Hoping to get our BFPs in January - the story continues

[Shortmamashortcycles]

Hi all, I have figured out how to create a thread on Mumsnet and here goes... my first one.

This is a continuation of the two (!) full Jan threads so far this month - we're a chatty bunch and happy to welcome new folks. There'll probably be a February thread starting up soon too.

Will tag everyone I can see below... please join if I missed you!

@Rebeccalin how many dpo are you

@ZoeH526 I have really short periods too!

They are only 2 days with a day or two of spotting afterwards.

I was concerned about this too but after reading up on it short periods are normal for some women & mine have always been like this.

Xxx

@kizzy97 fingers crossed AF stays away for you🤞🏻 xxx

Not sure. Maybe 11dpo

@ZoeH526 my period is always 3 days and at most a medium flow for 1 day. I think if that's normal for you it shouldn't effect your ability to conceive. I have one DS and ttc #2.

My days for BD start today and my pressed and fertility cup thing arrived today?! A sign?! 🤞🤞 but I'm not hopeful after just having the ectopic!!!

Hi ladies,

Has anyone suggested for their DH to get their sperm tested? This is my second marriage, and we have been together for 6 years and I went off birth control 4 years ago. I have had 3 pregnancies with my prior SO. My DH is insecure around the fertility topic because he is the only one amongst his siblings, and colleagues without biological children. It is his second marriage as well and his last SO has now gone on to have a few children.

*Btw I just took a test this morning at 8/9DPO with BFN results. Ovulation cramps were on 2 Jan. We dtd 31 Dec, 1 Jan, 3 Jan.

I don't tell him results anymore because it seems to dampen his mood and I'm quite frustrated with blindly trying. Any advice?

@miamom, I'm not going to give the most sensitive advice here... but your husband needs to face his insecurities and get tested. My OH got tested once we'd been trying 6 months for our first (we were in early thirties) and frankly it was a weight off both of our minds.

There's an enormous load on the woman to manage her fertility, to put her body and her health on the line to try to conceive and give birth. It's brutal on our physical and mental health. In my view, the least the men can do is jizz into a cup in a slightly depressing room one time.

To put it in more sensitive terms - if he's insecure, then getting tested will either reassure him that he's ok, or it will put him on a path to improve his sperm quality. Male factor infertility is often able to be improved with lifestyle changes or medication, so honestly it's a win-win.

Good luck encouraging him to pull his head out of the sand!

@miamom no specific advice but I think if you've not been using birth control for 4 years... that a significant amount of time to warrant a suggestion of getting things checked out.

How old are you / how many children do you have / how many would the both of you like to have? Have you had any tests done yourself? (If you don't mind me asking these questions)?

If there is anything that needs sorting, and you are in the UK then some areas have pretty long lists. So I'd maybe take the approach that you feel it's time to get things checked / approach it from a "we" point of view. But some of the first things they'll do are bloods for you and a sperm check for him. So maybe taking the approach of "in it together" so to speak will help.

If you both want a child then this needs to be a joint effort - in all ways. Agree with what @Shortmamashortcycles said, it's not just the women's responsibility to bring children into the world xxx

Good luck and call on us if you need support xx

@Shortmamashortcycles
Thank you, I agree. We've talked about getting tested a few years ago and it led to an argument that almost ended out marriage. I believe it has been extremely hard on his confidence but it has been hard on me mentally because I have an inkling that he knows something that he's not sharing regarding his fertility.

@mightbeyesmightbeno I don't mind sharing. I am 30 years old with 3 children. My oldest and living is nine and my youngest two have since passed due to an accident. (We have both been in therapy on and off since). I no longer live in the UK. My prior SO is located there but I've had to move back to the US since it was too painful to stay. My DH and I agreed that we would like to have two more children. I have approached it from a "we" standpoint a few years back but it may be time to have the conversation again soon as I'm getting desperate and no solution has come from us trying. I am going to think about the approach a bit more over the next day as to irritate the situation as little as possible.

Thank you ladies, you've given me a boost of confidence!

Sorry for the extremely dark post. I know this is more about conception rather than fertility/infertility

@miamom, I know there's nothing that can help from an internet stranger but I am sending you the most enormous virtual hug. I am so, so sorry that you've had to experience such grief. I really hope the relocation and therapy is helping you to carry the load as comfortably as possible. ❤❤❤

Entirely separately - it feels as if his fertility insecurity is creating a trust wedge between you two. I'm so sorry it's such a painful subject, but addressing it will be incredibly valuable in strengthening your relationship, and really good to do it before you (hopefully) do manage to have a baby together, so you know the two of you can work through difficult issues together.

It doesn't sound like it'll be possible without some pretty tough conversations, though, so good luck and we're here if we can help you!

And no need to apologise - conception brings all sorts of heavy topics to the forefront! This space should be a safe place for you to get some support, whether it's symptom spotting or dealing with tricky issues!

@Peauela and @Billymay congratulations!! @Rebeccalin and @kizzy97 fingers crossed, keep us updated please.

@CJB92 give your body some time and love, you just had a very traumatic event happen. I understand that the best way to get over something painful is to try something new/try again (I would be the same) but maybe your body needs a few weeks to heal itself. Sending love your way.

@waffle222 sending virtual hugs, TTC is so stressful. Best of luck for you on this journey

@AmberRH1993 My first 3 cycles TTC I couldn't get the peak dates right, the first one we kind of DTD as/when, the 2nd one my husband almost refused to comply as I was so regimented about trying every day, my third (successful one) we DTD every other day roughly, though I think the only successful one was 1 day pre and 1 day post ovulation. Technically the most fertile day is the one when you get the peak, which is one day before ovulation. Ovulation can take 24-48 hours so don't discount that 1 day after (I am pretty certain that is what worked my cycle that was successful). There are theories that DTD every day can cause immature swimmers so a lot of people favour every other day (my husband would second this lol, poor exhausted old man). In the moment I would always want to DTD a lot to maximise chances, but the one cycle we didn't it worked, so maybe there is something to that.

@miamom I am sending huge hugs your way. That is an incredibly difficult conversation and one I was absolutely dreading having at a future time. I am not sure if my husband would reject getting tested, but I felt so rude asking him/accusing him of being the issue that I was getting worried about it months out from the date I was planning to have that chat. Ultimately, you need to have a heart to heart with him and see if he really wants children, and if he does, then he needs to be ok with checking his count, as any fertility specialist will advise this. It is so strange that we wouldn't hesitate to get checked out, but for men, it is the end of the world. Ultimately, the not knowing will create so much stress and tension, that it is a conversation better had before it really becomes a problem. The conversations aren't pleasant, but you should not be the only one shouldering the TTC journey. You guys are a couple, and things definitely don't get easier when pregnant or with a newborn if you aren't able to communicate fully before, so maybe that is the angle to approach it from. Sending all the love and luck your way x

8th - @chailatte28 @Sassy144 @Decaffe
9th - @Bringonbaby3 9dpo(assuming ovulation on time!)
10th - @SoTiredoftheStress
11th - @jazmine38, @Natalie2304, @MyloC
12th- @contagioushippie @Hopingforarainbow27
13th - @jadew88 @HelloNope
14th - @BH1926, @kizzy97 @Curlywurly3
15th - @Moonshine160
16th -
17th -
18th - @2019Mama @miamom @RegeJeanPageMeOnMyCellphone
19th - @Babybird20
20th - @Tinkerbell098
21st - @lottieb92
22nd -
23rd -
24th -
25th - @lakejupiter
26th -
27th - @Nikkic2123
28th - @DeviousImp17 @LittleWins
29th -
30th - @BiscuitLover3678
31st - @arianasky

Started my tww today, ovulated just yesterday.
Ttc for my baby #2. Already have a dc who is about to turn 2 on Saturday!

Guysssss..... Thus happened!

@Rebeccalin that is a definite line!!! congrats xx

@Rebeccalin what a line 😍 congratulations!

@Rebeccalin, A BFP!!! Woop!!! 🎉🎉🎉

Is that this thread's first one? (After the wave of BFPs at the end of the last one.)

@Rebeccalin congratulations. Do you know how many DPO you are. What a strong line!!

@Rebeccalin

Guysssss..... Thus happened!

Congratulations!

@Billymay definitely see a line 😁.

Congratulations @Peauela @Rebeccalin 🎉

Ladies !

@Btbt, wahhhh another one! Hooray!

OMG @Btbt that is a definite pink line!! Congratulations!!!