9 months TTC and losing hope

[BritInNZ]

Hi everyone

Anyone else nearing that year mark of TTC and just feeling down and wondering when/if it will happen?

DH and I had a private fertility appointment this month and AMH and SA all good - no obvious reason why we can't conceive. We have to keep trying until January when we hit that year mark and then have more investigations.

I KNOW it can take healthy couples up to a year but it's only 3 cycles away now and I feel like I'm at the stage I don't even hope for a BFP as I know it's not coming.

I just turned 29 and DH is 31, so I know we have some time but it doesn't help when you're wondering what's going wrong.

Currently CD1 so obviously feeling a bit meh anyway, so just looking to chat to others in the same boat as I feel alone and like everyone else gets pregnant quickly ☹️ also visiting in-laws this weekend and when we booked it at the start of the year I was hoping it would be a trip to give them some good news, so that's a bit heartbreaking too.

@kmbegs thank you! No sign of her yet but I suspect I'm off schedule because of my second vaccine. I don't feel particularly PMS-y now though, aside from some extra water weight/bloating and the odd cramps. So we'll see!

AF due tomorrow for me according to Flo, but I tested this morning because I'm out tonight and no luck. Knew it would be the case though as I've had zero symptoms.

Not the end of the world this month I guess as I've got my sister's wedding and a little holiday tacked onto the end of that so nice to be able to have a drink.

Need to think about how I'm gonna handle this month, really considering the every other day thing but honestly think we'll burn ourselves out by ovulation time 😂

The ironic thing is that outside of TTC I'd say DP and I have sex fairly regularly, usually 2/3 times a week, but it feels like such a strain now to make sure it's 'enough'. And I was so drained after cramming it in during fertile week that we've now only had sex twice since.

Think I'm gonna have to go back to a more casual approach 🤦‍♀️

@LittleMysSister sorry about the BFN - glad you're viewing the positives!

Yes it's really tough. I tend to DTD straight after AF as we're both dying for it by then, then we'll have a bit of a break until right before fertile week. So maybe you could do that?

I know what you mean, we used to do every other day anyway but it seems like so much more of a chore now!

I did it - POAS and it's BFN. Can't say I'm surprised, just annoyed now as I want AF to hurry up!

Pretty sure I now have cystitis as well, my tummy is soooo bloated and sore and I can't stop going to the bathroom! What a cracker day this turned out to be 😂

Oh @BritInNZ I’m sorry - hope she shows up for you soon so you can get back to trying at least and hope you’re alright.

@unCliche we’re the same (age and months!) I rang and got my GP appointment on the morning of my birthday....what a pressie 😂

@Carla2601 thank you! It's when you know you haven't been successful and you just want AF to hurry up 🙄 I'm okay, a bit emotional still, but I think that's just life now we're onto cycle 10. Saw Vogue and Spencer announced they were expecting third baby and said how easy it was... made me cry a little. Life's not fair 😢

Sorry to read you got a BFN. What DPO are you now?

I’m calling doctors tomorrow to book an appointment. Feeling a bit sad about it all now. Considering taking time off the forum too because I’m freaking out that we are going to need IVF and I can’t process that rn.

Hello it took my husband and I about a year and we felt exactly the same. Every cycle I was obsessed and convinced that this month would be the one! A few times my period came a few days late which was just cruel and then we were starting to give up! I had blood tests to check I was ovulating and my husband had his sperm count checked. When all came back fine we started to relax and not obsess every month about conceiving. We ditched the ovulation sticks and stopped obsessing over dates then boom two months later I fell pregnant! I heard it so many times from friends when TTC that stress is a huge factor in preventing conception. I had a few added stresses from my job which eased around the same time we conceived so if you have any stressful external factors try and eliminate them (easier said than done I know). I’m 34 and my husband is 40. Best of luck and don’t give up! It’s not as easy as everyone expects.

@FlyOnTheWall89 I'm not actually sure as I didn't track this month, wanted to be more relaxed. I'm now thinking maybe I ovulated when I got EWCM 5 days after I thought I ovulated, hence late period? No idea though!

If that's what you need to do then I think you should. Got to look after ourselves when we're going through such a shitty time. I really don't want IVF either but maybe that would change? I guess it depends how much we want a baby!

Urgh I think I am suffering from the Pregnacare delayed period curse 🤦‍♀️ CD34 and only had a bit of pink yesterday, Flo says it's 3 days late now. Frustrating. Testes Saturday so know it's coming.

Had a massive chat with DP about everything on Saturday night and turns out he's on board with doing whatever we need to do, so think we're gonna go for the every other day thing this month. Hopefully we can keep it up 😂

Also thanks @FlyOnTheWall89, I picked up some Evening Primrose Oil this weekend so hopefully that will help with the EWCM.

[quote BritInNZ]@Carla2601 thank you! It's when you know you haven't been successful and you just want AF to hurry up 🙄 I'm okay, a bit emotional still, but I think that's just life now we're onto cycle 10. Saw Vogue and Spencer announced they were expecting third baby and said how easy it was... made me cry a little. Life's not fair 😢[/quote]
Totally relate re Vogue and Spencer...finding myself looking at everyone with young children lately and thinking...how did they do it?!? Why can't I manage it?!

@LittleMysSister no worries. I have started taking it too. I think I am going to see if it can increase my EWCM so that I feel no need for PreSeed this month.

Totally relate to you both re Vogue and Spencer. Online, it certainly seems like people just get pregnant so easily and if it takes this long with number 1, I can't possibly have multiple children within 4 years!!!

@FlyOnTheWall89 I agree.

Can't remember if I said it on this thread or another and it sounds terrible, but I even find myself looking around at people who have had multiple losses within a year and thinking...how are the getting pregnant so often when I haven't even had a sniff of a positive since stopping the pill? Not that I don't feel awful for them of course, it's horrific, but it just makes me wonder what's wrong with me so much when just absolutely nothing is happening for me at all.

Especially as my DP already has 2 children and I remember him making a joke earlier on in our relationship that I should be prepared because both times pregnancy happened really quickly for him and his ex, so obviously that makes me feel 10 times more shit about the whole thing.

@LittleMysSister yep I feel the same, have never even been anywhere near a second link on a pregnancy test, not even a squinter! I'm going to pay for a HSG privately when we get to the year mark as that's when I will be put on the private waiting list for surgery to check for endo etc which could take a while so might as well do something while I'm waiting.

My AF still hasn't turned up 😩 I have SUCH a bloated and sore tummy. I had this before when my period was late and it was a killer. Hoping it hurried up soon - I know I'm not pregnant so just get it over with already!

Glad I'm not the only one who finds these announcements hard. I guess people don't say 'we're expecting and it took us X months to conceive', I think that's why vogue and Spencer got to me so much as it was almost a humble brag about how quick it happened! I'm now at the stage I've got other friends who are about to TTC and I know they're going to fall pregnant before me and it's HARD!

@BritInNZ I hear you re the humble brags....I hate it. I hate the social media announcements, the birth announcements, the endless endless content. I’ve muted a lot of friends who share constantly. It’s not that I’m not happy for them but it’s sometimes too much. It’s really made me think about how I’ll communicate if it ever happens for us.

I’m sorry AF still not showing up, hopefully it has by the time you read this.

@Carla2601 I don't think I will do a social media announcement to be honest, if or when it happens. Just one day I will upload a picture and BAM I will have a bump 😂 it will feel like something for us to celebrate but I also don't want to put out false pretences that it was an easy journey because it hasn't been. I've been open with a lot of people with our struggles but they're friends I speak to in real life, I don't think someone I was at school with 15 years ago really deserves to know what's happening in my life! 😂

I felt exactly the same as everyone else with the vogue and spencer news. However - and I might be wrong- but I think I remember her saying it took them a while to conceive their second child. So maybe that's why they seem pretty keen to share that it didn't take long this time.

[quote LittleMysSister]@FlyOnTheWall89 I agree.

Can't remember if I said it on this thread or another and it sounds terrible, but I even find myself looking around at people who have had multiple losses within a year and thinking...how are the getting pregnant so often when I haven't even had a sniff of a positive since stopping the pill? Not that I don't feel awful for them of course, it's horrific, but it just makes me wonder what's wrong with me so much when just absolutely nothing is happening for me at all.

Especially as my DP already has 2 children and I remember him making a joke earlier on in our relationship that I should be prepared because both times pregnancy happened really quickly for him and his ex, so obviously that makes me feel 10 times more shit about the whole thing.[/quote]
I totally get this! I have a friend who had two miscarriages and is now 12 weeks pregnant, all in the time I've been trying to conceive and had not so much as late period. Obviously it's awful for them but I am just astounded that someone has managed to get pregnant three times in the same time that I've managed to achieve absolutely nothing.

A friend at work announced she was pregnant today. I sobbed in secret to a close friend. They only got married in July and definitely were not trying before that. She is over 12 weeks now which makes it basically 1st month.

@FlyOnTheWall89 I'm so sorry, that's so tough! I know how it feels and unfortunately there's not much you can do but let it out. I remember the optimism in those early months of TTC, feels like a distant memory 😭

@BritInNZ I wouldn’t either - I would never ever want to make anyone else feeling how we’re all feeling feel even bloomin worse. Yeah a photo whilst you have a bump is different I completely agree. Let’s just hope we all get bumps, and soon, anyone photographing it is the least of my worries 😂.

It’s horrible feeling like this isn’t it. We’ve only just gone into TWW and I have my blood tests on Friday but I already feel like it’s hopeless and there’s no chance. It’s been a long day at work which maybe hasn’t helped....

@Carla2601 yes so praying we get a BFP on this group soon enough! Good luck with your tests on Friday, let us know? Don't be disheartened yet - save yourself that agony for when AF arrives! Now is the time to muddle along and not worry too much. Fingers crossed for you this month!

I totally get this! I have a friend who had two miscarriages and is now 12 weeks pregnant, all in the time I've been trying to conceive and had not so much as late period. Obviously it's awful for them but I am just astounded that someone has managed to get pregnant three times in the same time that I've managed to achieve absolutely nothing.

@kmbegs Yep almost same here, friend had 2 miscarriages in 2019, then had a baby in late 2020 and is now due number 2 in early 2022.

@BritInNZ I feel the same about the dread that people will start TTC and end up succeeding before me. In particular my (younger!) sister who is getting married in 3 weeks. When I came off the pill I was convinced I'd be pregnant at her wedding, and obviously I'm not, and I really hope she doesn't start TTC any time soon as I think I'd massively struggle if she fell pregnant before me, even though obviously I shouldn't!

Also feel your pain re late AF. Nothing more for me since some pinkish whatever on Sunday morning but another negative test today. Convinced it's the Pregnacare.

@FlyOnTheWall89

A friend at work announced she was pregnant today. I sobbed in secret to a close friend. They only got married in July and definitely were not trying before that. She is over 12 weeks now which makes it basically 1st month.

Hate this, sorry @FlyOnTheWall89 x

So lovely for them, so hard when you hear it knowing how quick it happened though.