Trying to conceive over 40 part 2

[October1979]

Here is a new thread for us girls

Congratulations @Catconfusion

I have lurked on this thread for ages and remember seeing your posts on it so am really pleased for you!

@DorritLittle I have a friend who also went to Spain and is 32 weeks pregnant just now. I'm putting off discussing it with her until I've made a decision. She will be really supportive. Just don't want to bring it up unless we are going to do it.
@DOB78 I am looking at Prague. My husband had avoided the conversation and had his head in the sand. He felt if we kept trying it would happen. I phoned the clinic and got all the information this week and booked a provisional appointment for 13th May. I then spoke to him and told him I needed him to listen to me and how I feel. We only have one life and we can't have any regrets. I explained my need to be a mother and I felt I really wanted to do this. If we kept trying for years and nothing then it would be too late and I think I would spiral when we stopped. It's the hope that's keeping me going. I told him I booked a provisional appointment that I said I would confirm after I had spoken with him. He said it comes down to how much I want this and he would support my decision. He would be happy if I was happy. It's a hard conversation to have. X

@Kelb79 I felt similar. I was 39 when I fell pregnant on my honeymoon by complete accident. I remember thinking well that was easy. Sadly it ended in a mmc at 10 weeks and I was absolutely blindsided. I had no idea I’d have mcs and how common it is. I just assumed not getting pregnant would be my issue as my mum and sister struggled and needed fertility drugs. It was definitely a baptism of fire into the world of pregnancy loss.

I really hope you get a surprise bfp. I found out I was expecting my son a few days before the due date of my mmc baby. I have to say it was a relief. A midwife once said to me some women almost need to get that due date out the way to fall pregnant again. She’s seen it many times and thought it was part of the recovery and grieving process. I hope it rings true for you. Xx

@October1979 I'm so glad OH is supporting you I don't think it's an easy decision to make at all and I don't think anyone who decides this does it lightly. At the moment OH just point blank refuses to talk about it. I'm not sure why he's adamant it will happen for us when it clearly isn't.

I really really hope this works for you xx

@October1979 thank you so much. Also for setting up this thread. It’s such a good source of support. I’m so sorry it’s not happened for you yet. Not sure if you’ve seen the website ‘defining mum’. It’s a lady who had premature ovarian failure at 28. She went to Prague with her husband and had IVF with donor eggs. Now has three beautiful children, twin girls and an older girl. She does a lot of work raising awareness of the benefits of donor eggs. Definitely worth a look if you’ve not found her already. I wish you lots of luck! Xx

@Catconfusion you have given me lots of support and hope over the last year. I am delighted it has all worked out for you and know one way or another it will work out for me to. Thanks for the info. Setting up this thread has given me tremendous support and allowed me to vent my frustrations, learn from others and realise I'm not alone. Long may the thread continue xxx

@99pctpractice sorry just seen your post. The clinics here said I could try with my own eggs but would be 10% chance if it would work due to age. It was just too low for me to consider. Considering I have 5% naturally. Also wasn't sure how long my natural fertility would take to recover if it didn't work and I didn't want to lose all those months and be faced with disappointment. I spoke with specialists in Spain who said they would recommend going straight to donor eggs as ivf with own eggs was unlikely to work. The recurrent miscarriage clinic results were inconclusive. They also ran tests and all my various levels were normal but the prescribed progesterone which I take 4 dpo until 14dpo if negative pregnancy test. I have spoken to a specialist in Prague and their success rate is 53 %. They do a guarantee. They say most have their take home babies by 2 rounds and it's rare to need a third. My husband was the same as yours. But when I explained how I feel and the possibility of never having a family he got it. He has said all the right things and said it's down to how much I want this. So I am hopeful. I felt I had to make up my own mind and have all the information and a pencilled in appointment before I approached the subject. I really felt this helped us as I could talk him through it all. It was more a reality to say yes or no too, rather than a hypothetical conversation where we would go round in circles - still hoping for a BFP in the meantime but at least I have hope x

I'm in a Facebook group for over 40s considering or already doing IVF and pretty much all of them are using donor eggs. I only dip in and out as I'm not there yet but it's useful to see their questions being answered.

@JulesRimetStillGleaming what's the name of the group? I would be keen to join x

www.facebook.com/groups/1391803797803876/?ref=share

@Catconfusion I can’t help but think you’re right about the due date. I’m still grieving so hard - I’m constantly thinking about where I should be in the pregnancy and it hurts so much still that I’m not. I definitely need that due date out of the way 😞
I think it will probably clear my mind a lot but I’m dreading the actual day.

I’m on the verge of pushing the go button for IVF in Spain. IVF Spain gets really good reviews and they have a clinic in Alicante - I can fly direct to Alicante from an airport 10 minutes away so it feels like the right place to go but….., how does Spain compare to other places like Prague?? Does anyone have any data?? 🤔🤔

@Kelb79 I'm considering prague as they will have more donors that look like me blonde and green eyes and not very many in Spain. But for IVF Spain seems to be the best place. Prague is a close second. If I was doing ivf with own eggs I would chose Spain.

@Kelb79 although it was Spain that said they wouldn't recommend ivf with amh under 2.8 pmol/l and I had 2.4

@Kelb79 it’s so so hard. I’m so sorry you’re hurting so much. Losing a pregnancy is a pain like nothing else I’ve felt. It’s really complex and I found it tough to enjoy life again. I think I got there before I fell pregnant again and I honestly think if I hadn’t I would have been ok. You’re stronger than you know and whatever the outcome you’ll get through this time! Xx

I’ll second this it’s so hard and especially when due dates would be I just had the date my 3 rd babie was surgically removed 2 April it’s heart wrenching but we have to move on and hope for a better outcome next time my heart goes out to every mom that have suffered loss ❤️

@Kelb79 I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a MMC at 39 and I was desperate to get pregnant again before my due date. I almost felt I had to get pregnant again before then to somehow offset the loss if that makes sense. I ended up conceiving my daughter the cycle after my due date and in retrospect feel that my body wanted to hold those 9 months for the baby I lost before moving forward with another pregnancy.

Thanks everyone ❤️❤️❤️
I’ve got really down lately with the date approaching, I can’t think of anything else. I’m actually totally at the point of just wanting it out of the way now so I think you’re probably right - I needed this whole 9 months to be about our angel baby ❤️❤️❤️
I had Covid recently and have taken a long time to get back on form - I don’t think that’s helped my headspace either 😵‍💫

@October1979 I’m hoping to use my own eggs, all my tests so far showed decent enough AMH etc just a potential low follicle count (I’m not sure how much I agree with that one though as previous counts were fine and they were training someone on my last scan and it was a nightmare!!) so I think sticking with Spain for the moment might be the way forward 👌🏼

How is everyone doing this month?
I’m 6DPO (I think - OPKs weren’t the clearest this month) and getting aches in lower tummy, sore boobs and more creamy CM than usual so I’m not symptom spotting at all 🤣🤣🙈
No testing this month though - I’ve run out of tests so I’m going cold Turkey on my POAS addiction 😝😝

@Catconfusion congrats!

@October1979 How are things going on your end?

@Kelb79 keep us posted! These symptoms are a good thing :)

Update: I finally got a bfp, but I am testing daily to be sure the line doesn't faint

@October1979 I'm so glad your oh was supportive. Sounds like taking action was the right way to get him there! I think it's so much on my mind that sometimes I forget that maybe my oh just hasn't really thought about it so I need to bring him up to speed. I also think my oh was (similar to yours!) convinced that it would just work out eventually, whether through ivf or otherwise. We definitely both thought ivf would be more of a silver bullet than it has been, given that our only issue seems to be age.

I don't know much about overseas clinics other than that when I looked into it very briefly, I also thought that ivf Spain looked really good but it didn't look that much cheaper than the uk when you factored in all the other costs...

We found out on Saturday that the first leg of our third cycle (we're doing duostim) has been unsuccessful. I was so optimistic on day 3 because we had two embryos that were at the right stage (unlike the last round where none of the embryos were looking good at that stage) that I really thought we'd get at least one to blastocyst. Suggests that there might have been higher levels of sperm dna fragmentation or it could just be my egg quality again....i just feel so deflated, I really thought some of the lifestyle changes I have made (not to mention all the supplements....) might help our chances. this will definitely be our last ivf with my own eggs. We'll have a think about whether we can face any more ivf (with donor eggs) or this might be the end of the road for us. Or at least time for a break. I'm turning 41 in June and we're going on holiday at the beginning of June as well, and our last weekend away was post mmc and our last holiday was during the 2ww of my first ivf round, so I'm really ready for a holiday where we can both be a bit more lighthearted and not think about anything ttc related (and maybe drink some G&ts by the pool...)

@Kelb79 I'm so sorry. It's so difficult and so sad. Sending lots of hugs.

@99pctpractice sorry to hear about your loss and it must be so difficult knowing the due date us approaching.
I'm also sorry that you recent treatment has gone as planned, it's frustrating when we've done all we can and it still doesn't happen.
Hopefully a TTC free holiday will give you both a much needed break and time to just enjoy each other x

@Kelb79 that sounds really positive!! I hope this is your month x

@IsabelHerna Congratulations!! Everything crossed its a sticky one x

So CD 1 for me I had positive lines on hpt from 5/13 dpo and now negative and ble ding like my normal period another CP TO ADD TO
MY LIST but we move and plod on a new fresh start for another new month and I’m not testing early this time I’m just torturing myself hope everyone is okay

@IsabelHerna oh congratulations!! I pray it’s a sticky one for you 🙏🏼❤️ Keep us updated!

@99pctpractice I’m so so sorry lovely 😞 that’s a tough one! Get yourself on holiday, drink those G&Ts, clear your head then see how you feel. What lifestyle changes did you make? I’d there more you can do? It’s so difficult when you’re stabbing in the dark and just don’t know why things aren’t working - how can you know what you need to change?! 😵‍💫 I hope you can find the right way forward ❤️❤️ xX

@traceyann44 I’m so sorry ❤️❤️❤️ CPs are torturous! It’s the one reason that I desperately fight my POAS addiction! (And usually fail!) and if I hear one more person say “well at least you know you can get pregnant” 😡😡
Take care of yourself lovely xxxxxxx

Im CD7 with nothing new to report 🫣 repeat after me…. I will not test, I will not test, I will not test!!!!!