9 months TTC and losing hope

[BritInNZ]

Hi everyone

Anyone else nearing that year mark of TTC and just feeling down and wondering when/if it will happen?

DH and I had a private fertility appointment this month and AMH and SA all good - no obvious reason why we can't conceive. We have to keep trying until January when we hit that year mark and then have more investigations.

I KNOW it can take healthy couples up to a year but it's only 3 cycles away now and I feel like I'm at the stage I don't even hope for a BFP as I know it's not coming.

I just turned 29 and DH is 31, so I know we have some time but it doesn't help when you're wondering what's going wrong.

Currently CD1 so obviously feeling a bit meh anyway, so just looking to chat to others in the same boat as I feel alone and like everyone else gets pregnant quickly ☹️ also visiting in-laws this weekend and when we booked it at the start of the year I was hoping it would be a trip to give them some good news, so that's a bit heartbreaking too.

@LittleMysSister when I was given iodine and folic acid by my GP it made my period late by a week! So suspect it could be the supplements. I have such bad PMS bloat and the odd cramps, just desperate for AF to start now so it's over and done with. Keep joking to husband that my uterus can't do anything it's meant to - have a period on time OR have a baby!! 😂

@LittleMysSister also totally get the thing about your sister, that's so tough! Luckily I only have a brother and he's 5 years younger and a total dude that won't settle down until he's 40 odd I reckon 😂 two of my friends got married after me this year though so suspect they'll also be TTC and I'm scared that they'll get pregnant before me. And even worse - what if they do and they choose a name I love and was planning to use 😩

@BritInNZ Yeah 3 of my closest friends have had babies in the past year, including the one who's now expecting number 2, and I'm pretty sure they all fell pretty quickly, like within 3 months.

It is tough because I thought it would be that way for me too and obviously it hasn't been. November will be cycle 6 for me and if I was just a couple of years older the NHS would be recommending I seek help around now, which worries me.

I try not to let myself stress too much but I really do worry that it's never going to happen, or that it's never been possible for me and I have just never known. Plus my DP is 44 and feels the pressure of time, so he wants it to happen ASAP even more than I do.

@LittleMysSister you're still relatively early days! I'm on cycle 10 once AF arrives which is nuts.

You could book in for private tests if that's an option for you financially? We're lucky in NZ that it's relatively cheap. It was £150 and that included consultation, all blood tests, semen analysis and an ultrasound on the day too. Nothing came back of concern except my uterus shape, but apparently that shouldn't affect me being able to fall pregnant (I don't believe this now after trying for so long!!).

We're due to go back in January as that's cycle 12 and we then qualify for investigations as we'd be considered as unexplained infertility.

First few weeks after the tests I was like SWEET nothing is wrong! But I've got gradually sucked back into a dark hole and now I'm just back to worrying that I have endo or blocked tubes. I really cannot think about IVF yet!

@BritInNZ Yeah I have thought about getting tests recently and my DP said he'd rather know sooner than later if anything is up so we can move on to the next stage, but I guess I feel a bit like you and the IVF...just don't wanna take that step just yet.

I have sort of thought maybe I'll go in the new year if no luck by then, but I feel like I know in my heart that it's just not going to happen for me so I'm sure I'll end up there.

Also I'm trying to lose some weight to see if that helps as well as my BMI is currently 31 so working to get it under 30 as that's where they recommend it to be for IVF so must make a difference. Which is a whole other thorn in my side as I am only a UK size 12-14, fairly healthy diet, regular exercise....but I guess even being that bit bigger can affect hormones etc. So wanna try and see if that helps as I'm sure that's probably the first advice they'll give me.

Just catching up on this thread after being silent for a little while - so glad to see my own exact thoughts typed out by others, re worries and pregnancy announcements - sorry that you're all feeling the same but really comforting to know I'm not alone, and it's a difficult thing to talk about to people IRL for a whole host of reasons.

I am 2DPO today. I always feel quite anxious/so by in luteal phase, clearly progesterone has this affect on me. Going for a blood test tomorrow morning to measure my progesterone levels but I'm not 100% sure how useful that will be as I think it's primarily to check you are ovulated, which I am 100%sure I am from combining OPKs and BBT. But at least it feels like a concrete step I can take! I have been referred for a phone appointment with the Gyn and Reproductive Health depot of local hospital on 17th Nov. Not too sure what to expect but they should have the results of my blood tests by then and DH is currently trying to book a SA. We will have been trying 12months in about a week's time, not a nice milestone I must admit :(

Anyone else in early luteal phase atm? My period is due on 11th Nov xxx

@LittleMysSister I don't think those initial tests automatically mean IVF though, so don't write them off. It might be something really small that can be easily fixed, and you'd be kicking yourself you hadn't done it sooner when you're further down the line. That's my thinking anyway! I knew there would be something wrong with me as I had horrific periods as a teenager, I've already had it confirmed I have a septate uterus and the next stage is seeing if I have endo. Again, I've had friends who had endo and had an op and fell pregnant very quickly afterwards!

Completely understand doing everything you can, so if that's dropping some weight then go for it! I'm reading It Starts With The Egg at the moment so have overhauled my supplements. It's making me feel better as it's the only thing I can control, so if I'm doing my best with that then that's all I can do!

@Aubyone I'm sorry you're so close to that year mark. I'm not far behind so I completely understand how you must be feeling. Glad you're getting some tests and next steps in place though, and not too long to wait now! Let us know how it all goes?

My 21 day bloods did more than just check I'd ovulated - there was a whole host of things they were testing for. Nothing was of concern though as all they said was they were happy that I was definitely ovulating.

Unfortunately I'm not in early luteal phase. My AF was due Saturday and still hasn't turned up and I have no PMS either, really odd. I've done two HPTs and both negative, so I suspect it's my second Covid jab playing havoc with my hormones. I'm definitely still in luteal phase though as I temped the last two mornings and still at 36.87, which is what I usually have throughout luteal phase.

Oh, how frustrating for you that you are getting negative HPTs but seem to be late - perhaps it is the vaccine as you say. Continued high temps is great though, I'd say perhaps there's still a chance for you, fingers crossed

Ah thanks re info about Cd21 tests - at this stage I am happy to have whatever info/data they can find out!

You mentioned reading It starts with the egg - do you recommend? I know the gist of it (but haven't read so only in general terms) and worried that it will make things seem even harder (changing diet even further, cutting out plastics, changing shampoos etc and more supplements) but then I also hear lots of good things. Would love to know how you're finding it/whether it makes you feel more anxious or just more in control?

@Aubyone id say it hasn't made me feel anxious at all, definitely more in control. A lot of the changes are suggestions - she very much pitches it that you can't do all these things, but make a few small changes will really help. For example, not using perfume and nail polish, eating more home cooked meals, using glass containers instead of plastic and using glass or steel drink bottles instead of plastic. It's not a case of throw away anything that's plastic (I have plastic utensils, colanders etc so will phase them out when they need replacing but not now). These have been really easy changes for me to make and it makes me feel like I'm doing what I can.

Supplement wise I thought it was useful too. I've been making it all up really from what I read online but she lays it all out on very simple terms. I have added COQ10 ubiquinol and changed dosage on other things I was already taking, so again, small tweaks to make me feel I'm in control of what I can control. Hope that helps?

I'm only half way through but that's my learnings so far 😊

@BritInNZ thankyou that's really helpful, I think I will give it a go if we're not successful this month (not the most exciting of CD1 amazon treats but hey ho 🤣)

I should probably cut down on my plastic anyway for environmental reasons - don't use loads but I store sooo much food in plastic ice cream containers/takeaway tubs etc.

Really itching to get my husband's SA done (don't think he feels the same way as he is stalling!) -and know if there's anything glaring from my blood tests, just for reassurance/knowledge. Hoping to be armed with a load of results/tests by Xmas but don't know if that's optimistic time wise, have no idea how long these things all take!

It's reassuring to read this post. We are TTC number 3. I'm 36 so I know time is not on my side. With my first at 24 I had been off the pill for 1 month. With my second at 32 I had the coil out and got pregnant straight away. Because its happened so quickly previously, it was strange when it didn't happen for us this time. I know I'm now over that magic 35 mark but we have been using ovulation tests and I've been taking folic acid and vitamin d and don't understand why it's not happening for us yet. We have 1 more try until Google suggests we speak to a GP because of our age.

@BritInNZ any progress? Hope you’re doing ok. Think I might read that too - I’m under/normal weight but with my job I definitely don’t always eat well/at all so I do need to give that some attention for sure

@Carla2601 nope no progress at all! Haven't done a test since the weekend, not sure there's any point. Now 5 days late - PMS bloating etc all gone, just have slightly tender boobs. Not sure what to do to be honest! Might wait until after the weekend and then contact my GP for some advice. How are you doing?

I've found if anything I have put on weight from TTC. I think it's the emotional eating!

@BritInNZ could you do another test? 5 days is a lot. But then I understand it’s just more disappointment. Did you say you hadn’t tested ovulation this month? Maybe you ovulated late? I ovulated 4 days late a few months ago (which actually might have been when I had my vaccine) and then my period was 4 days late.

Ha I’m the opposite, when I’m stressed I can’t eat. Neither are ideal are they!

I’m just waiting around for this month now but not hopeful.

@Carla2601 well I'm actually wondering if I did ovulate late because I had EWCM 5 days after when I usually ovulate. Is this was the case I'd be 14dpo today. So I'm thinking I will wait until the weekend and if AF hasn't showed up by then I will do another test. I do find tests really hard though, there's something about seeing just one line which is really triggering for me.

No neither are ideal 😂 I'm trying to reign it in a bit, but I've got such an appetite at the moment! I eat breakfast at 6.30am and by 9am I'm ravenous! I used to be able to go until 10.30am 😂

When is your AF due? Hopefully it's a positive month for somebody in this chat, we haven't had any luck so far!

@LittleMysSister did you get a BFP? I thought I saw something in another thread!

@BritInNZ exciting for you! Maybe do a test today? If you did ovulate late, 14DPO should be sufficient for an accurate test. But I know that feeling of if I don’t test, it could still be my month therefore I won’t test.

Approaching usual ovulation time at the mo for me and I’ve decided to not do ovulation tests. I feel a bit exhausted by it all.

I think she did get her BFP . Would be great for some others from this thread too. Xx

@FlyOnTheWall89 yes I think I have the fear it will be negative, so just really don't want to test. I have more painful pre-AF boobs today, so I think AF is on the way and just delayed because of the vaccine. I'm going to wait until the weekend to test because I really don't think I'm pregnant (unfortunately).

Yes I did that this month. It was nice at the time but now I'm frustrated that I don't know when I ovulated 😂 but still agree it's a good tactic when it's getting on top of you!

Ah amazing! Yes hopefully some more in this thread soon 😬

How are you feeling @FlyOnTheWall89? How's things with your colleague at work?

Well I will keep my fingers crossed for you. You never know - some people don't think they are and then those lines appear. Low expectations do help to manage the disappointment though.

I think I ovulate super solidly on CD 17 - well that is when I tend to get a static smiley. I haven't used the cheapie tests. Maybe I should try those. I just feel like what's the point of testing when if we have sex every other day in the next 10 days, we should have covered the day.

The colleague went for a scan yesterday so no doubt there will be chatter today. I'm actually fine now - I think it was just the announcement that made me upset. Keep me in the loop. I am hopeful for us both. Imagine how much more time I will have on my hands when I am not reading up about fertility, checking mumsnet, buying vitamins, OPKs and generally thinking about how to get pregnant...!

@BritInNZ I totally get this. Other people seem to love testing but I hate it, would rather just get my period and be able to move on and think about the next cycle than see a BFN, I find it too hard.

I am at the bit where I think I ovulated two days ago but I've had it in the past where my temp goes up but then a day or two later increases much more so I question when exactly ovulation was and panic that we stopped having sex too soon. So I really really wish we could have a break from sex now but going to carry on until the end of the week. I turn 35 next Sunday and if I am right about ovulation I'll be due my period the next day 😭

[quote BritInNZ]@LittleMysSister did you get a BFP? I thought I saw something in another thread! [/quote]
Hey BritInNZ, yes I did. Didn't put it in here as I'm a bit under the 9 month TTC mark (ended up here through a search I did on something that was mentioned here I think) so didn't want to upset anybody who has been trying longer. I know how it felt when I saw announcements on some other threads of people who hadn't been trying as long, so I am genuinely sorry if it's horrible to see this.

I tested again because I was 4 days late and I wanted to confirm the 2 negatives I'd already had as I was convinced it was the Pregnacare holding AF up since I had absolutely no symptoms at all. I still don't, except a sort of period-painy ache which I had just assumed was AF on her way.

I completely understand why you wouldn't want to test but don't count yourself out just yet :) I had 2 negative cheapies before getting a positive on a Clear Blue. Have never been so shocked in my whole life as when I saw that 2nd line appear as I genuinely thought I'd have some inkling when it happened.

Omg @LittleMysSister this is really great news! Congratulations!! Makes me feel hopeful as even though you’re under 9 months it’s still hope for the rest of us that just because it doesn’t work some months it never will! Loads and loads of luck with your pregnancy and hope you’re feeling well x

@FlyOnTheWall89 no I don't think you should test if you're doing every other day. Just a more chilled cycle for you, which is always good!

Omg I know it will be so nice won't it! It's just so all-consuming. Not a day goes by when I don't think about/Google something. It's tough!!!