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9 months TTC and losing hope

952 replies

BritInNZ · 01/10/2021 01:30

Hi everyone

Anyone else nearing that year mark of TTC and just feeling down and wondering when/if it will happen?

DH and I had a private fertility appointment this month and AMH and SA all good - no obvious reason why we can't conceive. We have to keep trying until January when we hit that year mark and then have more investigations.

I KNOW it can take healthy couples up to a year but it's only 3 cycles away now and I feel like I'm at the stage I don't even hope for a BFP as I know it's not coming.

I just turned 29 and DH is 31, so I know we have some time but it doesn't help when you're wondering what's going wrong.

Currently CD1 so obviously feeling a bit meh anyway, so just looking to chat to others in the same boat as I feel alone and like everyone else gets pregnant quickly ☹️ also visiting in-laws this weekend and when we booked it at the start of the year I was hoping it would be a trip to give them some good news, so that's a bit heartbreaking too.

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LucyAnne34 · 13/12/2021 19:14

@Carla2601 I’m so glad it’s not just me with the whole god thing haha. Isn’t it strange what we think when we’re desperate. I’ll prob thank god too if I ever get pregnant again! 😆

Carla2601 · 13/12/2021 19:52

@LucyAnne34 Hahahaha we probably will! I’ve tried asking dead people (ones I know not randoms) for help....the lot! As you say always good to know you’re not losing your mind....or if you are you’ve got company 😂.

Glad you’ve been able to talk to your friends but sorry they aren’t being particularly useful at times. As you say I’m sure they mean well, but its still maddening!

LucyAnne34 · 13/12/2021 20:02

[quote Carla2601]@LucyAnne34 Hahahaha we probably will! I’ve tried asking dead people (ones I know not randoms) for help....the lot! As you say always good to know you’re not losing your mind....or if you are you’ve got company 😂.

Glad you’ve been able to talk to your friends but sorry they aren’t being particularly useful at times. As you say I’m sure they mean well, but its still maddening![/quote]
That really made me laugh about the dead people 😂🤣 I might try that one!
And yes, misery loves company eh haha. You ladies have been very lovely 🥰

LucyAnne34 · 13/12/2021 20:02

[quote Carla2601]@LucyAnne34 Hahahaha we probably will! I’ve tried asking dead people (ones I know not randoms) for help....the lot! As you say always good to know you’re not losing your mind....or if you are you’ve got company 😂.

Glad you’ve been able to talk to your friends but sorry they aren’t being particularly useful at times. As you say I’m sure they mean well, but its still maddening![/quote]
That really made me laugh about the dead people 😂🤣 I might try that one!
And yes, misery loves company eh haha. You ladies have been very lovely 🥰

Hopefullywaiting01234 · 13/12/2021 20:26

@LucyAnne34 @Carla2601 I have also asked god what I have done (not religious either)! Keep thinking am I being punished for something or am I being taught a lesson in patience 🙄

LucyAnne34 · 13/12/2021 20:33

@Hopefullywaiting01234 oh bless you. It’s awful isn’t it. I do the same but when I hear others say it it, it makes me realise that it’s all nonsense, and we haven’t done anything wrong. We just need to keep trying to roll that 6 🎲

Carla2601 · 13/12/2021 22:13

@LucyAnne34 honestly it’s not working great as a strategy but I’m happy to share it and I hope it works better for you 😂😂😂

@Hopefullywaiting01234 what I’ve deduced from this is that we are in fact totally normal....100% of people in our situation are asking something they don’t believe in for the thing they want the most....you have to laugh and all that!

Baby dust to you both (hopefully from your OHs but if not a bit of help from god/old dead relatives will also do! 😂) x

LucyAnne34 · 13/12/2021 23:25

[quote Carla2601]@LucyAnne34 honestly it’s not working great as a strategy but I’m happy to share it and I hope it works better for you 😂😂😂

@Hopefullywaiting01234 what I’ve deduced from this is that we are in fact totally normal....100% of people in our situation are asking something they don’t believe in for the thing they want the most....you have to laugh and all that!

Baby dust to you both (hopefully from your OHs but if not a bit of help from god/old dead relatives will also do! 😂) x[/quote]
😂😂😂 haha brilliant. I’ll be praying at the bedside next 😂
🥰

Carla2601 · 13/12/2021 23:51

@LucyAnne34 haha worth a shot! I think I’ll join you! Glad I’ve at least made you laugh tonight 😂 x

Carla2601 · 14/12/2021 12:02

We got my OHs results, it’s the same again. We’re not sure what this means for us but there is some small consolation in knowing what the problem is. What this does definitely mean is it can never happen naturally for us which is pretty heartbreaking. Feeling confused and sad so I might take a little break but I wanted to let you all know as you’ve all been such a wonderful support to me.

I wish you all all of the baby dust there is and will be hoping for lots of positive 2022 news for all of you. I’ll keep checking back sometimes to see how you are and thank you so much for helping me x

LucyAnne34 · 14/12/2021 12:25

@Carla2601 I’m sorry to hear that ☹️ Like you say, it helps to have an answer but it’s not the one you want.
I hope a little break will help you to clear your mind and maybe start thinking about your next steps.
You know where we are ❤️ Sending love ❤️

Tinkerbell098 · 14/12/2021 12:37

@Carla2601 I’m so so sorry to hear. I’m sending you all the love and wishing for a miracle. Hope a little time will put your mind at ease and you know where we are if you want any support. Big hug to you xx

Aubyone · 14/12/2021 13:02

Hi guys I know I said I would be off Mumsnet until after Xmas, as having a break from ttc BUT I wanted to pop on today and update, as I have just had my HyCoSy and I wanted to share my experience as I had built up some anxiety about it after reading some woman's experience of pain during it.

For me, it was virtually painless. I first had an internal ultrasound, was cool looking at my ovaries etc - I was only Cd10 but she could see a pretty large follicle, which is perhaps indicating I'm going to ovulate earlier than usual again this month (usually CD18 but last month was CD14). She said 'everything looks normal' and that I seemed to 'have a lot of follicles, I suspect your ovarian reserve is excellent' which was nice to hear, although I realise that's not official, as that's not what they were measuring today.

Then the Hycosy - she had to get a smaller speculum, so I was worried something might hurt but honestly it was like the mildest pressure when she put the catheter in and then very very mild cramp for the dye - I've had worse pain getting stich from walking after eating!!! However, I did take 2 x paracetamol (recommended) and 2 x ibuprofen (probably not necessarily, but according to net would do no harm) 1 HR beforehand, so I don't know if that helped. She immediately saw the left tube was clear but couldn't get a clear enough view of my right tube at all. She tried for about 10minutes and just said 'there was lots of bowel in the way' haha. I'm a bit disappointed that they can't say for sure that both tubes are open, but at least I know one is, and there didn't appear to be any obvious other concerns, although she took a lot of notes, stills of the scans, and said we will 'discuss it all together' in our follow up in Jan. DH is getting repeat SA done, and I've had to have some bloods repeated, so I think she just means wait to we get everything together.

We weren't planning on trying this month, partly because when I booked Hycosy they said we shouldn't have unprotected sex this cycle, however she very clearly told me today it was absolutely fine to. But actually, even so, there's other good reasons why I don't want to this month so we will continue to not try (and actually prevent!) and get back on it in January.

So next steps for us are repeat SA in first week in Jan, and follow up appointment mid-Jan.

@Carla2601 I've just seen your update. I am very sorry to hear that, but understand re: having some clarity. I think I missed your earlier update re SA results, so apologies if this is completely patronising, but are you definitely sure his SA results mean it's unlikely you will conceive without assistance? I only ask because I know a few people personally who thought the same, as results were below reference ranges, who did go on to conceive without assistance. But of course, you probably know much better what your situation is! Either way, if you take a break I hope it's really helpful for you and we'll always be here!

Oh and welcome @LucyAnne34 - I was quite active in here until recently but taking a break until Jan now. Hope some of you might have good news by my return!

Xxx

Hopefullywaiting01234 · 14/12/2021 13:04

@Carla2601 sorry to hear this! Sending love to you! Tske a break enjoy the festive period and at least now you know the problem you can get a plan in place, I understand that’s no consolation to you at the moment Xxx

FlyOnTheWall89 · 14/12/2021 13:21

So sorry @Carla2601 - that is shit news. Big hugs - try to enjoy Christmas and then you can think of next steps in Jan.

@Aubyone so pleased to hear it was painless for you. I guess at some point I may need one so that is very pleased. I had that internal ultrasound for something else back in May and I too was told I had ovulated and it was clearly a nice big one - it’s very comforting.

I’m due AF on Christmas Day. Really hoping for it to be a positive. X

Tinkerbell098 · 14/12/2021 13:35

@Aubyone thanks for sharing your experience. I’m planning to have one done privately in the new year as I’m getting no where on the NHS. Glad to hear it was painless as I was also worried about it.

Hopefullywaiting01234 · 14/12/2021 13:36

@Aubyone - that’s good news about your scan and hyCoSy, I’ve read that some people fall pregnant after them.

I phoned up the hospital today to find out where I am on the waiting list, AF arrived today (well some spotting) and that spurred me on to phone. She said I should hear around March which I thought was okay time frame so happy to wait until then and try in the meantime

Honestly if/when I get pregnant I don’t think I will ever want to DTD again - it’s getting very tiresome 😟

Carla2601 · 14/12/2021 14:55

@Aubyone that’s great news well done and thanks for sharing. Really happy for you that must be a relief (both the pain and the results!). Not patronising at all thank you for saying, but yep we’re sure. To be honest they’re so bad that our chances at all are pretty low, there is a small chance and they’re going to do some additional tests (starting tomorrow) so hopefully we’ll know early in the new year if it’s a zero chance even with IVF etc. or not. As heartbreaking as it feels to even write that down if it’s zero it is what is and I’d rather know I think than live in limbo.

@Hopefullywaiting01234 @LucyAnne34 @FlyOnTheWall89 @Tinkerbell098 thank you for your lovely messages I really appreciate it (@tinkerbell098 especially your wish for a miracle....sounds like that’s what we need 😊) xx

FlyOnTheWall89 · 16/12/2021 07:43

Urghhhhh another celeb baby announcement 📣 😢. How is it SO HARD to get pregnant.

BritInNZ · 16/12/2021 08:08

Hey everyone - just checking in before I jump off again. Had an anxious day so ended up on here and couldn't not reply.

@Carla2601 I am so sorry to hear about the SA result. I can't even imagine how you've both been feeling. Sending virtual hugs! Please feel free to vent whenever you need to. Have you got an appointment scheduled to sort a plan of action at all? The NY thing doesn't sound like a bad Plan B, but also, don't give up on Plan A just yet if that's what you both really want.

@Aubyone glad to hear it went well and wasn't too painful. I've had my referral for HSG now and have to ring on the first day of my next cycle, which is scheduled for 4 Jan. So your message has helped with my anxiety about it somewhat! Although I'm sure I will still be nervous. Will let you all know how mine goes.

@FlyOnTheWall89 has there been another announcement? I saw Emma and Proudlock's this morning which is what set me off. They got married two months before us so that one really hurt. I think that's what set my anxiety off today. My lovely friend checked in on me though and she was so understanding it made me cry at my desk! Sometimes it's just nice when people ask about it - I feel like some friends avoid asking which means I avoid talking, and sometimes you just need someone to open to conversation up and it feels so good to get it off your chest.

Was hoping to see at least one BFP on here when catching up, so I'm sad to see we're all on this sucky journey still. Christmas isn't far off now so hope you all manage to ignore all this crap for a few days and have some great time with family and friends xx

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FlyOnTheWall89 · 16/12/2021 09:06

@BritInNZ hiiii great to hear from you! Yes that’s the one. I don’t follow either of them but came across it in the news and went on. Obviously I was thinking reasonably big bump and it’s their wedding anniversary so can’t have taken more than 7 months. I do all these crazy lady calculations lol. I also checked in someone on insta who I used to follow and who got married in May 19. She is about to give birth so one could assume it took them a little longer … but obviously that is a massive assumption.

Just waiting for AF to arrive and then cycle 9 will begin… just sometimes cannot believe I’m in this situation. I was so naive to think it would happen in the first few months even tho there is so much info on a healthy couple taking a year ish! Just didn’t think that would be me 🙈.

Hopefullywaiting01234 · 16/12/2021 10:18

Hi all! Hope you are all holding up okay! AF arrived for me today after 2 days of tiny bits of spotting so knew it was on way! CD24 today and for my peak CD12 So not sure my luteal phase is long enough!

I contacted the hospital to see where I was on their list and she said I should get a letter around March so doesn’t seem too far away!

I seen the announcement about proudlock also 😭😫. I always do the same when I see an announcement look back on when they got married, but that is assuming they tried straight away!

Onto cycle 12 with tears and snotters! Oh and waiting on PCR results, couldn’t get much worse! X

BritInNZ · 16/12/2021 17:50

@FlyOnTheWall89 @Hopefullywaiting01234 don't worry I also always do the maths!! It either took them seven months... or it took them no time at all! It was such a trigger for me yesterday. It's getting harder each month and each announcement gets harder too. I miss the excitement of those early days of trying. This is the hardest thing I've ever done and I'm pretty resilient.

So sorry to hear AF arrived for you 😞 CD1 is always the worst. I dread to think how I will be on 4 January when my 12th cycle starts. It feels like such a big thing doesn't it? Especially as the whole infertility thing focuses on 12 months and that something like 92% of couples are pregnant within a year. It feels like it's never going to happen at this stage. Just got to take it a day at a time I guess, because the thought of not being able to do this naturally scares me to death.

Anyway - sending you both hugs and please know that someone in the arse end of the world knows exactly how you're feeling and is thankful you're around and for the support ❤️

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Indianna2006 · 16/12/2021 18:25

Hi ladies

I like to follow your thread and speak to a few others on some other threads but saw this today and it helped me…..

..so thought I would share with you guys to help lift any one’s spirits if they need it 🥰

I’m waiting to see if cycle 8 has been my lucky cycle…if not I’ll be in the 9 month gang 🥴😫

9 months TTC and losing hope
LucyAnne34 · 16/12/2021 19:27

Hello guys, i worked out the other day that it actually took us 14 months to conceive (we had some months off in between due to an op I had) so don’t lose hope when you get near the year mark! I’m back to square 1 after my miscarriage and on cycle 2. I’m pretty scared though - like @BritInNZ said it terrifies me that it won’t happen naturally 😞