9 months TTC and losing hope

[BritInNZ]

Hi everyone

Anyone else nearing that year mark of TTC and just feeling down and wondering when/if it will happen?

DH and I had a private fertility appointment this month and AMH and SA all good - no obvious reason why we can't conceive. We have to keep trying until January when we hit that year mark and then have more investigations.

I KNOW it can take healthy couples up to a year but it's only 3 cycles away now and I feel like I'm at the stage I don't even hope for a BFP as I know it's not coming.

I just turned 29 and DH is 31, so I know we have some time but it doesn't help when you're wondering what's going wrong.

Currently CD1 so obviously feeling a bit meh anyway, so just looking to chat to others in the same boat as I feel alone and like everyone else gets pregnant quickly ☹️ also visiting in-laws this weekend and when we booked it at the start of the year I was hoping it would be a trip to give them some good news, so that's a bit heartbreaking too.

@kmbegs I know exactly what you mean about siblings. I really want him to have a wee brother/sister and to get excited about it all; i then try and rationalise it in my head by telling myself I know plenty of only children who are fine and plenty of parents who only want one. But .. that’s not me and this is not my choice, that’s what is really hard.

I phoned the GP last week and he was happy to write a referral for me, not sure when I will hear anything. That’s another thing I can see the pound signs flashing in front of my eyes if we needed IVF or anything like that. The nurse I seen when I was getting bloods taken did tell me that was a long way off and there were other things they could try first 🙄

@LucyAnne34 welcome to the group and sorry you’re here. So sorry about your loss. 100% couldn’t agree more on the life passing you by thing, it’s exactly how I feel too. If it makes you feel any better I cry each morning in the shower whilst I was my hair, and whilst I dry it too. Then I try my best to be ‘together’ for the day.....shower and hairdryer are noisy so it’s almost like I’m not making any noise which I think I prefer. I hope this lets you know you’re not alone and you’re not weird...not at all. This is an amazing thread with really lovely people. Agree wholeheartedly on the pregnancy announcements, except here, here I really would just be happy for someone because we’re all in the same boat x

@Aubyone @kmbegs thanks for your lovely messages. I honestly didn’t think I could take a month off but it sort of happened with everything going on and it helped. Things aren’t a tonne better to be honest (except in the dog department, which is a very big department in my life!!) my mums just been telling me how she thinks my bro will have a third and all she talks about is my nieces which I love but it makes me realise what she’s missing out on too even more which is sad. With my OHs results we’re trying to just wrap our heads around it maybe never being possible for us and making some plans. I’ve always been interested in studying law and I’d love to live in New York, we’ve been saving money for a baby and a lovely home for them for a decade so if it’s never going to happen we might just take that and go do something completely new and be away from all the babies and children for a while until we feel a bit more resigned to it all. Making a positive plan has helped a tiny bit but not a lot. I think time will hopefully help. Not giving up hope entirely of course but want to be realistic about what we might be about to be facing.

How are you guys? Any updates on your sides? Any more test or appointments booked?

@kmbegs if you’re over 35 your GP should refer you. I’m getting bloods taken tomorrow as last lot were taken on wrong days. I then have a telephone appointment with gynaecology on 23rd dec. Best of luck :)

@Borolass84 yes that’s my understanding too - I called on my 35th birthday 😂. Sorry they took you bloods on wrong day, the GP worked mine out based on cycle if that helps at all?

@Carla2601
Yes that’s what the GP tried to do with me and failed so I ended up with low progesterone levels as bloods weren’t taken on correct day. We’re trying again with bloods for this months tomorrow.

@Hopefullywaiting01234 I feel exactly the same! And then it makes you feel guilty because I think I should just be grateful for one child, and I so am, but my husband and I are both from big families and I really want that too. And like I said I want it for my daughter, I want her to have someone. That's great you've been referred. And yeah I know what you mean, we wouldn't be eligible for any funded IVF but I there's always clomid etc and for me I'm so keen for someone who knows what their talking about to just give some guidance. Looked up private IVF and looks about £6k and I'm guessing that's one round....hopefully it won't come to that though.

@Carla2601 I feel so sad about your shower cries, wish I could give you a giant hug. I get it though, you need an outlet and if that works for you then hopefully it's making the days easier. I think I missed your OH'a results but I'm guessing it's not good news. You should get advice from doctors though, IVF can still work with male factor infertility. Have you heard of ICSI? Otherwise New York would be amazing! I think it's great to have a plan b, but it's early days on plan a.

@Borolass84 they SHOULD refer me but WILL THEY?! Honestly they drive me mad. I think they will this time but been begging for a while. Last time I spoke to them they said call back December and "you could very well be pregnant by then", which I know was true but still stings when I felt then that I wouldn't be and I was right.

@kmbegs and @Hopefullywaiting01234 you shouldn’t feel guilty....I know some people choose one child but you haven’t and it’s still totally unfair that you’re not getting what you want more than anything. I don’t think it means you’re not grateful at all. Right now I’d deal at one for sure but ideally we’d like at least two....my husband is one of four but I think that’s ambitious at this stage 😂😂.

We don’t know for sure but last sample had zero, they retested on Friday so we should know maybe next week but we’re not hopeful. I know there can be options but sometimes with this there also aren’t so we want to be emotionally prepared (as you can tell I think I’m failing epically at that but you’ve got to keep trying right 😂🙈).

I really hope they refer you, try crying they seem to hate that and will do anything to get you off the phone and make it stop!!

@Borolass84 that’s frustrating I’m sorry, hopefully they’ve got you planned right this time (my cycle is 27 days so they did me on day 18 as 19 was closed and it came out fine if that’s any use at all to you).

[quote kmbegs]@LucyAnne34 welcome to the club no one wants to be in! I started trying in March so we've been properly trying about the same amount of time. I'm so sorry about your loss. And also that people have said at least you can get pregnant, I've never miscarried but I get why that wouldn't be helpful to hear. No wonder you're not okay, I think it's better to be able to just say that than pretend. How is your partner?

Do you mind if I ask what the hormone imbalance is? On this thread a few of us like "it starts with the egg" and she has a supplement plan for PCOS, which would surely target the hormone side of that. Might be worth a read if you haven't already read it?

Agree with you and @Hopefullywaiting01234 that it's really hard to stay positive and the unknown is what's the worst. I am lucky enough to already have a daughter and I could definitely at least try to make peace with only having one child and her not having siblings but i so desperately want it for us and for her that I won't ever be able to stop trying for it as long as there's any chance. I just wish someone could tell you if it's going to happen or not (and when!).

This is cycle 10 for me (fertile period now) and I'll be due my period just before christmas. It was due on my 35th birthday last month and honestly that was probably one of the worst days I've ever had it was so tough. I'm really hoping christmas is a good distraction and TTC doesn't put a massive dampener on it. Anyway I've just booked a GP appointment for Friday to push to be referred. I'm over 35 now so they should refer me. [/quote]
@kmbegs Thankyou for the welcome🥰 My partner is ok Thankyou for asking. I think we forget about the men sometimes don’t we. But it’s just as hard.
So my imbalance is high testosterone, high prolactin and high LH ratio. Docs have said high test could be due to weight (even though I’m not overweight haha) and prolactin due to stress (I’ve been very stressed lately with multiple things not just baby making) and then they have given me no explanation for the LH. I did another test privately and results came out the same - they advised I contact GP and ask for referral to endocrinology which I did. Endo basically said they weren’t concerned and my results were high but not high enough to be worried. Going to have a blood test for prolactin just to rule out a few things though. I’ve also had internal scan which showed cyst on right ovary but this was just functional (normal) and not PCOS.
But I read things online which scare me - about it being hard to conceive and high risk of miscarriage with high LH levels. It’s all so confusing. I have however been referred fertility now (just before I found out I was pregnant) and have just received a letter for an assessment. So we shall see how that goes. Sorry that was long! I will have a look at ‘it starts with the egg’ Thankyou.
Deffo push the referral with the GP. I had to constantly get on at mine and they finally caved lol. I cried a few times too but that’s the norm these days 🤣 I was told something by one of the docs from the private test I did - sometimes it takes a while to roll a 6, some people roll a 6 first time, others can take 30 times or more. Doesn’t mean there’s something wrong. It helped me a little ☺️ Xx

[quote Carla2601]@LucyAnne34 welcome to the group and sorry you’re here. So sorry about your loss. 100% couldn’t agree more on the life passing you by thing, it’s exactly how I feel too. If it makes you feel any better I cry each morning in the shower whilst I was my hair, and whilst I dry it too. Then I try my best to be ‘together’ for the day.....shower and hairdryer are noisy so it’s almost like I’m not making any noise which I think I prefer. I hope this lets you know you’re not alone and you’re not weird...not at all. This is an amazing thread with really lovely people. Agree wholeheartedly on the pregnancy announcements, except here, here I really would just be happy for someone because we’re all in the same boat x[/quote]
@Carla2601 Thankyou for the welcome ❤️ it makes me so sad to read your message about crying in the shower 😢 Big hugs to you. Sometimes I think I’m fine, and I’m like oh I haven’t cried over x y z. Then later I’ll just find myself sobbing. This forum is so helpful for feeling supported 🥰 Baby dust to us all xx

@kmbegs hope you do get referral through. I’d definitely remind them of what they said to you regarding December. Wishing you all the best with that.
@Carla2601 thank you yes I hope so too. All I’m thinking is surely they won’t make the same mistake twice haha

@Borolass84 you’d really like to think they won’t! I feel like they don’t understand that you just ‘wasted’ a month which is a big deal when you’re going through this. Keep us posted won’t you x

@Carla2601 indeed! If they ring me with results and say it’s “the wrong day” again il be having a few choice words trust me haha but yes agree it’s time being wasted

@LucyAnne34 oh I didn’t mean to make you sad! Sorry!! I was just saying you’re not alone and even when you’re crying it’s really not just you. When I think of this lovely group when I’m sad it makes me feel better....definitely not wishing this on you all just very grateful to have support and not be the only one. Baby dust back at you x

@Carla2601 Ahhhh no don’t worry, it’s lovely that people can share how they feel on here 🥰 xx

Hi @LucyAnne34, welcome :)

Just wanted to say I feel your pain - I got pregnant in October too, found out early Nov and then MC started 2 days later. AF arrived yesterday and I didn't realise I'd be so disappointed - I have read so many threads about people conceiving straight away after a MC that I had just convinced myself that would be me without even realising I think.

I feel like I should be feeling a bit of relief that we conceived at all as I was worried after months of no result, but tbh that relief has quickly faded and I've just gone back to being stressed that it will never happen again. I never imagined I wouldn't be pregnant by this Christmas.

Such a mindfuck all this TTC isn't it!!

@LittleMysSister

Hi *@LucyAnne34*, welcome :)

Just wanted to say I feel your pain - I got pregnant in October too, found out early Nov and then MC started 2 days later. AF arrived yesterday and I didn't realise I'd be so disappointed - I have read so many threads about people conceiving straight away after a MC that I had just convinced myself that would be me without even realising I think.

I feel like I should be feeling a bit of relief that we conceived at all as I was worried after months of no result, but tbh that relief has quickly faded and I've just gone back to being stressed that it will never happen again. I never imagined I wouldn't be pregnant by this Christmas.

Such a mindfuck all this TTC isn't it!!

So sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I feel exactly the same as you! I thought maybe the first month of trying we might be lucky as had heard about increased fertility. And there was the fact that we had got pregnant so i wasn’t as worried either! But after AF arrived a few days ago I feel like I’m back at square 1. Just to make it worse, we’ve been organising New Year’s Eve plans by WhatsApp group and all of a sudden one of our friends pops up saying his gf is in Labour and they will bring the baby. I knew she was close but it’s just hit me really hard. Tears and all. Feel like everywhere I go, everything I do, there’s babies in some way, shape or form. I’ve never put on a fake happy face so many times in my life.

@LucyAnne34 I know exactly what you mean. 3 of my closest friends have had babies over the past year, one is even expecting #2 already, and they all got pregnant quickly.

2 of them had MCs before their babies so it hasn't been an easy road for them by any means, but it does feel hard watching them all share this experience when I really feel like I'm getting nowhere at all with it. And most of them knew when I came off my pill so I know they'll be aware it's been going on for a while now - although I haven't shared my MC with them as I can't bear the thought of them tiptoeing around me.

I just never expected it to take this long, and now I am just worried every day that I'm at the start of a long road of difficulties and I don't even know it yet.

Both myself and DP are a bit overweight, so I wonder if that is playing a part; I am 33 and DP is 44, so wondering if age isn't helping us either.....it's just exhausting stressing about all the variables that could be making it not work out for us when everyone around us seems to get pregnant easily.

@LittleMysSister how long were you trying before the miscarriage if you don’t mind me asking? I have been off the pill 2 years in April 2022. But technically ‘trying’ for about 8 months. However the first year I still tracked ovulation sometimes but just wasn’t as regimented with sex. If we missed a month I wasn’t too concerned. Unlike now haha.
I can’t help but tell my friends about the MC. I think for me it was some sort of validation that it was real. There was a tiny baby. But I know everyone is different. And when I opened up I found out a few of my close friends had had miscarriages too but not said anything.
I was told by GP that even losing 10% of your body weight can increase fertility! So I guess it always worth a go ☺️ Im on SlimmingWorld atm but it’s very hard around the Xmas period 🤣
Yes it so hard stressing about the unknown isn’t it. You’re the same as me - I always wonder if im at the start of a hard journey but tbh im already a year and a half into it! I really hope I don’t have the same or more to go again 😔
We need to just keep going girl! 👊🏻 X

@LittleMysSister we were both overweight
My OH has lost about 2 stone and is now healthy weight and I’ve lost 1.5 stone but need to lose another stone. I made a start as my GP told me that the fertility clinic would accept my referral with a BMI below 30.

@Carla2601 thanks for your words. I just want to be mindful that I'm sure lots of people here would do anything just for one child. Good luck with your retest fingers crossed for you.

@LittleMysSister so sorry about AF. I would have been exactly the same. It's funny how no matter how much I tell myself not to get my hopes up, why would this month be any different, I can't help it, that all goes out the window in the TWW and my hopes are sky high and the crash to reality is so awful.

So big news I'VE REFERRED! However, the GP said the wait could be about 8 months and they may very well knock me back completely because I'm over 35 and already have a child. He said if I can afford it I should think about going private. Sigh. I knew I would never be entitled to IVF or anything on the NHS but I thought I would at least be able to get the full checks and the hycosy and all that. Oh well. Not sure what to do really. Might see if I can make a private appointment just to see what the wait would be, maybe that's months as well then I may as well book in.

Sorry to go on and on but I just called my local private clinic. It would be £550 for an initial consultation and tests. They have appointments available in January. Annoyingly you have to pay in full to book or I might have booked in for March which will be one year since we started.

I asked about a hycosy and she said they could book me in now, could get it done next week if I want. Cost is £500.

It's all so much money and that would just be to start with. I think I'll wait for the outcome of this cycle (due my period at christmas ) then decide.

@kmbegs so sorry to hear that. I don’t feel you’re going on as it helps us all in a way in regards to what to do next and what the process entails so please keep us updated. My referral is being “processed” so god knows how long that will take. My OH has waited months for his SA results to come back too.

@kmbegs - where about in the UK are you? Not that it should make much difference but I am shocked they may knock you back all together

Tbh I will be saying that I am concerned medically with the spotting etc (which is true I am concerned why it isn’t happening) so I don’t think they can just dismiss a medical concern xx