Month 12, 6 DPO, fed up and loosing hope

[fingerscrossed91]

Hi all,

I apologise in advance if this post is negative but I'm so so fed up with TTC. We have been trying for 12 months and haven't even had a hint of a line. My three best girlfriends (and soon to be bridesmaids) have all announced they are preggers this past month. Whilst I'm genuinely ecstatic for them I'm hurting so much as I don't believe it will ever happen for me.

I had to take a few days off work at the start of the week when the third told me they were preggers as I was just so overwhelmed and upset. A few days eating rubbish and watching Netflix made me feel a bit better but I have just lost hope that I will ever see a second pink line let alone have a baby.

I'm currently 6DPO and even though I know I won't be pregnant I'm still working myself up about it. I (stupidly) did a test today which was obv a BFN but it's like I can't help myself. It like a weird form of self torture!

I'd be so keen to talk to any hopeful mummas in a similar boat - let's keep everyone sain!

xxx

@User1400 ahh I’m so sorry - that’s the worst. So cruel when af is late and that hope creeps in 💔 how many DPO are you now? Yeah you’re right - find the silver lining in your hycosy being at the right time now. Sending you lots of love!

Morning everyone!

Hope everyone’s doing ok.

@Loops01 there’s no need to apologise, you do what’s best for you and if you feel like talking you know where to find us ❤️

@HopefulGlow I didn’t get too much shopping done even though I spent ages looking - brought one present & I did manage to do a list for Christmas (food etc) 😂

@User1400 that’s the worse ain’t it! Especially as you get your hopes up. Hope you’re doing ok.

Morning all, how are you all doing? Anyone do anything nice over the weekend?

AF finally showed this morning so I’m feeling a little low. My best friend has been talking a lot about all of her pregnancy symptoms and I’m finding it quite hard to deal with, feeling extremely jealous and then feeling guilty for feeling jealous! I haven’t said anything to her as I am trying to be supportive.. I suppose it’s all just part of the package 😢 xx

@AZ1992X how are you doing today?

@User1400 I’m glad af has put you out of your misery and finally appeared, but sorry you’re feeling rotten - it’s just so shit isn’t it? That must be so hard with your friend, is there a way you could tell her you’re finding things a bit tough at the moment even in general without mentioning her at all, and she’ll maybe just click that hearing about her pregnancy often can’t be easy?

@Amy259 With my HyCosy looming it could be a good way to bring up that I’m feeling anxious/upset about my situation, and hopefully she will click.. it’s just about finding the right balance, I don’t want to feel like she can’t be happy about her pregnancy around me, but I need to protect my own heart too. How are you doing this week? Xx

@User1400 yeah it’s so tough, isn’t it? I would just opt for mentioning you’re finding it hard more regularly and hopefully things click without an awkward conversation. I’m sure she’ll understand you want to be supportive but it’s hard for you sometimes.

I’m good thank you! CD16 here and no peak yet, which is quite late compared to recent months. I seem to go for like 3-4 months peaking at 14 then 3-4 not peaking until day 17 or so, so must be the start of some late ovulations now. Lots of ewcm today though so can’t be far off, and so far have been dtd plenty so hopefully that’ll continue for a couple of days and the stress of catching ov will be over! Xx

Hi ladies, hope you are all well and had a nice weekend :)

Sorry for my lack of chat. Since we had our follow up on Friday I have decided to try and talk/think less about the whole process and try and just live my life as normal as possible until the time comes next year to go through IVF. I won't see or speak to the Dr again until January.

Going to have a little break from all things TTC, continue with my acupuncture and nutritional stuff in the meantime and just try and get in the very best mental and physical shape i can.

I will be back soon I am sure, all the love and positive vibes to you all, and I really hope there are some BFPs real soon. Thanks for being there for all the chats and support and I am thinking of you all and hope you understand xxxx

@HJen22 I’m really going to miss hearing from you, but completely understand - you need to do what’s best for your head and your heart!

Wishing you all the luck in the world going forward and hope to hear from you in the future xxxx

@AZ1992X Christmas research is just as important 😁😁 sounds like you have everything covered, I’m proud of your organisation!

@User1400 I’m so sorry for your period being late, it’s so horrible just waiting. Every time you go to the loo you hold your breath 😔 It’s always a bitter sweet moment when you start though, utter sadness you’ve started again but slight relief you’re not waiting anymore and there’s a fresh start and new chance 💕

I have no clue how I would deal with that either! It’s such a tough situation to be in, you want to be utterly happy for her, but you can’t help how you feel too.

@HJen22 we will miss talking to you but we completely understand. I hope you have an amazing Christmas and new year. Spend all your time doing anything you can to be happy 💕💕

I’m having a few days being quiet too, only 4 days until my period and it feels like it’s going to be the longest 4 days 😩

How’s everyone’s week going? ✨💕✨

@HopefulGlow how are you feeling? Remind me, are you a tester or do you wait for af? The few days before af is due I swear take twice as long ad any other day.

I’m having a frustrating fw. We were doing amazing with our dtd but of course ov has been later than predicted and whenever that happens and we have to dtd regularly for longer, DH’s performance anxiety creeps in 🙈 I think I’ll be ovulating later today (day 18), so our wonderful efforts on 11, 13, 15 & 16 may not even count! Managed this morning but it was not easy and in the end has involved SI so we’ll see. So annoying! Last month it was cd15 and I was so hopeful it would be early again. It’s never bloody easy.

@Amy259 I’m feeling okay, a little anxious and also like there’s no point me being hopeful! It’s such a rollercoaster of emotions isn’t it.

How are you doing? Sorry your O is late, it’s horrible that your DH feels so much pressure too. I hope you work through it and help each other 💕 it’s such a difficult position to be in.

Sorry, I’m a noob, what is SI?

Have you been testing LH or temp?

I got my scan date through at the end of the month and my other bloods need to be booked next week. My OH’s doctor won’t do an SA until my results are back though, that’s really annoyed me! But hey, it’s still progress 😅 ✨💕✨

@HopefulGlow will you test before af is due or just wait it out?

I’m okay, I absolutely hate this bit of the cycle, I think maybe even more than I hate the tww. I often spend the whole time worrying about DH, it’s so tough when his head goes because there’s rarely any coming back from it.

SI is self insem, so basically the performance issue stopped us trying for maybe 4 or 5 of the first 10 months of ttc and it caused so much frustration and upset, and arguing! So after a bad argument where I felt like he wasn’t doing enough to try to fix it, I bought sterile pots and syringes so that if it came to it then he could do it into a pot. But in the end having them in the cupboard totally took the pressure off because he knows there’s a back up, and we’ve ended up only doing it once the month I bought them (more out of curiosity!), then again this morning.

I since discovered lots of couples do it, some because of shifts, some performance issues etc. There’s threads for it on here, and another girl in this thread does it too. It’s a good back up for us, previously he would’ve just gone to work this morning without DTD successfully, and both of us stressing all day about whether or not we’d try tonight, but it’s not as successful as the real thing apparently.

I’ve been LH testing, I find BBT a bit more stressy. Which do you do?

That’s good you got your date through but mental about OH’s doctor - surely it doesn’t matter either way how your test results come back, you need to know if there’s something going on with him too? X

@Amy259 success rates for SI are pretty much the same according to doctors 😊

@suzy124 oh really?? Music to my ears. I read online that because they (for want of a better phrase) get bashed about more going from ejaculation - tub - syringe - me that more are lost, but that is wonderful news 🥰

How are you getting on?

@Amy259 sorry I forgot to answer that before! I now wait it out. I’ve had too many BFN to do it anymore. Especially those months I was late, I had symptoms and I thought for sure it was the month. So I’ve said if I’m late 2 days, I will test! That’s the theory haha what about you? Do you test or wait?

Ahhhh I had no idea! Thank you for explaining it to me. That’s such a great idea to take the pressure off and to have them as a back up!

It’s meant to be a happy and lovely thing, so anything you can do to ease the stress is a huge bonus!

I do LH too. I wouldn’t be able to do the temp as I always wake up at different times (although close) and sometimes my dreams make me wake up in a sweat haha so I don’t feel that would work!

@suzy124 good to know about the SI success rate too! Thank you! ✨💕✨

@hjen22 Will miss hearing from you but completely understand💙. Enjoy the festive season and wishing you all the best of luck for January. Sending lots of positivity🌟.

@HopefulGlow it's like you were reading my mind writing that paragraph about AF arrival! It's such a rollercoaster to be on every month isn't it?

Is it the HyCosy scan you are waiting for?

@amy259 That's interesting about SI and good to know the success rates are the same! Its good you have an alternative to take the pressure off. Can totally relate to worrying about my OH during FW, it's funny how you can just tell ahead of time that they aren't going to be in the mood...

I'm going to try BBT for the first time this month. I didn't realise you need unbroken sleep for it to be accurate, I wake every hour or so religiously so I wouldn't of bothered had I known that, but since I've bought the thermom I'll give it a go!

I mentioned earlier that we cannot TTC this month because of my HyCosy and I'm feeling more relaxed about the thought of having a month off. Although, I know of a few friends who are TTC and I live in dread at their announcements.. is that awful?! I'm looking forward to a break but at the same time I worry others will announce.. am I loosing my marbles😪? Xx

@HopefulGlow I’m a nightmare for testing early, but I really want to stop so I’m going to try this month. I made it to 11dpo last month but wanted to test for a wedding (wine) so I’ll try harder this time 😂

It’s so hard to keep stress down - I have no idea how anyone keeps the sex fun 15 months in! Because we certainly can’t 😂 it’s fun the first couple of times that fw, but by the 3rd/4th it’s clearly because we have to not because we’re up for it! Will start much later next month I think, maybe nearer CD13/14 instead of 10.

@User1400 100% - some months in my head I’m like “come on, wise up, I’m not exactly gagging for it either buddy” 😂 but instead try to just keep it going and tread lightly until ov!

I know exactly what you mean. One minute I’m okay with waiting a couple of months for another hycosy and waiting until April for more help, but just as soon as I’ve made peace with it I’m worrying about all the people in our lives that might “beat” us, and any announcements I’d have to deal with. Which is silly because it has no affect on our success, but the worry is real! Xx

Morning all!

Busy week again at work but I break up today for a 4-day weekend so looking forward to that.

@Amy259 All good thank you - this past week has actually gone pretty quick so hoping the next few days do too. I’m determined to try and not test again this cycle like the last one unless AF us actually late. I’ve seen you’re going to try and do the same - I felt it helped as you didn’t get your hopes up each time you tested. How are you doing?

@HJen22 I completely understand your decision, wishing you all the best ❤️✨ I’m keeping everything crossed for January xx.

@HopefulGlow haha thankyou! I think it helps me switch off and just focus on something really happy which I need at times! I’ve booked to go away in December to some Christmas markets 😂 , I hope you’re doing ok and I hope AF stays away!

Sorry if I’ve missed any more messages but hoping everyone’s doing ok ❤️

Morning everyone!! Happy Friday eve! 😁

So I misread my flow tracker and I’m not due to start until Saturday 😩 although I only usually have 23/24 day cycles. So I’m not surprised if I start today or tomorrow. So now the dreaded wipe watch begins….every time I go to the loo I wonder if I will wipe blood 🤦🏼‍♀️ Oh the joys of TTC journey.

@User1400 I’m so glad you think the same! I try so hard to stay positive, thank my body for having a period and showing me it’s ‘working’ in some respect. But at the same time….I just want a BFP 😭 so badly!! But it will happen when it’s meant to, and I know all of our little bundles will be so loved and appreciated!!

It’s just an abdominal scan I think? It’s my first one. My OH doesn’t think they will do an internal, he works in that area so seemed pretty confident but we will see. Is an internal different to a hycosy? I did try to Google but couldn’t see.

You’re definitely not losing your marbles! As much as we want this, it takes its toll and sometimes we need a break and to switch off, just to keep sane. It’s normal to be dreading other announcements too. But I know we will be happy for them, just so heartbroken too. You can feel more than one emotion about something, and feeling that way doesn’t mean we are bad people!! 💕💕

@Amy259 oooo you’re a tester! Hehe the rush and excitement of doing them…followed by the nerves and also anxiety while you wait! It’s such a whirlwind. Good luck trying to wait though, but don’t beat yourself up if you can’t! Testing before the wedding was a great idea too, that way you could enjoy yourself either way!

Start whipping out some surprises for him around FW! Some lovely undies? Lots of candles? Some mood music?!….although I once did the candles thing and thought….let’s try dripping them on him….note to self always give them a heads up where hot wax is involved hahah I did it when he was blindfolded and he jumped out his skin!! We still laugh about it now and he calls me a dominatrix… 🤦🏼‍♀️ I was just trying something different hahaha

@AZ1992X oh wow! That sounds amazing, which ones are you going to? I’ve always wanted to go to the Poland or Germany ones too!! I just love Christmas and I get really OTT with it haha I know you will have the most beautiful time 💕

Fingers crossed AF stays away…but if she does….I will lose my mind!! 😩 the dream 💭

How are you? ✨💕✨

Afternoon all,

I’ve had my progesterone bloods back again after them being inconclusive last cycle. I suspect it was too early after ovulation last cycle with me ovulating later than a standard cycle.

Gp said they had climbed and was in ovulation range which was reassuring (was only 5dpo too). My threshold for investigation/fertility services would be April if I don’t fall pregnant again.

Is it weird I feel such a weight lifted of my shoulders after having to do them over the last three cycles. I know other stuff come be wrong but I’ll take this as a little win.

@HopefulGlow I feel like we’re forever checking when we wipe 🙈 is it AF, is ovulation coming? It’s horrible ain’t it.

How are you doing?

Its not that exciting - only in the UK - Manchester one. Girls weekend away shopping and maybe cocktails as a treat if no bfp by then.

We was looking at going abroad last December but then Covid happened and it wasn’t really an option.

@AZ1992X what a relief about your bloods! I’m so glad it feels like a weight has been lifted too. Hopefully you can relax a little more and enjoy your cycles as much as possible.

Are you feeling good about waiting to see what happens?

I’m doing okay thanks, I’m just feeling a little anxious about AF arriving. I keep overthinking every cramp and twinge haha it’s driving me mad.

That will be so lovely!! A nice little weekend away to celebrate Christmas 🎅🏼 🎄is Manchester market good? I would love to go to a different one this year.

✨💕✨

Hi I'm not sure if this is an appropriate comment or not but maybe we can help each other out.

I was about to post about being that friend but it was useful to hear your side of things.

I'm 39 and already have older kids but have found out we're pregnant. It just so happens that none of my friends have had kids yet at 39 and I know they'd all absolutely love them. Some are single so it's more frustrating as they see it as being such a long way off and at 39 I can see them panicking and it hurts me to watch.

I told them this week that I was expecting and my closest friend was fab even though she's thinking of adopting on her own if she hasn't met someone by 40, so it was a big thing for her to come straight round and chat to me.

The rest have been so distant, a text of congratulations and that's it and it's hard for them I know, at the same time I'm not doing it to them. I thought my baby days were done.

I really feel for you and hope it's really good news soon but don't let it create a gap in your friendship as I fear my friends cannot be supportive of my news but I'm always trying to be supportive of them, always sending them posts about women having children older and how great that can be.

I really hope to be reading a post from you soon that it's really good news 😍

@HopefulGlow Thank you & yes it’s one less thing to not worry about now too.

I think so - I feel like it will happen but just a case of how long. I guess I feel better knowing if I get to April and it hasn’t then I’ll get more investigations done which helps a little.

Glad you’re doing ok. I find the days right in the lead up to AF the worst. Feels like the longest days ever doesn’t it? You just want to know either way. I hope you’re managing to find something to try and distract yourself as much as you can.

Well I really loved it when I last went but it was quite a few years back - tbf I love Manchester in general some really great shops/places to eat etc… I’ve done Lincoln but found that way too busy & Birmingham wasn’t too bad either! ⛄️🎄

@Skinnymuffins

Hey skinny muffins! First of all, congratulations!! 🎉 Amazing news on your BFP, especially when you thought those days were gone.

I think it’s fair to say everyone here understands it’s not easy for either parties. For us, going through the TTC journey, and for others, newly on their way to becoming mothers. Neither sides are to blame and both sides need to have understanding and love for each other!

I imagine those friends who are distant from you don’t know what to say either. So please don’t be too harsh on them for not appearing as supportive or talkative as you’d hoped. Maybe reach out to them and be honest with how your feeling? So you can help each other out ✨💕✨