Medical termination and ttc

[Cakesnbiscuit]

Has anyone else had to have a medical termination then ttc again?

I am absolutely petrified to ttc again incase the same issue arises but I desperately want another baby. I’m not sure I can put myself through the pain again but the overwhelming urge to have a child isn’t going away.

I’m heartbroken and grieving as it was recently which isn’t helping.

@RMS0209 I have had lots of people say the same but I feel like maybe I wasn't being the best mummy I could by preparing my body 😢 Also I feel like if I do take them for a few months I will have done what I can to try and stop it happening again (I know in reality it probably won't make any difference)! I know Im not ready to try again yet but im ready to think about getting my body ready, it feels like a little step forward if you know what I mean.
I don't know how would have coped if it had been my first pregnancy experience. I'm so grateful to have my little boy.
The SMEP method looks like it could give you the best chance possible to cover all fertile days fingers crossed it works for you 🤞🏻
How do you feel about the thought of being pregnant again? Did you have your TFMR very long ago?

I am alright, went and set at the top of a hill yesterday and cried. I talked to my baby and told them how sorry I was. It seemed to help me.

We aren’t ttc yet, we have an abroad holiday booked so going on that first then we really need to decide if we want to ttc again. I’m so scared but at the same time I’m worried I will always regret it.

I’m taking iron due to blood loss too and lots of vitamins. My body really took a battering so need to focus on my health for a few months I think.

I’ve not heard of smep either I shall have a google xx

@HoneyPea
Well please don't think like that 💕
If it makes you feel better and calmer taking for a few months before trying I am all for that, put you and your mental health first!
Little steps will equal big steps

Yeah I have high hopes for SPEM so fingers crossed for me!

I think I feel ok, it's all I want I still have cry's now and again but I'm in a lot better of a place now than I was a few months ago that's for sure.
I was October, how about you x

@HoneyPea under no circumstances did you cause anything. I understand the thoughts of what if and could you have done anything different.

I promise that punishing yourself doesn’t help, I’m currently trying not to do this as i do the same. Someone said to me it only makes you feel worse. Sending you a massive hug!

@Cakesnbiscuit @RMS0209 Thank you both. It's just so hard not to blame myself, you feel like you need someone to blame as it's just not fair 🥲
Ours was the beginning of Feb so not very long ago still feels very raw.
How were your first periods?
Mine was ok but I've now been getting sticky (like when you are ovulating) bloody mucas for the last week and it's about a week after my first period finished. X

I’ve not had my period yet as it was very recent.

Think that’s part of the obsession with ttc as I’m still testing positive on tests so hormones are present.

It’s hard not to blame yourself. I started being a bit angry at the world and went between crying or screaming. I even took it out on my DH but he’s been amazing and didn’t take it personally. It sucks and we are unlucky as not many people experience it

@HoneyPea
Our minds are very powerful things, I remember this being said to me not long after and thinking "oh bloody be quiet" but now I've realised... our minds are infacr very powerful things!
February isn't long ago you are right, but what I can promise though is in time you will not forget but it won't be the thought that consumes your mind all day & night, mentally and physically I'm in a far better place now than I was last year, I was scared of myself.

My first period was a bit longer if I remember rightly but since then I have had pretty regular ones and appear to be ovulation which is all good signs.
I also am going to reflexology, which I am finding is good mentally (it relaxes me) and I also read it is good for trying again
I just try to do little things to keep me busy. X

@Cakesnbiscuit were you told to do pregnancy tests or have you just decided to?
@RMS0209 mentally I feel a bit better after the funeral, even though it was extremely difficult and I know there won't be a day that goes by when I won't think about her. Physically my body just feels so tired and bloated still (when I went for my 12wk scan they thought I was 20weeks because I was showing so much) x

@RMS0209 Hope trying the new method is going well this month

@HoneyPea
Hi
How are you doing? I have been thinking about you both.
Thank you. I am currently CD6, still bleeding today but hoping she is away by tomorrow so I can start trying on Wed/Thur

@RMS0209 ooooo exciting times for you. I will have everything crossed that April is your lucky month.
I'm not too great I've got a bad UTI that is now on it's second round of antibiotics and no sign of it shifting 😡

@HoneyPea
Thank you! I really hope April is my month I am starting to feel deflated now

Oh no!! Owie how uncomfortable, I hope it goes soon.
Things are all good though? X

@RMS0209 Had a tough weekend, first time I've seen a big group of friends since it happened. They all found out I was pregnant at our last big get together. 2 of them are pregnant they would have been around 1 or 2 months ahead so was difficult to see them.
I really hope this new method works for you this month. I can't imagine how disappointing it must be once you have decided you want it to happen again. 💐 x

I never replied sorry! Yes I was told to do pregnancy tests to ensure there wasn’t any issue left behind. Got my negative at the weekend which I was in two minds about. Happy I don’t have to go have a D&C but sad it means it’s all over.

@HoneyPea that must be awful you have done so well to meet up with people. Takes alot of courage and strength for sure.

@RMS0209 sending positive vibes your way!!

I am thinking if we ttc again we might in May, need to focus on me and my health for a while. But we also might never ttc again. I’m completely in two minds.

I wondered if I could join this conversation. I’m very sorry for what you’ve been through and might have some idea of what you’re feeling as I’m in an almost identical situation to you. I had a TFMR at the beginning of February and am starting to think about TTC in May much the same as you. I wanted to have a short break as our TFMR followed two miscarriages so was our third loss in a row and thought we could do with a holiday before trying again. I do have 2 year old son so hope it’s still possible to have another.

How are you feeling now? I thought I was ok but have had a bad couple of days. I suppose it’s to be expected. I’m the same as you in that I want to TTC and am struggling with taking a break from it really but am so scared to have another positive test and have to go through it all again. As we’re in a similar situation I thought it might be good to keep in touch and keep each other going ….. I hope you’re doing ok today, I know some days can be better than others.

@HoneyPea @Cakesnbiscuit thanks ladies, this chat really is great.
I dont have much faith for this month.. appears that I am having a "peak" on CD10... normally been getting peaks CD16/CD14 so I'm a bit confused me & OH are going to try tonight, tomorrow & Sunday though.
Starting to feel deflated now.
I think it would help if I had a little one, but I don't thats what makes it all the more difficult :(

Hi @Hopingforbetterluck welcome
Sorry to hear of your loss x

@ hi, I wouldn’t give up hope for this month, I know that during our long TTC journey I’ve ovulated on a different day every time so you never know!
It must be very difficult to be on this rollercoaster without a little one to focus on. I’m very grateful for the distraction of my toddler and know just how lucky we are to have him. I can’t imagine how difficult it is but I’ve got everything crossed for you this month

@Hopingforbetterluck thank you for your nice words.
I think I just wasn't really prepared for early, we only DTD last night but we will try the next 3 days.

Thank you, I will be here for support in May if you do try again x

Not had a good day today found myself looking back at DS's baby photos and thinking that I should have been doing it all again in a few months time 😭 It's making me feel like I want to try again but I'm still too scared that the same thing could happen again and there's no way I could deal with that 💔
@Cakesnbiscuit I was never told to take any tests, I wonder why the advice was different.
@RMS0209 Sorry I'm rubbish with the terms, does 'peak' mean you are ovulating now? If so you still have a few days 🤞🏻
@Hopingforbetterluck Sorry you have had to join us. Your situation sounds very similar to mine. TFMR beginning of Feb and 2 year old DS. The timing between the 2 would have been perfect as DS was going to be starting preschool in September for 2 days a week. X

Hi @HoneyPea I’m sorry I’m new to mumsnet and can’t figure out how to reply properly! Im very sorry you’ve had a bad day, we are bound to have some days worse than others. I felt the same as you that the timing would be perfect and the baby was due on my birthday so I thought it was meant to be. Have you had any tests that would give you an idea if it’s likely to happen again that might make you feel more positive about TTC?
We had an appointment last week with genetics who said that what happened to us was most likely a fluke and there’s only a 1% chance of it happening again.
Unfortunately it’s our third loss so my situation is slightly different and it hasn’t made me feel less scared about trying again but I feel the more information we have the better if you see what I mean. Could you push for some extra tests if it may give you a bit of peace of mind?

@HoneyPea That's ok I only learn terms on here, yeah so I use the clear blue advance monitor to track ovulation but I got a "peak" CD10... I normally don't get a peak until CD14/CD16 so I am confused very. I will continue to test with my cheapies and see what happens and hopefully this is my month... I need it to be soon

@Hopingforbetterluck I have had no tests or appointments or information on how to find out if it could possibly happen again.
I had a few phone calls from the bereavement midwifes (the mentioned counseling) but haven't heard anything since the funeral over a month ago. I have spoken to my doctor a few times as Im not well (lethargic, slightly swollen ankles etc) and they don't really seem to want to know at all.
@RMS0209 I can't remember if I've asked already so sorry if I have but how long did it take you to conceive your TFMR baby? X

@HoneyPea no problem don't think you did, I came off my pill end of July and fell in Oct x
You? X

@RMS0209 We decided to start trying at the beginning of Oct and I found out I was pregnant at the end of Oct. It was the same with my DS we decided to see what would happen after we got married in Aug and by Sept I was pregnant. We were extremely lucky both times, I'm worried it won't be so easy if we decide to try again and I can imagine getting completely obsessed with testing 😞 I've only ever done 3 preg tests one for DS and 2 for my TFMR baby girl (first one was invalid)
Have you been pregnant before or was this your first time? Have you seen anyone to discuss the odds of it happening again? X

@Hopingforbetterluck welcome to the group no one wants to be part of! Sorry for your loss 💐

@RMS0209 this is exciting and i will keep all my fingers crossed for you. I’ve heard ovulating early is better for falling pregnant. Later ovulating can cause issues with miscarriage.

@HoneyPea that’s rubbish keep on your doctors. Can you request a blood test? I wonder if your low in iron with a pregnancy and miscarriage? I’m currently taking iron as I have had it before and know what it feels like. Just had a nap I’m so tired.

With all my pregnancies we fell quite quickly (longest was 4 months) so super lucky. Our TFMR was due to my health and I was in hospital for a while and couldn’t guarantee I would make it to the end of the pregnancy. It’s taken 3/4 weeks for me to be back to normal. They can’t guarantee it won’t happen again but I have had two healthy pregnancies previously. I’ve been told it’s a roll of the dice. Not sure how I feel about TTC in may. I’m still tempted to complete our family but I don’t want to leave my children without a mummy