Month 12, 6 DPO, fed up and loosing hope

[fingerscrossed91]

Hi all,

I apologise in advance if this post is negative but I'm so so fed up with TTC. We have been trying for 12 months and haven't even had a hint of a line. My three best girlfriends (and soon to be bridesmaids) have all announced they are preggers this past month. Whilst I'm genuinely ecstatic for them I'm hurting so much as I don't believe it will ever happen for me.

I had to take a few days off work at the start of the week when the third told me they were preggers as I was just so overwhelmed and upset. A few days eating rubbish and watching Netflix made me feel a bit better but I have just lost hope that I will ever see a second pink line let alone have a baby.

I'm currently 6DPO and even though I know I won't be pregnant I'm still working myself up about it. I (stupidly) did a test today which was obv a BFN but it's like I can't help myself. It like a weird form of self torture!

I'd be so keen to talk to any hopeful mummas in a similar boat - let's keep everyone sain!

xxx

@Amy259 have you got your OH taking wellman too? How did he feel about it? Aw I'm sorry to hear so many of your friends have little ones, it makes seeing them so tough doesn't it but helps loads when they're understanding. Most of my friends popped out babies years ago but I didn't meet my partner till around that time, just feel so far behind 😕 x

@suzy124 my two closest friends don’t have babies, they’re like my sisters and are great with support but can’t really understand. One of them is going through a divorce (a year into marriage) and the other’s partner had cancer last year, so they’ve got a lot on too.

I’m 31 soon and DH is 32 and we’re the only ones of our married friends not pregnant or parents. It’s a lot! Yeah he takes wellman, when he remembers anyway 😂 he doesn’t mind taking them but does need prompting - it blows my mind because I’m so consumed by ttc I would never forget mine!

I've been in your position!
DH and I were trying for over a year (from our engagement) with no luck! We stopped trying and went back on birth control as I didn't want to be pregnant or having just given birth at our wedding. Wishing a month of us stopping trying, 4 couples announced their happy (but accidental) pregnancies. We were crushed.
We then fell pregnant on our wedding night and now have 2 beautiful babies (twins) and eagerly expecting our 3rd!

1st pregnancy was in the first month we started trying again, 2nd was the second month. We have absolutely no idea or reason why it hadn't happened in the year we were trying.

I know it's tough, but don't lose hope! 💕

@suzy124 he's only takes them when I tell him to 🤣 I've stopped trying lol I was also worrying what if it's hindering things 🤷🏼‍♀️ I literally have no idea, I found testing messed with my mental health so I'm really reluctant 🙈 I don't even think I have any tests!! How's your weekend going? X

@Amy259 it's just been so long I can't cope with the bfns anymore🤣 I just always assume it won't happen! I have found myself a lovely A6😍 perfect for families... lol🤞🏻I'm glad shout friends are sensitive. Mine are not so much 🙈 I have a couple of friends with kids but they had them when I wasn't ready so it's not so bad. I have a family member currently pregnant by accident which absolutely killed me... I was right for weeks! All part of TTC isn't it 🙄

@Mommabear20 aww that's so encouraging thank you. Hope your pregnancy is going well 🥰

I've had some more brown spotting... guys please tell me what I should do 🙈 literally only when I go hoking for it 🤣 it hasn't reached my undies yet!

@xoJellyBean I vote test! Have you ever had spotting before AF? I never really test either but if I was late I defo would!

Yeah I'm gonna stop reminding my OH, just so sick of it. Do you mean the anxiety of him not taking it might be hindering things or the actual tablets themselves? lol
Oh nice car! What colour you going for? x

@suzy124 I've had spotting but usually cramps and af arrives shortly after... I wish we could just KNOW what was going on with our bodies lol have you had spotting before?

Hmm a bit of both perhaps 🤣 he's been on them as long as me so maybe a break will do him good 😊 I'm going for a grey one 🥰 I really hope we can fill the boot with a pram🤞🏻 x

I am in the exact same boat. Completely lost all hope. SIL tried after us and now she's due very soon. It's sad to think that she'll have her baby before we even have a hint of a positive. There is not anything I haven't tried. Giving up this cycle. Cd12 and no rise at all just now. I'm sure it'll happen at some point but just fed up with it all. Really feel quite low. Even though we are all in the same boat the loneliness is like no other.

@HJen22 I'm Aberdeen too! Have you had your fertility appointment? I have mine at the end of next month. The first virtual appt. Everyone is like yay you'll get ivf (clearly don't know what infertility is and that ivf isn't always the answer). How long were you for scans and bloods? I have had a private scan that I paid for that showed everything (apart from tubes) were all fine. I ovulate every month (although still a bit messed up since covid vaccine 3/4 months ago). Any help regarding Aberdeen fertility would be great! Thanks!

@xoJellyBean I vote test too! (And lovelyyyy car!) x

Arghh I have no tests!! 😱🤣 need to order some!

@xoJellyBean eeeek not meaning to get your hopes up but I'm excited for you! 🤞 nope never had any spotting, if ever I did then I'd know something was definitely up!

Nice! When are you getting the car? I'm sure it will be perfect 🥰 x

Hi @Loops01 I remember you from the fertilily thread. Are you still using it? You're in the right place for utterly fed-up ladies x

@suzy124 haha yeah I noticed you and @Amy259 who is on another thread with me (😘). Feel like it's been so long I recognise so many usernames haha.

I am still using it yeah. To be honest I've only really had 1 full month of using it religiously. Last month ovulation was quicker than expected and wasn't at home to use it. Will try more this month. With it. Still quite like it. Don't know if it's just because I feel like it's cleaner in the sense of it all doesn't leak out and be minging and it collects and I can empty. Silly I know! You not having much luck still either?

I would've been tempted to test tomorrow after this but I've got no tests and I'm reading reviews for FRER off Amazon and they're not good 🤯 any suggestions to what I should order?

@suzy124 hopefully getting it next week 🤞🏻😊 something to look forward to if af shows lol x

@Loops01 I think I'm also on some threads with you 🥰

@xoJellyBean I was going to say any chance you or OH can nip out first thing and get one but then I remembered nothing opens in NI on a Sunday till like 1pm lol. Otherwise maybe just get one tomorrow and test Monday if the Amazon ones aren't reliable? X

@Loops01 nah not even a hint. Last month didn't use it and actually didn't notice too much leakage, whereas when I have used it it's all sucked out with the cup next day. Also I live in a hard water area so it's gone a bit weird and chalky after several sterilisations and don't much fancy sticking it in anymore 😂 It's just mental though that someone can have success with it first time after trying for ages and the rest of us are like...🤔 x

Sorry yes @xoJellyBean noticed after! Good luck with your test when you do one!

@suzy124 yeah I think you're only meant to keep it 3 months or something. I'm soft water and haven't noticed anything wrong with it yet but if nothing in the next couple of months everything is getting chucked and nothing replaced. Vitamins etc too!

Happy Sunday ladies I hope you are all having a lovely weekend ❤️ I have my fingers crossed for you @xoJellyBean for when you test!!!!

@Loops01 hi 👋🏻 aw nice to speak to speak from Aberdeen too! So we had our first video call at the start of June, the Dr was absolutely lovely. I'd had day2 bloods done prior. Basically it was just a lot of questions and then she offered me an internal scan and HyCosy. I could have just went for scan but I said HyCosy too although it depends on the results of the scan if they'll do HyCosy. She had said it was about a 3 month wait as they only so HyCosys one day a week so it's in August! I got a letter when they were ready to take August appointments and I called. I recently got an overview letter of our call and it says scan as diminished ovarian reserve can't be ruled out (I think that's due to my slightly high FSH). I think it nothing comes up on scan or HyCosy we'll just be told to go away and keep trying until the 2 year mark. I've never had my day21 bloods done yet so I might ask about that, I think because I have a regular cycle each month they've not bothered yet. I'm sorry you're having to go through investigations too 😞 hopefully we have some more BFPs on this thread 🥰

Thanks @HJen22! Some clarity at least! Can I ask how old you are just regarding your reserve? I've had day 21 done but it was before I ovulated. I had my first regular cycle again in 2 months cos of covid vaccine (the time they did the day 21 bloods) so I'm hoping it continues being normal but we will see. How do you know about your FSH level? Dr's done general bloods for me but said all was fine and normal but I feel like they would say that anyway even if on the higher or lower side! Thank you for the time line though! I would go for the hycosy also - why not! So they say basically no treatment until 2 full years of trying?

Keep me posted on how you get on good to know there's someone local in the same position in a sense. I heard that the numbers being referred are on the rise now since covid easing. Hopefully it doesn't delay things too much for everyone.

@Loops01 of course, I'm 33 and have been off the pill since March 2020. I have quite short cycles so this is cycle 18! Yeah that's the same, I had bloods done and GP said all fine and referred us. Then on the call the Dr said FSH was a little high but didn't give a figure. I only know now cos of the overview letter I got the other day and it's 10.6. Yeah if there is nothing obvious we'd just be told to keep trying until 2 years. If something comes back in the scan, low reserve I don't think they bother doing HyCosy as it wouldn't make a difference to egg quality / quantity it's just for checking tubes. Exact wording is "recommended internal scan as the possibility of low ovarian reserve cannot be ruled out however she was also keen for tubal testing as well and we have agreed to do HyCosy. HyCosy is not mandatory in case we need to step up towards ivf and also we may only resort to scan if there is significant low reserve". Didn't feel like I knew exactly all that from the call so freaked me out seeing it in writing. I am hoping scan comes back ok, they can do HyCosy too and there isn't anything wrong 🤞🏻 trying not to worry too much but easier said than done.

How has your journey been? I hope there aren't too many delays and things start to speed up now. From my referral to first call to first hospital app it will be 6 months so could be worse I suppose, I know a lot of places are a lot longer. Xx

@HJen22 I'm 32 and pretty similar although this is cycle 12 for me. I've found it very lonely and horrible actually. First 4 cycles were like 'oh OK it's fine, it takes time'. Cycle 6 was a complete meltdown. Cycle 8 I think is was when we found out about his sister getting pregnant nice and easy. Then cycle 9 (roughly) everyone followed suit and I had about 11 friends, family and work colleagues pregnant. I've no hope now. No diagnosed issue. Apart from 2 freak cycles everything else was pretty regular and I really changed my diet etc from cycle 6 onwards and now don't really have any pms or issues. SA was all good. Cycle 11 I had my scan and it showed my ovary with the follicle that had released the day before and all healthy and normal. Just that thing of its all fine but there's no positive line 😂. I came off pop birth control Nov 2019 in order to prep my body before trying. Took about 6 months to get regular cycles back to the 28-31 days. I don't really know what I haven't tried. It's all the usual.

Honestly you telling me all that really helps. It's that thing of will it be ages, will we get 'treatment' etc and knowing a rough timescale helps. It's like if someone said you'll get pregnant in 2023 ill be like meh fuck it I'm drinking alcohol and eating houmous again! Haha. Do you know when your next appt is?

@xoJellyBean any update... No pressure... 😂

Sorry I've been quiet, wrecking my brain here 🤣 I've got some tests arriving tomorrow. I think I'm about to have a meltdown lol

@Loops01 it is one horrible and lonely journey and there's really nothing anyone can say to make it better. But we all understand 💛

Just looked at fertililly it's says chuck after 6 months, I've used it for 4 and I feel like if it was gonna do something it would have worked by now

@xoJellyBean you are keeping us in suspense here...

Sorry 🙈 I got a faint line but I woke up with quite a bit of blood this morning so I'm just so anxious right now! About to go to the loo for the 10000th time today to check😓 I don't know what to think x

@xoJellyBean omg I am keeping everything crossed for you! Is it like start of period flow or lighter? x

There's no flow but I've lost hope now... attached my two tests @suzy124 😓 xx

@xoJellyBean aw hun, did you use fmu? How many dpo are you now? X

@suzy124 I'm unsure. I was using OPKs for a while but never got a peak... didn't temp this month of course 🤣🙈 x