9 months TTC and losing hope

[BritInNZ]

Hi everyone

Anyone else nearing that year mark of TTC and just feeling down and wondering when/if it will happen?

DH and I had a private fertility appointment this month and AMH and SA all good - no obvious reason why we can't conceive. We have to keep trying until January when we hit that year mark and then have more investigations.

I KNOW it can take healthy couples up to a year but it's only 3 cycles away now and I feel like I'm at the stage I don't even hope for a BFP as I know it's not coming.

I just turned 29 and DH is 31, so I know we have some time but it doesn't help when you're wondering what's going wrong.

Currently CD1 so obviously feeling a bit meh anyway, so just looking to chat to others in the same boat as I feel alone and like everyone else gets pregnant quickly ☹️ also visiting in-laws this weekend and when we booked it at the start of the year I was hoping it would be a trip to give them some good news, so that's a bit heartbreaking too.

RE AMH tests, my understanding is that it's done to ascertain how many eggs you have. If you have low reserves they'd probably push you to IVF much sooner. I had mine done and came back normal for my age so my fertility specialist said there's no need to rush to IVF yet. He did say although it tells you what your egg reserve is like, it doesn't tell you the quality. So you could have loads of eggs but they're bad quality, so in that sense it doesn't really make a difference.

@Aubyone yep ubiquinol is sadly very expensive! I got some that was on offer so got two bottles. They were about £30 for both but usually more expensive. This will only last me a month as I'm taking 350mg a day! But figured I may as well try for my last two months before that dreaded year mark. Like January isn't hard enough anyway, I'm going to be bloody miserable 😭

@Aubyone Yeah, I could understand (though it's still scary!) a 3-year wait for NHS IVF, but I thought I could get referred around the year mark for initial tests/investigations? I'm going to try calling the surgery again tomorrow and see if I can get some proper answers from them as I'm really not clear on the pathways round here now. Fingers crossed for good news with your DH's SA results! Sounds like I'm going to get sticker shock from the Ubiqinol prices... 😬

@BritInNZ Thanks re: the AMH stuff, that's more or less what I thought then. Assuming my results wouldn't be too great given my FSH levels. 😔 So guess I'll just have to focus on doing what I can for egg quality and hope for the best - for now at least.

@Owl86 oh yes definitely should get tests done after a year for sure, I really hope they do that for you! If they don't, then request a different doctor. I've had all my tests so far (including SA) handled by the GP but I have also been referred to Gyno Health dept and have initial phone convo with them next week. Wish there was a leaflet explaining the exact process but I think it seems to differ so much!

@Aubyone how long did it take for them to arrange an initial phone appt after being referred?

@Owl86 on AMH, to me it was an important test , and if you have a low reserve then you might consider freezing them, because they do decline overtime ?

My AMH level is 70 which is extremely high; it was via this test I was diagnosed with PCOS. And because of this high level I was referred to fertility specialist sooner (because pcos can mean fertility struggles). Also because people with pcos can skip ovulation, I was given 21 day bloods straight away. AMH was just a proof kind of piece of paper that helped me get that fertility referral quicker.

I'm in Aus though so might be a bit diff in the uk. GP asked me twice if it's really 70 as she couldn't believe it - it's off the scale high for my age.

@Tinkerbell098 Really surprisingly quick - had a GP appointment on 11th Oct and my appointment is on 17th Nov (and in between that we squeezed in my FSH/LH/Testosterone/Prolactin/Progesterone blood tests and my husband's SA (although that was just yday - no result yet obvs). But caveat: I have no idea what this appointment next week will actually be like - I suspect the real delay will be for arranging the next steps - which I believe will be some physical tests/the HSG/HyCoSY type stuff). So far, it's felt quite quick though. (and all this is NHS so far). Feeling pretty lucky about that so far, but I am imagining looooong waits ahead!

I should probably add, I feel like I partly got referred because I ended up with a locum GP phone call - my regular GP is off atm and I just happened to be assigned a 'surge' appointment with some locum GP, who a) clearly didn't give a shit and b) he clearly found me annoying/overly pushy (I was being asssertive...) and wanted to just make me go away by referring me onwards. I was 2 weeks away from 12 months when I phoned, but I said 12 months because 2 weeks seems negligible. He tried to fobb me off with 'thinking about it too much is often the biggest cause" and telling my DH to wear loose underwear, but I wasn't having any of that shit. I have a feeling I'd have to fight harder for any action if it were my normal GP though...

But hey, ladies, we have to advocate for ourselves and do what we gotta do. I am seriously hoping my appointment on 17th is better than my first GP phone call which frankly left me in tears!

(Doesnt help that my first blood tests had to be repeated because she put it in the wrong tube...I hate to sound ungrateful but !!!!)

@Aubyone thanks for the info. That is really quick! The initial blood tests and SA were quite quick for me too, but since my GP made a referral, I haven't heard anything back and it's been three months now. GP did say it will take about 4 months, so hopeful I'll hear something next month. Although I rang up the fertility clinic a couple of weeks ago and the woman just bluntly said the wait is 6 moths without even getting any of my details to check how far down the list I was. She said there's a huge backlog due to Covid.
Hope the appointment goes well next week. Keep us updated x

I've just had a call with my GP and she said the wait for the fertility clinic is about a year due to so much backlog! that'll be another 9 months for me (I want to cry!!!). However, she has booked me in for some blood tests and also a scan with ob/gyn to check for PCOS. I don't have any obvious signs of PCOS apart from the elevated Prolactin from Day21 test, but she said PCOS can have various symptoms. It's some progress as I feel like something's being done whilst I wait for the referral to come through.

CD21 now and no signs as of yet. I just want this sooo bad now :(

Interesting re AMH testing! My GP hasn't offered it and to be honest I think it might just worry me so not going to pursue it for now (they probably wouldn't do it anyway).

Ubiquinol is so expensive. I'm justifying it because I know come Christmas and new year time I'll be absolutely desperate so it's worth it to know I'm doing everything I can. But if the months keep going by without anything it'll be hard to justify keeping it up.

@laurenGame where in Australia are you? I used to live there (Sydney) and found a wonderful naturopath who helped me through a PCOS diagnosis, that turned out to be "post pill PCOS" so I don't have it anymore. They were so wonderful I would really recommend them if you're interested in that sort of thing.

@Aubyone you absolutely have to advocate for yourself and good for you for doing that, it's not easy.

@Tinkerbell098 glad you're getting some help. I mentioned above I got diagnosed with PCOS although turned out to be temporary and there are so many resources on it. There's also home tests you can do that will tell you if you have it or not and offer private consultation if you do. You obviously have to pay for it but might be worth it in the meantime if you have a 9 month wait? It's Hertility that I've seen do the PCOS test. Just if it's helpful. Otherwise great they're doing some stuff now and at least your name is on that list, fingers crossed they were exaggerating saying it would be a year.

@kmbegs I'm having the blood tests for PCOS in two weeks time and she has also arranged for a ultrasound to check for PCOS (yet to get a date for it, but she said it shouldn't be too long a wait). Hope things come back normal/ would be an easy fix if it is. They're also going to check for diabetes/cholesterol in the same blood sample so it'll be good to know if I have any other issues too. So I'm glad I made the call today.

I also enquired about AMH and she said they do offer it on the NHS, but it needs to be ordered through a consultant, and will be part of the fertility clinic appointment, so will have to wait for that.

@Tinkerbell098 Sorry it wasn't great news about the waiting list. I suspect I'll face similar when I finally get a referral.

Out of interest, have you had your thyroid checked? Elevated prolactin can be linked with hypothyroidism. They tested my thyroid as part of my PCOS blood test, hence how I found out I was subclinically hypothyroid (no symptoms) - might be worth finding out if they're going to do the same?

Interesting that you can get AMH tests on the NHS, but only through a consultant - I'll bear that in mind.

I'm also CD21 today, so I'm with you! Around 8/9 DPO as ovulated on CD12 or 13 this cycle.

@Owl86 no I haven't had my thyroids tested. Although they tested TSH as part of the Day21 test. They are testing Prolactin again in the next test, so if it's elevated again I will bring this up. Thanks for the suggestion :)
I think I'm either 7/8 dpo so similar stage to you. Fingers crossed for both of us. I haven't really felt anything yet, have you?

@Tinkerbell098 sorry just realised you said that - I'm too quick to think private tests are the answer as my GP hasn't been v helpful. Best of luck with the tests, hopefully they're all soon.

@kmbegs no I get that as my GP wasn't helpful either as when I had the Day21 tests, no one told me about the abnormal Prolactin result, as the receptionist said all normal, no further action. I randomly saw it on my NHS App like a month later! It was only today I decided to ring up to query about it and asked for a different GP, who seemed more helpful. Wish I had rung up earlier. It just feels like no one cares until you push to get things done. It's a good lesson for me I guess.

@Tinkerbell098 TSH is one of the thyroid checks, along with FT4, so it does sound like they've tested you already which is good. Just for info, TSH should be under 2.5 (ideally closer to 1) for women who are TTC, but GPs often don't know this.

No, I don't feel any different from how I do every cycle. Guess it's still early though. Fingers tightly crossed for you too! 🤞

@Owl86 my TSH was 3 and was deemed normal. Maybe I should query that?

@Tinkerbell098 maybe have a look online. If it helps I did that one privately as GP refused and on medichecks it says normal range is 0.27 to 4.2. But maybe there's a lower optimal level?

Just wanted to add that we got pregnant with our son after sixteen attempts. We found out the day before we were due to start IVF of the NHS (we didn't have to wait as my husband was diagnosed with very low sperm motility). Things that I felt helped me were:

EPO and red clover before ovulation: It gave me egg white cm for the first time in my life.

HyCoSy: I had this test as part of our IVF warm up on Christmas Eve 2019. A month later I noticed I wasn't spotting before my periods anymore.

Also, ignore anyone who tells you to 'just relax' (this was said to me a lot) I always feel like it's terrible advice as it puts the burden of 'failure' on the couple and I spent a lot of miserable nights feeling like it was my fault that we couldn't get pregnant even though I knew it wasn't true. Relaxing could not cure my husband's sperm motility for example.

Good luck!

@TheBirdintheCave you're an Angel, thank you so much for this, I'm sure the whole group really appreciate it x

@kmbegs That's very kind of you to say! :)

@Tinkerbell098 Yeah, I'd query it. A TSH of 3 is within the normal reference range for the general population. But for women who are TTC, TSH should really be lower than 2.5 and ideally closer to 1. Some GPs (including mine) aren't terribly clued up on this stuff.

You might also want ask about a thyroid antibody blood test to check for Hashimoto's, just in case.

@TheBirdintheCave tysm for that - you really gave me some hope the day before a/f due (and I know it’s coming so I’m all out of hope for this cycle!)

One question - I started evening primrose oil daily, shall I just be doing it pre ovulation? Sorry I know you’re not a doctor but I want to be you so I’m up for copying haha! Haven’t tried clover - boots here I come first thing!!

@Carla2601 I'm not doctor but I believe you should only take EPO up until ovulation due to it affecting your uterus. I take it for the first half of my cycle then switch it out for straight Omega supplements 😊

@Carla2601 I took it from day one of my period and then every day up until ovulation :) Then I stopped both that and red clover.

It was three cycles from having the HyCoSy and starting the vitamins that we got pregnant.