Month 12, 6 DPO, fed up and loosing hope

[fingerscrossed91]

Hi all,

I apologise in advance if this post is negative but I'm so so fed up with TTC. We have been trying for 12 months and haven't even had a hint of a line. My three best girlfriends (and soon to be bridesmaids) have all announced they are preggers this past month. Whilst I'm genuinely ecstatic for them I'm hurting so much as I don't believe it will ever happen for me.

I had to take a few days off work at the start of the week when the third told me they were preggers as I was just so overwhelmed and upset. A few days eating rubbish and watching Netflix made me feel a bit better but I have just lost hope that I will ever see a second pink line let alone have a baby.

I'm currently 6DPO and even though I know I won't be pregnant I'm still working myself up about it. I (stupidly) did a test today which was obv a BFN but it's like I can't help myself. It like a weird form of self torture!

I'd be so keen to talk to any hopeful mummas in a similar boat - let's keep everyone sain!

xxx

@User1400 thank you, it really was! 😌 - glad your catch up with your friend went well.

@Amy259 thank you ❤️
It was 31-32 days normally so it’s not massively off just not consistent yet. I’ve read it can take a while to get back to normal so hoping it’s soon.

Had to book my repeat bloods for CD21 and they are only doing urgent ones due to supply shortages in nhs - luckily the GP said to still go ahead.

@Loops01 We stayed on a farm near Kendal - it was lovely and the lady had thought of everything - she even left a box of chocolates, homemade biscuits, champagne & beer. The tapas was called Comida in Kendal. (The picture was only part as I ate some before I took a picture) 😂

@Loops01 thanks, that’s good to know, it’s been about 3 weeks so hopefully it’s on its way!

Omg ABBA gig sounds amazing🤪. I’m the same as you ladies though, I thought to myself on Christmas 2019 ‘this will be the last one just us two!’ I could never of imagined it would still be just us two in 2021. I try not to think about things that way, I just continue to live my life and if I do get pregnant and have to cancel a holiday/trip or whatever it may be, I won’t care because at least I’ll be pregnant! Ugh life is tough 🥲.

@AZ1992X that food looks great! I’ve got family in Kendal and we go down when we can, I’ll need to try it next time. And maybe have a hunt for the farm to stay on too!

@User1400 yeah I don’t think like that anymore either, and I’ve stopped thinking about anything like roughly when I’d be due or whatever. I definitely wouldn’t stop myself from booking a holiday! It is tough though, a girl I know has gotten pregnant, had her daughter and is pregnant again, all in the time I’ve been trying. Things like that make me sometimes go “we’d have a 6 month old if it had stuck first time” etc. But I manage to give myself a good shake most of the time. You’re right, it’s tough.

Hi Ladies, how are you all xx

@AZ1992X aw those photos are fab! So glad you had a lovely weekend, sometimes it really is just what you need isn’t it! And great that the weather wasn’t bad! Another getaway will be lovely, we have a few coming up too that I am looking forward to, change of scenery always helps clear the mind a little!

@User1400 yeah, I mean its super personal and not really what I want to be discussing with my boss but at least she is a woman, and she does have a child! So I am really hoping she will be understanding. I would tell her the bare minimum and not be going into any detail really about what was actually going on, but I suppose that is way down the line and I am just giving myself something else to worry about!

Im glad to hear you had a nice catch up with your friend, I agree the actually announcement is always the hard bit, as I love spending time with all my friends kids.

I hope you get your letter through soon, and yeah as @loops01 says they just do it on a Thursday! Meant I was out that month too as pretty sure the day I had it was the day I was due to ovulate! But if you are later on with ovulating you might not miss the month completely!

Ugh yeah so many times I have had things on and thought “oh I might be pregnant / due / have a baby” by then, sadly not happened! Its so hard at the start to not think like that cos it is so exciting!

@loops01 amazing I love ABBA! That will be so good!!

I had my first acupuncture last night, it was £52 @Loops01 and then another £20 as he gave me away MORE medication to add to my pile, I couldn’t say no though as he is SO cute! And so so lovely! I loved his attitude, all very “oh you’re still young” and we just need to balance hormones. The needles themselves were fine other than I had no clue what to expect so he did a little count down and I had to say “Mmm” when they went in (again, my pain threshold is ridiculous!!), there was one in my left ring finger which was weird and I could feel the entire time but I came away feeling relaxed, and have another appointment in 2 weeks.

Remind me, do any of us have appointments next week or are the calls and HyCosy next?

xxx

@HJen22 ooh that's much cheaper than my one - does he have a name or a website as I might give him a try next time! Did he ask much about your cycle or anything? I've never had the ring finger but any time I've felt something as the needles are in has normally indicated a problem in some way (mainly muscles) as I used to feel it on one ovary side then I would feel it in my right hand (from overuse of mobile!) otherwise nothing.

Do you know the names of the stuff he has given you or is just all Chinese symbols? Also is it something you can swallow or does it have to be in a tea or hot water - I can never drink anything like that (hate coffee, tea etc).

I have my hycosy on the 23rd! I think someone has something on the 22nd and or 24th?

@AZ1992X I'll have to look into that for a few nights away one time as that tapas looks so good!!

@Loops01 yeah of course, it's www.aberdeenacupuncture.co.uk 🥰 my friend recommended him (not for fertility but she knew he did do that) and her family have used him for years.

Yeah he asked me so many questions, cycle length, how heavy, if I'd been on the pill, if I'd ever been pregnant, he looked at my tongue and asked if I had cold feet - which I always do. He was just the sweetest man, I'm a sucker for a cute person 😂 I'm not sure what all the points were for, but I'm going to ask him next time.

He gave me something called xiao Yao san, concentrated food supplement which smells like the coffee flavoured tequila shot 😂 and yeah it's just pills, 2 in the morning and 2 at tea time.

How are you feeling about it? Everyone I had for it was very nice. Can your partner go with you? And how did it go telling work? Xxx

@HJen22 oh I cannot stand the smell of coffee! But guess it's worth the try!! I always have cold feet too! Haha. Always have. My mums got a lot of autoimmune conditions so I'm surprised they haven't diagnosed me yet with anything!

I am feeling fine! Just want to get it done! Since I've got little chance of anything happening this month I'm going to get my 2nd covid vaccine so I'm actually more worried about that messing up my cycles again since I'm not long back to normal after my last!

I'm not sure if my partner can go with me. I forgot to ask. He is off so he said he can meet me there and wait if needed but I'm not sure. Spoken to work briefly and they are saying just take slightly longer so likely I'll be back. To be fair they don't really care so if I'm upset they would just ignore it lol. I hadn't told many folk about my moving but they all know and they just say nothing. It sounds harsh but it's true. I'm just used to it. Looking forward to moving and having less work and work chat!!!

I'll have a look at that link! Thank you!

@Loops01 I made the mistake of sniffing the pot when I was putting them into my little medicine holder haha they don't really taste of coffee though so you'd be ok 👍🏻 do you have cold hands too? I used to but actually not so much now. Oh does she, that's probably something he'd pick up on if you did.

Oh I hope it doesn't mess it up! Did it really mess up your cycle with the first jab?

Yeah they say on the leaflet for your partner to go with you because they give you a consultation after. I mean I say consultation, it's not, the Dr comes out when you're dressed and tells you the findings.

That's such a shame; I'm sorry your work are like that 😞 that can't be easy! I really hope the role change will be better for you! We spend so much time working / with colleagues (in normal circumstances) it's important to feel supported xx

@HJen22 I’m glad acupuncture went well and that you enjoyed it! How lovely is the feeling afterwards? I always feel like I’m floating haha. Although I’ve never had a ring finger needle, I bet that was weird.

I don’t have any appointments, just my call on the 29th to come xx

@suzy124 hey tww buddy, how are you doing? Xx

@Amy259 yeah it was lovely and relaxing afterwards and I had a good sleep. The finger one was very strange as it was out the side and felt like it was in deep 😂 can't find online what it was for but I'll have to ask!

Ah yeah of course, not long to wait now. I hope they can offer you some tests and things seeing as you've had the HyCosy done. Xx

Hi @Amy259 I've been totally out of it for a few days, had food poisoning or some kind of stomach bug. Haven't been able to eat anything for 48hours and was in so much pain so pretty sure I can count myself out this month haha. How are you doing? X

@suzy124 oh no! You poor thing! I hope you are on the mend and have been resting up! Do you know what you got food poisoning from? Xx

@HJen22 thank you - I think they’ll either repeat the hycosy or just tell me to wait it out until the 2 year mark, I haven’t really heard of anyone being offered much else if it’s still unexplained up to that point. But I guess we’ll see!

@suzy124 oh no, you poor thing! That sounds awful. Are you feeling any better at all? Lots of rest and tlc I hope xxx

I’m okay thank you, 8dpo and pleased to say I haven’t bought or peed on any sticks yet 😂

Thank you both. Definitely on the mend now but just exhausted and last few days a blur! Honestly have no idea if it was food poisoning or not, just a guess.

Anyway well done @Amy259 for resisting this month, keep it up if you can! I really think it helps mentally and if nothing else you'll save some cash! What day is AF due? @HJen22 I'm really glad you've found an acupuncturist after all, I know what you mean about cute people I'm a sucker too. How many tablets you on now? X

@Amy259 when would the 2 year mark be for you again?

Yeah same, no tracking for me either! Acupuncturist asked what cycle day I was on and for the first time in a long time I didn't even know; which he seemed happy about haha 😂

@suzy124 he was just so sweet and chatty and easy to feel comfortable with. I think it's like 19 or something 😂 loads at breakfast, couple at lunch then another load at tea. To be fair I was already taking a few before the nutritionist but they've all added up!

So glad that you're on the mend! That must have been horrible and so draining because sick! Has your OH been ok or poorly too?

Xx

Morning girls, how are you all?

I got my appointment for HyCosy, 7 Oct. Mixed feelings as it’s starting to feel ‘real’ but it’s good to know we’re working towards something at the same time.

@suzy124 sorry to hear you’ve been unwell, hopefully you’re on the mend now. How have you been other than that? ☺️

@amy259 good for you not testing! I gave up on testing a long time ago.. it makes the tww so much more bearable once you have managed to shake the testing urges😊.

Does anyone know if HyCosy really increases fertility chances for the following 3 cycles? I’ve read online that this is a myth but then I’ve seen threads where people have said their Dr said it is true (?!). Don’t want to get my hopes up but it would be amazing if it’s true.

Xx

@suzy124 hope you’re feeling even better today. Thanks, af not due until next Tuesday but I found a CB early test in a drawer that I’ll take on Friday morning (11dpo) before this wedding/our holiday so I have a better idea if af is going to come when I’m in a tent for 10 days 😂

@HJen22 my two year mark would be next June and I can’t really fib because I had a coil so they know exactly when I got that out!

@User1400 loops and I were just talking about this - so Oxford Fertility recently released a paper on this, apparently if there’s something easy wrong with a tube, like a mucus plug they can clear with the dye (this happened to me 🤢) to open the tube more, then there’s a chance fertility is increased. If they use a fat-soluble dye, there’s a chance any smaller mucus deposits will be cleared too but most places use water soluble which doesn’t have the same clearing effect. If there’s nothing wrong at all, then it’ll make no difference and if they’re truly blocked by hydrosalpinx it’ll make no difference either.

There’s stories all over the internet of both, some saying it made no difference and some saying after years of trying they were pregnant the next month.. which makes sense with all the above data I guess, the women who did fall preg quickly maybe had some minor blockages that were dislodged during it?

This is all from research, zero actual experience - I had mine this cycle but apparently because the dye can remain on the surface of your uterine lining until a period sheds it, the likelihood of successful pregnancy is really small the same month you get it. So I’ll let you know what happened for me in 3 cycles time 😂 (sorry this is so long, I’ve literally just looked into all this for myself so thought I’d pass it on) xx

@suzy124 I hope you are feeling better today!

@Amy259 ugh that's annoying they know exactly when you had it removed! The thing with the whole 1 year wait for referral to fertility clinic / 2 year wait for IVF is that it takes so much longer with all the waits once you've actually had the referral 😔 I know it's NHS and they are doing their very best (in also a very different circumstances) but the whole TTC is just one wait after another.

@User1400 that's good news you have your appointment through for HyCosy. I was the same, was good to be getting somewhere with tests other than bloods.

I've no idea about if hycosy increases chances, I wasn't told anything at my appointment but I guess if there was a small blockage that was fixed maybe it could? Always so many different stories online!

How is everyone today? I'm feeling meh today, been a slow and quiet week with work but off Friday and we're away for a few nights for my OHs birthday. Nothing crazy haha walks and trying to stick to my eating plan!

Xxx

@Amy259 Thank you for the info 🤗 The internet is like a blessing and a curse haha it’s good for research but sometimes there’s so much info you don’t know which end is up! It seems like it’s maybe more of a case by case thing then, I’ll deffo not get my hopes up 🙄. Although if yours was a mucus plugged that cleared, that seems like potentially good news for increased fertility?!

@HJen22 yeah I feel like I just want to get on with it now! Although as the appt approaches I am sure I’ll be so scared lol. Sorry you’re feeling a bit down . Anything in particular bugging you? At least you have some weekend plans to look forward to. Are you off to anywhere nice? 😀

Xx

@HJen22 I know, 2 years just feels so long to even just get on a list. I get that they can’t jump to helping everyone super quickly, but there can’t be many other medical situations where they say “see you in 2 years” 😂 xx

Sorry you’re feeling a bit bleh today, days like that are rubbish - it’s nearly over now though! Where are you off to this weekend?

@User1400 yeah it seems pretty individual, I’m sure you could ask after your scan though? What the doctor reckons? Yeah maybe, if the tube is back to normal now, but I don’t know that for sure - and like you, I wouldn’t want to get my hopes up! Xx

@User1400 that good you got yours so quick too! Your two weeks after me. It'll be cd16 for me when it happens and I'm not expecting them to really find anything nor any miracles after.

@HJen22 I'll give that boy a call and maybe book in for the end of the month (after pat day!).

I'm a bit fed up with the 2 year thing. This cycle is probably out due to hycosy (which is expected) but we've looked at next month and my dh has all his shifts changed due to that climate thing in Glasgow so we may be out then too! So annoying!!! They've been told that they might be away the entire time. So the days off they get they are basically kept there just in case. Then SIL baby will be born after that. I'm just feeling really low. Created my own ttc insta account as that's been helping but I'm looking at everyone's and just seeing those in the same position (unexplained with no hint of a positive) ending up resorting to ivf. Just don't know if I should save up and have a private round whilst waiting for the NHS one. I might speak to them about it. It's pretty rubbish that they aren't really doing anything else until the 2 Yr mark. I get that they are strapped for staff and money but I'd rather they say oh you could do this or that but you'd have to pay for it. Guy in my work, his wife did NHS and were told unexplained infertility but she kept having early mcs. They went private in London and found out it was NK cells. She's since had 5 ivfs and got pregnant all but 1 and mc the rest. Shame. He had to take time off as he admitted that he struggled with it all but the worst thing for him was that everyone else in work was pregnant and it was a constant reminder of everything they have gone through and he couldn't cope. I was like I totally understand you as seeing them gets to me but I'm nowhere near your level of ttc emotions so it must be really really difficult.

It's such a long and difficult process and I just don't see it happening naturally.

I can get like this when I feel down or whatever but apart from still wanting to lose the belly bulge I'm actually doing OK. I just feel like it's getting real this struggle. I knew in was losing hope but now I feel like ttc will just never really work!

Hi ladies!

I hope you don’t mind me hopping on, I’m a long time stalker first time poster!

I actually came on here to post a similar thing as you @fingerscrossed91 so I felt like I had to jump in to at least make you feel like you had one more person on your team!

I’m in denial about going for help too, which I don’t want people to think it means I don’t want it, because I do!! So damn much!! But I hate how this has made me feel. Like I can’t do the one thing we are designed to do :(

To make it worse my OH has 2 children already which makes me think it’s me that’s the problem.

My question is, how the hell do we stay positive throughout all of this? Because I’m usually an upbeat and positive person but I’m struggling so much.

I have other stresses too right now, which I know won’t help. But I’m hoping you guys have some tips to help keep the dark clouds at bay 💕

I really hope we all get some BFP’s soon 💕

Lots of love and positivity to you all ✨

@User1400 thank you, just one of those days where I wasn't very busy so my mind wasn't being taken off things, too much time to think! We are off up to Ballater for 2 nights, its my OHs birthday so just a wee change of scenery, have some nice walks with the pup etc!

@Loops01 aw im so sorry you're feeling low too :( it really sucks doesn't it. And I'm really sorry to hear that your OHs shifts may mean another missed month. It hurts when you can't even try doesn't it. Not going to lie, this month/FW was a bit of a thought for me, we have only did it twice (although one of those days was day before predicted ovulation, but again ive not been tracking so don't even know if that is right!) will try and keep going for the next few days every 2nd day, but my heart just isn't in it this month.

They didn't say anything to me about private when I was there and they said I would be added to the list, but I am presuming it is an option! I think you just need to be careful, I think if you pay the first one they take that off your NHS funded cycles. So you could have 3 free and pay for the 4th, but if you pay for the first you then only get 2 on the NHS. Don't quote me on that but I think that might be the case, I'm sure I read it somewhere.

I'm worried about it just not working either :( I know the chances are slim, and I think even more so cos of my egg reserve. I know it only takes one but its hard not to worry. Can't get away from it either, even watching Grand Designs last night the couple were going through IVF (whilst building a house, MAD!) although it did work which was a nice happy ending :)

That's so sad about the guy at your work, must be utterly heartbreaking!

@HopefulGlow welcome! Sorry I have not been very positive the last few posts, however we do have our good days over here :) It is so hard, I am sorry to hear you are going through struggles like the rest of us! I also understand how you feel about your OH, my OH has a child too.

My advise would be to try and get some tests / speak to the Dr soon. I know its mega scary, and it does feel like a total kick in the teeth getting to the point where you have to, but it can take quite a while so its def best to get the ball rolling. And sometimes people just need a little help, my sister was prescribed chlomid to ovulate and fell pregnant :) It really gets you down when the struggle makes you not feel like yourself, I have felt like that a lot. We just have to try and stay positive, let ourselves have the bad days and the next day is a new day. And hope that we get some BFPs soon xxx

Morning @HJen22 thank you for your message! Don’t apologize about not being positive, I’m right there with you! It does get tiring though, being so sad all the time.

It’s so sad to see how many people struggle with it too. You just don’t realise until you’re in the same boat.

Is anyone else having symptoms of having fertility help? Are we all UK based too?

That’s such good news about your sister! 💕 my sister was trying with her hubby for 2 years, finally went to the doctors for help and then fell pregnant the next month! 😅

Hopefully it will be us soon ✨xx