9 months+ trying to conceive, still losing hope, still trying

[BritInNZ]

Continuing the earlier thread ladies before we run out of room... will tag in who I remember but feel free to tag others I may have missed. And newbies always welcome!

@Aubyone - pregnant! Adding in case she wants to keep in the loop 😊
@kmbegs
@FlyOnTheWall89
@Hopefullywaiting01234
@Tinkerbell098
@LucyAnne34
@MaryTeenOfScots

@LucyAnne34 thanks. I’ve been told the same. But now my periods seem shorter and lighter that’s set my worrying off again. It’s just one thing after another isn’t it xx

@BritInNZ - i know i cant help but feel it will happen quickly for them (which as i said i wouldn't wish this on anyone) but i don't know how i will hold it all together, i feel i am slowly just isolating myself and not wanting to be around certain people/situations.

The christening yesterday was ok actually, i managed to hold myself together, one of my friends annoyed me she doesnt know the extent but does know we are TTC and made a few comments like "oh i bet you are sick of hearing all this baby talk" then kind of kept asking me how my dog was? 😂

Fingers crossed your changes make a difference, i always feel slightly more optimistic when i have tried a different approach/something new- my nutritionist has been great i hope its helping. Also good that you have had sone extra blood tests x

@BritInNZ thanks for checking on me. I'm doing much better, I've had time to process and kind of accepted that it's a good thing that we are getting the help we need. I understand IVF is no guarantee, but if we keep failing to conceive naturally, it's just a step closer. Also feel grateful we can have a free round on the NHS and that we have been referred, instead of being fobbed off as many do, per my acupuncturist. So, overall I'm feeling positive about it and that we have a plan. Having said that, my BBT is on a downward trend now, so I know this is another failed cycle and not feeling great about that.
Glad your bloods have come back normal and you have been tested for a few more things. Fingers crossed the diet change will show good results in the coming few weeks.

@NatW2021 Glad the Christening went ok. I hate such events. One of my very good friends had their baby over the weekend and I was receiving all the photos and videos. They succeeded first go and got married two years after us, so it did hurt a little bit, hope you guys understand where I'm coming from. They are due to throw a big party in the summer and I'm hoping we'll have some positive news by then, if not it's going to be a struggle for me.

Hope everyone had a good weekend xx

@NatW2021 bless your friend. She was prob trying make your better mentioning your dog 😂

@BritInNZ not anything particular as yet. My boobs are very sore and full. And had a little nauseas episode yesterday. But minus the sore boobs. I feel very much the same.

@Indianna2006 - i know 😂 trying not to be so sensitive but when they was all taking about baby's teething - she made a joke and said "is ted teething" as i said trying not to be so sensitive but i just feel on high alert at the moment cant wait to feel normal and happy go lucky again. Glad to hear things are going well and no major symptoms.

I am off this week we managed to book a last min hot tub break but AF is due any day soon - boobs hurting and period pains so don't think it will be the romantic break i was hoping for 😂 x

@NatW2021 ah it’s so hard 💓

Ooh no!! Lol bad times. Although winner for hot tub though. That sounds lovely. And with enjoying yourself. This is thing. Have to keep life moving and try enjoy what you can. I know it’s hard sometimes though. Remains a dark cloud. Xx

@Indianna2006 i know even worrying about the damage hot tub will do to DH sperm 😂😂😂 but as you said you cant let it consume every aspect of your life - we both need to relax and destress.

If i am not pregnant next cycle we are booking our holiday and going in May normally its booked well in advance but been holding on. I will also give it next cycle then go fir hycosy its good to have a plan x

T@Tinkerbell098 - sorry forgot to respond to your earlier message. Totally understand were you are coming from -it just feels so unfair sometimes. When my time comes i think i will definitely be more mindful and i will never forgot this experience.

Are you just waiting to hear from NHS now? I think i am going to start my health kick when i get back from my break away, dont want to get referred then they wont allow me to do ivf - think i need to lose about 2 stone 😫 x

@NatW2021 yes, me too, will definitely be more mindful as I now know how hurtful it can be to someone struggling. I think before my TTC journey, I was also probably a bit clueless as to how challenging it could be. Honestly, I thought it would only take 3-6 months. How naïve was I?
Yes, it's basically a waiting game for me. Doctor said to expect about 3 months to hear back before we even consider going private. I'd like my first round to be on the NHS and also it would give us a little bit more time to process and prepare for it (and save some money if we need to go private). I am also of the mindset now to lose as much weight as possible (it's hard as when I wanted to lose weight fast, I used to go on a diet, but I can't whilst TTC and should be careful not to deplete your key nutrients). The BMI cut off for IVF is 30. I'm at 27, so I need to be careful not to put more on, but definitely trying to lose a few kgs before we start, as I've read the IVF medication can also make you gain more (not looking forward to that!).
Hope you enjoy your lovely break, you deserve it. We also want to go away for a week or so before the crazy starts, but not sure how to fit that in with potential appointments, so would need to plan something for next month as summer will be uncertain if IVF cycles start.

@Indianna2006 huge congratulations!! Such wonderful news, how are you doing?

@Tinkerbell098 I’m sorry to hear about your tube, and I totally understand how it feels re going to IVF. Some days I’m fine, some weeks (like this week) I’m a wreck. Would highly recommend getting an NHS round as I feel a bit sick about the costs to date haha. I need to chase up the NHS for mine they’ve been so slow at coming back! I start my injections next week so I’ll share the info if it’s useful.

@FlyOnTheWall89 do you know when you’re starting? How are you feeling?

@BritInNZ completely agree re equality, it’s terrible! We all know first hand how traumatising this is and it should absolutely not be about £££

@Carla2601 no, we will wait until we see Dr Ramsay and hear his verdict on our chances etc. My OH is really keen for us to try naturally for a while longer which i find a bit frustrating but equally get it. Still feels like a lifetime away. Each month just feels like it takes forever to pass. It's so hard because it just weighs on my mind a lot and so many of our conversations revolve around these decisions and TTC. It's mentally exhausting.

How is your journey going? April is coming up! X

Just catching up on the thread, life has been busy lately, which is good as I'm in the TWW.

@Tinkerbell098 I'm sorry to hear about your blocked tube but glad you're feeling more at peace with the path forward now, and like you said it's great you can get a round on the NHS and prepare as much as you can beforehand. I felt sooo down when we found out about DH sperm but since the initial tears have been feeling a lot more chilled in knowing what the 'issue' was so to speak.

Also so interesting about what your acupuncturist said - I really wonder why the trends are changing!?

@FlyOnTheWall89 interesting what you say about MFI needing to be investigated earlier on. I'm sure it could help a lot of people who take a long time to conceive.

DH had a scan today that confirmed bad varicocele on one side. And also dna frag and various other tests so just waiting to see Dr Ramsay again early April to hopefully book in an op for him and get results from those.

@Indianna2006 hope the early pregnancy days are going well!

@FlyOnTheWall89 it is indeed! IVF starts for me next week. I think that’s sensible to see what he says, we found him to be super helpful, honest and clear so I’m sure he’ll give you a good appraisal of his view. I will keep everything crossed for you.

I absolutely understand the apprehension from OH re IVF - I was quite chill about it but it’s probably coming from a place of care for you. I’m in the hospital every other day (which takes up half my day each time) for a week, two injections a day, two operations, then the icing on the cake….if it works I have to stick a waxy lump (not the scientific description 😂) in my bottom everyday for 12 weeks!!! I mean there is literally nothing I’m not prepared to do but it does test your resolve a bit! Some days I can have a good laugh about it, but some days it’s all consuming. I can’t plan for anything because if it doesn’t work we’ll have to start over. So for months I can’t say yes to anything beyond a dinner (for now). It’s daunting. But the only thing that was worse was just keeping on trying with no answers so this isn’t a moan at all - just a nod to perhaps him being reticent to put you through that if there’s any other way. It’s sort of easier for us, there is no other option it’s this or nada. But when I’m crying and frustrated I see what it does to my OH so I suspect he’s just being a caring partner. All that waffle being said, when my OH was dragging his feet I was tearing my hair out.

Sending all the good vibes, when is your appointment?

@OK92 yes I really do think it should be one of the first tests. I can only think the NHS don't send for scans / urologist checks etc for the man because if you're very likely to need IVF, perhaps with ICSI then sort of what's the point of fixing things from their perspective. It's been a big eye opener. I agree, it is easier to know than not know. Hopefully the op can be booked in quickly, then you can move onto the next chapter as it were and hopefully the next few months will pass quickly. Did you already get the DNA frag results?

@Carla2601 yes absolutely, he has mentioned this. The whole process is a lot and when we read through my notes from the telephone call I had with the doctor, it was quite overwhelming for both of us. I think I like to face things head on and I think it's an inevitability so I sort of don't want to wait until September for instance. But obvs I should probs wait for the facts from Dr R - We see him on the 6th April. I'm having a HSG next week if the clinic can fit me in... I need to call on the first day of my period. I can't remember if you had one? If you work how are you finding balancing the appointments etc? Have you told your work? Lovely description of waxy things - I hadn't heard about this!!! X

@FlyOnTheWall89 that’s not too long to wait - although I know it probably feels ages.

The waxy things are progesterone - I said to the nurse that I don’t have low progesterone to try to save myself but she said it’s basically the easiest way to support a pregnancy so obviously I would do it….you can put them in vaginally but apparently the melting process is messier so most people prefer the bottom (not something I ever thought I’d know 🤣). I didn’t have the HSG because they said there was no point as my tubes are redundant….LOL.

Yep I work, and no I haven’t told them….I work in music and it’s all men and I don’t want them thinking me out of the business, I really love my job. I’ve got a tonne of left over holiday and luckily I’m reasonably senior so I don’t really have anyone watching where I am, and I’m out and about a lot anyway so I’m hoping I can just wing it. I haven’t really told many people….I did tell my brother but he hasn’t really been that helpful or supportive but he does have a busy job and family and is male haha. And his wife is pregnant with their third he told me on Sunday. Didn’t know it was possible to be thrilled and heartbroken at once. My best friend has been amazing but she’s 250 miles away with two small children so there’s a limit to how practically helpful she can be. And that’s all I’ve really told which is why I value you lovely lot so much you’re all a great support x

arh, yes I remember now @Carla2601. It doesn't make sense although not nice to hear ..!

Sounds like you have a good plan and it will make it easier that you're out and about and don't have someone watching you. I was listening to the Big Fat Negative podcast about IVF in the workplace - it seems most try to keep it to themselves (two guests had worked in HR for 12 and 20 years and both had never been once approached bout their rights in the workplace for infertility treatment). At the moment I don't plan on telling my work but it may become impossible not to inform them in some way because I am a teacher. I am never ever off and I am not sure how I will manage a Monday, Wednesday, Friday series of appointments, for possible 2 weeks without telling them tbh. Next week OH is doing another SA before we see Dr R so we can give him 2 sets of results with 6-8 weeks of religious vitamins and Proxeed. Hoping it might be a better result this time.

A few people know we are trying but I have been avoiding speaking to my family about it. I am sure your brother has no clue what to say, particularly if he is on his 3rd... I think it is a completely different experience and obviously not his fault, just one of those things. Now I sort of wish I hadn't told anyone at all because tbh, no one has been overly helpful and I feel like they expect news so it is just added pressure for me. When I had mentioned it, it was because I was excited about this next chapter but now it just isn't the same. x

@FlyOnTheWall89 ah 3 of my 4 best school friends are teachers so I totally understand - and yes I think you’d have to tell them but I can imagine how daunting that feels, unless you could do it in the summer holidays? You might have the right timings for that. Not that you should have to just if it made it easier. I haven’t and won’t say anything however I lead on our womens group and we’re working on a set of policies for better Mat pay, funded IVF and funded egg freezing (amongst other things) on the company - so I’m trying to help others who will inevitably also go through this without talking about my own stuff because I’m so bad at that. My boss is a lovely guy and I was actually with him and his kids at an event on Sunday so I know that he’d be mortified id gone through something and not told him but I still can’t. Idk I’m just going with what feels easiest for now.

You’re right about my brother - my mum (who knows nothing of this) said oh he wanted to tell you in person (I’m going up to Manchester this weekend to see them all as I won’t be able to travel for a while) but he’s away skiing this weekend so thought he better tell you on the phone. I’m not sure why on Earth hed have thought I’d want to be told in front of his kids and wife and have to try to stay composed!

I’ve found that my gut has been right on who will be helpful. I actually have three female friends from work (no longer work together) who I’ve told who’ve been much more supportive….even offering to come round and do my injections. They’re all younger so don’t have as much experience with friends or family but they’re like three little cheerleaders which is so sweet. Tiny things, ones trying to buy a flat and she found one she loves but she messaged to say she wants me to have all the luck so she’s not taking any for the flat, which is obviously totally ridiculous but still made me cry haha!

@Carla2601 yes please I'd love to hear updates from you regarding injections, appointments etc if you don't mind, as I need to prepare myself for the inevitable. Good luck with it all starting next week. Hope it goes smoothly for you with minimum side effects.
I know what you mean about not being able to plan anything and I feel like I'm already in that position and our timings may mean that summer is out for us to have a holiday or commit to anything. So we are currently trying to have a mini break end of next month before the crazy starts. Oh I've heard about those progesterone things to stick up your bum (sorry TMI). I've heard they ruin your underwear, not sure how true that is LOL. But anything that helps is a good thing! It's great you have some flexibility with work. I think I will need to take a couple of weeks off around then, also incase I have mood swings, nausea, etc. I will try to get away with not having to tell work, but if it gets too much, I think I'll have to say something. Aww that's so nice you have three little cheerleaders that are very supportive. Apart from my mum, I've only told my best friend who's 100 miles away from me.

@FlyOnTheWall89 hope you have some good news about OH's SA. Sept doesn't sound too long as you've already had your funding come through there won't be much delay after that. Hope you won't have to though! It's just such an overwhelming process and I can understand why your OH doesn't want to put you through that. Mine was the opposite, and said he's excited about it, but I don't think he understands what it involves. I've found the below link really helpful in preparing for the process in case you have to:
theduff.co.uk/ivf-process-start-to-finish/

@OK92 sorry to hear about your DH's scan results. Hope they can fit in an op quite quickly to avoid more delays. How long after will you be able to TTC again? Is the recovery quite fast?

Hi girls. Glad to see some of you are making progress with treatments etc. I’m feeling really down this week. CD7 of cycle 12. I have done too much googling recently and reading stats like 85% of people would be pregnant by now and my monthly chance after 12 months is just 1% really isn’t making me feel good about myself 💔💔. Help!! 😫 xx

@FlyOnTheWall89 @Tinkerbell098 DNA frag results in 2 weeks when we will be given timeline for op. It takes 3-6 months after the op to see full effect of the results. Tempted to have April off TTC as I'm not sure there's much point until it's all done. And the fertile window trying is wearing us both down!

@Carla2601 best of luck for the start of IVF. You must be feeling all the emotions now!

I know what you mean about supportive friends - interestingly only friends without kids have been really supportive / actually bothered to ask questions whereas some close friends with kids have brushed it under the carpet and clearly feel too awkward to say anything now.

@Hoping43 sorry you're feeling low 😞 it's a really really tough journey. I'm new to the thread so sorry if you've said before but have you had any tests done yet?

Hi @OK92. Yes we have. This is (would be/will be 🤷🏼‍♀️) our third baby. First conceived first month when I was 29, second conceived eighth month when I was 32. Now we are on cycle 12 with not even a sign of a pregnancy over the past 11 cycles. We’ve had all the tests pretty much except HSG and waiting on AMH results. Semen analysis normal, transvaginal ultrasound normal (13 follicles seen, 9.5mm lining 2 days before ovulation, no fibroids or polyps) all day 3 blood results within normal range x

Gosh that is a depressing statistic @Hoping43 - so much so I hope it isn't very accurate. Maybe the HSG will flag something or give you that 'boost'.. .

@OK92 I think if its good for your mind to just go back to having sex for enjoyment rather than in a manipulated way, absolutely do it. You have been advised it is likely to take some months to see results so maybe just give yourself a bit of a rest bite. Might help x

I will have a read of the link @Tinkerbell098 - I think its also because of the emotional space and the general headspace that will require and he has an enormously busy job.

@Carla2601 that sounds amazing to lead such a programme which now is close to your heart. I don't trust the HR girl at work - she is a blabbermouth so I wouldn't t be able to go to her, but my head is lovely, albeit male and I would probably speak to him if needed. Yes I have 1 really good girlfriend at work who knows because we see each other so so much it's hard to keep it from her. I have kept the details beyond just trying to myself with everyone else. Good point about listening to your gut with these things x

@Hoping43 I really hope that statistic is not true as that is shocking! Have you got a HSG booked?

@FlyOnTheWall89 yes I understand, my OH is also quite busy, some days I hardly see him. But he is self employed, so there is some flexibility. So I've asked him to make sure he doesn't take too much on for a month when I'd be having treatment. My mum has also offered to help as I know I'll be a wreck!

@Carla2601 it's really great you're working on some amazing policies like the funded IVF/ egg freezing. I think more companies should do that given more and more people are requiring treatment. I feel lucky to be eligible for NHS funding even if it's just for one round. But there are loads of couples who don't get the funding because one of them has already got a child with another partner, which I don't think makes sense.

@Tinkerbell098 I hope so. I’ve done too much googling and it’s crushed my hopes. I haven’t got an HSG booked. We see the consultant on 29th to find out their conclusion on the what the issue is and then next steps I guess x

@Hoping43 sorry to hear, TTC really makes no sense sometimes. If everything is looking fine then why isn't it happening 😔. Perhaps they'll suggest HSG or hycosy as the next and final test to do, which has definitely been a success story for some others who've spent a long time TTC.

I also have a DD already who was conceived first try - what a miracle baby she was!!