haven't got a clue really. But my approach has always been very open - which sometimes has its downside as it can be quite painful when people quite unintentionally say crass things.

Hi Bayleaf - just wanted to say I'm thinking about you - you've been such brilliant help to me through this thread and I'll keep all fingers and toes crossed for your next try.

I saw my thyroid doc yesterday who looked at my FSH/LH/progesterone blood test results and said I've definitely got PCOS. He's going to recommend putting me on Metformin at first - anyone else got any experience of this? Then Clomid if that doesn't work....

BIG hugs to you Bayleaf!

dot1, glad to hear you are at last making progress with diagnosis etc, even if it may make things rather more complicated.
I have been meaning to ask - have you considered/discussed with your docs the possible need for a slightly more hi-tech approach to insemination? (!)

I was wondering that if you are perhaps not ovulating very predictably, and since you don't have the option of a saturation campaign of bms to cover all bases, so to speak, you might benefit from some closer monitoring by scans to time insemination optimally. Just a thought. Obviously I have no idea of how you would go about finding a sympathetic clinic, and it would cost, but it might be worth it to get the odds in your favour.
Can't help with metformin though it is supposed to be quite effective. Good luck.

Bayleaf, just to add my sympathy. Come and moan whenever you like, we're here to listen.

Hi Elliott - thanks for your message. Yes, my thyroid doc. said that if I have to go onto Clomid, they'll probably want to scan me anyway to see how many eggs have been released - this would give me a v. accurate timing, but then it's the problem of getting up to Manchester! So dp and I were talking about just this last night - if it comes to that, I think our donor would come down to 'donate', and we could have it frozen and then inseminated at exactly the right times - saving me the trip up and down to Manchester aswell (although I know that fresh is better than frozen....).

So we'll see how it goes with the Metformin and then if we can persuade whichever clinic we go to to store donor's sperm!

No No No Elliot!!! - Of course I didn't find it patronising - far from it - you were absolutely right - it IS important to feel 'ready' for it - and it equally important to find reasons to look on the bright side! It was knowing that people like you had been thru it and would understand that tipped the balance in making me finally come clean. In some ways it is very uncharacteristic of me to be secretive as I'm usually a very open person - and after my later miscarriage I became a very public ttc person in real life as I ahd no choice - which was fine but as you so rightly say however sympathetic people are very few of them manage to react in a ''helpful' way - it takes someone who has been thru' it to understand just how frustrating it is - especially first time round.

I think you'll find it much easier second time around - I didn't get obsessed by it - I really tried to carry on normal life as much as possible whilst taking it easy, concentrated hard on dd and didn't allow myself to go onto any of the ivf ttc boards. The close friend I mentioned who has only just got pregnant thru her first ivf banned me from them as she became quite addicted and said it really made it worse as they constantly gave her something new to worry about and meant that she spent large parts of her time concentrating on it. Also the fact that few people knew meant that I wasn't constantly talking about it which was good - and of course I didn't have to go thru' everyone looking at me meaningfully and saying ''well??!!!' at results time!
Fingers crossed for 2003 for us both!

Bayleaf - really sorry to hear you're so up against it at the moment.
Dot1 - are thryoid problems linked to pcos? Or is your doc just good at spotting links that others might miss?

How is everyone doing? Bayleaf, hope you're feeling OK. I'm definitely not pregnant this month but I was at the London meet up on day 14 (and for a couple of days before and after) and we didn't manage sex every day last month so I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. I'm now starting to feel silly for being optimistic and thinking it would happen quite quickly and have all sorts of worries about whether I'm healthy enough, whether I'm ovulating, whether I'm still fertile etc etc. I suppose that's normal. From tomorrow I'm giving up caffeine and alcohol totally and we're going to go for another month of lots of sex to see what happens.

Hi WWW - sorry to hear it hasn't worked but as you say not really surprising in the circumstances ( I know it's nearly Xmas but immaculate conceptions ae still pretty rare!).
You're not daft to be optimistic at all - given that ds was a mistake it's highly likley that you're very fertile - but even people with normal /good fertility take 3-6 months on average just because of dodgy eggs ( even when your eggs are young and fine you get the odd dodgy one) fertilising but not implanting.
I find it hard to believe that anyone as 'normal' as you could successful give up caffeine AND alcohol over the festive period - and I'm not sure that you need to. The research for both seems to equivocal on small amounts - certainly my ivf clinic ( which has one of the best success rates in the country and cleary has everything to gain by telling me to do whatever it thnks will help, said just moderate both - ie one a day - rather than total abstinence.
I'm fine now I know that this time next week I'll be back on the ivf trail ( ie doing something likely to get me pregnant)-Will keep you all up to date on the gory details this time now i'm 'out' with my ivf!! ( it's OK there's no mucus watching involved)

www, sorry it wasn't to be this month. I think its supposed to be about 25-30% chance per month for normally fertile people, so hopefully you'll hit the jackpot before long. Don't be too hard on yourself over christmas - if all goes well, you'll no doubt be on the wagon for most of 2003!!

WWW, sorry to hear that there is no joy this month. If it's any consolation, I read that Researchers at the National Institute of Environmental Health Services (whoever they are, american I think...) who have concluded that couples who have intercourse every other day during their most fertile period are only slightly less likely to conceive in any given cycle than couples you have intercourse daily - so maybe this will take the pressure off you and dp. Not sure whether you've tried the ovulation kits... I tried them for the first time last month but wasn't sure how well they worked. Thought ovulation was over but decided to use the final test in the packet (5), DH was asleep at the time but the test was much clearer than the others... I managed to get DH before he went to work in the morning, and now I am 6 weeks pregnant!! I am 34 and it is our first so still early days but fingers crossed...
don't panic, my fingers and toes are crossed for you!!

Bayleaf, best of luck with the IVF - my best friend had IVF and after the first time, has now given birth to two beautiful girls. I'll be thinking of you and fingers crossed.

yes, bayleaf - good luck with the treatment, hope you don't turn too hormonal over the Christmas period! (still it'll give you a good excuse for those family rows...)
Will be joining you some time after the new year.

and congratulations bozzy !!

thanks everyone for the reassurance and luck! Bayleaf, you're right - what am I on thinking of giving up alcohol and caffeine completely over Christmas?!! Not going to happen is it? Glad to hear you're feeling better. Have decided to have a lovely few weeks, relax and forget about it as much as possible. Talk about mucus all you like - I can take it