Month 12, 6 DPO, fed up and loosing hope

[fingerscrossed91]

Hi all,

I apologise in advance if this post is negative but I'm so so fed up with TTC. We have been trying for 12 months and haven't even had a hint of a line. My three best girlfriends (and soon to be bridesmaids) have all announced they are preggers this past month. Whilst I'm genuinely ecstatic for them I'm hurting so much as I don't believe it will ever happen for me.

I had to take a few days off work at the start of the week when the third told me they were preggers as I was just so overwhelmed and upset. A few days eating rubbish and watching Netflix made me feel a bit better but I have just lost hope that I will ever see a second pink line let alone have a baby.

I'm currently 6DPO and even though I know I won't be pregnant I'm still working myself up about it. I (stupidly) did a test today which was obv a BFN but it's like I can't help myself. It like a weird form of self torture!

I'd be so keen to talk to any hopeful mummas in a similar boat - let's keep everyone sain!

xxx

Thanks for the love ladies! I’m trying not to feel so glum, but damn it’s so deflating. Even my OH struggled today, it was refreshing to see him so honest. He said he feels bad because he usually keeps it’s together and helps me feel better. But he got too excited with a couple of symptoms this month and has had a crash down to Earth. I asked him not to hide his feelings in the future. It makes me feel more normal for being so down, then at least we can help each other feel better. On top of all this he really misses his kids, so I know that’s getting to him. It’s heartbreaking to see him cry over missing his babies. 😞

@AZ1992X what things will you be doing to make the days go by quicker? I thought that too! But I cheated and started using my food processor to knead the dough, and it works so well! I just followed the recipe on the side of the Lidl bread flour packet haha it makes me feel all homey and useful hahah are you more of a cook, baker or eater? 😂 I’m definitely an eater, but I will give it a go at making most things!

Sending lots of baby dust to you this week ✨

@Amy259 thank you! 💕 the Prosecco was a nice distraction.

How was the carpet shopping? Anything take your fancy?

Thanks @User1400 I have definitely allowed myself to feel glum today! I think it was needed. Harry Potter is still going strong, just had a little painting break in between ☺️ I’m trying so hard to view it as a fresh start, but cramping is a little rough today 😅 so feeling sorry for myself is easier.

Can I just say how brave and strong you are, staying and supporting your friend without breaking down! I think I would have cracked 😔 that must have been so difficult, so you deserve a chocolate bar and a cup of tea tonight 💕

Would it make you feel better to try and get your OH to understand a little more? Or do you just think you are experiencing different things? BUT you know either way we are all here to listen and offer any advice we can.

Amy I’m the same! I can’t imagine these people who are pregnant and never know?! (I used to watch those programs of the ladies giving birth on the loo thinking it’s just constipation 😂) I would hope you would have some symptoms to give you a clue, surely?

Is being incompatible even a thing?? Geeeze another thing to worry about 🤦🏼‍♀️

✨💕✨

@Amy259 Me too, I 100% thought I'd be pregnant within months of trying.. In my mind I should have a 1 year old by now (I try not to think that way too often). It's really hard when I see friends who have only just decided they want kids and it happens almost straight away, it's tough to have them telling me what it's like to be pregnant when I imagined it being the other way around, in my head I'm 2 yrs ahead of them!

Oh wowee, I've never heard of not being compatible😖.. another thing for us to stress about urghhh.

That's good both sets of parents have laid off.. I can totally understand keeping it from them for as long as you can, it's already a handful coping with your own emotions, never mind dealing with everyone else worrying too. In saying that I'm glad I told my parents, my mum has taken her foot off the gas, although it is scary speaking it into existence that we're struggling to conceive.

HyCosy 28 Oct, I was really worried about it initially but now I'm just thinking, bring it on! I just want to know what is going on and get the ball rolling for treatment. Obviously I hope we ultimately don't need treatment but that seems like where it's heading so I just want to get the show on the road.

@HopefulGlow Aww that is very sweet your OH was open in showing emotion, definitely very comforting. Sounds like you had a lovely cosy evening 🥰 I usually start to feel more positive once AF is gone, dust myself off and look ahead at the opportunity the new cycle brings! Remind me, what cycle are you on?

OH has always been closed off when it comes to physically showing emotion, so I know that won't change.. he reassures me he's feeling it inside but it can be tough when I am so visibly emotional, it makes me feel a bit silly. It got to the stage that I was sobbing and mulling about for a couple of days every time AF arrived and he said we couldn't keep going through all of these motions every month and I was like, do you think I want to feel this way?! I think he is still under the impression it will just 'happen'.. which comes with its own frustrations as I feel he doesn't fully understand what could be ahead of us.

I am extremely glad he is allowed to attend my HyCosy as I hope having a face to face discussion with a doctor will give him a little bit of a reality check.

How is everyone doing today? Chill day on the cards for me cleaning the house I think 🧼 🧹

@User1400 my OH is the same most of the time, he shuts off and goes quiet when things get too emotional. But like you say, I know they try their best and feel/show it in their own way.

I’m a very emotional person too, I wear it on my sleeve. But maybe we balance each other out that way? If our OH were like us, it may be a bit too much haha

I’m on cycle 15, just counted as I was before I was just counting months, but I have 3 week cycles so it’s a bit more 😫 I still hold hope that it will just happen. But as more time goes on, it feels less likely. BUT I am in a place where I feel ready to accept it & the help. I was scared of people judging me, and that’s just silly 🤦🏼‍♀️

What cycle are you on now?

I’m having a lazy day again. Painting and maybe baking! Or at least attempt to haha my cramps have been bad this month and I’m usually okay. So I’m feeling extra sorry for myself lol

Can you give me some umpire to clean please? Haha I have a big pile of washing that needs putting away 😂 ✨💕✨

Evening everyone,

I hope everyone’s weekend hasn’t been too bad?

@HopefulGlow I’m glad your OH has been supportive and very open about it with you ❤️ He sounds great. I find they always try and be really strong and hide there emotion so that’s great he was able to share with you!

Nothing exciting just had a good tidy/clean, more Christmas lists and just made a Sunday roast. We’re off out tomorrow somewhere and will probably find somewhere nice to go for lunch too.

I’m 100 percent a eater 😂😂 defo obsessed with food , I do like cooking and a bit of baking too although nothing too complicated. A sponge is about as good as I get.

@User1400 I agree with the others on how strong you are, it must have been really hard and I’m not sure I could of kept my feelings in. I hope you’re doing ok ❤️

Hi ladies, happy Sunday!

Apologies for any additional stress caused by the genetic incompatibility thing and to anyone who has now added it to their worries list - the dangers of revealing what you’re currently stressing about! The good news is that according to Dr Google, it’s not really a thing assuming neither has a chromosomal issue - so basically, if you can make babies with anyone, you can make babies with your OH! There’s some Sunday science for you all 😂😂

The couple talking about it on that podcast must just not know who the problem is? Although they were told by doctors that they should use either an egg donor or a sperm donor, it didn’t matter which, it was just that her egg and his sperm wouldn’t fertilise - which she called genetic incompatibility, so who knows. Let’s just trust google 😂

@HopefulGlow I ordered a carpet today - although I keep having buyers remorse and wondering if I should’ve got a lighter shade, but I’m always like that with big purchases! 😂 I’ll love it when it’s down.
Also I think I’m around cycle 15 too, although I’ve lost count and I don’t want to look back haha. My cycles are about 30-32 days and it’s been about 15/16 months so must be about that.

@User1400 yeah I’m not ready to talk about it with families yet, it’ll become just a bit too real for me (which sounds entirely ridiculous given numerous doctors have looked between my legs already 🙃).
100% bring on your hycosy - it’s another box ticked and another thing off the list, if nothing else!

@AZ1992X glad you’re managing to keep yourself busy and distracted, going out for lunch sounds dreamy. I can’t believe it’s Monday tomorrow already!

@HopefulGlow Oh you're so right, me and my OH are definitely a balance! If we were both as emotional as me, we would spend half the month on the sofa in tears together hahaha. Sometimes it can feel like he's too much the other way (unemotional), but I am thankful that he's 'strong' for the both of us and I can lean on him when I'm struggling.

Ah, short cycles must be bitter sweet as you have less time to process all the ups and downs that come with each month.. but at least it means you can crack on quicker with having another pop at it! I know what you mean about people judging you, rationally you know it's silly to think that way but sometimes your mind runs away with you. Glad you have managed to get over that roadblock and are open minded to treatment, sometimes our brains really are our own worst enemies🤗.

I'm now on cycle 23 although I have mentioned we cannot TTC this month due to HyCosy. I feel the same about thinking it's not going to happen anymore and I'm ready to accept treatment.. but deep down I do still have hope it just 'happens'.

@AZ1992X Thank you 💓. I managed to have a talk with my OH and I met another friend for coffee today and just got it all off my chest, I am feeling so much better for it 😪.

I think I may have missed some Christmas chat.. have you started shopping already? Very organised!

@Amy259 Ooh okay, thank you for clarifying! I will remove from my long list of worries 😆.

Hahaha, that sentence about the doctors made me laugh. Too true, sometimes it's just easier telling a stranger what's going on, then you don't have to worry about what they are saying when you leave!

Can't believe it's Monday tomorrow already.. away to have a lovely tea after a pretty crap weekend and cosy up with a film 🍿 xx

@AZ1992X he can be very supportive, sometimes it just takes a little patience to get his feelings to come out. But he is very supportive 💕

How are your Christmas lists going? I’ve started planning my Christmas table decorations 😂 I found some beautiful plates on Pinterest that were white with embossed snowflakes on. But they don’t make them anymore 😭 so now I’m trying to figure out if I can get plain white plates and somehow put the snowflakes on myself?! 🤔 hmmmm….

Oh good, I’m the same 😁😁 my whole day is planned around food 😍😍 have you planned your Christmas food yet??

@Amy259 I’m with you! Let’s trust Google and hope that doesn’t happen to us. We all have enough to think about 😂 ooo we are the same then!! It’s crazy how long it’s been already. Fingers crossed it’s not much longer for us all ✨

Eeeeek yay for the carpet!! What colour did you go for? Don’t worry, darker is always better to hide any spills 😂

I’m phoning the doctors tomorrow to do my second bloods. So I’m trying to keep positive about that.

Has everyone had a good weekend? ✨💕✨

Morning all!

@User1400 I’m glad you’re feeling much better after getting it all of your chest, sounds like it was just sent you needed ❤️

Yes - I’m very obsessed with Christmas and it gives me a welcome distraction from all things ttc so I’ve started my shopping 😂

@HopefulGlow Very well 😂 - I’ve done a full shopping list for food/drinks at Christmas. I normally do the cooking so I like to be organised.

Ah that’s annoying about the tableware but I’m sure you could defo do something yourself! Let me know how they turn out if you do 😌
Have you heard of Gingerray? They do nice decorations.

My BBT has dropped a bit this morning so think I’m out this month and expecting AF to arrive by tomorrow. 😔

Morning everyone! ☀️ 💗 🥰

@AZ1992X ooooo I love it!! We are meant to be moving soon and I want to get a chest freezer or a big American style fridge freezer to fit more stuff in. THEN I will write an epic Christmas food and drinks list 😍

What’s your Christmas Day food looking like? I think I want to do a meaty option and a veggie option. In case I’m feeling greedy haha

Oh my goodness I haven’t heard of them! Thank you, I will look now 😍

I’m so sorry to hear abut your bbt dropping 😔 I hope you’re managing to stay positive!

I was thinking yesterday how nice it would be to tell people you’re expecting at Christmas, or even finding out yourself! If not….I think I might consume extra wine this year 😩 ✨💕✨

@HopefulGlow that sounds exciting! Hopefully you’ll be all settled in by Christmas?

We have one veggie for Christmas but haven’t thought about that option yet. We normally do starters so soup/bread (thought about attempting homemade rolls but will see) and maybe prawn cocktail.
Mains will be doing both turkey & gammon with all the sides - red cabbage, cauliflower cheese, roasties , parsnips, stuffing , pigs in blankets & all the veggies.
Haven’t decided on dessert yet but I do think chocolate Yule log will be on the list 😂😂

I ordered from there last year a few times and really liked the stuff.

I know me too 😔, would be lovely to get a positive before Christmas.
I think it will be hard as my due date would of been just before Christmas (OH reminded me the other day) didn’t mean it in a horrible way but it got to me. Im hoping for some good news before Christmas but will only be two cycles left once AF arrives.

@AZ1992X yea I really hope so! If not we will be eating Christmas dinner on unpacked boxes 😂 as long as the decorations are out, I don’t care!

Oooo if you need any veggie recipes let me know! I did a yummy festive Wellington a couple of years ago and I’ve been obsessed with it since. I might do it again this year 😍

Ooo I haven’t even thought about starters! Great idea. What soup are you thinking? So many exciting things to plan 😁

Your mains sound so good!! Oooo I’m trying not to get too carried away haha Yule log sounds delicious too🤤 I need to step my game up.

I’m so sorry it would be your due date around then too, that’s so heartbreaking. It’s nice that your OH is mindful of that too though. Hopefully you will get those two lines as a Christmas present 💝

It’s scary to think there’s only that long left of the year, I sound like my mum but, it’s gone too fast! 😩 ✨💕✨

@HopefulGlow ah I’m keeping my fingers crossed you will be ❤️

Oo that sounds lovely - I may end up taking you up on your offer. Thinking some sort of tomato soup as It’ll be veggie too?

I really hope so although I don’t want go get my hopes up too much - I have quite a few nice things/breaks planned in November & December so least I have things to look forward too and keep me busy. This year has just flown by hasn’t it?

Morning everyone!

@HopefulGlow well I actually went for a near cream carpet.. but more cream-beige than the cream-white I had originally picked. I want our bedroom to be suuuuper chill, all neutrals etc. I keep calling it the “zen den” and my DH just rolls his eyes 😂 we’re moving to one at the back of the house because the front is a bit too traffic noisy, so I fancy having a quiet, chilled wee sanctuary!

How did your phone call with the doctors go?

@AZ1992X I love your prep! I do the cooking too, just for DH and my parents. We’re veggie but they aren’t, so always meat and veggie options at this end too.

How are you doing this morning?

@User1400 how’s your week treating you?

Xx

P.S. I would LOVE to be able to tell everyone at Christmas too, so much so I can’t even think about it 😢 had it all pictured for last year and it was really hard, so not thinking about it this year. Sorry that would’ve been your due date AZ, that’s so tough 💔♥️

Morning all!

@Amy259 That sounds lovely, I would love a light colour carpet but I’d be worried about keeping it clean so we went grey when we did ours.

Really confused so bbt dropped quite big yday and gone up the smallest big today rather than dropping more? I tested as I thought what if it was just a dip and got a BFN so it’ll probably show at some point today!

Morning ladies!

@AZ1992X tomato soup is always a winner & homemade rolls/cobs sound lovely! Not sure what you call them? Haha

That’s a good idea to keep busy and have other exciting things to do. I think I need to do the same, clever thinking.

@Amy259 oooo I love the zen den!!! neutrals are so pretty too. I love that look. All my Pinterest is either dark rooms or beige haha there’s no in between haha do you have any other plans for your room?

I put some fairy lights on my ceiling recently actually, with some chiffon draped over them, it’s so relaxing at night 😌 a little thing but made a difference.

I’m booked in this afternoon for my other bloods. Fingers crossed I will get those quickly too!

What will you have for Christmas main this year? I was just saying to AZ, that I made this veggie pastry plait a couple of years ago and i think I need it again this year!

I’ve ordered fabric samples ladies haha I’m going to make my own Christmas napkins, it’s all part of my festive table plan 😂

How many DPO are you AZ? Sorry for the BFN I’m crossing everything for you ✨💕✨

@HopefulGlow I thought that, you cannot really go wrong with tomato soup and warm bread. I’ll have a back up though just in case they go wrong 😂

Only 12 DPO but I’m always 10/11 so was expecting it now. Prehaps I ovulated later than I thought? I’m sure it’s on its way as stomach feels like it normally does.

@HopefulGlow @AZ1992X Wow wow wow, I can't believe how organised you ladies are for Christmas, I love it! We usually go out for dinner, it's lovely to have it at home but going out just means everyone can relax and enjoy the day, which is nice.

@AZ1992X Sorry to hear about your due date being close to Christmas, that must be really tough.. as everyone else has said, hoping for us all that we get a Christmas miracle 💓✨.

@Amy259 zen den sounds lush 😍. I am the same with big home purchases - always worried I'm gonna hate it. Usually when things first arrive I do hate them, until I settle in and then I love it 😂. My week is going okay thank you, feel a bit like my head is up my backside, mega busy at work, still processing the weekends announcement, but I will get there☺️. How are you keeping?

--
I wanted to share a story I heard, a friend of a friend, TTC for 2 years, recently referred for IVF and she has conceived naturally! I know I am usually a grump at announcements but these kinds of stories really fill me with hope that it will still happen for us💕.

Xx

@AZ1992X ahh sorry to hear about the bfn. And that your cycle is a bit longer/confusing - it’s like adding insult to injury when that happens, isn’t it?

@HopefulGlow I’m the same, our current bedroom is dark so I’m going light this time - creamy carpet, light wooden furniture, thin black metal bed (pre-existing!), black metal thin round mirror, black curtain rod with stone-y neutral curtains with a floaty net under curtain, linen coloured washing basket etc, big shelf above the bed for plants (also pre-existing). Candles and soft light! I’ll attach some Pinterest vibes I like…
Fairy lights make such a difference dont they?

Not sure about Christmas main, but your lattice thing does sound lovely! I’ll need to have a look for something along those lines. And I’ll do a bird (probably chicken) and a red meat (maybe lamb) for my folks.

@User1400 I always have going out for Christmas dinner in the back of my head, it’s very tempting! I’m okay thank you, busy with work which is always good during the tww.

Aww you hear SO many stories like that. Depending on what mood I’m in, I’m either like “that’s so lovely, maybe that’ll happen to us too” or I’m like “oh ffs if I hear about one more couple who stopped trying and it suddenly happened I’m going to lose the plot” 😂😂 xx

@Amy259 Going out for dinner certainly takes all of the stress out of the day🤗 Don't get me wrong, there is something extra special about being at home with the family (plus being able to unhook your bra when you've eaten too many roast potatoes!) I always toy with the idea of going on holiday over Christmas, yet to actually go ahead with it 🎅🏼.

Haha, I know what you mean! Earlier this year it was all getting a little too much and we took 2 months off TTC, so when people tell me to relax I'm like, we tried that, for F sake 😂😂. It's nice to hear though and any glimpse of hope is more than welcome with me at this stage hehe.

Xxx

Girls, I’m curious..

I’m on Dr.Google (never a good place to be!) I’m reading the stats about percentages of couples who will conceive within 1 year, 2 years etc. Apparently 98% of couples conceive within 2 years. What do you ladies think about that? For some reason, that statistic has never sat right with me. I know of a few friends who have taken 2 years+ to conceive and often hear stories about friends of friends who are struggling, and I just think to myself “what are the chances I am in the 2%!”.

Pretty silly of me to be arguing with statistics, but I just can never shake the feeling that it’s not accurate . What do you all think?

Evening all, I think AF has arrived for me now 😔 least I can move on and get ready for the next cycle.

@User1400 Yes, I’m keeping my fingers crossed we all get that bfp for Christmas ❤️❤️, and that’s nice to hear that it happened for them naturally after trying so long!

Oo I love the idea of going away for Christmas! Where would you go if you could?

Hey everyone 👋

Hope you don't mind me jumping on this thread, after yet another set of friends announcing their pregnancy, and an ex close friend giving birth the other day I'm feeling exactly how OP was. Does anyone know if she conceived yet? (I haven't been able to read all of the messages, just the first and last page).

Been ttc for almost a year now and genuinely just feel like it's not going to happen and beginning to feel like I have no purpose in my life atm 😩 I've had ovaries scanned, blood and hormone levels checked, smear test - no indications of anything wrong. I've been referred to gyno but there is a huge waiting list and DH has had a letter saying there is such a backlog for sperm sampling that they will get in touch in 3-4 months to arrange an appointment 😒

One of my sisters didn't conceive for 5 years (in her early 20s), then miscarried but then went on to have my 2 boys. She's now 32 (18 months older than I) and she has been ttc again since she last gave birth... that was 6 years ago. My other 2 elder sisters got pregnant straight away with no troubles but im really worried I am going to be like my sister who has struggled, and the problem is I am 10 years older than she was when she first started trying 😭 I can't bear the thought of this taking years and watching everyone around me getting pregnant. Even my nephew has a child before me.

How do you all cope with this?

Hi @LA9610, welcome to the thread! I’m so sorry to hear you’re in this position too, it really sucks . I believe the OP did eventually get her BFP, so at least that is some good news to start you off on .

That is mega frustrating your DH has to wait so long for SA.. At least you have been able to access help on your side, and really positive news that there have been no issues flagged. I’m sorry to hear your sister struggled too, did she conceive naturally with her boys?

I’m afraid I can’t offer much advice in terms of coping with friends announcing pregnancies as I have been majorly struggling with that one too. If nothing else, I hope it gives you comfort to know you are not alone in your feelings💕. I’ve found this thread super helpful, letting it all out to other ladies who know exactly how I am feeling. I have had the same feelings of emptiness, as if i have no purpose, I put this down to maternal instinct messing with my head.. an added blow from mother nature herself . We all have our down days and it’s important to let yourself feel those feelings, however in terms of coping, I do try to keep myself busy and focus on the things I can enjoy whilst i am in this position ☺️. It’s definitely easier said than done some days, but you are in good hands on this thread!

A little bit about me.. TTC #1, 2 years and counting, never had a whiff of a BFP. OH has had SA and I have had bloods, all confirmed as fine. Currently waiting HyCosy at the end of the month for next steps 🥰.

Xx

@User1400 I know exactly what you mean about the stats! 85% within a year and 96% within 2 years blows my mind. It must be pretty impossible to accurately know though, surely?

@AZ1992X sorry to hear af has arrived, glad your wait is over though. Here’s to this cycle! ♥️

@LA9610 welcome! Sadly the long waits seem to be across the board at the moment 💔 I ended up paying privately for some stuff for my own peace of mind, but it doesn’t speed anything up when it comes to further treatment (IVF) with NHS. More just to answer some questions for my own sake. DH had a 3 month wait too, but glad your bloods and scan came back good.

I’m sorry to hear your sister struggled, but so please she has two boys now! The good news is that apparently (conditions like PCOS etc aside) fertility isn’t genetic so try not to worry too much that you’ll face all the same hardships she did ♥️

In terms of coping, I used to go through phases of being all-consumed and SO low about it, it’s all I could think about, immerse myself in etc. But that’s getting less now there seems to be nothing I haven’t googled 😂 so I don’t sit obsessively scrolling anymore, I think I’ve seen it all at this point! And if I do get the urge to do that, I try not to let myself because I know that it makes it worse. So I would say if you’re one for going down a googling whole, maybe set yourself a time limit then move on it doing something else?

I tend to go between “we’ve got this!” and being sad for a few days every now and then but I think that’s really normal, and everyone does. This group is amazing for those moments where you feel like no one else gets it, because someone here will probably have been there. So welcome 🥰 xxx