9 months TTC and losing hope

[BritInNZ]

Hi everyone

Anyone else nearing that year mark of TTC and just feeling down and wondering when/if it will happen?

DH and I had a private fertility appointment this month and AMH and SA all good - no obvious reason why we can't conceive. We have to keep trying until January when we hit that year mark and then have more investigations.

I KNOW it can take healthy couples up to a year but it's only 3 cycles away now and I feel like I'm at the stage I don't even hope for a BFP as I know it's not coming.

I just turned 29 and DH is 31, so I know we have some time but it doesn't help when you're wondering what's going wrong.

Currently CD1 so obviously feeling a bit meh anyway, so just looking to chat to others in the same boat as I feel alone and like everyone else gets pregnant quickly ☹️ also visiting in-laws this weekend and when we booked it at the start of the year I was hoping it would be a trip to give them some good news, so that's a bit heartbreaking too.

@Carla2601 I have no idea... like you I never usually spot. This has been spotting for 3 days now so I'm a bit baffled. I'm also super tired, but that might be leftover from the sickness on Saturday. Will just see how it goes but I'm fully expecting AF to start ASAP.

Feeling much better now thank you. My diet revolved around small snacks all of Sunday but my appetite is back now thankfully. How was your weekend? Did you get up to much?

Yes I also love it when people are open. As much as it's lovely talking to you all on here, there's nothing that stops you feeling alone more than someone in real life telling you their experiences. It also made the whole IVF thing feel less traumatic, actually hearing from something who has been through it.

You're not out yet, you don't know until AF arrives 😊 I wish that was my only AF symptom. I swear I have horrific PMS every month but before TTC didn't notice anything 😂 I think it's just being more aware of my body!

@BritInNZ I feel like you’re definitely not out but let’s not dissect them (unless you want to in which case I’m very here for that!) as I know there’s nothing worse than getting your hopes up only to have them dashed again!

Weekend fairly chill, done a fair bit of work, my mum arrives tomorrow evening and we’re staying in a hotel and shopping for her 60th so thatll be nice and then I’m stacked all week so I wanted a quiet one.

Haha I’ve never had a period pain or anything! Just a bit hungry the day before and emotional about 5 days before. The end! I suppose it is lucky but in a way I’d like all the symptoms so I’d know I was probably out rather than the inevitable every month.

True, I’ll keep you posted...but don’t hold your breath 😂

@Carla2601 yes I'm trying not to think into it too much. I thought I'd get up this morning and my AF would be in full swing but it isn't yet. I reckon it's just a hangover from the vaccine messing with my period last month.

That sounds lovely and very chilled! That's the only thing with a party - I'm now getting ready for work Monday morning feeling like I didn't even have a break 😂

Oh wow no period pain! That's so lucky! I used to get horrific period pain as a teen but it's not so bad anymore. I'm more bloated, hold lots of water weight, get really tired and get cramps. Haha true, but then you'd be like me and be miserable for a week before AF as you know you're not pregnant, so goes either way 😂

Fingers crossed for you! We need a BFP on this group soon!

@BritInNZ yes probably best to go with that (although it’s a disappointment whichever way you look at it - but less far to fall this way). Haha I know, I party far too often and end up feeling like that. I’ve got a crazy week this week trying to fit work in around my mums week long 60th celebration that I’ve planned so it was definitely needed!

Thanks so much though we didn’t really try this month so that really would be a Christmas miracle 😂. Have a good day at work and keep us posted x

@Carla2601 AF now in full swing, cramps and all! Wonder if the COQ10 is what made me spot so much... guess I'll never know.

Spoke to DH and we've decided not to track or 'try' this month. I really want to have an emotional and mental break from it all and enjoy Christmas properly. Really all I want is to get through the next month and see the specialist and get the ball rolling on additional tests like HSG etc. So will probably take a break from MN for the next month too.

Hope you all have a lovely December/Christmas. And I hope to return to some BFPs on here please! Hugs to everyone and thanks for being such a support on this rollercoaster! 🎅🏻🎄❤️

@BritInNZ oh I’m so sorry! You’re making a good call IMO, I stopped all the supplements and everything and was just me for a month and I do feel a lot better for it! Have a very merry Christmas and look forward to catching up in the new year, enjoy it! And thanks for setting this up, such a helpful space x

@BritInNZ I was following and hoping fit a different outcome! I didn’t have any changes once I started taking CoQ10 but as you say, I guess you’ll not know. I think this month will be much easier to forget about TTC - it’s such a busy month. Just enjoy Christmas and hopefully see you back here soon - let’s hope there is some positive news on this thread soon xxx

@BritInNZ I agree it will be helpful not to count day and track for a month and December is a good month to take your mind off things!

Have a lovely Xmas xx

Good morning all! @Carla2601 sorry you had a rough few weeks, hope all is more perkier now. Thanks for sharing your experience of 'not trying' - so glad it eased your stress, I also slightly fear that it might make me anxious not tracking, but I'm going to do it this month and see.

@BritInNZ I am doing same as you. AF arrived yesterday, so I have to phone up and confirm my HyCoSy on the 14th, phone GP and book my repeat FSH/LH between now and Thursday but other than those two things, and a few supplements when I remember I am now switching off from all TCC related things (even sex, unless we really want to) until January. I'm actually feeling quite happy and excited, I've bought lots of nice coffee and festive drinks that I'm excited to have and lots of parties etc.

So same as you, I'll be coming off MN until start of next cycle (early Jan). Thank you so much for setting this thread up @BritInNZ and have a wonderful Christmas and New year to all you lovely ladies - I hope to come back in Jan and hear of a Christmas BFP, but if not, see you in the New Year - I'll report back on my HyCoSy (which I'm a bit nervous about!) then

Merry Christmas!!!

@BritInNZ sorry about AF and @Carla2601 very sorry to hear about the tough time. "Sorry" doesn't really cut it does it?

I'm happy for everyone that you are strong enough to take a break. I'm just not strong enough yet but I wish I was. I'll be keeping going if anyone else will? Got my static smiley this morning so park time for me, with a TWW leading up to christmas. I should get some time off over the break anyway the way my cycle has worked.

I had a really tough visit to a pregnant friend on Saturday. I haven't told her about us so I know she doesn't know, but you'd think people would just be a little tiny bit sensitive just in case. But nop, I heard about nothing but the pregnancy and how hard it's been for her for two hours straight. I don't think I'll see her again for a while!

@kmbegs I know how you feel with pregnant friend, I have pregnant SIL, sister, cousin and friend - it almost feels like I am being punished for something. I can’t avoid any of these people at all so I just need to grin and bear it 😭😭😭

Merry Christmas when it comes @Aubyone and hopefully you relax and enjoy the festive season without thinking about ttc 🌲

Update: OH’s SA results came back today. Although he has low testosterone, he had 80million sperm in his sample of which all had good motility. Not sure if the low testosterone currently affects us. Just waiting for my bloods now and go from there :)

@Borolass84 they didn’t break it down for my DH just said that all was normal, wonder if we should ask for the specifics! X

@Hopefullywaiting01234 yes I would ring and ask for a breakdown. The secretary gave him the results over the phone but said the details are in a letter that’s on its way to him.

@Borolass84 yeah I think I might do that although my GP has referred me to gynaecology so hopefully they have the results. Trying to put it to the back of my mind over the festive period (although it’s the only thing on my mind 24/7)

@Hopefullywaiting01234 Yes I would. No harm in asking. My OH did got his referral via fertility clinic for SA whereas I’ve been referred via GP. I’ve got a telephone appointment with gynaecology on 23rd

@Borolass84 I’ve not had anything through yet except a letter saying that due to covid they are doing things different and have a backlog! How long have you been ttc xx

@Hopefullywaiting01234 we TTC for nearly a year but thinking they’re doing my gynaecology appointment via telephone due to covid too

Hi, I’ve just come across this post. The first last said she had been trying for 9 months. I remember being at this stage and being worried but still having lots of hope.
I came off the pill in April 2020. We were just seeing how things went until April 2021 (some months I used an app and we DTD when I thought I was ovulating)
We decided to properly try since April 2021. I had some abnormal bloods which the docs couldn’t give me an answer for (looked like PCOS hormonal imbalance but without the actually PCO) so we kept trying. Other half had a sperm analysis which came back normal.
October I got pregnant! I was amazed, shocked. However last month I miscarried. It was the craziest of journeys (still is) and I’m waiting for my next cycle now. We tried this month also as heard you are fertile after miscarriage. No period as of yet but definitely not pregnant. I thought I was ok but I’m not. I’m still so emotional and find it so hard to not think about getting pregnant. What if it never happens?
I keep seeing people posting their new pregnancies on fb and family and friends are forever announcing theirs too. It’s SO hard. Nobody I know is in the same position as me. I’m so scared that because of my hormonal imbalance it will take ages for me to get pregnant again - if ever- and people keep saying ‘well at least you know you can get pregnant now’.
I feel like my life is just passing by because all I can wait for is this baby. Nothing else matters. I wish I didn’t feel this way.

Sorry - the first ‘lady’

@LucyAnne34 I am really sorry to hear this and how you are feeling. I can’t say I know how you feel as I’ve never had a miscarriage but I do know how you feel when you say life is passing you by. I feel this ttc business is all consuming, without a doubt the worst time of my life, I’ve been in tears ALOT!

Have you spoken to anyone about how you are feeling, i think talking things through helps with my mindset x

[quote Hopefullywaiting01234]@LucyAnne34 I am really sorry to hear this and how you are feeling. I can’t say I know how you feel as I’ve never had a miscarriage but I do know how you feel when you say life is passing you by. I feel this ttc business is all consuming, without a doubt the worst time of my life, I’ve been in tears ALOT!

Have you spoken to anyone about how you are feeling, i think talking things through helps with my mindset x[/quote]
Thankyou ❤️
Tears are a bit of a normal thing atm for me too lol let’s cry together eh ❤️
Yeah, I do speak to my mum, my other half and my friends tbh. I think I’ve got pretty good support systems, but nothing can take away that worry and pain. I’m glad it helps your mindset ☺️ You have to hold onto as many good things as you can at times like this don’t you. Xx

@LucyAnne34 yeah it’s hard to remain positive I think it’s the unknown that is the hardest thing to deal with. Also sick of seeing everyone’s pregnancy announcements, everyone I know is pregnant - sister, SIL, cousin, friends 🙄

Yea definitely. The unknown. It’s the worst isn’t it. And those pregnancy announcements. Sometimes I think right, just be happy for them (not that I’m not happy for them but you know what I mean), like the post, congratulate them etc. because my time will come and I want people to be happy for me too. God it’s so hard. Xx

@LucyAnne34 welcome to the club no one wants to be in! I started trying in March so we've been properly trying about the same amount of time. I'm so sorry about your loss. And also that people have said at least you can get pregnant, I've never miscarried but I get why that wouldn't be helpful to hear. No wonder you're not okay, I think it's better to be able to just say that than pretend. How is your partner?

Do you mind if I ask what the hormone imbalance is? On this thread a few of us like "it starts with the egg" and she has a supplement plan for PCOS, which would surely target the hormone side of that. Might be worth a read if you haven't already read it?

Agree with you and @Hopefullywaiting01234 that it's really hard to stay positive and the unknown is what's the worst. I am lucky enough to already have a daughter and I could definitely at least try to make peace with only having one child and her not having siblings but i so desperately want it for us and for her that I won't ever be able to stop trying for it as long as there's any chance. I just wish someone could tell you if it's going to happen or not (and when!).

This is cycle 10 for me (fertile period now) and I'll be due my period just before christmas. It was due on my 35th birthday last month and honestly that was probably one of the worst days I've ever had it was so tough. I'm really hoping christmas is a good distraction and TTC doesn't put a massive dampener on it. Anyway I've just booked a GP appointment for Friday to push to be referred. I'm over 35 now so they should refer me.