Medical termination and ttc

[Cakesnbiscuit]

Has anyone else had to have a medical termination then ttc again?

I am absolutely petrified to ttc again incase the same issue arises but I desperately want another baby. I’m not sure I can put myself through the pain again but the overwhelming urge to have a child isn’t going away.

I’m heartbroken and grieving as it was recently which isn’t helping.

Hi @Cakesnbiscuit
Sending you big hugs, here if you need somebody to talk/vent to. X

@RMS0209 thanks, I seem to flip between crying, being numb and the angry at life. Hospital has given me counselling which has been helping.

I just miss my baby. I have come across a book that has stories of medical terminations for various reasons (maternal health issues and Fetus health issues) but I can’t bring myself to read or buy it. Maybe in a few months or years I can read it as it would be nice to feel less alone.

@Cakesnbiscuit
No problem.
I'm glad you've managed to get some counselling that's great, the first person I tried I got no success but my 2nd company were great.

I know how you feel ❤️ I promise it will get easier, it's horrible right now but time... time is a healer trust me.
Maybe write the name of that book in your phone notes for another day.

Have you got things you can do to try keep busy for now?
Sounds silly but puzzles! They are brilliant fill in time and keep busy... especially handy for night times x

I have got some puzzles I can do and an older child which keeps my mind off the situation most of the day.

I just keep thinking I want to ttc again but I think we need to speak to the doctors and my husband to understand risks of this occurring again. Think that’s another conversation once the dust has settled.

@Cakesnbiscuit that is great you have an older child, I don't have any children I think that's what gets me sometimes.

Life is a crazy thing... I know lots of people who have had various reasonings and went onto have happy healthy baby's so please just remember that 💖

Here if you need anything again x

@RMS0209 it must be so difficult to keep yourself occupied completely get that. I take my hat off to you as it’s one of the hardest things I have ever been through.

I don’t think it’s really talked about and I hate that it’s in the same bucket as unwanted pregnancies. My baby was wanted and so very much planned but due to health reasons it wasn’t meant to be. It wasn’t my choice not to go forward with the pregnancy it was necessary to save my life.

All I can think about is how I want to ttc again, mixed emotions; I’m angry, scared, excited, numb….it’s really hard to explain isn’t it? How do you feel about ttc?

@Cakesnbiscuit It is really hard isn't it. I had a TFMR at the beginning of Feb. I am very much flip flopping between wanting to TTC and being too scared of the same thing happening again to even think about it.

@Cakesnbiscuit @HoneyPea

It defiantly isn't spoken about, I've felt very withdrawn and secluded since.

Regarding TTC... me and my partner are trying again... I don't think we are trying enough though if that makes sense?
We have had a chat and are going to try the SMEP method in April if need be (which I think it will) what do you both think about yourselves? X

@RMS0209 completely get that it’s almost like self
Sabotage, you are ttc but not enough, as you want the baby but really scared of the pregnancy. I have been in that head space and it was so odd. Sad I wasn’t pregnant but then also relieved I wasn’t when period arrived.

@HoneyPea sorry about your TFMR too, it’s so heartbreaking 💔. I think we said we will wait a few months atleast, try to enjoy the spring / summer. But then we might speak to a consultant about risks ttc again. I’m not sure I’m strong enough to go through this again if it’s the same outcome.

@Cakesnbiscuit it's just horrible now it's all I want and I know come Sunday when I test I get upset it's negative then I get really positive when it comes to trying again mid next month then I get the same again wish it was simple x

Oddly I just read an article on this today om glamour magazine online. It was interesting and something I didnt know much about. It might be worth reading to feel less alone

Do you have the link for it @PoleFairy I think I'd like to read it x

@PoleFairy thank you so much I think I have found the link www.glamourmagazine.co.uk/article/terminating-pregnancy-medical-reasons-tfmr

If anyone ever comes across this in the future too, I’ve not read it but this book was recommended to me www.amazon.co.uk/Flowers-our-womb-termination-pregnancies/dp/B09R34XK73/ref=mp_s_a_1_16?crid=1VKN2USWZCX4P&keywords=medical+terminations+baby&sprefix=medical+terminations+baby%2Caps%2C58&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1647882084&sr=8-16

[quote Cakesnbiscuit]@RMS0209 thanks, I seem to flip between crying, being numb and the angry at life. Hospital has given me counselling which has been helping.

I just miss my baby. I have come across a book that has stories of medical terminations for various reasons (maternal health issues and Fetus health issues) but I can’t bring myself to read or buy it. Maybe in a few months or years I can read it as it would be nice to feel less alone.[/quote]
Hi Cakesnbiscuit. I'm so so sorry for what has happened. I went through it last summer and can so relate to how you're feeling. Have you been on the ARC forums? (Antenatal Results and Choices) or the reddit TFMR pages at all? It can feel like such a lonely experience. It helped me to talk with others who could relate. Take care xx

@Flossyrex hey, I have rang ARC to cry down the phone to the lovely staff while we where making our choice and after. But not used the forum or Reddit. Thank you for the suggestion I will look into it.

@Cakesnbiscuit thank you for finding the article I will read it x

@RMS0209 @Cakesnbiscuit Are either of you taking anything to get your bodies ready? I feel guilty as I never took any prenatals before TTC and worry this may have had an impact along with my age (Just turned 36) Also have either of you had much support? Counseling? Discussed TTC with the DR? I haven't had anything really apart from I need to ring the DR for a blood test soon to see if I still need to carry on the iron tablets I was given due to loss of blood.

Hi @HoneyPea lovely user name!

I'm taking some supplements recommended to me by my reflexologist. They are advance nutrition ones.
My partner also takes and I take iron and vitamin D (I'm vegetarian)

I had a few counselling sessions, the first person I had was terrible and put me 5 steps back.. I never went back, but the 2nd person was nice but I've just decided to try deal with it on my own.
My Dr hasn't been much support regarding TTC, I went from having phone calls every 3 weeks to now I get every 2nd month.

I'd recommend getting some supplements can't help I suppose, I just need to stop obsessing in my mind (easier said than done) x

@Cakesnbiscuit how are you today z

@RMS0209 Thank you 😊
I have decided to take some folic acid with B12. I already take Vit D and Iron tablets.
I had a few calls from the bereavement midwife but haven't been offered counseling or anything.
How are you feeling about it all? Have you decided you are ready to TTC?

@HoneyPea
Good idea! It's better to be safer and taking isn't it.
I think that's the most important ones, I have been looking at B vitamins I was going to order some when I am paid too.

I'm ok, I have days I'm sad and it consumes my mind and then I have days where I am ok and it's in the back of my mind.
Yes we have been trying again, I don't have much faith in this cycle as we hadn't been trying until I got my static smile on my OPK tester.
But we are looking at trying the SMEP method next month, I have heard alot of success from it.. and a few horror stories! But it's 1 month of trying something different to see I guess. What about you? How are you? What are you thinking?

@RMS0209 I am thinking of taking the folic acid tabs for about 3 or 4 months before thinking about TTC again. We are very lucky we have a DS already and both pregnancies happened in the first month of saying we will just go with the flow and see what happens (DS was born 2months before our first wedding anniversary) I'm worried that not taking any supplements before trying could have affected our TFMR baby. I've not had personal experience of tracking cycles apart from logging my period on my Fitbit app which gives a date for possible ovulation. Is an OPK to track when you ovulate? What is SMEP method? I'm hoping when we do try again it won't take too long. How long have you been trying again for? (Hope that's not too personal to ask)

@HoneyPea

That's a good idea, time off will do you the world of good too.
I unfortunately don't have any DC so it's a bit different for me.
Noo don't think like that, I wouldn't say the supplements could have affected or not affected, don't think like that please.

Yeah an OPK tracks and gives you a "peak" basically a heads up that you are going to ovulate.
SMEP is a method for trying to conceive, I'll attach a picture. It is meant to be good and has a high success rate.

Don't be silly don't think anything is too personal nowadays to ask.
We've been trying again since January time, not sure if I would count December so this is our 3rd cycle but as I say I'm not too confident this one which is a bit sad but trying to stay busy & positive. X

@HoneyPea here is SMEP x