9 months TTC and losing hope

[BritInNZ]

Hi everyone

Anyone else nearing that year mark of TTC and just feeling down and wondering when/if it will happen?

DH and I had a private fertility appointment this month and AMH and SA all good - no obvious reason why we can't conceive. We have to keep trying until January when we hit that year mark and then have more investigations.

I KNOW it can take healthy couples up to a year but it's only 3 cycles away now and I feel like I'm at the stage I don't even hope for a BFP as I know it's not coming.

I just turned 29 and DH is 31, so I know we have some time but it doesn't help when you're wondering what's going wrong.

Currently CD1 so obviously feeling a bit meh anyway, so just looking to chat to others in the same boat as I feel alone and like everyone else gets pregnant quickly ☹️ also visiting in-laws this weekend and when we booked it at the start of the year I was hoping it would be a trip to give them some good news, so that's a bit heartbreaking too.

@Hopefullywaiting01234 hahaha 🤣 I know, I really wish my sex drive was that high haha. Sometimes I think maybe we aren’t doing it enough! But it’s so draining! Yeah when you’re so tired and get in bed and then have to build up the strength 😂 x

@FlyOnTheWall89 yes I’d def take yours as positive, not quite peak. And no worries dear ☺️ Just an example of some more, def look for the darker line x

@FlyOnTheWall89 looks almost peak so keep testing and hopefully it'll be tomorrow. My cycles average 36 days. It's so bloody long. Sigh!

@LucyAnne34 I just got referred in December so will be waiting a while for a specialist appointment. Very tempted to get a private hycosy but going to wait on the outcome of my husbands SA first (which is tomorrow).

@LucyAnne34 yes I'm getting my HSG on Friday morning (your Thursday evening) so I will report back on how it goes! I don't actually get the results until we see our fertility doctor on 25 January though. Not sure if I'm hoping for bad news so we have a solution, or good news that there's nothing wrong.

@Hopefullywaiting01234 well done on pulling it together! I've had a rough few days with it too - had dinner with a friend who is pregnant and our other friend and it was ALL baby chat. Was kind of losing the will! I have been spotting recently too, not sure if it's stress, supplements or aftermath of vaccine. And don't worry, I often feel like giving up. I'm going to do this HSG and then focus on our move down to Christchurch. It's all a bit awkward as means we'll need another referral for funding, investigative ops etc as it's a different district health board. So main focus will be getting the move done and settling in before seeing a new fertility doctor down there and sorting next steps.

@BritInNZ good luck with your HSG, I know what you mean you don’t know if finding an issue is good or bad!

AF arrived this morning so that’s another month - I didn’t expect it this month right enough as we kind of threw the towel in December!

It wouldn’t be so bad if I could keep trying whilst enjoying life but I just feel there is no enjoyment anymore as I am solely focussed and down about this ttc! Think I am going to try and get into a more positive mindset, my mum seems to think that’s my issue 🙈

@BritInNZ ahhh yes please let me know. Hope it’s painless!
@Hopefullywaiting01234 AF has arrived for me today too. And I feel exactly the same as you. Life doesn’t feel the same anymore and I am definitely depressed but scared to go back on my fluoxetine incase it makes it even harder to get pregnant x

@LucyAnne34 I have always struggled with health anxiety (not ideal in this situation) but came off citalopram when I started ttc, now I am thinking was that the right thing as has my stress and anxiety caused my periods to become messed up!

Let’s try stay positive and hope this is our year 🙏🏼

@Hopefullywaiting01234 it’s so difficult isn’t it. Like is it better to be on something if it makes your mental health better and hopefully in turn makes you less stressed and maybe more likely to conceive. Or not be on it as it could possible lessen chances? I mean, I haven’t come across any evidence to say either way. I had high prolactin and testosterone when I had my baseline bloods which they said could be down to fluoxetine. However I’ve been off it ages now and prolactin still a bit high (they say they think it’s not an issue as I def don’t have PCOS and mine might just run high). Sooooo I guess I have to go with how I feel right now, and that’s s* 💩 lol. Fluoxetine will hopefully be my friend again for as long as I need it.
But yes, let’s try and be positive. We can do this 🤛🏻🙌🏻 X

@LucyAnne34 - I know exactly what you mean and I think we need to look after ourselves too and try find enjoyment in life. Tbh I don’t think covid, lockdowns working from home etc has helped x

@Hopefullywaiting01234 @LucyAnne34 sorry to hear AF has arrived guys. The TWW begins today ish for me. X

Hi everyone, so sorry I've been out for a few days due to holidays/family visiting etc. I've just caught up on the messages.
@BritInNZ good luck with the HSG, hope it all goes well. Keep us updated.
I got my static smiley on CB this morning, so O day is almost here. I've also got fertility acupuncture booked this Saturday. Has anyone here had that and if so, how was it? Any thoughts?
I also have a private consultation booked in early Feb as I'm not getting anywhere on the NHS due to long waiting times, so feel like this year I would start getting some answers and hopefully a BFP!

@Tinkerbell098 I had fertility acupuncture a few months ago. I didn't think much of it really, especially for how much it cost. She did teach me about tracking BBT which was useful though. I just didn't feel any different and didn't get a BFP after a few visits, so figured I'd rather save the money for real fertility treatments. You might have a better experience than me though!

Hello ladies.
Wondered if I could join in the conversation as it really does bring me comfort speaking to others also feeling the same. TTC is such a lonely place to be sometimes! Hubby and I have been TTC since June 2020, not even a sniff of a BFP sadly. We underwent some private fertility tests (bloods, ultrasound, semen analysis & hycosy) back in August 2021 after we hit the year mark and all came back normal. ‘Perfect’ was actually the word our consultant used which was difficult to hear when you’re trying absolutely everything (OPKs, temping, vitamins, preseed etc) and it’s just not happening. I’ve recently taken a break from monitoring my ovulation so strictly (I know roughly when it should happen) to try and allow myself to relax more and stop putting so much pressure on us. I’m there or there abouts with my January ovulation today/tomorrow so of course giving it every effort . Look forward to joining you all for the TWW together and here’s hoping we all get our BFPs soon. ♥️

@mamadreamers hello! And welcome 🤗 that’s so frustrating to have the ‘perfect’ bloods etc. sometimes you just want someone to say there’s something wrong so I can’t explain everything! And hopefully get fixed haha. That’s how I’m tho of about my HSG. I’m also trying to do the same as you and not obsess over ovulation sticks etc.
it’s so nice to have the support of this group 🥰 I hope someone is successful soon x

Wow I made a lot of spelling mistakes there - hope you can see what I’m trying to say 😂

@LucyAnne34
Hi Lucy, Thanks for the warm welcome. Haha please don’t worry, I understood . Hubby and I have decided we’ll try another couple of months until the end of the spring before we go back to our consultant and explore other options so will keep you posted ♥️ Xx

Hello all! It's January and I'm back! Happy New Year all of you. I am going to catch up on the messages over the next couple of days so forgive me for not being up to speed, but I'm both happy and sad to 'see' you all still on the thread. I think it's been really helpful to share and I'm going to burst with joy when one of you guys gets a BFP!

For me, I'm now on Cycle 14 I think, beginning to lose count. Currently CD7. Hycosy on Dec 14th and Booster on 20th didnt seem to impact last cycle, although I'm not 100% sure as I didn't track. Absolutely LOVED my month 'off'. No waking up to stick a thermometer in my motuh, no POAS, not 'oooh could I be...?' wishful thinking and, don't tell my husband, significantly less sex! Yaaay. I kid, partially. I have a relatively low libido, I do enjoy sex but not at the frequency which seems to be required for baby making...anyway, after a break from all of it, I'm actually feeling really positive and actively looking forward to this month, particularly the FW which I'll soon be in.

Slight update on HyCoSy - posted a bit about it last month, but just had a copy of a letter they sent to my GP which just said '...left ovary normal, right ovary polycystic'. This then led me to HOURS of googling, because of course I assumed it meant PCOS, but actually turns out you can have polycystic ovary(/ies) without having PCOS. I am 95% certain I don't have PCOS as I have regular, ovulatory cycles, and have previously had hormones and thyroid blood checks with results that in my (non expert!) view cannot possibly mean PCOS. Anyway, DH had a repeat SA on the 4th, and we have our next clinic phone appoint on 27th so all this can be discussed then.

Although I feel generally positive, I've just had two former colleagues (I left my job in April) who I was reasonably close to announce not just pregnancies, but actual births! Well, one (male) posted on LinkedIn that he became a father in Dec, and the other just texted me to catch up but also to say she was 5 days away from a planned c-section! These hit me a little bit, obviously I have zero knowledge of their journeys, and neither are 'friends' who I would have really kept in close contact with outside of work, but still I just can't help feeling so jealous. Anyway, I think that slight down is what's ;ed me back to this thread.

Right, now to catch up on you all! Hope January is going alright for everyone so far x

@BritInNZ - good luck for the HSG which I think is happening like right now (our Thursday evening!). Hope it's smooth and painfree and either gives you some answers, or just feels good to know things are OK.

@LucyAnne34 - I very recently had a HyCoSy (very similar to HSG, but the xray is done via internal ultrasound rather than X-Ray). I was SO worried - but it was almost entirely painless and completely fine. I wrote a longer post about it a few pages ago in mid-Dec. However, she couldn't see whether my right tube was blocked or not (apparently they often can't tell: it's 'inconclusive') and just found out today apparently my right ovary is polycystic. But I'll know whether any of those things are an issue at my follow up on 27th. Good luck and try not to let the posts about pain worry you too much! (But obviously everyone will be different)

@mamadreamers hello and welcome! I haven't been on the thread for a month or so, but everyone's been so supportive and lovely. Sorry that you've had such frustrating results BUT also its great that there is no obvious thing precluding you - I really hope that means a BFP soon for you fingers crossed

@Tinkerbell098 I'm half thinking of trying fertility acupuncture too! Have it on my list of things to try next cycle if this one isn't successful. Kinda hoping for the the 'Post-HSG' fertility boost people keep talking about!

@Hopefullywaiting01234 I also came off citalopram purely for ttc - my anxiety was awful for several months, but after quitting my job and becoming self employed its been totally transformed (although some months work anxiety is replaced with health/ttc anxiety). I gave myself a pretty huge pat on the back on NYE when I was looking back at the year and thinking I came off meds that I've been taking for 7 years, put myself through the rollercoaster of ttc and actually am doing alright, mentally. I hope you're proud of yourself too!

@kmbegs hope hubby's SA was Ok, although I don't suspect you'll have the results yet! Mine moaned after his first one, which I had little sympathy for, the things we have to go through.

@FlyOnTheWall89 hope this TWW goes well for you - obviously by well I mean ends in a BFP, but failing that, I hope you at least stay happy and sane and find things to distract you! Are you a tester/symptom spotter?

Okay so just had my HSG! For those wanting to know, the first part is pretty much a smear test. Then they put a catheter through to your cervix which has a little balloon on the end. My cervix was tiny and they couldn't get the catheter through - every time they tried I got period-like cramps. In the end they got another radiologist in to help and he managed to get it through. Once the dye came through that was a little painful but not really that bad if you've had bad period cramps before. Just lots of deep breaths. And once the dye is in it's super quick. Then had to go to the toilet and then have another couple of X-rays without the dye. They went through the results and both Fallopian tubes are open and she even said it didn't look like I've got a septate uterus, even though I've been diagnosed with that in the past. Was then told it have given my tubes a good flushing out and it's the best time to be trying for a baby. So looks like we're in for a busy month! All in all, HSG isn't anything to worry about. It was a bit uncomfortable but take paracetamol beforehand and take deep breaths 😊

@BritInNZ that is reassuring for you that all seems fine and puts your mind at rest, I have also heard that many people get pregnant after having it done so hopefully this is your month 🤞🏼

@Aubyone - well done you should be proud of yourself, it is really hard coming off them especially when ttc as this comes with lots of anxiety in itself! X

@BritInNZ ahhh I’m so glad it wasn’t too bad! It’s the part where the go through the cervix that worries me, dunno, it’s just the idea of something going where it hasn’t before! Haha. I will try not to worry too much then. And good news all is fine I have mine booked for Monday.
Just had a baby scan pic through from my friend ….I told her to send me one as I want to share in her happiness but damn it was hard
Thankyou @Aubyone for sharing your experience too! Helps to know x

@BritInNZ yay, I'm so pleased for you. Thrilled to hear it wasn't painful and all was okay. It must feel good to have done that and know that everything has had a good clear out. 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻 for this cycle now. I'm 2DPO now I think. X

@BritInNZ thanks for sharing the experience with us, pleased it went well and fingers crossed it's helped clear out any blockages so you can have your BFP soon!

I had a little cry yesterday, I think I feel overwhelmed by all this TTC malarkey as it has been over a year now. To add to that, one of my friends asked me yesterday to pick up a second hand cot for them as the seller lived close to me. They are due in April and pretty much conceived on their wedding night. Of course I'm happy for them, but also feeling sad as I hoped to be in their position now, hopefully picking up a cot for our baby. DH found me in tears and we had a good chat which really helped. I got to know that it's started to get to him a little bit too, whereas I thought he was pretty chilled about it all.
Really hoping 2022 will be our year as it feels like TTC is not doing any good to my mental health and not sure how much of it I can take anymore.

@Tinkerbell098 sorry you are feeling like that, but you are not alone and sometimes we just need to cry. I got sent a scan pic a few months back and was crying so hard my sister told me to pull the car over and she would drive! That is not the person I am but like you say this ttc is overwhelming and produces feelings that i didn’t even know existed!

My DH has said the same about ttc that he is feeling it, I think he’s super conscious about how upset I am mixed with being upset himself. I think we forget about them as they can hide it and in a way forget about it at times easier (they are counting days, peeing on sticks, symtom spotting) where as we can’t get it out our heads!

I also agree that I don’t know how long I can keep feeling like this but at the same time I can’t give up! X

@Hopefullywaiting01234 I know, it's all very draining isn't it? Yes, had no idea DH felt the same, but glad we had a good chat. I am also trying not to give up, but every time AF shows or when I get a BFN, I have a big meltdown and feel like it's never going to happen. It's just too hard