My IUI cycles might have taken the want for children out of me

[Cactizone]

Is this ridiculous? Am I being weak? Have I just spent thousands of pounds to learn that I don't want this? Or is it just that it's stressful, degrading (I find it this way personally, I hope not everyone does) and leads to obsessive compulsive, and frankly angry fretting / planning about the next cycle.
I've only done 2 and I despise the procedure itself (and dealing with all the endless calls to the perfectly nice clinic staff) so much that It's almost enough to make me throw in the towel.

Maybe because I'm stuck in the gritty reality of percentages and ratios of conceiving and so far removed from anything natural or spontaneous but it's changed my perspective. It seems pretty hopeless. Does anyone else feel this way? I don't want to keep bleeding (ha) money into this, its so expensive, but I don't want to stop either, the idea of giving up brings out a special kind of sadness and anxiety.

Maybe I'm the problem underneath it all, and have areas of mental health to work on undoubtably, but compared to the giddy excitement and trepidation and 'bring it on' vibes of starting, looking at going through the procedure of round 3 feels like signing myself up to pay a grand for people to make me feel pain for no reward.

Sorry for the bleak vibes, just needed to wring out my mind sponge.😐

Hi All, sorry I've been MIA I had a bad turn with my stomach I was in agony for days was such a strange pain like being shot or stabbed in the stomach. Doctor isn't sure what it is.

I thought my cycles were bad, I think I'm dpo 9 although I got my peak last Wednesday which would imply dpo 8. Tested today negative.

Hope you both ovulate soon so frustrating waiting

Hi! How you doing @Totorotoes cycle day 26 today... no appearance of ovulation yet, what is going on with us! I tried the ziti west - inositol this cycle I wonder? how are the temps looking now?

Hello @roro87 sorry to hear you weren't feeling great - are you ok now? 8DPO is still early... test again in a few days . X

Yes but think I'm more 9 dpo (10 now) just not exactly sure. It's just disheartening.

I found when I started inositol the first month I was really late of ovulate and my opk never got really dark at all. I also started a higher dose of coq10 that month so it could have been either of those things.

@roro87 you've made me a lot calmer hearing this... I have been panicking so stopped everything bar vitamin D and folic acid... hopefully it comes soon

Very disheartening sending you a big hug x

@roro87 that is interesting to hear, sounds like @RMS0209 and I may be victims of the supplements!! Really, 9 or 10 dpo isn't too late- when you get your peak it can be 24 hrs before you actually ovulate, then you have 12 or so hrs to fertilise and then implantation can take up to 10 days i think, and then a few days for hormones to rise....I'm not trying to give you false hope, but who knows, it could happen 🤷‍♀️
@RMS0209 my temps are still inconclusive- haven't established a coverline this month. Normally tomorrow would be CD1....I still have a hope it will be! 🤞
@Cactizone how are you?

Hello!
@Cactizone @RMS0209 @roro87 how is everybody? Any news from anyone?!
Nothing from me. Had an epic 43 day cycle, now on CD3 of hopefully my last cycle before IVF, I've got my appointment on the 4th (next week!!) with the consultant! Feeling very excited! 🥳

Hi,

I'm ok, we are selling our house and the bidding war has begun. No mortgage secured yet so couldn't proceed with iui this month and on holidays next month. Feeling very down about it actually.

Wow such a long cycle hopefully this one is much shorter.

Hope everything else is well with everyone.

Hi! @Totorotoes long time no speak.. how are you? How is the rest of the gang?

Currently... cycle day 42... have been "spotting" since Thursday, wish she would just arrive 🥲

AMAZING news re IVF, you must be delighted are you? Roll on next week... do keep us updated, so exciting.
Big news from me too....... I start IVF in Aug (if AF ever arrives and stops playing games!) xx

@RMS0209 hooray! That is so exciting!! So, will that be when your next AF starts (not this one), so towards the end of August? We will be very similar times then!! 🙌 Really pleased for you. I am so excited! Sorry you are also having a ridiculously long cycle too though, hope AF arrives today 🤞
@roro87 that sounds stressful! Probably best to get it sorted before you try anyway as you don't want any added stress. I hope that you get some good offers in! Moving is so exciting...but also maximum stress, I did it last year and am still recovering 😂

@Totorotoes
Good morning!
Very exciting.. weird thing is I was more excited than scared so why is AF doing this? I mean I've been "checking" and she's there but she's just how can I put it without being gross not coming out to play 😂 (sorry!!)
Ovulation confirmed for cycle days 27 so yeah.. getting a little fed up now.
I am due to start this cycle! So we would be around the same... yay cycle buddy's! But I am doing an FET with my high AMH remember but exciting non the less. How are you? How you feeling about it all?
X

@RMS0209 argh our bodies are so annoying! I blamed my delay on stress (family), excitement (my body knows I'm up to something) and the new supplements. I think excitement can have the same effect as anxiety unfortunately so in all likelihood your body is just holding out on you!! Wouldn't it be amazing if you were pregnant though so you could skip the treatment?!
But, saying that, fingers crossed and you will be pregnant in another couple of months anywau....I forgot it was an FET but still not long to wait! I have spent so long trying not to obsess about it that it seems crazy that I am so close now!! I am trying not to let myself get too excited though....

@Totorotoes

Today I hate my body... (sorry body)
I'm shocked to hear the excitement and anxiety can have the same effect - thought I was doing good 😂
Well.. this morning I spoke to the nurse from my clinic, she spoke to the DR and he is happy to use this bleed as a period even after me saying how light it was! She was so nice, really reassured me and calmed me down.
It would be so amazing if that was the case but I'm really really doubting it!
Soo exciting, are you doing a fresh transfer sorry? Or a frozen too? Xx
The last 7 months (coming up 8) I've been more stressed than ever.. I knew something wasn't right but the ball is rolling so trying to enjoy that for what it is xx

CYCLE DAY 1! 😀 never been so delighted for AF to appear x

Hooray for day 1!! 🥳 It is ridiculous how exciting a period can be isn't it 🤣 Just think though...you are one step closer!! It's been a long wait for you but you're nearly there now.
I am cycle day 6. I've cut down my supplements in the hope I can ovulate a little earlier this month! 🤞 I am hoping to have a fresh transfer, I think I can have one fresh and one frozen...if I'm lucky enough to get enough embryos of course!

How is everybody?
I have had the clinic just on the phone, dates confirmed wooo.
What's new with anybody? @Totorotoes @roro87 @Cactizone x

@RMS0209 oh wow that's exciting! How long have you got to wait now? Hope it's soon.
I'm fine, got my consultation tomorrow. CD12 today so just bumbling along...

Hi! @Totorotoes sorry I was on a long(early) weekend holiday with my other half!

How are you? How did the consultation go?
So I start taking pills on the 17th and I start injecting on the 29th, scans booked for 5th and 7th Sep then hopefully egg retrieval time not long after !

Hi All,

So exciting for you both and keeping everything crossed for ye.

Sorry so late replying wasn't in a great place last week so was very why me etc. Totally over it now.

I'm good, super long cycle ovulated day 28 so that means that most likely will end up 41-42 they've been regular for so long now I got v upset not knowing what was happening.

Sale agreed on our house, other house is progressing nicely. So hopefully can move clinic and get started in October.

@roro87 ah I feel your pain, my cycle was the same last month! So frustrating 🥴 I'm glad you are feeling better this week but it is also ok to have 'why me' weeks...because, things can be pretty shit. Exciting news about the house though, and that you may be able to start the process in a few months!!

@RMS0209 did you have a nice weekend? Where did you go? So pleased that you've got a plan...and starting so soon! Does it feel more 'real' now (a.k.a. a bit scary!)? When do you get your meds?

My consultation went...well? I've got funding for a cycle of IVF so that's fantastic news. But I was so hoping to start this month and she thinks it will be next month (end of Sept) instead. I know it's not too far away and I should be grateful and i really am, but the longer I wait the more anxious I get and the more likely I am to try and talk myself out of doing it by listening to the thoughts that tell me I'm too old. Sorry, Moany McMoanface this Monday 🙈

@Cactizone hope you are OK 🌼

I'm back to say I feel terrible for moaning yesterday; I'm on a fb group and someone posted today that they've been declined NHS funding, and lots of people said the same- and now I am feeling sooooo lucky to have got funding at all, never mind the wait, I am so grateful and lucky. So NO MORE MOANING 🤐🙊

@Totorotoes

I did have a lovely weekend! It's nice to fill in time.
It feels real... but still time is so slow, meds delivered on Friday and I start pills next Tuesday.... exciting!! Now to make time fly until next week..

I am so happy you have got funding for your IVF cycle!! You must be delighted?
End of Sep is nothing... hopefully means we are cycle buddies then! I am doing frozen remember so I'll have egg retrieval on Sep (hopefully) and hopefully Oct for transfer...

Also just read your comment about others not getting funding.... WOW! I am so happy you have got 🥰 yes no more moaning!!! X

@RMS0209 It's so close for you!! This is really exciting. Have you got any more weekends away or holidays planned over summer? I'm pleased that we will be cycle buddies. And yes I am so so pleased about the funding, I was just having a bit of a blue monday yesterday but now I am back to excited again! 😁

Hi! @Totorotoes and gang

I've got a holiday at the end of September (after egg collection so I am looking so forward to that)

My meds were all delivered today, how exciting.

How are you? How's things x

@RMS0209 exciting that the meds are here! Holiday sounds like a good idea after collection, you will need to relax a bit. My referral has been sent but still waiting to hear from clinic.
Sitting here feeling really hot and wondering why I haven't cooled down now it's evening...turns out it is still 30° out there 🤪

How are we all? @Cactizone @Totorotoes @roro87