Month 12, 6 DPO, fed up and loosing hope

[fingerscrossed91]

Hi all,

I apologise in advance if this post is negative but I'm so so fed up with TTC. We have been trying for 12 months and haven't even had a hint of a line. My three best girlfriends (and soon to be bridesmaids) have all announced they are preggers this past month. Whilst I'm genuinely ecstatic for them I'm hurting so much as I don't believe it will ever happen for me.

I had to take a few days off work at the start of the week when the third told me they were preggers as I was just so overwhelmed and upset. A few days eating rubbish and watching Netflix made me feel a bit better but I have just lost hope that I will ever see a second pink line let alone have a baby.

I'm currently 6DPO and even though I know I won't be pregnant I'm still working myself up about it. I (stupidly) did a test today which was obv a BFN but it's like I can't help myself. It like a weird form of self torture!

I'd be so keen to talk to any hopeful mummas in a similar boat - let's keep everyone sain!

xxx

Morning ladies hope everyone had a lively weekend! Sun seems to be gone up here ☔️

Awww no @AZ1992X I'm sorry to hear you're having a rubbish cycle! Keep testing and hopefully it will happen soon. I think it's also quite normal to sometimes have an anovulatory cycle - although not what you want to hear when TTC I know! Maybe the antibiotics have effected it too! How long are your cycles normally?

Are they doing day21 bloods this month for you? I've never actually had that xx

Thank you @HJen22 ❤️
I will keep testing but not feeling hopeful it will happen this cycle as it normally gradually rises over quite a few days. Last cycle was 29 days.

Yes - its 21 day bloods so will see what happens but expecting it’ll say I didn’t ovulate this cycle.

How are you doing? X

It may just be a bit of a longer cycle this month with ovulation later so keep testing and hopefully over the next few days you will 🤞🏻stay positive!

I'm doing ok thank you, I have my second session of acupuncture tomorrow so looking forward to that. And then a follow up on Friday with the clinic just following on from our initial IVF referral. Xx

@HJen22 I will do, fingers crossed 🤞

Glad you’re ok! I’ve seen quite a few of you going to acupuncture - I’ve never really looked into it. Would you recommend?

Hope everything goes ok for you Friday ❤️
Xx.

Yeah it is good, I'd been thinking about it for a while and then after having the referral I read more and seems a lot of ladies have it during IVF too. I'm hoping if anything it helps relax me. I'm going to ask tomorrow what each needle in each area is for as I didn't ask last time! I also had a few sessions of Reflexology a while back but I couldn't seem to switch off for some reason!

Thank you, I need to take a note of some of the questions I want to ask! Xx

@HJen22 Ah good, glad it’s working for you. I might try and look into it. How often are you meant to go?

That’s a good idea to prepare some questions so you don’t forget anything! X.

He's recommended I go every 2 weeks at the moment, which I am happy with. It was £72 last time but that was including £20 of herbal supplements. I'm hoping he doesn't know I've finished them haha and try and give me more as I could be doing without the 4 a day on top of all the vitamins from the nutritionist 😂

The book I read I'm sure has tips on what to ask; I never want to make it obvious I've been googling or worrying but surely it's better to ask than just think of terrible situations and scenarios in my head!

Thanks that’s really useful to know, I will do some research into practices in my area.

Absolutely! I’d ask away as you don’t want to regret not asking something.

@HopefulGlow I always get super worked up going into fw - you’d think after all the time and having tried just about everything (every day, every other day, SMEP, etc) I would know that it doesn’t matter as long as you cover it, it only takes once, etc etc but I still stress myself about the timing of dtd so much. So I’m feeling positive but still a bit anxious of the week ahead! How are you doing?

@AZ1992X ahh sorry to hear you’ve been feeling a bit rubbish. We can’t be expected to feel positive and raring to go every single cycle, it’s only natural to have the odd down one but doesn’t make it any less shitty when they’re here.
There’s nothing more infuriating than waiting around to ovulate, is there? I hate that! Like our bodies are playing games with us. No sign of opk rise as today went on?

@HJen22 that sounds lovely! I did the same on Saturday. A drink round the fire as the sun went in, surrounded by fairy lights. It was very relaxing! I hope it helped you wind down too.

Haha thank you!!! I’m now 1DPO….dun dun duuuuun!! But apart from acne this cycle 😩 my boobs aren’t too achy, so that’s always a positive.

@AZ1992X sorry to hear about your frustrating cycle, is it still not changing? It is possible that the antibiotic are affecting it, I would definitely speak with your doctor?

@Amy259 I know what you mean! When you think about all the people who have accidental pregnancies, I roll my eyes now!! How rare and lucky that is?! They have no idea. BUT you are right, it only takes one!! Fingers crossed for us 🤞🏼 I went a bit mental on a couple of days, my libido really went crazy m. It’s not been like that in a while haha so I took advantage 😂

My cycles are pretty short so it’s a 12 day wait for me now. Have you managed to distract yourself from the anxiety?

I bumped um my supplements/vitamins this month ladies. Got some maca powder, I’ve been having pineapple smoothies and (I can’t make any promises) BUT I’m going to try and stay relaxed haha 😅

✨💕✨

Morning all!

Hope we’re all doing ok ❤️

It’s gone up a little bit which I guess is a positive sign as it’s been declining until now. Went up from 0.14 to 0.33 so I’ll keep testing and stay hopeful it’s just delayed!

Hey girls, I’ve been taking a break this weekend. I won’t tag you all but I’ve caught up on all of the messages 😽.

@AZ1992X sorry you’re not feeling up to it this month, it’s impossible to keep up the positive out look month after month, so try not to be too down on yourself xx
—
How is everyone doing? I’m expecting AF in the next day or two.. I met a friend I haven’t seen in a while for coffee yesterday and one of the first things she asked me was when I’m going to get pregnant! I was so taken aback at the question. I think she realised she had over stepped the marked and quickly changed the subject, but it just really threw me. I constantly feel like I’m on guard just waiting for someone to jump out of the woodworks and start asking me about babies, which is ridiculous as I know no one other than me is really thinking about it. It’s just a shock when I get ready to relax with a friend and mentally switch off from TTC and they come at you from the left! I know she didn’t mean any harm, I think only other women who have struggled to conceive truly understand how triggering it can be xx

Morning ladies xx

@AZ1992X ah that's great news, keep testing and yeah I am sure it will come! I had a random 35 day cycle in amongst my normal 25-28 day cycles! I didn't track that month but it moved my ovulation day on my app to CD21!

@HopefulGlow today is your call with the GP isn't it? I hope it goes well and the Dr gets some tests for you and your OH arranged.

Yeah it was nice to sit out in the sun and just relax. Spending time outside really helps my mood, and having the pup means there no excuse not to get out for walks!

How is everyone else doing? Does anyone else have any other tests this week?

xxx

@User1400 sorry I must have posted at the same time!

I am so sorry that happened, it really isn't nice at all. I am glad your friend realised and didn't press any further. It just seems to come out of people's mouths before they think doesn't it! I am the exact same, I am always in fear of people saying something to me, whenever I see someone I seem to always think they are going to ask or say something upsetting or rude. Sometimes it does happen but not always, but it's a horrible feeling always worrying about it. I hope you are ok, sending hugs xxx

@HJen22 I’m glad I’m not the only one, it’s a horrible feeling! And even though I am somewhat expecting it, I always feel caught off guard when it does happen. I find it especially upsetting when it comes from friends who already have children. I find it patronising in a strange way, as if their lives are more fulfilled than mine and I am being pressured to ‘catch up’. It’s silly and I know they probably aren’t putting as much thought into it as I am, it’s just hard when you see friends talking about how being a mum is the best experience ever, it feels like you’re being taunted.

On the flip side, I have a friend who does not want to have children, she says she feels like she is always being asked ‘why not’ and that she will ‘change her mind’. It’s mad, it’s such a personal topic and no one should have to explain their circumstances, no matter what they are!

How are you doing this week xx

@User1400 you definitely aren't the only one! And if you're anything like me; you have all these great comebacks in your head but say nothing and then later wish you'd said something! I'm always like that, thinking oh I wish I'd said this back! It's such a hard thing to deal with and people really should be less nosey and insensitive. Even before we began TTC I never ever asked anyone about babies, I just think it's something so personal and when you are pregnant, it's your news to share when you feel it's right.

I am finding myself getting irritated at friends or people who just moan. I know everyone has their own stuff going on but honestly. I've one friend who I just feel like has something new to moan about every day and it's so negative. She had a child who she fell pregnant with easily. She means well and I feel bad even thinking it, but I just don't need that! I'm like; I don't moan and I've such a lot going on in my head. I find myself chatting to her less because of it.

Other than my moans about people moaning hahahaha I'm doing ok 😂😂😂 I'm also due AF tomorrow or sometime soon so maybe that's why I'm cranky! How are you lovely?

Xxx

@AZ1992X hopefully it’s just delayed! What are your cycles like normally? I’ve never tried the temp method but so many people prefer it!

@User1400 I hope your weekend off did you some good :) I’m so sorry to hear about your friend, I really hope she realised her mistake and maybe sends you a message apologizing.

I do think some people don’t think about the damage they cause when asking these ‘innocent’ but personal questions. And I have some friends that are very anti children and they get asked all the time about it. Some people just can’t help themselves.

@HJen22 yes 😊 my doctors was this morning, he asked the usual questions. Then said, in rather a surprised tone, how early I ovulate…but if my cycles are only 23/24 days then it makes sense I would ovulate early? Surely? So he worried me haha

But I have managed to have my bloods today so I should get those by the end of the week apparently. He’s also requested for a scan but they may not approve that yet. We will have to wait and see.

I’m trying to keep positive! 🙂

I’ve had it before where I’ve had to distance myself from negative friends because I’m an emotional sponge. Haha I can’t deal with people always being negative and moaning. It’s hard enough trying to stay positive going through this, let alone taking on other peoples problems. I don’t want that to sound too mean though 🙈

✨💕✨

@HopefulGlow was he a nice Dr? Yeah it you've shorter cycles it seems pretty normal to ovulate earlier, my cycles when fully tracked had ovulation early, like could be day 9 or anywhere between that and 12. The odd occasion it would be day 14 but that could be when i didn't even track. That's really good they did your bloods today and you don't have to wait, where in your cycle are you? I had on day2 but never had day21 as there was no reason to believe I wasn't ovulating as I have regular periods. Albeit it light and short. Stay positive and it's good that you have the ball rolling!

You don't sound mean at all! I feel the same! And don't want it to sound bad either, we can't help the way we feel. With us, we are all going thorugh the same thing so know how we all feel.

The moaning over message I just find it so draining and it's like every single day. She also knows what I am going through so I kinda find a lot of her moans about naps and things like to the wrong person. I get that thats her life, but pick who to say what to you know. It's so silly and it might just be cos we chat too much that she says everything and anything, and i'm being super sensitive to it. Sometimes some people can just be a bit much. But I have another friend with kids and is having a hard time and she doesn't moan every single day, she says if she's having a hard time and I totally get that and understand and am there for her!

xxx

@HJen22 So true, people can be very insensitive (and definitely nosey!). It feels like there is building pressure with people second guessing when you’re going to have kids, as if that is all we are good for! Sometimes I feel like just making it awkward by telling them that we’re actually struggling to conceive, but I think that would actually just make me more upset than them hahaha, it would definitely give them food for thought before they asked the question again though.

I’m fine! AF due sometime soon as well, my two apps are saying different days. I think I ov’d late this month so expecting AF to be slightly late too.

@HopefulGlow emotional sponge haha, I like that one! I totally understand distancing yourselves. Its similar to what I said about avoiding doom scrolling on Facebook, it just doesn’t make me feel good about myself, so I try and avoid it. You shouldn’t feel mean/guilty about gatekeeping some positive headspace for yourself 💫.

@HJen22 yeah he was actually nice which is helpful. The lady who took my bloods was lovely too, makes all the difference.

I’m on 2 DPO at the moment so just entering the dreaded wait. They got me in so quick, they had some spaces today so that’s great. I had the 21 day bloods and I think he said he wants to book the others once these results come back. Me and you are quite similar then. My periods are only 3 days and light/medium. Back in the day I would bleed for a week and heavy!! That was before being on contraception for 15 years though 😩

I know what you mean, that does make it feel worse that she’s knows what you’re going through. You would hope she takes a step back and thinks about her audience. We all have to do it when it comes to some subjects. Is she the kind of friend you could gently mention it to? Or would it not go well?

Are you getting any AF symptoms? Hopefully you’re feeling ok? ✨💕✨

@User1400 yeah I know, and most of our friends will know that we love kids etc and I'm like, I'm well aware of my age! I know, their faces if we did say that! But also, its like we are being forced to speak about something that if we wanted to, we would! The whole thing is just very unfair! And yeah, then there are the constant questions!

Yeah the FB and insta break is a good idea for that too!

@HopefulGlow i would never want to say anything to her as I know in my heart its not nice of me to belittle her worries and moans as its her life and relevant to her, they just seem so trivial to me. Its a weird one, we haven't been that close for that long but became good friends over lockdown/covid as we live near each other (and we both aren't from where we stay) and would have walks when we were allowed to. I actually only told her we were TTC as she told me she was pregnant when she was 5 weeks and I was like, oh we are trying. Expecting to be right behind her :( which of course didn't happen. So I went through the whole time her moaning about her pregnancy and the first few months of being a Mum. Which I know is hard, of course it is and I know she struggled with being down. But I feel like people who get pregnant easily moan more. So awful to say. But I know that I will just be so happy and grateful I don't care how sick I feel or how tired I am, I fought hard to get there. I totally know it's wrong to feel like this, same as when you find out someone is expecting, and feel guilty for feeling sad and jealous. I'm just like, I wish I had your moans and not mine you know? xxx

@User1400 oooo I like that too! Gatekeeping positive space 💕 yes definitely, Facebook can be the worst for it. I ended up deleting a bunch of people too. I thought, we aren’t friends, your posts don’t bring me joy, so what’s the point?! Haha 😂

Have you had any AF symptoms yet? ✨💕✨

@HopefulGlow I had a huge FB and insta cull as well, it was so therapeutic haha. And those I couldn't delete I just unfollowed 😂

Your Dr sounds very proactive and great that he plans to get your other bloods done as soon as you can too. And always makes it better when the nurses are lovely. Did he mention anything about a SA for your partner? Xx

@HJen22
Not at all, I completely understand but sometimes you have to tell your friends if you don’t have headspace fit their difficulties on top of yours. But I know you wouldn’t want to be mean or upset them, it’s a difficult balance isn’t it.

Me and one friend have a thing where we send each other video messages. If ever we have too much going on or we feel like we can’t support each other we just say “hey sorry but I don’t have headspace for this, I won’t be able to be there for you like I should. I will check back in when I can”

With her it’s fine, but I don’t think it would work with my other friends. 😅

I think you’re right, when we get all those pregnancy symptoms we will just be too over joyed they we are getting them to be down. We can all remind each other too! 🥰
✨💕✨

@HopefulGlow yeah I'd absolutely hate to upset her, I sometimes say sorry to people for something I think I've done or said wrong and they are like, what?! Such an over thinker haha! I have that thing where I play back something in my head and have such fear. I feel bad even saying to you girls so I think I just need to try and distance myself even more and just remember that everyone has their own things going on.

Aw that's such a nice idea and so lovely that you and your friend have that 🥰 bet it takes so much pressure off when you just don't feel like chatting. I tend to just go quiet but then I know when you do that people worry. Hard to have a balance.

Yeah I hope so ❤️ anyway, I'm so sorry for my moans about moans hahahaha how ironic! How is your crafting going? I've really been meaning to start a new book this week and chill ✌🏻 looking forward to acupuncture tonight and lying with my eyes closed for half an hour haha 😴 xxx