First timers, TTC. Safe space for brain dumps...

[TinyDancer91]

Hi everyone!

This thread may or may not contain questions, I've mainly started it to be my brain dump safe space but in an excited way, not a bad way...

Me (30) and my SO (34) have decided to take the leap and start TTC! We have both wanted children for a while but just knew the timing wasn't right for either of us until now. For me, any time I see a baby or even baby clothes recently my heart aches for it to be my turn. I've never really had that strong feeling before.

The reason behind this 'safe space' is that we have agreed not to tell anyone we are TTC. We just want to avoid any pressure or disappointment if things don't go to plan, etc.

For context, I am the youngest of 5, the only girl the only one of my siblings without children.
SO is the oldest of 2, his brother has a child who lives with BM away from here so isn't really seen much by grandparents.

Both families are great and would only want the best for us but I personally don't want to feel any sort or pressure at all (intended or not) from either side.

So, we start our journey, we are on cycle 1 SWI, not expecting anything to happen this cycle and trying not to turn in to a crazy lady about TTC

If anyone else needs a brain dump safe space, feel free to join me here x

I hope it’s ok for me to (very tentatively) join here, I posted on another thread but it was right near the end of a really big and busy (and full) thread and it got lost in amongst car seat and nappy posts!!

I’m starting to seriously think about ttc but there’s so much to think about and I don’t know who to speak to. Dp is brilliant, and he had 2 teens already, were in the process of buying a house together but it’s a rather complicated situation (don’t want to out self) that won’t be fully sorted out until 2 years after the completion! But we can’t wait that long really as he is mid 50s and I am mid 30s.

I’m utterly terrified of something going wrong, us not being able to conceive, or the child having disabilities due to our ages and it’s taking all of the excitement out of things. That and loss of wages during maternity and how that could affect our remortgage in 2+ years down the line.

All I ever wanted was to a wife and a mum, and I want desperately to feel excited and happy but I’m so scared of things going wrong 😔 I’m a bit more of a planner but he is much more of a go with the flow type. We have discussed me coming off contraception and the more I’m reading about how long it can take, the more I feel like I should do is ASAP even though I’d rather be in more of a settled position, maybe that time will never come! Is there really ever a right time?!

That aside, I want to give it the best chance, but it sounds like a minefield if supplements etc. What really is the best thing I can do at this stage of rather obsessive pre planning?

@excited101 I'm a planner too, and for the first few months of ttc I was constantly thinking ahead to 'if it happens this month, how pg would I be on X date, what would I have to cancel in 8-10 months time, maybe I shouldn't book Y into my diary when I might not be able to do it' etc. It was so tiring! Fast forward a year and I know that if I have to cancel a load of stuff due to getting pg at a certain time it will NOT be my fault! 😀
I don't think there's ever a perfect time, or if there is, you can't guarantee it will happen at that moment anyway.
This isn't really advice, as it's a decision only you and your partner can make, but I hope you know you're not alone!

Hi all, hope it's ok to join you! I'm 32 (DH is 36), just starting the journey of TTC #1. I've never had a regular cycle, then between that and being on microgynon for 5 years (back to back so no break week due to severe pain if I did have AF) followed by the coil, I've not had AF in around 8/9 years. I had the coil out last month, had severe anxiety that I'd never get AF or ovulate but AF kindly came on Saturday - I've never been happy for that due to the excruciating pain but I was over the moon haha! So I'm hoping maybe for once I can get a vaguely regular cycle, we'll see... The Dr's have said that as I've been on birth control for so long even though they were irregular before, they won't investigate for a year - so wish I'd had this taken out longer ago!! Can anybody recommend a good tracker that's easy to use?
Huge congrats to all BFP's on here and best of luck to everyone else

Thanks @taytay2020 I went and got some well woman pre conception tablets today (3 for 2 so got a packet for dp) and I took my first one! Figured that I/we should be as healthy as possible (especially with our ages in mind) if it’s to happen.

Planning on getting my implant whipped out pretty sharpish but we don’t really dtd that often (one thing that I’m hoping might come with implant removal will be a sex drive as though I love dtd with dp, I generally have no desire to, and I really really want to- he’s great at it!) it could take months/years though if we’re lucky enough so I guess we could just see what happens for a few months.

One thing though, the tablets say ‘up to 3 months pre conception’, presumably a lot of people take longer than that to conceive, should you stop taking them if you hit the 3 months or something?

I’m well out of my two week wait … according to my Flo app I’m 6 days late. 🙄😬 And I had what I think are two evaps on Clear Blue test. For six days late these two should have appeared right away not 10 and more minutes after. 🙈🥺 So I’m definitely not trusting them.

Also took a FRER and it was so faint I could barely see anything … that was on 3 days late.

I’m just so annoyed AF is so late and I don’t have a definite answer. 🥺

First CB is the latest test I took (FMU) - on Sunday.
The other two were before and not fmu.

@ohlife08 I had my mirena coil out in December after 10 years (3 coils one after the other no break) was yours mirena or copper? We were on cycle 2 until AF showed her ugly head today. On to the next one eh! My cycle before the coil was really short but now seems to be a little bit longer so I think its normal for the delay xx

@WildePanda I had the mirena too, found it amazing whilst I needed it (we've been together for 12 years but only recently married/bought a house so we finally feel in a good position - now just hoping I've not left it too late!) Sorry to hear AF showed , best of luck for the next go xx Just hoping now that they may be more regular after such a long 'reset', although who knows, the body is a funny old thing!

@ohlife08 I'm 32 aswell so I feel like we should get bonus points for all the times we actively prevented it 😂 I used the ovulation sticks and they showed a peak LH at the expected time the month after my first period back so that might be an idea for you, put my mind at easy that the cogs are still turning x

@WildePanda that sounds like a good plan, did you just use cheap ones or a specific brand? Was wondering about best apps to use etc, I've never tracked a cycle in my life as they were all over the place before the years of pill/coil!! But would be great to get an understanding of what's going on. xx

@lilrosemarie any update on your tests?

@ohlife08 just the cheap ones from amazon got a pack off 50 so I could take loads if I was unsure haha

@Excited101

Thanks *@taytay2020* I went and got some well woman pre conception tablets today (3 for 2 so got a packet for dp) and I took my first one! Figured that I/we should be as healthy as possible (especially with our ages in mind) if it’s to happen.

Planning on getting my implant whipped out pretty sharpish but we don’t really dtd that often (one thing that I’m hoping might come with implant removal will be a sex drive as though I love dtd with dp, I generally have no desire to, and I really really want to- he’s great at it!) it could take months/years though if we’re lucky enough so I guess we could just see what happens for a few months.

One thing though, the tablets say ‘up to 3 months pre conception’, presumably a lot of people take longer than that to conceive, should you stop taking them if you hit the 3 months or something?

@Excited101 It might just mean you need to start taking them 3 months before TTC which is what I'm doing. I will also continue to take my pre conception vitamins until I've conceived and into pregnancy. You need the correct amount of folic acid and vitamin d for development of babies spine and things. I got this information of NHS website and on the back of the packet to my pre conception tablets. Hope this helps 🙂

Thanks @8paws I did read the back of the packet but the ‘up to 3 months before conception’ threw me a bit! I couldn’t see how it would be bad to take them for too long but I was a bit unsure!

@excited101 I think they just mean you don't need to take them for more than 3 months before ttc, i.e. you get the benefit after 3 months. I've been taking folic acid every day since Nov 2020!

Thanks, that makes a lot of sense! I guess I’d have expected phrasing like ‘best taken for a minimum of 3 months before conception’ or something for that!

Hello everyone! 😃

I tried to start my own thread but there were lots of very unsupportive people on there which just upset me and you girls seem much kinder!

Been waiting ever so patiently for my lovely OH to be “ready” to TTC who at the end of last year announced “Come on, let’s make a baby!” He also suggested I came off the pill a while before that so my cycles could regulate. On NYE he even asked me my New Years resolution, when I said idk he said “a baby would be nice wouldn’t it?”

For other reasons I wanted to wait until Feb(I won’t bore you with details🤣) but now he says he’s not ready.

I’m devastated 🥺

I know he wants a baby but is terrified of change. He said he wants to wait until May but what if he keeps changing his mind?

What can I do?? I’m loaded up on folic acid and my cupboards are stocked full of OPKs and pregnancy tests.

Hi @Jojo95 - sorry to hear that about your OH, it's so tricky isn't it. My DH and I both seemed to be on different pages too, him with work reasons and me with health issues. Finally he said to me he was definitely ready but I think now I've had the coil out he's panicked haha! But he's also not willing to use condoms so he can't be that against it, it's annoying though as I can tell it's given him anxiety when DTD! He also doesn't like change.
Can you get him to open up about why he's not ready, and why does he think he'll be ready in May to see if there's a specific reason? It sounds like he's just panicking now it's a more likely possibility, and some men (mine included!) don't seem to grasp the fact it can take a fair while and even then, it's a long 9 months away...!

Hi all.

Welcome to all of our new friends, thanks for joining us!

@Jojo95 - sorry your other thread seemed to be filled with unsupportive people, but I'm glad that you found us! We can all help & support each other.

Me & my SO were kind of the opposite, he's been ready for AGES and has been waiting for me. Previous relationship meant I was 100% NOT ready to even think about babies before we met (not abusive, just ex was very anti-baby/family/marriage, plus other factors). He's been very understanding though and just waited patiently for me to bring up the subject as he knew about previous issues. Have to admit, he's really healed a lot of emotional wounds and damage for me to get to this stage and I feel so much more myself now than I have done in YEARS!!

That being said, communication was and still is key for us. We talked through why we weren't ready as a couple before and then made sure it wasn't a snap decision to start trying. Try to keep an open communication path between the two of you about how you are both feeling about the journey, hopefully that will help!

@lilrosemarie - have you taken any more tests since and if so, is there an update??

I've been really struggling with emotions the past few weeks, I've sat & cried either for no reason or over really silly things a couple of times recently. Like, I'm not normally one to cry at films (with maybe one or two exceptions) but I cried watching Encanto the other day! The news over the past few days has just left me with an overwhelming sense of dread - I tend not to watch the news but it has been everywhere...

I don't really know what to do, I've always been the 'bubbly one'. I'm just finding it all bit hard, possibly coupled with the disappointment of BFNs that I can't talk to anyone about which might be contributing, although I am trying not to think too much about TTC to stop myself getting too disappointed.

Sorry for the long post, just needed to get some thoughts out of my head!

Sending love & baby dust to you all 💕

@TinyDancer91 I went to get a blood on Monday (i think, the past few days have been a blur) and it was negative, so I assume those tests were either evaps or false positives … or I had a chemical. Period is still not here … I’m on CD 41 🥺🥺🥺

@TinyDancer91 So sorry to hear you're feeling down, it's really hard not to be when there is so much bad news going on. Also as you say, not being able to talk things through with friends/family is incredibly tough. I'm the sort of person who normally loves to talk things through with those around me, but I don't want the pressure as there is quite a high chance I can't conceive naturally after a couple of ops that may have damaged my tubes. It's so tough as naturally it's something you want to be excited about!
Sending love and hope you managed a nice weekend?

@lilrosemarie sorry to hear you had a negative result, hope AF shows soon so that you can move on from this cycle... are you usually very regular?

@Jojo95 have you had any thoughts over the weekend, or a chance to talk things through with OH?

Hope everyone had a nice weekend!

@ohlife08 yess! My cycles range from 28-31 days. Always! 😬 Today I’m CD43. 🤭 No sign of AF.

Hi everyone, I'm out this month. AF arrived yesterday so I'm on cycle 13 now. DH and I are both totally ready, this is incredibly frustrating. 😩
I haven't completely given up ttc naturally and my cycle seems quite regular and 'normal' but I'm going to book a doctor's appointment this week.

@taytay2020 have you managed to see your dr yet? Hope you get some answers soon! Or even better a bfp!

@lilrosemarie any news? Sorry it's been a crazy few weeks for me so only just sitting down to catch up again

[quote TinyDancer91]@lilrosemarie any news? Sorry it's been a crazy few weeks for me so only just sitting down to catch up again[/quote]
Sorry, I haven’t been on MN much. 🙈
So, to update … On CD49 AF came finally, I was afraid it was going to be super heavy, but it was not. I went to se my gp and she’s done an ultrasound, told me it looks like a normal cycle, so it’s likely that I just ovulated really late that cycle (probably due to covid/stress).

She did, however, prescribe Clomid. So I started that a few days ago on CD5.

She said everything looks good, no cysts. So will see how Clomid works for me.

My DH is also getting SA - he has that in two weeks time I think. So hope we get some more answers.