Month 12, 6 DPO, fed up and loosing hope

[fingerscrossed91]

Hi all,

I apologise in advance if this post is negative but I'm so so fed up with TTC. We have been trying for 12 months and haven't even had a hint of a line. My three best girlfriends (and soon to be bridesmaids) have all announced they are preggers this past month. Whilst I'm genuinely ecstatic for them I'm hurting so much as I don't believe it will ever happen for me.

I had to take a few days off work at the start of the week when the third told me they were preggers as I was just so overwhelmed and upset. A few days eating rubbish and watching Netflix made me feel a bit better but I have just lost hope that I will ever see a second pink line let alone have a baby.

I'm currently 6DPO and even though I know I won't be pregnant I'm still working myself up about it. I (stupidly) did a test today which was obv a BFN but it's like I can't help myself. It like a weird form of self torture!

I'd be so keen to talk to any hopeful mummas in a similar boat - let's keep everyone sain!

xxx

Happy weekend all! ❤️✨
Hope everyone’s doing ok.

@HopefulGlow Thank you ❤️, I keep trying to tell myself hopefully it’ll happen before April and if it doesn’t then hopefully the gp will refer me like they said. Its not that far away till Christmas so if I can get to then it’s only a few months after that.

Let me know how you get on with them - my last few cycles have been a little bit irregular since MC but I know it can take a while for them to settle anyways so couldn’t tell you if the vitamins have affected them or not.

Aww that’s nice having shorter cycles - mine used to be 31/32 but vary at the minute and have been between 27-31 the last few cycles. Have you been doing any tracking like bbt or using any opks?

@Loops01 so sorry you’re having a rough time and you’ve been knocked with yet another pregnancy announcement - I feel it gets harder every time. ❤️ I hope your scan goes well!

@User1400 sorry for being quiet also, after saying I felt better ended up having a bit of a relapse but truly on the mend now.

AF arrived Thurs but haven't cried once. Think the relief of not being sick anymore overtook any feelings I had about that but im very much in a similar headspace to @Loops01 atm. Don't think it's going to happen naturally for us and coming to terms with that is hard. I'm feeling kind of numb I guess so I'm sorry for not being much support on here recently. Needing to distance myself a bit also. Just know I'm always wishing you girls the best for everything ❤️

@HJen22 beautiful pup (& view!)

Xx

User1400 thank you for the welcome! 💞 that’s exactly how I’d describe it, like a weight has been lifted! 💞

That’s definitely sounds like the sane thing to do haha I remember when I hit 6 months and I was frantically looking on Pinterest for tips and then I reached “how to conceive twins” or “how to get pregnant with a girl” that’s when I knew I had gone too far into the obis! 😂

@Loops01 I’m so sorry to hear you’re struggling. When I’m feeling low I like to make sure I do all of my favourite things.

I watch my favourite movies/tv, get in my comfiest pyjamas and pamper myself. Grab some of your favourite drinks and maybe order a takeaway or cook your favourite dish 💕 I hope your DH is home soon to give you some tlc.

@HJen22 OHHHH what a lovely puppy pic to cheer us all up! 😍 so glad you’ve had a great time, it sounds beautiful.

Yes 35 is creeping up on me so it’s probably a good idea I get the ball rolling with my GP. I will keep you posted as to what they say too. My goal this month is to stay chilled out, I need to stop getting so stressed because I know they will say that’s not good 😅

I was doing OPK’s, the tricky little things. Only really got a couple of peaks, the rest were just high. I didn’t do them the last few months in hopes it would calm me down, but it’s not helped so might do them again this cycle.

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Also Hi @HopefulGlow sorry didn't mean to ignore you. Welcome to the group! Such a lovely bunch of ladies here I'm glad you're finding it helpful x

@suzy124 I'm sorry to hear you've not had a good time of late 😞 I really hope you're looking after yourself and we all understand, it's so hard to stay positive and sometimes we just need some time out. Don't apologise at all, it's good to have a break from all things TTC until you feel better ❤️ I really hope that's soon xx

Yeah @HopefulGlow give the GP a call and they can do some initial blood tests for you. It can be a pretty long process; I spoke with the GP in February and didn't have a first call with the fertility clinic until June. As all things TTC, wait after wait sadly.

I hope everyone is having a lovely weekend and taking care of themselves 💕 xxx

@suzy124 not at all, don’t worry! There’s a lot going on here 😊 thank you for the welcome 💞 everyone is very lovely!

@HJen22 I will do, thank you. I can’t believe it took so long to get your first appointment 😩 I will call them Monday then, just to get the process started.

I hope you are having a lovely weekend too! 💕✨💕

Sending you positivity 💫 @loops01 💕. Sorry you had another announcement, they seem to have a way of cropping up and knocking you down when you least expect it.

I feel the same for us, that we won’t conceive naturally, and the time aspect really is one of the hardest parts. If someone could tell me 100% I’ll be pregnant in 2023 I think I could start to relax but the not knowing when/if it will happen is just so distressing.

Sounds like you are doing the right thing distracting yourself 🤗. It can be difficult when TTC feels all consuming but switching off from it is so needed sometimes🧡.

I was the same after my 2nd covid jab - totally wiped out for 2 days!

@HJen22 that’s good you have an appointment in the diary! So what exactly is this appointment for? Jan feels like wee whiley but it will absolutely fly in, I can’t believe we’re half way through sept already! As I was saying to Loops, the waiting really can be one of the hardest parts when you’re yearning for something . I just try to think of the positive sides, like if I’m not pregnant by X date that means we can go on X holiday/trip. It’s a small victory and I’m sure we would all rather be pregnant but it’s important that we still enjoy and fulfill our lives😊. Your pup is soo cuuuute, how old?

I’m currently on CD18, my clear blue digital ovulation tests were still showing me as ‘high’ fertility yesterday but no peak, which is strange as peak is usually around CD14/15 and I stupidly ran out of tests and so now I feel like the whole cycle has been a waste of expensive OPKs! Ugh. I don’t know if we have DTD enough this month either, so I feel like I am counting myself out already xx

@User1400 we got a letter through on Thursday which basically said we were on the IVF list, that the wait time is 4-5 months and I'd get an appointment through in January. So I guess that's the first of many in the IVF process with treatment thereafter. I've got counselling next Friday and the following we've got a follow up where I'm hoping they'll explain exactly the protocol etc that we will be put on! I kinda knew it was likely gonna be next year before it started what with Christmas and New Year but seeing it in black and white still kinda threw me 😔 but I really just need to try and stay positive, relaxed, healthy etc in preparation.

Oh OPKs can be such a stress can't they! Sorry you think you may not have done it enough, but as they say, only takes once 🥰 so don't count yourself out! Everything crossed for you 🤞🏻 and yeah look at the small good things and holidays etc! A nice way to look at it!

Ive not been tracking this month or stressing about the FW too much, we did it twice the predicted week and to be honest I really don't know what our chances are naturally so I'm trying to ease up on the pressure of doing it heaps. I still stress out but now it's about IVF rather then DTD.

Aw thank you, she's 8 months old. And a real godsend in a super hard time! We got her in March so it's been some what of a distraction welcoming her into our family 🐶

@HJen22 Ahh okay, it is quite daunting seeing it in black and white, letting it sink in that it’s reality. None the less, just think each appointment is a step closer to starting a wee family 🥰. Yeah tracking/DTD is stressful enough in it’s own right, focusing your energy into IVF/staying healthy is probably the best idea and then who knows what could happen naturally when you take your mind off DTD! 🤞🏻

How is your counselling going?

Aww dogs are such a blessing aren’t they. It’s just amazing how they can read your mood and give you a much needed pick me up🤗.

I have another TMI question for you all..

I mentioned earlier about TTC taking the spark out of DTD.. I’ve just come across a thread discussing how often they DTD when TTC, I am honestly in shock at how many people have said everyday/multiple times a day throughout the whole cycle!

Question is - how many times do you DTD per cycle?!? We have only DTD three times this cycle (all in FW) and will probably try to get another 1 or 2 times in..

There is honestly no way I could DTD everyday or even every other day throughout the cycle, I’d have a break down hahaha

Xx

@User1400

There is no such thing as TMI here….earlier I was googling EWCM after bowel movements 😂🤷🏼‍♀️

I’m glad you asked because I’ve tried to look for answers on this.

Me and my OH do it every day, sometimes a few times a day. But every once in a while we have a day or two with nothing! And nothing has made a difference 😅 I’m lucky I work from home, so if my OH is off, I get sex breaks haha 😂

One of my friends and her OH barely do it though, they just aren’t bothered and that suits them.

It’s definitely not about the quantity!

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Hey @User1400

As for DTD, this cycle it was CD 10, 11 & 13 with my peak opk on CD12.

Only things I took/done different was continue to take my folic acid (just a boots own brand one) and after ovulation I ate pineapple core every day for 5 days (something about it suppose to help implantation) xx

@HopefulGlow hahaha, I feel like the only time I can judge CM is after a bowel movement 😂.

Everyday, wow! Is that normal for you as a couple or only because TTC? I would love to DTD everyday to increase our chances but I think it would cause more stress than anything else lol, I guess each couple is different.

@Lynne425 that’s reassuring to know it worked for you with only 3 DTD, it only takes once I suppose 😊.
__
I’ve had to push back my HyCosy due to my cycle, and the way it’s landed means we won’t even be able to try next month. Feeling a bit upset (even though it probably wouldn’t of made any difference!) it’s just hard knowing that another month will pass me by 😔.

Xx

@User1400 haha really?! I had no clue this was a thing until I googled it. I tried the whole sweep method but I always found myself laughing at the awkward squats I was getting into 😅

This is normal for us. But in all honesty I’ve never been like this before 🙈 in my previous relationship it was very rare, so this is all new to me.

I’m sorry to hear about your appointment being pushed back 😞 that must be so frustrating. I suppose you could use this time to really get yourself ready, relax, pamper and prepare yourself 💕 I know how hard it is to stay positive though!

@Lynne425 that is a relief to know you managed to catch on those days too! How have you been feeling?

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@HopefulGlow I didn’t know either, I found out from Google too! Oh if anyone seen my search history 😅. I never felt like I knew what I was looking for when sweeping!

Yeah, I am now stressing again as depending on when AF comes on this month could actually mean I need to rescheduled again next month, which will push it back even further. Hopefully my cycle aligns in my favour 😭.

How is everyone this Monday? Xx

Morning girls 💕 a lovely sunny day here. How are you all? I hope everyone had a nice weekend!

@User1400 I've not started counselling yet, first session is Friday! I'm a little nervous about it but I'm sure the therapist will be lovely. I just bit the bullet and told my boss (purely as my colleague will he finishing up for maternity leave right when we're due to start!) and she was so lovely, it's a massive weight off my mind!

No such thing as TMI! We always have tried for every second day in FW, there have been months we did it 4/5 days in a row. My acupuncturist I'm sure said every 3 days is enough (however not 100% sure I understood correctly with the mask and accent) and I know the NHS/Dr says every second day. They are very much oh do it all month though which I find easier said than done!!

The more pressure I put on it the harder it was, physically and mentally. It's wild to thing people get pregnant doing it once at a time they don't know is bang on fertile time isn't it!

Oh no I'm sorry about your HyCosy and the dates! Annoying isn't it, we were the same! I just didn't bother tracking so as to not get upset knowing I was ovulating and couldn't try. As disappointing as it is, try and use it as a little break and recharge of the batteries.

Xxx

@User1400 oh my goodness let’s hope no one ever sees our google search history 😂

I really hope your cycle lines up for you, I’m crossing all my fingers and sending all my positivity to you ✨ how have you been feeling?

I’m attempting to stay positive too. Made my first call to the doctors today for a chat, so that’s progress. Struggling with the OH atm as we are both feeling different things about the process.

He thinks nothing is wrong and it will happen when it’s meant to (which I know it true) but he’s also got 2 children from a previous relationship. So we are just experiencing slightly different things, I keep trying to wind myself back in and remember he’s feeling this all too.

Hope everyone else is fighting the Monday blues ✨💕✨

@HJen22 Sorry, I thought this was your second counselling appointment. None the less, it will be such a good opportunity to let it all out! Looking forward to hearing how it goes.

That’s great you have told your boss, I would have made the same decision 😊. So glad she was supportive too, that will be one less thing to worry about and put your mind at ease.

Yeah I think I will just take the month off of tracking for October, I am just praying it doesn’t roll onto effecting November’s cycle. When I called to reschedule, she said they might have to put me back on the waiting list! I understand it must be difficult scheduling appointments, but surely there must be a better system than that.. just felt like it wasn’t very sensitive, or maybe that’s just me being hyper sensitive as I usually am with anything TTC related lol.

@hopefulglow Well done for making the first phone call, it’s scary but can be a relief at the same time knowing there is help out there 🤗.

Totally feel you about your OH! Mines has said all the same things about ‘it will happen’ (I think a few others on the thread said their OH has said the same).

My partner does intermittently remind me that it’s hard for him too, but I truly don’t think he understands how much harder it is for me. I know it’s not a competition on who is more miserable, but other than me telling him when we need to have sex, it’s like he’s oblivious to it all. For example, I spend the TWW in hope, symptom spotting and dreading AF, and he doesn’t even know when AF is due unless I tell him.

Sorry, that really sounds so bitter but sometimes I just feel like we are reading two different books, never mind being on the same page! This usually leads to a blow out and then I feel so much closer to him, and gradually as months go on we fall back into the same rut of me feeling like we’re miles apart when it comes to TTC.

Anyway, that wasn’t very helpful advice but hopefully it’s reassuring to know you’re absolutely not alone xx

@User1400 no that doesn’t sound sensitive at all. Even if that’s the way their system/wait list works. Take 2 minutes to empathize and explain that, so you don’t feel fobbed off!

Yeah I’m glad I took the first step. Fingers crossed it helps my mood with it all. Back on the OPK’s today 🤞🏼 Just in case the Dr need some up to date records.

It’s a relief knowing that there are people in the same boat. It’s so hard to remind myself that he’s struggling too BUT I know it’s not in the same way, because he’s not worried. He’s got 2 little ones to prove he works fine 😅 but he says “things can change, and just because it’s not happened yet, doesn’t mean it won’t….” It’s hard not to roll my eyes and stop taking things so personally!

How do you stop feeling like a failure? Because those things surely aren’t good for your body either! Catch 22 😩

So what is everyone’s top tips for distractions?

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@User1400 ah that's ok! I had spoken about it but just waiting for the first one. The month wait has actually went past quite quickly!

Yeah she was so lovely, I am really glad I have told her now, just so it's one less thing to worry and stress about! I plan to carry over some holidays I still have this year so that will make things easier in that I can take days off here and there and not have to worry about going back after appointments and things! Still far off but makes me feel better getting it a little organised in my head. I am going to really try for it not to effect work but of course it will in some way.

Oh I really hope they don't have to put you back on the waiting list! And no I don't think that was you being over sensitive. It's so hard when there is so much waiting, to then be told it might be more. I really hope it aligns, I know they are busy but having a procedure that can only be done one day a week is hard to fit in when you can't fully predict a cycle!

@HopefulGlow well done making the call to the GP, have you got an appointment lined up soon? They will likely get you in for bloods. I also had to do a chlamydia swab and my OH got referred to do a SA which was at the fertility clinic. I know its super daunting and its something none of us want to do :(

Totally understand about OHs. Sadly i think all of us feel like that at some point, they understand to a point, but yeah I felt like I spent every day of every cycle thinking ok this is FW we need to DTD as much as possible, then id spent 2 weeks symptom spotting and being miserable and my OH would just be like normal. We had lots of blow outs where I was just like "you don't understand!".

My OH also has a daughter and was very laid back and "it will happen when it happens" at the start too. I was very "it's obviously not you" as well, and just couldn't help myself from being snappy about it.

Top tips would be walking, podcasts, reading, getting into a good series on Netflix. Sometimes however, none of these work for me haha but worth a try!

Also maybe a massage or something? Treat yourself in this hard time!! Cos we need to remember to look after ourselves

@HJen22 Totally understand how you feel trying to organise your brain 😂. That’s great you’re feeling supported and can take some precautions to give you breathing space at work. I would try not to worry too much about your emotions potentially impacting your work, you’re only human after all 💕.

I know, only having the appointments on one day isn’t exactly ideal. It would be less worrying if you could pick an appointment that definitely lined up with your cycle but you just kind of have to take what is available and hope for the best. I thought I was doing the right thing giving them a call to reschedule so the appointment doesn’t end up wasted, just to be told you go might go back on the wait list! Anyway I’m sure I will get there, it’s just giving me more anxiety that I could of done without 😅.

@HopefulGlow @hjen22’s distractions are pretty much the same as mine lol. Although I find avoiding triggers works better for me than distractions. I find scrolling through Facebook so hard seeing all the mummy’s posts, so much so that I’ve actually muted some of my friends! Sounds awful really.. but I just think I am my best self when I stay off the apps 🙄.

Xx

@HJen22 I have a phone appointment Next Tuesday morning, so that’s not too bad. Apparently they will want to talk to me before going ahead with any tests. I better ask the OH to ring his doctors too.

I know what you mean, it’s so hard not to get snappy and take it personally. We’ve had a massively stressful year (like lots of people have) and he really thinks that’s the main reason why. He’s just so chilled about it! But I always say people have gotten pregnant in much worse situations! a little stress shouldn’t stop us!

Oooo they are some great ideas! My friend asked me to go on a spa day with her recently, they have an offer on and a pamper day sounds like it’s needed! 🥰 I do need to go on more walks though, I’ve been super lazy recently!

@User1400 I found myself putting my phone down and leaving it a lot more and that’s helped me too. I follow a bunch of baby things on socials and they are great, but not when you’re feeling low.

I completely understand, sometimes switching off and getting lost in a book or movie is exactly what you need.

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@User1400 yeah its nice to try and have some sort of control over something! And knowing my boss is totally fine with it (given that its terrible timing with my colleague going off) makes me feel a lot better about it!

I know, its not very easy to work around! So did they say to keep your appointment just now and call nearer the time if AF does come same time? And no, not what you need when it's already an anxious time waiting for the appointment!

@HopefulGlow agree with @User1400 about social media too actually! I deleted insta and FB apps for ages and felt a lot better! I have recently been on again but actually just deleted again this morning after reading @User1400 saying she is at her best when off of them!

A spa day is a great idea!! That will be lovely, you should def do that with your friend!

Oh the old "relax" and "don't stress" comments are annoying aren't they! Like, of course we are trying to do that! And you are so right, others have gotten pregnant in much worse situations! I get the whole trying to keep a happy mind and stuff but it comes down to a lot more than that sometimes!

xxx

@HJen22 I have pushed the appointment back to the end of October, and if I am bleeding on that appointment, I’ll have to back on the wait list. I wish I had just kept my original appointment now and hoped for the best. Praying my cycle lines up and I don’t end up missing a month for no reason.

@HopefulGlow @hjen22 out of sight out of mind works wonders for me in terms of social media! It’s really not worth having my day ruined over the sake of scrolling through an app.. that sounds super pathetic that it would ruin my day but sometimes it gets in your head, especially when you’re feeling down.

How is everyone doing today xx

@Amy259 @suzy124 @Loops01

@User1400 ah I see, ugh I'm sorry you had to push it back! Really hope your cycles behave and you can get to the October appointment, I am sure you will :)

Yeah I totally agree, I prefer just to be oblivious haha and it's just far too easy to compare isn't it! It doesn't sound pathetic at all, it really can ruin your day and mood. I am in reasonably good mood this week, not really sure why. As strange as it sounds I have turned a massive puppy parenting corner, our pup has become so much better behaved, I have been able to take her walks with out the nose harness thing (to stop her pulling) and I just think she's showing me so much more respect (when she was little she was so bad at chewing my hands and feet and would walk past and bite at my bum sometimes haha) and I think that's cheered me up. That and telling my boss was a weight off too! I decided against telling my colleague as it's likely she will be off on maternity/finishing up when we begin treatment. And I would just rather keep it to the minumum.

How is your week going? And how are the rest of you ladies? xxx

@hjen22 Puppies certainly have a special way of keeping you on your toes haha! It’s great when they start to turn into the well behaved dog you dreamed of having but you soon find yourself looking back missing that wee puppy nipping your heels 😆. They are such a good distraction and great for getting you out for some fresh air and lifting your mood!

My week is going okay, just entering the TWW, trying not to think about it too much. I seen some things online about the ‘SMEP’ method for conceiving and thought about researching it tonight but seriously, I just don’t feel like we will conceive naturally! Even though I don’t actually know if there is anything ‘wrong’ with me yet, I can’t help but feel there is no way it’s something as simple as our timing that has been off for 2 years 🤣. I just kind of feel like we’re waiting for intervention now to be honest.

How is your week going 😄? Xx