TTC 35+ Thread 12

[Misty84]

Hope this works girls, haven’t done this before, we’ve run out of space on the other thread.
@thislittlebird @ElsieG3m @Marvellouslymadmum @KatRee @Anxiouswannabe

@KatRee did you go into it intending to do egg/embryo banking? I can’t remember your original plan. I keep saying to DH that I’m not resilient, I can’t do this, I’m not cut out for this and other people would be so much stronger. He’s like “think of all the shit you’ve been through” (wrt my family and childhood) and reassures me I can do this. The dad thing is really interesting because I broke down one day recently and wrote a letter when I was saying to myself that I just want my child to have what I never had, because I know my husband would be the best dad ever. It makes me so angry that I can’t do this.

It just doesn’t feel like I can do any of it, especially when I started having panic attacks in late December/early Jan. It’s a horrible experience. But you take it one day at a time, I guess.

Yeah, it’s useful. And honestly only the people who frequent the infertility boards (or people like us in conception etc) get any of this. It’s a truly awful experience, and I wish we could all have what everyone else has so easily. I saw a thread on here yesterday that wound me up a lot. About a preference for which month you have your baby. The comments in it were really triggering, people banging on about September babies being superhuman and august babies never catching up and all this stupid stuff which I think is mostly bullshit. I was a May baby with zero confidence and came top of my class, there’s more to a child’s development than the month they were born. ANYWAY, I digress. It just really got my goat that not only do some people get to ‘choose’ but they also believe it’s a real choice, when in reality it’s luck. They just decide they’ll have a baby and oh look! There’s the baby. How simple and fortunate!

I can only hope this shitty experience makes me appreciate any baby I get at whatever time it comes.

I really wish I’d done what you did and gone for the promotion before now. Or another one. But that boat has sailed. I changed careers three years ago so my salary is average but we’re fine, I just wanted the promotion before all this happened but I didn’t get the only one I wanted to apply for and now it’s starting and I’m still in a job I don’t love. On the plus side, my boss is chilled and I’ll be able to take all the leave I need.

I’m allowed wine again tonight!!!! I had to wait until I have a blood test today but I will be having a glass later. 🍷

@Marvellouslymadmum glad you’ve got your appointment Monday!

@RugbyGirl1 mine have two or will likely be having number two this year or next year. It’s depressing.

What cycle day did you have the booster? I had mine on cd1 or 2 each time and it’s been fine.

Very real and I’m kinda nervous because my doctor was young and I’m not feeling confident. But it is what it is now, we go in on the 26th for the drugs teach and tests, which may well be cd1 for me.

How's the wine tasting?? Enjoy it! 😁 Have you had your prolactin test results back? Sorry if I missed it.

I had the booster on cd16 and ovulated like normal (according to BBT and other signs) the next day on cd17. AF due tomorrow so will see what happens. Even if it doesn't show I doubt it's anything but delayed due to the jab, rather not kid myself it could be because I'm pregnant - ha that would be a fine chance!!

@RugbyGirl1 I should get my results next week! 🤞

Well, you never know. Keep us posted.

I had a proper rant on here last night, embarrassing the next day lol

Ok so we haven’t even abroad since Dec 2018. We never got to have our honeymoon because Covid kicked in, and I’m thinking we should book something long haul in May for my birthday and bolt it onto the jubilee bank holiday in early June. Thoughts on where to go?

We want a proper relaxing holiday, great beaches, nice place to go. I may or may not be pregnant at the time, depending on IVF outcomes. Never been pregnant, don’t know how that plays into things really.

@thislittlebird fingers crossed for your results!

That sounds like a lovely idea! Longest haul I've been for a beach holiday is Cape Verde which was a proper relaxing do absolutely nothing but sit on a beach type holiday. Not sure what it would be like weatherwise that time of year though.... I went in November I think and it was plenty hot enough!! I tend to go on more 'doing' holidays - get bored easily 😂

@RugbyGirl1 Unfortunately I've realised there's very few places we can go because of zika virus :/

So I guess we're looking at Europe, but the weather limits us even further tbh.

@thislittlebird ah yep... That makes sense. I would highly recommend Valencia if you've not been before. Lots to see and do and a beach for those lazier days. Would recommend a paella cookery course, the wildlife park and the science centre if you like doing things! Plus general mooching, shopping (and bars but you may not be too interested in them at that point!)

@RugbyGirl1 I’d already got my heart set on Thailand before I realised this too :/ Europe isn’t doing it for me, I’d already got it excited about the food.

I’ll check it out. We haven’t been on a beach holiday in years and we’re usually fairly moochy but I’m quite up for the idea of a predominantly beach holiday where we don’t have to rush around but have the option of doing some stuff if we want to.

@thislittlebird Wasn't planning on embryo banking originally, but after the first transfer failed we signed up to a 3 cycle package and my plan was to move on to the next egg retrieval to try and get my eggs out asap due to diminished reserve. So far after two cycles I have a grand total of one very iffy quality frosty banked. I am toying with the idea of not doing a fresh transfer this cycle and moving onto a fourth egg retrieval, but I imagine if I'm lucky enough to get one worth transferring I'll just want it in me asap.
If I had unlimited funds I'd probably do proper embryo banking with PGS testing and also all the tests for receptivity and all that before any transfers, but the costs are pretty staggering I think, don't even dare to look properly right now!

It's completely shit, but you definitely can do it. Your DH is right, as someone who's been through shit already, you're probably better equipped than lots of other people.

Yeah, I get the thing about wanting your child to have what you never did. One of the reasons I left it a bit later was I wanted to be in a position where I knew history wasn't going to repeat. After my dad left my mum had really bad depression and anxiety and I've struggled with that too and wanted to be sure I was in a position where I could manage it before having kids. Of course I still have issues, but I've had a period on antidepressants alongside counselling a couple of years ago which helped massively and feel like I've got the tools to help myself now which my mum never had when she had kids in her twenties in the eighties. There's no such thing a perfect parents, but definitely think me and OH are in a good position to offer lots of love and support and it sucks that in the time it's taken for us to get to this point my reproductive system has decided it's had enough. Definitely wish I'd not waited for a promotion to start ttc properly though, that bit I actually regret

I'm so sorry you are experiencing panic attacks. I have had them before and they are horrible

@RugbyGirl1 I never get spotting and had some last week a few days before my period was due. Couldn't help myself and was googling implantation bleeding and all that. Spoiler alert- it was not implantation bleeding. But hey, maybe yours could be? 🤞

Yes, I also saw that thread 🙄 Imagine having, or thinking you had, so much control over all this that you can chart the course of your future child's life by choosing to give birth to them in September. Ffs

Hope you enjoyed the well-earned wine. Canary Islands should have warm weather in May

@Marvellouslymadmum fingers crossed they up the dose tomorrow and it has the desired effect

Thanks if you've made it to the end of this super long message- helps to get things of the chest sometimes!

@thislittlebird a holiday sounds amazing! Me and my oh have never been abroad together 😕 because we have two teenagers each it's far too expensive as you have to pay adult prices for them, we can't take two without the other two and can't really leave them all either! Just be aware if you're booking a hot holiday that if your ivf goes well and you are pregnant when you go, you'll be a lot more susceptible to the heat and sunstroke/burn

I also get really cross when people say they're taking months off because they don't want their baby born at a certain time of year, I just want to shake them and shout DONT BE SO STUPID in their faces 😂

Thanks @KatRee I'll update tomorrow

@KatRee I know what you mean. I think I’d be torn and consider doing all the egg retrievals now in the hope for a spare for now/later. Dunno, it’s tough. Have you looked at BPAS at all? I know they’re doing not for profit fertility treatment now and their prices are online.

I’m feeling a bit nervous now it’s getting closer. My period will probably be late, it’s due tomorrow lol.

I have anxiety stuff I need to deal with really but this has kinda swept us up and I’m just seeing what happens. If we do get pregnant I think I’ll get a counsellor tbh. We also waited for the “right time”. I was part time studying 2012-2018 and working part time. I didn’t want to have a baby while doing all that so we waited. When I got this job we started trying a few months later and here we are still trying :/

The panic attacks seem to have subsided now. It was for a couple of weeks but would not be surprised if they came back.

I took a test yesterday. Final BFN before IVF, I didn’t get to be that person.

Can’t believe someone else saw that dumb thread👀👀👀. It made me very like ummmmm wow I am really gonna hate the world of annoying ass parents if I ever get there lmaoooo

So holidays are really annoying me. @Marvellouslymadmum. KatRee’s suggestion of Canaries is good, but I was really in the mood to go further afield. But zika said no, you cannot. We decided Seychelles would be nice because no Zika and then I realised I also can’t have travel vaccinations 🥴. So it’s Europe or Europe, basically.

I’ve been to the canaries once or twice and I didn’t love it. Any recommendations for particular areas welcome. If we move out trip to June we could do Sicily/Greek Islands/Ibiza. Our last hot holiday was in Menorca, the one before that was Rhodes. Both were fine, I fancied something a bit different but I can’t see it happening.

How did yesterday go?

@thislittlebird is it still scheduled for today? I’ve been thinking about you....sending you all the luck in the world. Just tried to catch up on everything. Sorry you’re feeling anxious although I’m sure it’s normal. You can do it - you’ve been such an insightful and kind support to me so channel that for yourself. I’ll be crossing absolutely everything for you x

@Carla2601 my period hasn’t arrived :/ the email says to reschedule but I don’t know what to do. They say reschedule but my husband needs blood tests and has the day off especially, he can’t just do whatever day they pick or when my period arrives. Ugh, this is additional stress I don’t need tbh. Should I just turn up? We kinda decided we would even if they can’t do the scan.

Thanks Carla, that’s very nice, now I just need my body to get on board with the plan.

@thislittlebird I reckon turn up and see what happens. And I’m sorry this is happening it’s the last thing you need.

Keep us posted and I’ll be sending you AF thoughts (for the first time ever!)

@Carla2601 ok so I emailed and said no AF but we’re coming in for blood tests because we’re off work and they were fine. Weird being in the ACU again. It’s all very real and strange to see so many different people going through the same thing as you are.

I did a couple of cheapie tests the last couple of days just in case and of course they’re all BFNs 😂

We’re on our way back now because all we needed was a blood test. AF will probably arrive today and I’ll have to back tomorrow 🤪

@thislittlebird I wanted to say are you sure you’re not pregnant but then didn’t want to if you see what I mean.

Fingers crossed for tomorrow then and keep us posted with progress

@Carla2601 unfortunately I doubt it, but I do wish I was :/

I’ll test again if AF still isn’t here tomorrow but it’s probably just late ovulation. Today would be 14 dpo but possibly even 13dpo if I ovulated a bit after that positive OPK.

@thislittlebird the Greek islands are nice, I've been to mainland Greece, kos and Corfu, all very nice. Italy is nice, Venice especially too.
Monday didn't go at all - no one called me! I phoned the secretary yesterday to find out what's going and on and she wasn't in and said the consultant wasn't in either so she's send her an email to sort it out, I then get an email appointment through today, FIR 28th MARCH!! i am so so cross! Not only is that another two months (their fault for not calling) to stop clomid and just wait as it's not working on 50mg, but that is also my 43rd birthday and the consultant is already convinced it's just down to my age and nothing else so I'm sure she'll just tell me oh well if it's not working that's it 😢

@Marvellouslymadmum I’m looking for something green and I’m thinking Corfu or Kefalonia. Leaning towards Kefalonia. I think we’ll spend more than we normally would and go for ten days. Get a nice villa with a private pool, the money will probably go further in Greece than Italy, I think.

28th MARCH? What the hell is that about? Why would you go in two months from the appointment you were due? She could have just prescribed you the extra dosage, what a pain in the ass.

Sorry, I didn’t read this until today. Been tied up with ivf nonsense and my period being a dickhead.

@thislittlebird sorry I've been rubbish at answering too! Kefalonia is supposed to be nice, though I've not been.

I phoned and spoke to the proper secretary and she said they'd done it all wrong and fit me a new phone appointment for 14th feb instead so still two weeks ago but better and it's with the head of the department too so I'm hoping he'll be a bit more helpful!

How are you getting on with the ivf stuff now?

@Marvellouslymadmum that is so so frustrating!! Glad you’ve got it sorted and I feel like that’s as good a date as you could get....hopefully it’s a sign haha!

@thislittlebird how’s it going did you get to do your transfer?

@Carla2601 haha you never know! I'm just going with dtd as much as is possible from now until af lol

@Marvellouslymadmum 14th feb sounds much better! What’s the consultant going to be discussing do you know?

Ivf is ok, still daunting even when in the process but dh is ok doing the injections and I’m in charge of ice pack application lol. After Wednesday we’ll be on two injections per day.

I had 11 follicles on the left and 13 on the right on day 3 of my cycle when I went for a scan on Saturday. Here’s hoping they respond but it’s impossible to know what will happen with them at this stage.

@Carla2601 I’m only on day 3 of stims so a while to go yet. Got to go for a blood test on Wednesday and then they’ll decide whether or not to increase my medication.