TTC 35+ Thread 12

[Misty84]

Hope this works girls, haven’t done this before, we’ve run out of space on the other thread.
@thislittlebird @ElsieG3m @Marvellouslymadmum @KatRee @Anxiouswannabe

Hi ladies I’m still here lurking on cycle 22. Sorry to hear that this journey is still so challenging for some of you. Im not quite sure what is going on for me, but I said I never wanted to go through tests and ivf but here I am being referred to the fertility clinic following our tests being completed. The good news I guess is my results were all fine and his were in the normal range (but morphology is just about hitting the lowest end of normal). I guess it’s just a wait now for the lovely Hycosy (I’ve been here before 😩) and then approx 6 month wait to see fertility consultant on nhs. All those things I said I wasn’t doing and here I am…. 🤪

@thislittlebird you never know, I'm going from positive this may actually work thoughts, to negative there's no way this will work and will just be more time wasted thoughts 🤦🏼‍♀️

@Loladoodle sorry you're still waiting too, at least you can get the help though

Welcome to the club @Loladoodle 😩. Remind me, is this your first or second? At least the test results were good.

I’m getting twitchy that my ivf will hit Christmas and be delayed until January. I’m going to email them and ask what happens about Christmas.

So I'm in a&e for the second time this week, have a suspected broken hand - just realising that the medical staff need training in the art of tact! The doctor was filling out my X-ray form and said with a snigger 'I take it you're not pregnant' so I stared him in the face and said no, we are trying but I'm definitely not at the moment and he scuttled off then went through to X-ray where the X-ray man asked if I was still having monthly periods!!! I mean come on I'm 42! 🤦🏼‍♀️ I know they have to ask these things but they could be more tactful, made me feel totally old and decrepit like we are mad for even trying at our age 😞

@thislittlebird I have a 6 year old from previous relationship. He had some fertility issues- we went through all tests and were referred for ivf and conceived naturally when treatment was about to begin after 3 years of ttc. I have a new partner who has no children and so we started ttc last April- not even a squinter so far and here I am again going through all the tests and referral to fertility clinic. Hoping we get lucky like I did last time however I was younger then and also it took 3 years- I don’t feel I have 3 years for this to continue. I want to resume normal life again ASAP!

@Loladoodle ah, that’s lucky that you didn’t need to get to ivf before. I wish I could summon that energy 😂

It would be great to return to some sort of normal, very frustrating having to repeat it all again I’m sure. I’m sick of this stupid journey but I’m not sure I’d be happy to say we didn’t try ivf, hence why we’re heading that route.

I emailed the clinic anxiously asking about Christmas closures and how that impacts the waiting list. I hope they’re nice to me in response.

@Misty84 realised I didn’t reply to your journey time question. It probably takes me 1.5 hours to get to the Lister, so 3 hours out of my working day + appointment time is a lot. It turned out to be about 4 hours the other day. I’d have no leave left or i would need a closer clinic if they were being funny about it. My appointment on Wednesday is at 9.15.

Actually maybe more like 1hr 15 but you know what it’s like, need to allow a bit more usually.

@Marvellouslymadmum sorry to hear about your hand, and the way the medical staff were, that's awful! You're not crazy, ignore them. Glad you stood up to the first one and hopefully made him feel uncomfortable

@A1b2c3d4e5f6g7 has just made me realise I haven’t replied to @Marvellouslymadmum either. Sorry, it’s quiet here and I’m skimming.

@Marvellouslymadmum it sounds like a very dumb man response tbh. I will assume they were a little younger but I might be wrong. Hope your hand is ok?

Sorry I've been quiet. It's just every now and then these things get too overwhelming.

I hope everyone is hanging in there still...
@Marvellouslymadmum
Sorry to hear about your hand and horrific experience...do check if any of the meds impact fertility..

@A1b2c3d4e5f6g7 @thislittlebird thank you, my hand is ok, feeling a bit better now. I think you're right it was a dumb man response lol the first one (that sniggered) was definitely older than me the second probably in his mid twenties so he was forgiven a little easier but nearly got both barrels because of the first one 😂
@AnxiousWannabe thank you, I've finished the antibiotics now just as coming into my fw so should be all good

How are you all doing?

@Marvellouslymadmum how tactless from those men🤦‍♀️ You’re only 42!!

@thislittlebird It takes me 1hr (although I always leave 1hr15) so not as long as you, but still significant and it’s a whole morning taken up when I have an appointment. I always thought that I would do a few rounds with the Lister and then switch to Create in Wimbledon which is a lot closer to me (30 mins). We’ll see though…don’t know how all this will work out, not only in terms of finances but whether Lister can continue to convince me that they’re the best place and if it would be too much of a faff to change clinics.

Regarding Christmas treatment, I really don’t want to do a round in Dec (because looking at my cycle it would be during the week before Xmas!), very much hoping to get our next round done before then. Have they replied to your query about that yet?

@Loladoodle I think it’s quite normal that your plan has changed, I think the longer we’re on this journey there can be a gradual shift in our mindset, whether it’s to step back from all this or to push on with a new route to try and make it happen. I hope everything goes ok for you and the ivf wait times aren’t too long!!

Hope everyone is doing ok, like all of you I’m feeling tired from being on this ‘journey’, it really is relentless and so horrible that it prevents us fully enjoying our lives. Feel so stuck.

We are chasing for our sperm dna fragmentation results now and hoping to do our 2nd round within the next 2 months 🤞

You know what's so scary in my fertility journey? Apart from everything and anything. I stop making plans for the future. Jobs, house, travelling, food, reno. Literally everything.
If you are TTC, you are too afraid to hope.
If you have gone through a painful TTC journey and somehow got pregger, you are too afraid to hope.
If you miraculously give birth to a baby, you start to worry.

Which part about having a child is fun ?

@Misty84 exactly, it’s whole morning. Tomorrow I won’t get to work until between 11 and 12. I’ll try to get there earlier.

So they replied to my December query and it’s sent me over the edge a bit. Basically, if I don’t get the call by November that’s us for the year. The Christmas cut off is November 30th and they re-start December 27th, so I can’t have treatment in 2021 on the nhs. I’m a wreck right now. I think we’re going to have to do a private round, if they’ll fit us in, next month but they also close so if they can’t fit us in for October/November then we’re fucked. I don’t know what else to do. I have PCO/high AMH so I’ll need a freeze all and my cycles aren’t until 27-29th of the month right now. That means I won’t start until late January, and I won’t be able to have a transfer until when, February? March? unless by some miracle they call me up on December 27th when they reopen which, in reality, they won’t, unless I’ve done a medication appointment in December. I don’t see it as realistic, it’s a mess. They are currently working their way through people added it the waiting list in June, I was added on Aug 31 😭.

My life has been on hold long enough, I’ll likely have to now spend £7k on a private round just to save my own sanity at this point. I would do it with Guys privately to save money but I doubt they’ll fit me in.

@Misty84 I like the way you say I'm only 42, makes me Feel younger!

@AnxiousWannabe I didn't find ttc or being pregnant or having the children anxious previously, but I'd never suffered loss then and I think it'll be a whole lot different if I ever manage to get pregnant again!

@thislittlebird would you be able to do a paid round to freeze all before Christmas and then that way you could use those from transfer after 27th december?

@Marvellouslymadmum I'm not sure. I'm going to ring the private arm of the nhs clinic in the morning and see what they say. I can't see that they'll be able to fit me in but I can ask.

I can probably do a round with the Lister if not, but it's frustrating how much more it costs. It's £2k more compared to a private round with Guys. But the only window to do a round before Christmas closures hit will be my next cycle at the end of this month, I need to find out who could accommodate us. I can't wait another three months, I'm not coping well as is.

@thislittlebird
Sorry it's so frustrating for you.
I've gone through similar timing issue with my rubella problems so to a lesser degree I think I could understand.

Just sharing my thoughts at that point - I was thinking if I push ahead for the cycle and it didn't work, I need to be ok with my decisions. It's probably me but when I put so much effort/ hope / money to make it happen, part of me wanted it to just work (apart from my anxiety of wanting to do something). It was very hard for me to reconcile the fact that despite i had the resource to make the Ivf cycle happen, I have totally no control of the outcome and I need to be ok with that.

I really wish everything works out for you..for all of us here. It's unfair at so many angles but life's never a linear path I guess. If it's not ok it's not the end.

@AnxiousWannabe what happened with your cycle in the end, I’ve forgotten? Did the rubella delay it or did you put it off for a bit?

The thing is it might NOT work. But neither might a funded cycle, so I think I need to just try at this point. I’m not getting any younger, but I am getting more stressed.

Had my scan for cycle 2 of letrozole. Two follicles this time, 20mm and 14.5mm on day 8, but because it’s only day 8 I have 6.4mm lining (although it is triple layer). I’m waiting to see what they decide to do with me.

@thislittlebird that is a big price difference but I would say totally worth it if it helps you, I can totally understand it effecting you if you're having to wait another few months! I would imagine as you're only day 8 they may give you another scan in a few days to see if it's getting better.

Got my letter through and it just said amh 1.3 didn't give any more information 🤷🏼‍♀️ got to ring the gp anyway to sort my prescription woohoo

@Marvellouslymadmum yep, had my second scan today. Got two follicles, one 24mm and one 17mm, and my lining is now 10mm.

I need to trigger today, but right now I have a migraine and the thought is not very appealing. Also we need to dtd 😩

Did you sort your prescription out?

@thislittlebird it's annoying when things happen at the wrong time isn't it! Yes they're signing the prescription and sending it through to my chemist so it'll be there Monday/Tuesday for me