9 months TTC and losing hope

[BritInNZ]

Hi everyone

Anyone else nearing that year mark of TTC and just feeling down and wondering when/if it will happen?

DH and I had a private fertility appointment this month and AMH and SA all good - no obvious reason why we can't conceive. We have to keep trying until January when we hit that year mark and then have more investigations.

I KNOW it can take healthy couples up to a year but it's only 3 cycles away now and I feel like I'm at the stage I don't even hope for a BFP as I know it's not coming.

I just turned 29 and DH is 31, so I know we have some time but it doesn't help when you're wondering what's going wrong.

Currently CD1 so obviously feeling a bit meh anyway, so just looking to chat to others in the same boat as I feel alone and like everyone else gets pregnant quickly ☹️ also visiting in-laws this weekend and when we booked it at the start of the year I was hoping it would be a trip to give them some good news, so that's a bit heartbreaking too.

@BritInNZ 8DPO is too soon. You’re not out yet, have hope!

@kmbegs I’m on ALL the supplements too 😂. I’m now on to cycle 7. There js another recent thread re conception times. It really fascinates me how different conception times can be both between children and also between people. Some people conceive so quickly, some it genuinely takes a year and there are zero problems. I’m on CD3 and I’m feeling less stressed than CD1. Good luck this month! X

Hi @FlyOnTheWall89 I'm day 11 -considering how long my cycles are we might be doing the TWW together 😂.

Can I ask what supplements you take? I just read the 'it starts with an egg' book and am on everything!

Also what is the other thread called, I would love to check it out?

@kmbegs I’m due to ovulate on 9th Nov. Does that match yours? I have 32 day cycle - sometimes I wish it was a bit shorter.

I’m taking vitamin D 1000, coQ100 300 super absorbent, DHA VitaWest once a day (but should be twice but we eat quite a bit of fish) and folic acid 400. Any tips appreciated!

Hey guys just jumping back onto this thread as I’ve not been on for a while and in the dreaded tww and losing my mind. I’m 11dpo so not much longer to go.
I had some bleeding at 9dpo which I convinced myself was implantation but I’m getting BFN’s so I’m guessing it was just something random.
I also have our first fertility appointment tomorrow so that’s keeping me a bit sane at least as it feels like a bit of progress.

Hope everyone else is getting on ok, is anyone else in the tww at the moment?

Ah @BritInNZ I’m sorry to hear that. It’s such a crap feeling and nothing makes it better does it.

I had my doctors appointment today. He wasn’t great but he did book in my blood tests for day 21 and day 2 of next cycle so at least they’re in the diary. No waiting so that’s something. The receptionist was an angel, her daughter is my age and same challenge so she was super kind (which obvs made me burst into tears as soon as I left) definitely made it easier to have someone understanding though.

I’ll let you know how I go on but won’t have results till November.

Everything crossed your PMS isn’t PMS after all and TYSM for asking about doctors x

@Sandyseagul not too long to wait now! Let us know how your fertility appointment goes? I'm also in the TWW but my TWW actually tends to be about 11 or 12 days, so my AF is due Saturday (it's Wednesday here, time difference in NZ).

I'm on cycle 9 at the moment, will be 10 when AF arrives. We saw fertility specialist last month who said there was nothing to worry about with either of us so we decided to keep trying naturally until January when we're about to hit 12 month mark. If it gets to that point, I will be put on a waiting list to check for any endo. They'll also take a look and see if I need my septate uterus fixing (identified during a pelvic ultrasound). It felt like a weight had been lifted when he said nothing was wrong but then as soon as AF arrived I started worrying again 😂 we're just going to give everything we've got for the next couple of months in the Hope we get to cancel that January appointment!

@Carla2601 ah that's as good as your initial appointment can go really! Glad you've got the tests coming up, that will help ease your mind (hopefully!). Will they do a SA of your partner too? I was so worried something was wrong with my partner as he has a major health issue as a teen and nearly died, but luckily his swimmers haven't been affected!

@BritInNZ I will be sure to update tomorrow, feeling nervous but also just thankful it is finally here. AF is due for me on Friday so we are pretty similar in our cycle and I’ll be on cycle 10 too!

That’s good that they’ve told you there isn’t anything wrong, hopefully you will get your BFP soon! I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you, it will be so good if you can cancel your January appointment!

@Sandyseagul yes I know the feeling! I was SO anxious before. Half hoping he'd say everything was okay, half hoping he'd say XY is wrong but it's easy to fix. I'm sure you're all good though and it's just taking a while like me!

Oh yes, cycle twins for sure! Especially as AF is technically due Friday your time 🤣 hopefully we both get our BFP soon! Every month I'm like 'well this friend got pregnant at 9 months so maybe this is my month'

How's everyone doing? Any good news at all?

AF due in a couple of days and got my usual PMS. Oddly this month I've only just started getting sore boobs - I usually get it right from ovulation. The body works in strange ways! Also wanting to eat everything in sight - looking forward to alllll the wine this weekend to cheer myself up.

Got sucked into a Google hole today 😂 found a thread on here from 2016 of people over the 10 month mark of trying to conceive and the majority of them ended up needing IVF etc so that's made me feel pretty miserable. I just can't stop myself when I'm bored and have nothing else to do!

found a thread on here from 2016 of people over the 10 month mark of trying to conceive and the majority of them ended up needing IVF etc so that's made me feel pretty miserable

@BritInNZGuess I think I'll join you in the misery. That's pretty depressing 😔 currently on cycle 16 TTC my first but guess I'll have to start mentally accepting an IVF baby then.

I hope AF stays away for you anyway.

@unCliche

found a thread on here from 2016 of people over the 10 month mark of trying to conceive and the majority of them ended up needing IVF etc so that's made me feel pretty miserable

@BritInNZGuess I think I'll join you in the misery. That's pretty depressing 😔 currently on cycle 16 TTC my first but guess I'll have to start mentally accepting an IVF baby then.

I hope AF stays away for you anyway.

It's such a worry isn't it.

Who ever knew it could be so complicated and long-winded??

In the UK they say go to the docs for a check-up after a year if you're under 35 and after just 6 months if you're over, which makes me worry that most people conceive within 6 months, otherwise why would that indicate a problem even in someone over 35???

I know I am probs overthinking and it's just to give more time for solutions if you're a little older but it does make me stress.

I think average is 8 months @LittleMysSister - so a year would be a little longer than average.

I am going to have some private tests done and just pay up for it. If you wait a year and then find out you’re working with low sperm count and low ovarian reserve, I would be annoyed I didn’t know sooner…. By knowing you can manage expectations and make some moves. I like to be in the know though, some would prefer not to be which I get too. Hopefully this isn’t the case and infact we/you have all the right functioning parts, it’s just taking a bit of time. There are heaps of stories on here where people take 8, 9, 10, 15 months and then conceive in month 2 with second baby so I know there is hope. Wondering how many others on this thread have had their BFPs? I can’t remember if it’s a long time thread or relatively new! Will check once I’ve posted this!

@FlyOnTheWall89 yes I'm with you on knowledge is power! We had our tests done at the 9 month mark. Nothing untoward came up except I have a septate uterus but gynaecologist said it shouldn't affect conception... finding that hard to believe right now!

This is a relatively new thread, started it at CD1 when I was miserable that my period arrived and about to be back at CD1 again, and be miserable all over again 😂

@unCliche

found a thread on here from 2016 of people over the 10 month mark of trying to conceive and the majority of them ended up needing IVF etc so that's made me feel pretty miserable

@BritInNZGuess I think I'll join you in the misery. That's pretty depressing 😔 currently on cycle 16 TTC my first but guess I'll have to start mentally accepting an IVF baby then.

I hope AF stays away for you anyway.

Have you had any tests or anything? A few people have a HCG and then manage to fall pregnant. I'm trying to find out how much this costs and potentially have it done privately

Sorry I meant HSG!

@FlyOnTheWall89 I might do the same in a few months tbh. Maybe I should set a deadline in my head as to when I'd start down that road.

Just feel like the whole thing has made me feel stressed and unsure about everything. Don't think I can face all the testing and forced BD next month!! Found fertile week so stressful in October and it didn't even work , despite a bit of Preseed and inserting my menstrual cup after.

Feel like just going back to normal this month but it is just so likely we would miss the important days if I wasn't tracking as we don't have sex every other day as a rule.

The whole thing is just a headache!! I thought it would be an exciting time but actually it's just pissing me off.

@LittleMysSister could you just use EWCM and knowledge of your cycle to predict ovulation without tests? I’m super consistently CD17. In your window of days, sex every other day should apparently be enough….! I didn’t do any pregnancy tests at all. Felt much better just waiting. It certainly isn’t this magical exciting journey when you've been waiting many months, I agree. Only thing I can say if I have learnt massively that so many people go through it and I think I’ll feel even more grateful when it does eventually happen.

@LittleMysSister the months that I've wanted to ditch tracking etc i've done that and we've just had sex every other day throughout. That's definitely more sex than we would normally have but it saves having to do all the tracking and tests which do get exhausting. I'm sorry you're stressed and having a hard time. I'm sure we all get that.

@BritInNZ I've looked into that too (is it same as a hycosy?). I think it's about £500 in the UK (I know you're NZ but maybe similar). If I am still trying in January I think I'll go for it.

I have actually been doing the home tests that you can do and my prolactin came back insanely high. Helpfully my GP also told me to check that so I'm getting it done again this month along with progesterone through my GP, so be interesting to see what he says about that as I know that can cause fertility issues.

@BritInNZ yeah I've had all bloods done as well as a HyCoSy. They did find a blockage in my left tube which they managed to remove. This was last month and I've only had one cycle since then which wasn't successful but I'm not so hopeful. I have an appointment in January for an IVF referral.

@LittleMysSister I felt the same way at the 6 month mark. I was like, if I was over 35 I'd be classed as infertile so there must be something wrong. And lo and behold, here I still am 😂 TTC isn't even exciting anymore. I feel like I've forgetten what I'm actually aiming for.

@kmbegs sorry I haven't read through past posts so not sure where you are in your journey, but I also looked at costs to have my tubes flushed privately and decided NHS was the way. I didn't have to wait long from referral to procedure - just 2 months. It might be worth doing it via the NHS if you can.

@FlyOnTheWall89 @kmbegs Tbh it's not so much even the testing as I actually quite like to see what's what since my cycle has been a bit all over the place since stopping the pill in May. I feel like I couldn't accurately predict it without tests currently as things are still changing month to month I think.

It's more the constantly having to find an opportunity to squeeze sex into our days, only for every month to turn into the same disappointment.

I try not to make it too 'scheduled' because I know that would just pile the pressure on my DP and probably end up causing more issues than helping, but in turn that means I have all the pressure on me of trying to engineer opportunities when I know it's the 'right' time. I honestly feel like I couldn't have done more this month and still nothing (I suspect).

I guess maybe the every other day thing would be better for us than just ramping up massively for that week, and maybe I'd just have to be upfront with DP about it and hope it doesn't play on his mind too much like it bloody does on mine.

@unCliche Yeah exactly!! And I have just turned 33 so I'm like....if I try for a year and then go to the docs, I won't be far from 35 myself.

Hi all, I watched SEX EXPLAINED:FERTILITY on Netflix yesterday and it was short but very good and it is really just not easy to get pregnant. @LittleMysSister - if you only stopped the pill in may, depending on the pill, your body really could still be adjusting. Literally everything has to be right for the egg and sperm to meet and then attach. It’s really a horrible journey for the sperm to go on - which then leaves only the best ones .

Yes it’s hard for it not to feel scheduled- DP just has to get on board and I tend not to be specific about ovulation day, just window but even if you try to hide it, after a few months, they just KNOW. It’s not hard to work out.

I’ve read lots of success stories if you have a blocked tube @unCliche - I think we tend to ovulate from alternate sides so maybe next month will be better now the tube is unblocked. So crazy how this could be the case in both tubes for the whole year making all the stress and anxiety pointless because it was all impossible.

Fingers crossed all.
Waiting for an update from @BritInNZ….. hopeful for you xxx

@FlyOnTheWall89 I'm due AF today. Had cramps yesterday but nothing today, just a full feeling. I suspect it will probably be late because of my second vaccine this month. Won't test again unless I'm REALLY late (I hate POAS) 😂

@FlyOnTheWall89 just watched that Netflix doc, so interesting! They need to show that in schools!

@unCliche 2 months from referral to appointment is great. How long had you been trying for when you got referred? I'm on month 8 now but I turn 35 in two weeks so hoping to get more help then although my doctor has kindly already arranged a few tests.

@LittleMysSister yeah I get this, scheduled sex is pretty terrible. I stopped testing a few months back and just said to my husband that we need to have sex every other day, and that he needs to make that happen too. And he does, which massively takes the weight off my shoulders. It helps that he's really desperate for a child now though. I get it though, especially for me my cycles are mostly long (last month I ovulated day 25) but I've had the occasional short cycle where I've ovulated day 15 so we always need to start having really regular sex on about day 10 to maximise our chances and make sure we don't miss ovulation, even though I usually don't ovulate for a few weeks after so it's a long time of scheduled sex. It has gotten easier as the months have gone on though, which is odd but good, like I've tried to just enjoy the intimacy and take it for what it is.

@BritInNZ keeping everything crossed that AF stays away.