9 months TTC and losing hope

[BritInNZ]

Hi everyone

Anyone else nearing that year mark of TTC and just feeling down and wondering when/if it will happen?

DH and I had a private fertility appointment this month and AMH and SA all good - no obvious reason why we can't conceive. We have to keep trying until January when we hit that year mark and then have more investigations.

I KNOW it can take healthy couples up to a year but it's only 3 cycles away now and I feel like I'm at the stage I don't even hope for a BFP as I know it's not coming.

I just turned 29 and DH is 31, so I know we have some time but it doesn't help when you're wondering what's going wrong.

Currently CD1 so obviously feeling a bit meh anyway, so just looking to chat to others in the same boat as I feel alone and like everyone else gets pregnant quickly ☹️ also visiting in-laws this weekend and when we booked it at the start of the year I was hoping it would be a trip to give them some good news, so that's a bit heartbreaking too.

@Tinkerbell098 I had my prolactin tested amongst some other tests. First time it was slightly above the "normal" range and so they retested and it was back to normal. Apparently prolactin can fluctuate with stress levels?!

Having to get bloods taken again as doc arranged previous ones on wrong dates. This was after two lots of “confirming the correct dates Anyone still trying the CoQ10?

@Borolass84 oh no that's so annoying! When are the bloods scheduled for now?

Yep I'm still on COQ10, in fact just bought some more yesterday as I'd run out already! I have had horrifically sore boobs this month but no idea if that's related to COQ10 as I usually get sore boobs anyway (but this started bang on ovulation so a bit longer than usual). What about you? How are you getting on?

@Borolass84 that's so frustrating, same thing happened to me - I'm no awaiting getting FSH and LH done for the third time (first time, she put it in the wrong test tube, second time did it on wrong date even though I was insisting it was wrong date they basically said 'we don't care: we do it on any day here' - lo and behold, the fertility clinic (NHS, and which they apparently have a relationship with) said the results were basically meaningless. I do love the NHS but grrrrr. I hope you're next ones work out!

@BritInNZ so I've tried to attach my chart - I took off my CM entries as tbh I really don't think I am classifying things right/I basically never have EWCM, and it's put O back to CD14! I mean, it'd be great it that was true as I would have less long to wait and would mean my cycles would now allow for us to try in Jan (otherwise I thought my DH would be on hol during our FW!) but I don't really trust it as my luteal temps are so much lower than usual. Usually my LP temps are around 36.7 - 36.9ish. I'll be honest I can't help but think its the supplements screwing with my cycle - we are going to start DTD again tonight and through the next week in case I haven't actually ovulated, but frankly neither of us are in the mood.

Oh @BritInNZ I should say, I have actually now adjusted my chart a bit because my timings were off - I don't usually time adjust them, but it was making so little sense I wanted to see if it changed anything. When I adjusted them using www.mymonthlycycles.com/bbtadjust.jsp it's given this more clear biphasic pattern but the confusing thing is the temp shift before the Peak CBAD.

I realise I should have temped more consistently but my lazy approach has always worked for last 12 months! I now don't bother temping until CD10. I had to 'disregard' the one on CD12 as I was drinking a lot more than usual night before and went to bed at 2am (gasp!) so temp was really high next day.

Ahhh I am half tempted to get a Tempdrop that I hear a lot of US TTC-ers (on another forum lol) using, you just wear it around your arm at night and it doesn't matter what time you wake up etc, but they are like £120 plus shipping from US. If I knew I had to be temping for another 6-12months then it would be worth it but then...what if....?!

@Aubyone indeed it’s frustrating; sounds like you had a similar experience. Yes they got the dates wrong despite checking three times. Doc said she’s referring us both to fertility clinic irregardless of results

@BritInNZ my next lot of bloods are on 8th dec; god knows if that date is correct but that’s the date doc has scheduled them for I’m still on the CoQ10 but not sure if it is making a difference yet. On “happy hour” as My OH calls it lol least he’s enthusiastic haha so trying this week on alternate days few days before and after window. Hope you’re getting on ok

Totally agree about the celeb pregnancies and being pissed off/upset seeing them crop up...even though for all I know it could have taken them years, it still always feels like it's happened easily.

I do appreciate when people speak out about pregnancy loss/IVF or whatever, but even then I still don't find it that reassuring or helpful as they usually have resources at their disposal that most of us could never dream of in order to help with any issues they might have.

PS. Sorry to pop up out of nowhere with that rant! LOL.

Just coming back to these threads a few weeks on from my chemical :) Feeling good and ready to get back on the horse.

@LittleMysSister I know exactly what you mean, like they have the funds for unlimited rounds of IVF etc (not that mentally or physically they might want that) but at least the financial aspect is gone!

I know if I need IVF I will need to fund it myself as I have a DS

My husband got his SA back, all normal and so were my basic bloods. Does anyone think stress/anxiety can really affect ttc as I am 100% more anxious this time I wasn’t even thinking about it when I was ttc DS but not I wake up thinking about it and I would go as far as saying obsessed by it.

I constantly look at friends, colleagues etc and think are they pregnant? I know this has no baring on myself but I can’t help it

@Aubyone it sounds like this is a one off for you but my temps actually do a similar thing to this every month. My follicular stage temps are low (below 36.4 usually) then around ovulation I seem to jump to 36.5 and stay there a few days, then there's a jump to nearer 37. I've never been able to work out if I ovulate before the jump to 36.5 or if i ovulate before the next jump. I actually bought one of those bracelets for this reason! It is great BUT it takes three cycles to "get to know you". I've had mine for two months now (over three cycles) and it's now starting to do what it's supposed to do but it's a long time to wait. In the meantime I've kept BBTing and OPKing because I haven't trusted it, although so far in this cycle I do trust it. So it's felt like even more work and even more data swirling around my head.

@Borolass84 I'm still on COQ10 although taking it as ubiquinol. For me I felt like the period I got after it was much better so I'm hoping that was why and that it's already doing something. It's supposed to take 3 months to really make a difference though. Sorry about your bloods, I had that too with progesterone it's so annoying such a waste of everyone's times. How do you feel about the referral?

@LittleMysSister glad you're feeling a little better, must be very difficult but welcome back.

@Tinkerbell098 we are at a similar place in our cycles, I'm day 14 and just got my flashing smilie today (normally ovulate about day 18).

Anyone else feel like your sex life has taken a hit from all this? As I said above that's day 14 for me and we only started having sex again last night. I found my last failed cycle incredibly difficult and I wondered if part of me was putting it off so as not to go through the pain again. But also - I just don't want to have any more forced sex! I know my husband is feeling it too. Hope everyone else is doing a little better in that department!

@Aubyone I think that looks like quite a clear shift. When I was taught to temp I was told to adjust by 0.05 per half an hour difference wake up time (for earlier, add 0.05 and for getting up later minus 0.05). I haven't really had to do it because we're early risers all week long unfortunately!

I had a late night of drinking once and my temp was sky high the next day, it's crazy how much it affects it!

Yes I know what you mean about not knowing how long you'll need it for. I'm not sure I'd bother if I was you. Yes you might be struggling to pin point by a day or two but as long as you're DTD consistently around then I think it's fine.

@Borolass84 that's good that you're getting a referral without fighting for one! I don't believe you're meant to notice a difference with COQ10 - it's for egg quality. I'm no specialist though!

@LittleMysSister glad to hear you're feeling better - welcome back! Fingers crossed for you this month.

My boobs are still really sore, they feel kind of heavy. Last night I woke up with some quite bad cramps and in a sweat - almost thought aunt flow had arrived as that's what the pain felt like. Feel fine this morning but could get up for the gym so taking the dog out instead. I usually carry a lot of water weight right before AF and feel quite exhausted and I'm heading that way now 😔 just trying to remain positive but practical too!

*couldn't get up for the gym!

@Hopefullywaiting01234 personally I don't believe stress has a big impact. Women get pregnant in war zones and famine, so having some stress about trying to conceive kind of pales in comparison? Mamadoctorjones on insta posted something about being told to relax - I thought the comments from women were really interesting. Many said they were really stressed with TTC and still managed it, so people saying to them to relax does sweet FA except make you angry 😂

@Hopefullywaiting01234 just saw your post after reading @BritInNZ reply. I am exactly the same. I fell pregnant with my first without trying, my husband and I had just emigrated and had nowhere to live - having a baby was the last thing on my mind but obviously we were happy and grateful. This time I'm OBSESSED. It's basically all I think about, it rules my life, absolutely everything to me is in the context of TTC. And I feel the same with friends - I can't understand how it's happening for them and not for me. I have a friend who is pregnant and lives far away and keeps hinting that she wants to come stay with me for a weekend before she has the baby. If she wasn't pregnant I would absolutely love this, but the thought of spending days with a pregnant person is just too much. I literally can't do it. She so far hasn't asked outright and I just dodge her hints but if she does ask I really don't know what to say. I don't want to lose friends but I don't think I can put myself through that. I have a recurring nightmare that I see her and she hugs me and I look down and there's her big bump and then my empty stomach.

@Hopefullywaiting01234 sorry that was so long, I just wanted you to know you aren't alone, I'm sure everyone here is pretty similar. It's hard going that's for sure.

@kmbegs and @Hopefullywaiting01234 I can imagine it must feel frustrating/worrying that things are so different this time around either/both in how long it's taking and how you feel about the process. But you will be our gurus for any FTM's on here when we eventually get our BFPs!

I agree that I don't think that TTC stress can really impact the actual conception process much, although obviously it in itself is unpleasant! Being told to just relax is so not helpful.

Completely emphasise with everything you've all shared here, ladies. I'm borderline obsessing over it although I think probably less in the last couple of months than between around months 7-10, I guess because I had more hope then! I have found getting the ball rolling on investigations is helping, but there are days I just fall down the rabbit hole. But some sort of end feels in sight for me for the short term anyway - I think I'm 7DPO (although see my confusion above!) and I usually have 8-11 day LPs so in the next few days I'll either be pregnant or on my period which marks a bit of a cut-off for me. We've already decided to not try next month, so from the day of my period I will pack away my OPKs/thermometer/block Mumsnet and Reddit (yes, I spend my time on TWO ttc forums and drown myself in the richest coffee and dark chocolate and red wine possible from then on through the Christmas/NY period. Got absolutely loads of social and family festive plans (Covid you better not ruin things) and also lots of job applications/stuff to sort for work for next year so I'm just going to completely remove TTC from my life. I hope it's that simple! And possibly it will be 2 months off as DH is away in Jan, but I'll decide depending on what my cycle is doing/test results/how much the break is helping! Obviously I do want to get a BFP in the next few days, but a large part of my has discounted that and just looking forward to the break.

Have to go get a chlymadia home test from GP tomorrow, they have to have a recent test on record in order to go ahead with HyCoSy on 14th Dec. TTC anxiety has even managed to make me anxious about this - I mean, I've taken plenty of tests in my younger years, all negative and have been with DH for 10 years and yet I still end up thinking 'Oh gosh have I had chlymadia all this time?!'. Silly brain!

Hi all,

I have been MIA after having covid, then back to work and usual manic end of school term.

I completely emphasise with all of the frustrations - the celeb announcements, the easy looked-at-a-penis conceptions and everything else.

I am hopefully for you this month and next, just before the year mark @BritInNZ.

I find it impossible not to be consumed mentally by this journey. It is ALL consuming and I think I certainly just didn't expect it to take so long. I remember I said to a friend, I would disappointed if I wasn't pregnant by Christmas and that is exactly where I am at. That was in May when I had decided not to apply for a job that started in January because I presumed I would surely be pregnant ..... Insert big sigh.

I got my bloods back yesterday and they were all 'normal'.

We go again...... x

@FlyOnTheWall89 God, I could have written some of that post. I stayed on my pill until the last minute because I genuinely believed I'd get pregnant the next day, and definitely would be by my birthday in September. If not then, then definitely by my sister's wedding, which was a couple of weeks ago. Never dreamed I'd still be trying now.

Totally agree it's so consuming too. I feel like I'm stuck between wanting to talk to friends about it because it's always on my mind, but also not wanting to share because I don't want them to feel sorry for me or like they can't say if they get pregnant themselves. The thought of them pitying me or chatting between themselves about the 'right way' to tell me is worse than having to keep it all to myself I think! I do have a couple of friends I chat with about it, but not the rest. Although they all knew when I started TTC so I'm sure it's in their minds.

Glad you are feeling better after covid x

@FlyOnTheWall89 and @LittleMysSister I feel exactly the same after nearly a year of TTC. I feel so silly religiously taking my pill from a 15 year old girl worrying about that one missed pill as I got older. At the age of 35, I came off the pill and had no surprises planned or unplanned. On a positive note however, my best friend has been trying allot longer than me. She is also younger than me but has found out she has low egg reserve and is going through process of IVF. Its good to share experiences and tips along the way without as you both say feeling pity. We have shared tips along the way. She listens and knows what to say without that awkwardness or avoidance. Good luck to you both

@LittleMysSister I know what you mean, I had told one of my friends but then told my other 2 close friends the other week. I was starting to avoid going out for the thought of another announcement and actually feel a bit better for saying. I have another group of friends who are all pregnant/just had babies and I haven’t told them, again don’t want a pity party.

I told a girl in my work and she was reassuring saying it took her well over a year and knew quite a few others in the same position altho also had friends who looked at their partners and were pregnant.

I never thought i would be as consumed as I am with this, I genuinely can’t get it out my mind. I don’t think I am being rational about it but I can’t help it.

I’ve decided to start using ovulation strips again this month, altho if I’m ovulating (confirmed by bloods) and my husbands SA is normal what the f* is the issue 🤷🏼‍♀️

@Hopefullywaiting01234 Luckily I have a couple of friends who aren't interested in having kids so I've been able to be totally honest with them while knowing it won't impact them really.

My other close friends have all recently had their first babies (one is already expecting her 2nd) so I don't really want to go into it with them too much just in case they end up feeling awkward announcing future pregnancies before me. Which is a shame because actually I know one has had a chemical and the other 2 miscarriages prior to having her son, so I know they'd understand. But it's behind them so I feel like it's different, they are all mothers now.

@Borolass84 Yeah it's good that you can chat with your friend who has been through struggles too. I feel like my friends have all gotten pregnant quickly - even though some have sadly ended in MC - so don't really have anyone in real life who has taken a while to actually fall pregnant at all.

@FlyOnTheWall89 welcome back 😊 glad your results were normal, although I know that's no consolation when all it does is confuse you more. I said to my husband I will be devastated if I'm not pregnant by my 30th birthday - we have 9 months to go so I'm praying we don't get to that stage.

I'm 9DPO and I'm 99% sure I'm out. I have all my usual PMS symptoms including some light cramps, water weight, tired etc. It did make me think though - my luteal phase is quite short at 11 or 12 days, and people can have implantation right up to 12DPO, so I guess I would never get early pregnancy symptoms until after a missed period?! Been feeling miserable about it the last couple of days. It's horrible feeling a bit rough and knowing it's another month you're not pregnant. I just wish I knew an end date to this, or if it was even possible. We have one more try until we see the fertility specialist on 25 January (which will be mid cycle) so unfortunately doesn't look like I will be a smug git cancelling the appointment 😭

@BritInNZ Don't count yourself out yet, I have read a lot recently and the majority says that the first symptom for most women is a missed period, before then it's very early to experience anything else :) Although I know some do.

Fingers crossed for some Christmas good news :)

@BritInNZ with my daughter my only symptom was cramping, which is also my only symptom before my period. Lots of people (especially on MN) seem to have other symptoms but like you say implantation is probably only happening on day 9ish so there's a short window anyway between when you actually are pregnant and a missed period and I don't think anyone I've met in real life knew they were pregnant before a BFP. Keeping fingers crossed for you. But also amazing that you have your appointment so soon.

How is everyone else getting on? I am cycle day 16 and think I'm ovulating soon but strangely my LH test which was getting darker every day was very very negative this morning. Makes me wonder if the peak has passed and I didn't catch it but i suppose time (or temperatures) will tell. I knew we wanted to get pregnant this time last year (held off because I was in a new job and wouldn't have been entitled to maternity pay - now feel ridiculous worrying about that!) so was doing temps and OPKs last December too and I can't believe I'm still doing them. My December cycle also ended up being really long, 40 days I think, and I think it must have been all the festivities and extra alcohol. So really hoping that isn't the case this year. But this has been such a tough year so I'm not holding back this year. I'll obviously be gutted if it's another negative so close to christmas but at least I can drink guilt free. (Although honestly even if I was in the TWW, after 10 BFNs I think I would be risking it!)