9 months+ trying to conceive, still losing hope, still trying

[BritInNZ]

Continuing the earlier thread ladies before we run out of room... will tag in who I remember but feel free to tag others I may have missed. And newbies always welcome!

@Aubyone - pregnant! Adding in case she wants to keep in the loop 😊
@kmbegs
@FlyOnTheWall89
@Hopefullywaiting01234
@Tinkerbell098
@LucyAnne34
@MaryTeenOfScots

@BritInNZ I know in this moment it feels truly like a lifetime and that it isn't how you imagined spending your anniversary but it might still happen, in the not too distant future. 5 years sounds crazy long to wait?!?! I personally think it's too early to think about the worst possible scenario which is life without children when that is what you really really want. Try to stay positive - I know it's easier said than done but we have been supporting each other for months now so I feel obliged to try to keep you positive. You can do this. It is a long journey, but you may look back, and this may be a smidge of time that led to a you being a mum. Is there a reason why you are unsure about IVF? (Except the obvs that is will be super expensive when not funded). How is your husband dealing with this at this point?

@Carla2601 nothing in the post yet! I don't know how it works... will we receive a letter in a few months to say your appointment will be in a few weeks, or will I receive one soonish to say it's in some months time. My OH is very much determined to do this naturally. I've tried pinning him to a timeline but he isn't ready to build that yet... frustrating but I get it a tiny bit. Are you London based? If so, do you mind sharing some of the clinics you've looked into? I've been told so many conflicting things. A dear friend messaged me - I don't see her often but I work with her mother in law and I think her mother in law knows obvs I'm still not pregnant and so she messaged me to check in. She didn't have the easiest journey with a MC after trying for 9 months but then conceived in the next cycle. She now has 2 under 18 months apart. She passed on the details on a few clinics her friends have used. Makes me feel like it is more common to have IVF than maybe we realise as it's not talked about openly. Anyway, I'm rambling haha x

@FlyOnTheWall89 so our nhs experience went something like:

Mid October: I booked my appointment
Early November: all my bloods were finished
Late November: OH test one
Early December: OH test two
Mid December: OH bloods and scan

They did book us a urology appointment (we chose to go private) and my first fertility appointment about funding was late January and my next bloods are tomorrow. Given the time that’s elapsed has been waiting for results they’ve been super speedy - she seemed to imply we would get funding and it wouldn’t take all that long. So that’s a long way of saying it might be quicker than you think. We got letters quite quickly with not too long to wait.

Yep we’re in London. We haven’t really looked into clinics we went to Mr Ramsey, he booked everything else and recommended my consultant who is at the Lister in Chelsea. Same place as his op which is Thursday then my planning meeting Friday.

Re common; I’m 35 and my school friends (still based in the north) had their children a bit younger than we are now but of my uni friends I’d say circa 25% maybe even a third have had IVF so I’d say it way more common than we ever thought before we ended up here.

Where are you based?

I understand that from your OH - we have zero other option - the acidity of the sperm because of this missing piece means it’ll never end in a successful pregnancy and rarely even gets to my egg. I’m finding it hard but it’s probably easier for me because it’s this or nothing. Making the choice is even more daunting I imagine

@LucyAnne34 totally understand re pressure.....and now we don’t have to try it’s easier rob have fun sex for sure

Really interesting, thanks so much @Carla2601 . Were your first bloods the ones you do at the GP before referral? The GP hasn't suggested a second test for my partner, they've just referred immediately but she did say at this point we can be sure it's male factor. Maybe your case is a bit more black and white. Maybe we will receive something sooner than rather than later then! We are SW London. I'm pretty sure we will end up seeing Dr Ramsay- it's just been a lot for my partner to take in! Thank you again ! X

@FlyOnTheWall89 us too! Easy to get to Mr Ramsey from here. Yes it sounds like yours is male factor but I’m guessing/hoping you’ve got better chances than us. Naturally we have 0.00% so they sort of have to refer, it’s crap but it’s also sort of better than a limbo of keep trying and not really knowing.

You should definitely ask for a second sample - apparently they can vary wildly from month to month or check to check so that would be a good thing to have before you see Mr Ramsey if you go that route.

We’ve been referred to St Helier (depends where abouts SW you are but you might too) I’ve found them to be helpful and efficient. They offered to check my tubes but I said they’re pretty much redundant aren’t they? And she had a good laugh about that with me so they’re also nice and understanding x

Hi all, hope it’s ok to join, I think I may have posted on the previous thread.

I am hopefully going to be having a HSG later on in February (depending on when AF starts next week). I was quite annoyed with my local NHS trust at first as I found out their policy is to do the HSG after ovulation (i.e. you have to skip a cycle of TTC); they seem to be the only trust in England that doesn’t do the HSG between CD5-10 (i.e. before ovulation so you don’t have to skip a cycle of TTC).

Anyway I have made my peace with it now, after all if there is something wrong with my tubes then I need to find out, don’t I?

Sending you all lots of luck, the last thread was so supportive

Sorry to hear about all the various journeys we are on, but I must say from reading various threads the Dr Ramsay person sound amazing!! Best of luck with your appointments ❤️
Good luck with your appointment @Decaffe , is that the same as a Hycosy? I have preliminary booked one for April if still unlucky by then :-/ And yes the more information we have the better I think, check those tubes. After my initial appointment I have convinced myself that every twinge is tube related, my brain is in diaster mode. But, chances are they are fine so just need to keep calm and carry on. Happy Monday everyone, hope you all have a good week.

@Decaffe I'm also due to have an HSG end of Feb (just need to book it). Did you get it through your GP and if so, how long did it take for them to get back to you?

GP referred me in early September. Got a phone call from the fertility clinic (NHS hospital) start of December.

Had more blood tests (as GP would only test my LH/FSH on Day 21 and refused to be Lyme that they had to be done on Day 3!) and a repeat SA in January.

Wasn’t able to book the HSG before now as the clinic only does them one morning a week and what with Christmas and a holiday the dates didn’t align!

Was told I had to wait for an appointment letter to come through for the ‘interior scan and antral follicle count.’ Then I got a letter about a week ago merely saying that it needs to be done on days 5-10 so to book it in when I’m ready.

Currently 10dpo on my January cycle. BFN this morning and no symptoms whatsoever so I know I’m out. AF due on Sunday so will be ringing the clinic Monday to book in the HSG and scan.

I have heard good things about a ‘fertility bounce’ after the HSG so that is helping me be less grumpy about the fact I will need to skip the February cycle of TTC in order to have it in the first place

Be Lyme = believe!

@Decaffe thanks for that :) am I right in thinking that it was the clinic that suggested doing the HSG and not GP? My GP hasn't been able to order an HSG for me, so that's why we are going private. It'll cost us about £500 (for both HSG and AMH test). Like you, I'm hopeful there'll be a fertility boost after it, so I'm trying to think positively about it. Seems like we'll both be having it roughly the same time.

Yes, I think the GP’s remit is quite limited. I got a blood test and an ultrasound scan through the GP.

Then when the hospital rang me in early December she took a history and asked what we’d already had done, how long trying etc. then in the post she sent me a letter which had a long list of potential tests on and she’d highlighted the ones that she was referring me for.

Do you know what date yours is? All being well, mine will be the 22nd

Happy Monday everyone, should be working but I'm catching up here instead!

@Carla2601 that's so great that you have dates for everything and you might transfer in April! I would love to be kept up to date and hopefully we can help support you as well.

@Decaffe that is insanely frustrating about the HSG. Not saying I would recommend it but you could always not be honest about your cycle so that you don't need to skip that month? Just a thought. It's obviously safe to have it before ovulation as that's what everyone else does. Otherwise I agree great to get it done, I had one this month and I'm so glad it's all done, it's the last test really (or the last standard one). And I am PRAYING for a fertility boost. To be honest I'm so hopeful that I'm worried how I'll react if this cycle doesn't work as I really have my hope sky high, every time after sex I am imagining all the sperm going up my very open tubes to the egg 😂

@BritInNZ happy anniversary for last week. I'm sure we all totally get that feeling of "I should have been pregnant (/had a newborn) for this". It's the worst and it puts such a dampener on everything. For me it's a big birthday for my dad this month and last summer my sisters said should we go on a little holiday for it. In my mind I was thinking surely I'll be pregnant, maybe heavily pregnant or have a newborn then and so I didn't really say much and I'm the organiser in my family so if I don't take the lead then nothing happens (so nothing happened). And here I am now thinking a holiday with my family would be the absolute best thing right now, and it didn't happen because I "would be very pregnant then". It's hard not to hate myself for it. Although it's also hard to act differently even when you know things are harder when you have certain expectations. Hope you are okay and managed to make the most of it.

@LucyAnne34 sorry about Af. It's the worst. I hope you managed to take it easy and are feeling a little better now.

Sorry if I've missed anyone, where is everyone at in their cycle? I think I'm ovulating today, let me know if there are any cycle buddies.

Absolutely, that is what I was planning to do @kmbegs!

However for some reason I ovulated a bit later this month so I don’t think my plan will work, but it all depends what day AF arrives this week.

It’s made more complicated/frustrating by the fact the clinic only does the procedure one day a week - very inflexible!

@Decaffe I rang up the private clinic and they do days 9-12 and only Wednesdays and Fridays. I think luckily predicted day 12 falls on a Wednesday for me and I don't ovulate until about day 17, so should give me some time to DTD with "very open tubes" as @kmbegs put it :D so that would be 2nd March for me. We are away on a friends joined birthday weekend away from the 4-6th March, which falls right in my FW, so need to find time/space to DTD during it somehow LOL"

@kmbegs I know what you mean about "would be pregnant then". I've put off booking so many things thinking the exact same thing! I've sort of told myself never again, as it's not really doing me any good, so now I plan my social life as I would normally. TTC has just taken too long and I seem to be dedicating all my life to TTC at the moment and it's having a toll on my mental health. I was crying most of Saturday as it was just becoming too overwhelming.
@BritInNZ Happy anniversary! Hope you had a fab night in the lovely lodge! I know what you mean, it's not easy when you reach certain milestones and it's different to how you imagined it would be. We also had a similar conversation a couple of nights ago, if we are open for adoption, and what the procedures are. I am dreading going down the IVF route, but would consider if there is no other option. I think I have made up my mind about HSG, and will go ahead with it. Not sure if I'll be able to take OH in with me, but I'm going to ask.
My scan was ok, waiting for the results from my GP, as the radiologist said she can't tell me the result there. She did say I'm about to ovulate from my left side (this was the day I got my static smiley on the CB OPK, so I knew it was coming). We didn't DTD that night, as we had the night before, and found it exhausting to DTD two nights in a row (we tried three nights in a row the previous cycle and we both fell ill the day after haha!).
@Carla2601 good luck with your journey. Transfer in April doesn't seem too far away! I'd love to hear your story, so hope you will stay on this thread. I haven't booked in my test yet, but I imagine it would fall on the 2nd of March.

@kmbegs I'm 2 dpo, so just a tad ahead of you, so almost cycle buddy.

@Decaffe agree with @kmbegs, you could lie about your cycle day as that policy doesn't seem to make sense. Hope the date aligns with the cycle and you get to use that cycle and get your boost!

Hi folks, I have no real idea about ovulation date this month but maybe 11/12dpo ? I don't test anymore as it was too depressing but will do if I'm late, a few days to go tho still... Sigh. Hate this time!!! I know the chances are mega slim tbh but the hope always creeps in. :-/

Thanks for the supportive messages ladies. I had a bit of a down day on Sunday where I couldn't just switch off from it all but I'm feeling heaps better now. I guess I'm frustrated because I still don't really have a plan. Ideally I need a laparoscopy to rule out endo but they're not doing them on public health at the moment, and I can't afford the $15k that would be required to go privately. Which only leaves IUI which is $1800 a go. I have another 5 years until I'd be able to get IVF on public funding, by which time I'll be over 35. And again, I can't afford the $17k to do it privately, nor do I feel ready to go down that route.

I swing from 'it's still early days and there's a chance' to 'this is hopeless and it's never going to happen' within a few minutes and it's constant. I have never had depression or mental health issues but I feel like this is really pushing me that way. I can't keep feeling so down all the time. It's really affecting my personal life and my work life - I just have no motivation for anything and if I think too much I could burst into tears. It's so tough.

Sending hugs to everyone who is feeling the same way. I'm not even opening my Flo app this month, I don't want to know what cycle day I am, I don't want to think about it.

Oh @BritInNZ I’m so sad you feel like this. It’s exactly how I felt (sorry for moaning about the IVF but having a plan has changed my mood and just ability to do life/have motivation). My OH kept suggesting counselling which I dismissed but maybe it is something to consider (providing it doesn’t cost the earth) - they might have some TTC specific coping strategies that could be super helpful. I completely understand what you mean - I literally felt like it’s the only thing I want, I want it now for so many reasons and it’s scary and sad and anxiety inducing every single day.

I guess what I’m trying to say is you’re not alone and it’s normal to feel that way - which actually doesn’t help a whole heap does it. Enjoy the days when you feel like it’s early days....and be kind to yourself on the harder days. X

@Tinkerbell098 @kmbegs I’m super happy to share (I just know there’s other threads for that and you’re all rightly hoping to avoid it) but you’re all the best support so I’d love your help (again!!!)

Oh @BritInNZ, sending you the biggest hug. It is so fucking shit and I have to say, your options over there are pretty crap aren't they, I'm not going to beat around the bush. I can't believe it's £15k - that is crazy! And I can't believe you would have to wait 5 years. What you've written really touched a nerve because I've genuinely felt the same. I've felt too consumed by it all and like you, feel like oh it will be fine one minute and then I'm petrified at having to go through IVF to get there ... then I think ye but it will probably be okay and then I go crazy again. I completely understand where you're coming from and fertility therapy is a real thing and very much needed for so many. It is so hard to just live slightly in limbo for such a long period of time... even if you're not one to plan your life around a possible baby arriving, it still feels like limbo to me. Some days, nothing will make the situation feel better. Especially for you who doesn't have a reason as to why this happened yet.... and yet some just have sex once and fall pregnant. It seems so unfair. Hope you can pick yourself up today and feel a bit better xxx

@BritInNZ oh I forgot to say, I really think you should get a second opinion. At least that way, you feel like your moving in some direction. You're at the 13 month mark aren't you. The odds are stacked in your favour for it happening soon considering the lack of evidence otherwise. Keeping everything crossed for you over the next few months xxx

@Carla2601 @FlyOnTheWall89 thanks so much for your kind words ladies. I did have some counselling through work but she just kept bringing everything back to my bad relationship with my own mum. I think it annoyed me more than anything because I just wanted someone to acknowledge this is crap, regardless of your background.

Sorry to hear you've felt the same too @FlyOnTheWall89. It's so hard being stuck in limbo like this, and I hate feeling like I'm wasting my life away waiting for something that might never happen. Well I'm month 12 but cycle 13, first fresh cycle since HSG so trying not to get my hopes up. How far into this are you now?

I'll let you all know how my nutrition appointment goes next week too and if I pick up any hints or tips I can share with you all 😊

@BritInNZ massive hug to you. I know where you're coming from. They're yet to diagnose what's wrong with me, so I'm also kind of in limbo and running out of steam. Like you, I've never had any mental health issues, but find it's the start of something now. I was crying all of Saturday and now I find that little things really get to me and I feel sad all the time. It's like anything that has made me happy before, seems to have no effect on me anymore. My productiveness at work has fallen and I've found that the work I produce has been of very poor quality lately, as if I don't give a s*.

I'm glad I have you girls to talk to, as it is quite a lonely place. My OH doesn't really know the full extent of what I'm going through mentally.

I've had my scan results back this morning, but yet to speak to the GP about it (all appointments were taken today as I was a bit late to ring due to having meetings all morning at work).

When I looked at the report, this is what it said. If you girls have any idea what any of this means please shed a light as I have no clue whether it's good or bad. Thanks in advance!

• Anteverted uterus appears bulky with an irregular outline.
• The echotexture appears heterogenous with a 25x35x29 mm subserosal fibroid arising from the anterior wall towards the fundus.
• Endometrium measures 4.2mm and appears smooth in echotexture.

@BritInNZ I think this is cycle 11, but obvs not expecting anything, which is okay but frustrating at the same time. First fresh month since HSG - I'm so hopeful for you x