9 months TTC and losing hope

[BritInNZ]

Hi everyone

Anyone else nearing that year mark of TTC and just feeling down and wondering when/if it will happen?

DH and I had a private fertility appointment this month and AMH and SA all good - no obvious reason why we can't conceive. We have to keep trying until January when we hit that year mark and then have more investigations.

I KNOW it can take healthy couples up to a year but it's only 3 cycles away now and I feel like I'm at the stage I don't even hope for a BFP as I know it's not coming.

I just turned 29 and DH is 31, so I know we have some time but it doesn't help when you're wondering what's going wrong.

Currently CD1 so obviously feeling a bit meh anyway, so just looking to chat to others in the same boat as I feel alone and like everyone else gets pregnant quickly ☹️ also visiting in-laws this weekend and when we booked it at the start of the year I was hoping it would be a trip to give them some good news, so that's a bit heartbreaking too.

@kmbegs Same here re being in a new job! Waited until I'd been there over a year just to guarantee pay if I fell pregnant immediately...didn't need to worry did I? Hopefully this December's cycle isn't quite so long for you!! Or actually, hopefully it's much longer...8 months longer :)

I randomly did my CB OPK on Tuesday, the first since my chemical, and surprisingly got a static smiley so been DTD just in case. Wondering whether residual pregnancy hormones could cause the smiley though as I was CD24 (taking CD1 as the first day of proper bleeding from my chemical)? It's about a week later than I would normally get a peak, but then I guess miscarriages do mess around with your cycle.

Really got my fingers crossed for someone on our thread to get their Christmas miracle this year :)

Thanks for all the lovely messages but im out - woke up this morning to AF 3 days early! 😔

Aw sorry BritInNZ :(

@BritInNZ sorry to hear that - I find CD1 the worst tbh

I am on CD11, I have started using OPK clearblue again this month as I had a box left from around 6 months ago when I decided against them. Past 2 days have been low but I’ve not used one today as I’ve been in work and super busy. I have been WFH since March 2020 but just started going back in a day a week and I must admit I don’t think about it as much when I am in the office opposed to being sat home alone.

I have decided to DTD every second day until I get a peak and then for 3 days in a row, if we manage! Exhausted thinking about it 🙈

@BritinNZ sorry to hear its CD1 :( I hope you've got some sort of CD1 treat lined up? My planned purchase for next CD1 (I have a list of restaurants, drinks, purchases, films etc to treat myself to on future CD1s - it's helped the last couple of months) is a set of Monin Coffee syrups (hazelnut, gingerbread etc) so I can start creating festive coffees at home and stop spending all my money in Costa!

I think I have managed to completely misunderstand this cycle, which is frustrating as I'd grown pretty confident with a) my ability to track things and b) my cycles patterns/OK regularity. I didn't temp enough early on and FF ended up giving me crosshairs on CD14: I know think I've ovulated on CD21. Main annoyance is that if this is the case, this lengthens my cycle in a way that means the planned date for my HyCoSy is not likely to work out. Anyway, there is an inkling of hope that I did indeed ovulated when FF says I did and am still in the game with rising temps, but the BFN today makes me feel otherwise!

In more positive news I just put up our Xmas tree and decorations - I usually always have a festive tipple when doing this but at this stage of my cycle I don't feel comfortable drinking BUT I managed to make a really nice festivey drink from Seedlip, frozen blackberries and lemonade. If any of you haven't discovered Seedlip and want to make any non alcohol drinks over Xmas (or hopefully for the next 9months!) I highly recommend!

I shared the wrong chart, ignore ignore! That was last month. Current chart attached here!

@Aubyone thanks so much. Bit of an emotional wreck this morning - would have worked from home but I've got an appointment near my office at lunchtime. My DH has been amazing today (think he's finally getting it), but it made me cry even more 😂 just got to get through today then I have a busy weekend so that will keep my occupied.

That's a really confusing chart. I honestly can't interpret that at all! But hoping it's CD14 for you! When is your planned date for your HyCosy? Keen to hear how it goes as it's like I will have one early in the New Year.

@BritInNZ really sorry to hear that. Let it all out hear if you want to, we've all been there. I think this month might be extra tough for everyone with it being christmas and year end. (Or extra good if there's any BFPs I suppose).

@Aubyone I'm not a chart expert but based on the first chart you posted I think you might be right that you ovulated on CD21. From your October chart it looks like your temp goes up to 36.5ish in the follicular phase and so would need to get to 36.6ish to indicate ovulation which it doesn't do until day 21. Looks like you observed CM though so if that was EW around CD14 then maybe it was CD14. Did you use OPKs? It's a minefield isn't it? I now don't stop having sex until my temp is sky high and has been for days because this has happened to me before and if you stopped having sex because you thought you'd ovulated then it's pretty devastating!

@LittleMysSister thanks and same to you. How silly now that we waited before we started - if only we'd known!

@kmbegs thank you lovely. Just feeling very defeated and hopeless today. Had to keep having a quick cry in the bathroom at work. I just wish I knew what was preventing it happening. It's got to the stage where I can't even imagine ever getting a BFP or being pregnant/having children of our own. I can't even deal with seeing other people's young kids, it makes me an emotional wreck.

Hope you all have better luck than me this month. I might take December off tracking and trying, I'm too emotionally drained and just want to enjoy Christmas without wondering if I'm pregnant or not.

@BritInNZ oh no I’m so sorry, 3 days early is a bit of a shock!!! God it is so so frustrating and emotional. I agree with the others that CD1 is so so hard. You’ll probably feel better in the next few days and a busy weekend is a good thing. It is so so tough, but you are doing everything right and nothing is your fault. Big hugs x

@FlyOnTheWall89 I think that was the worst part! AF is never early, only ever been late. Means my luteal phase was only 9 or 10 days 😩 DH cheered me up with a takeout and some beautiful flowers. Although he then says things like 'you can't think about it too much, we'll just have to think the tests aren't far off' 😑 we don't even have any more tests in January! Just an appointment to decide course of action, which will be a waiting list for laparoscopy I think, and if the waiting list is really long I might see if I can have a HSG in the meantime.

I think each time AF arrives I also grieve for the journey I wish I was on. I thought this would be a magical, lovely stage of our lives but each month I mourn the fact it's not and it never will be.

@BritInNZ aw what lovely flowers.

You might feel better taking a month of constantly tracking etc as you can’t really put it out your mind when you are doing those things,

I know my DH is trying to be supportive but is not in floods of tears every month and every pregnancy announcement and keeps saying “it will happen for us” which is really really annoying me and my response “how do you know?” - he says he’s trying to remain positive, which is a good thing but I don’t feel very positive x

@Hopefullywaiting01234 my husband is exactly the same. I think their brains are just wired differently. He wants to be positive to 'help cheer me up' when actually all I need is validation that it's okay to feel like this and he's there for me. As you say, they don't feel it as deeply as us so I don't think they can truly empathise. I also do a pretty good job of hiding my sadness most of the time as I don't want to keep putting it on him either.

Hope everyone has a good Friday and a great weekend 😊 bonus of AF arriving early is I can get very drunk at my friends birthday party (and hope nobody asks me about babies so I don't burst into drunken tears!) 😂

@BritInNZ sorry AF arrived and so early! it happened to me last month and it was the worst thing ever! But as you said, on the plus side, you can enjoy you party. Hope you have a fab time!
I'm meant to be CD14 today and still getting flashing smileys for the third day in a row with no sign of an LH surge (nothing on the standard OPKs either). So a bit of a weird cycle for me as haven't had any EWCM or any other signs of ovulation. Maybe my body has just given up now. All the bloods I had done last week have come back normal, including the repeated Prolactin (which was abnormal on the initial Day21 test that was done back in July).

@Tinkerbell098 I am also slightly different to normal yesterday had a flashing smiley on CD11 and today static smiley CD12. The previous times I’ve used the strips I had around 4/5 days of flashing smileys! How long after the static do you ovulate is it 12-48 hours? The previous times I had static on CD15 of a 25 day cycle so this seems better in theory x

@Hopefullywaiting01234 I usually only get the flashing smileys for a couple of days before the solid, so was surprised to see a flashing smiley three days in a row. Every cycle is different I guess. I'm assuming I ovulate within 12-36 hours after a solid smiley, but haven't confirmed with temperature yet (this is something I'm trying out this month, but so far, my temps seem all over the place!).

@Tinkerbell098 I have never done my temp as I was trying to stay as “relaxed” as possible hence why I stopped with the ovulation strips as felt it was stressing me out but thought I would give them another bash!

Beautiful flowers @BritInNZ, go husband :) like you say, I think (some) men are just wired a bit different to us, but I am glad he is supportive and enjoy that party this weekend!

@Tinkerbell098 good luck with the temping - although I messed mine up a bit this month, I think I've just about got the hang of it so let us know if you've got any questions about doing it/your chart (I weirdly love looking at other people's charts). While I am going to have a month or 2 off tracking, I have really liked temping because its shown me that I often don't actually ovulate until 2 days after my 'peak' solid smiley on CBAD, and it's genuinely reassuring to see that sustained temp shift.

FF has shifted my o-date again today, to CD16 - which doesn't make complete sense (I mean, where's the shift?!) but it would work out better in terms of timing so I'm happy to believe it. Although deep down I think I know it wasn't until CD21.

Realise this chart now looks like I was testing at 6DPO (at best) thinking it was 8DPO!

If I did ovulate on CD21 though, it's weird that I got CM and peak CBAD smiley earlier on, although I have heard that sometimes body gears up to ovulate but doesn't actually.

Sounds like a few if us have had weird cycles this month!

Sorry forgot chart

@Aubyone thanks I’ll share my charts when I’m a little bit further along the cycle as right now it just doesn’t make any sense at all. I’m still on flashing smileys on CB OPKs and just started to feel some CM so looks like a late ovulating cycle for me (I’m on CD 14 now, usually get a peak around CD12). It’ll be nice to see a temp shift after O if I continue to temp.

So I’ve now had a text message through saying I’ve got a telephone appointment with gynaecology on the 23rd. Not sure what this will entail as all my doc told me was that she would be referring us to fertility clinic.

Hi everyone,

Sorry I took a bit more time out. Seriously rough few weeks but I’m on the sofa with my pup relaxing so it’s not all bad.

@BritInNZ I’m so sorry AF came early. It’s shit, there’s nothing anyone can say that makes it any better but I’m glad you’ve got a super supportive (if a bit too positive....mines the same it’s maddening!) husband. Those flowers are gorge, I got similar to cheer me up last month. We took this month off tracking and trying and I always thought that would be more stressful but it was actually way better so would highly recommend for Christmas.

Re conversations with friends, I have now told my best friend and she’s been incredible (as she always is) and it does feel better to have someone to talk to, who brings it up and makes me feel normal. Not sure if that helps anyone else.

I hope you’re all doing ok. Update my end is OH had a second test yesterday....so hoping for better results but trying to be realistic about where we are and trying to think it’ll be better to know either way. I’ve got my first fertility appointment on the 16th (no idea what it’s for as my GP is beyond unhelpful but hoping to know more after that).

Would love to hear all your news (even if it’s just some fun weekend plans ☺️) x

@Carla2601 sorry to hear you've been having a rough time. My pup always makes me feel better too 😊

AF is being really weird... just basically spotting ever since Friday and still haven't had a solid flow. Maybe it will properly kick off today or tomorrow when my period is actually due.

Had our friends birthday party yesterday which was super fun and I had a few too many drinks. Had conversations with a couple of people who have also had fertility problems and it actually made me feel heaps better and more prepared if we have to go down that route. It's crazy how many people struggle to conceive, it's just such a taboo and nobody talks about it sadly.

Glad you've told your friend and have someone to talk to now. I find it really helps me to talk to people who are willing to listen and just be there. I hope your next set of results are much better 🤞🏼 when do you get the results? Or is that at your fertility appointment? Not too long to wait now at least.

I ended up with a stomach bug after the party. I was debating whether it was alcohol related rather than a bug but I threw up so much and was having hot and cold shivers - ended up asleep on the bathroom floor! Feeling much better today but can't keep much food down!

@BritInNZ maybe it’s not AF then and you’re not out for this month....I don’t spot ever but I know some people do so could it be that? I’m so glad you had a fun time at the party but sorry it ended up in you sleeping on the bathroom floor that sounds a lot less fun! Hope you’re feeling better now and managing to eat? Also glad you managed to chat to some open people - there’s one woman at my work who’s the same and whilst I haven’t told her I do find her openness really helpful. I’m due AF on Thursday and as we haven’t tried this month and I’m getting my usual symptoms (basically just feeling emotional as that’s all I ever get) I know it’s coming. Definitely feel less upset about it than months we’ve tried religiously so that’s something!