Month 12, 6 DPO, fed up and loosing hope

[fingerscrossed91]

Hi all,

I apologise in advance if this post is negative but I'm so so fed up with TTC. We have been trying for 12 months and haven't even had a hint of a line. My three best girlfriends (and soon to be bridesmaids) have all announced they are preggers this past month. Whilst I'm genuinely ecstatic for them I'm hurting so much as I don't believe it will ever happen for me.

I had to take a few days off work at the start of the week when the third told me they were preggers as I was just so overwhelmed and upset. A few days eating rubbish and watching Netflix made me feel a bit better but I have just lost hope that I will ever see a second pink line let alone have a baby.

I'm currently 6DPO and even though I know I won't be pregnant I'm still working myself up about it. I (stupidly) did a test today which was obv a BFN but it's like I can't help myself. It like a weird form of self torture!

I'd be so keen to talk to any hopeful mummas in a similar boat - let's keep everyone sain!

xxx

@Loops01 nah I haven’t really entered the NHS system yet, not until my phone call on 29th and who knows what they’ll say then. I wonder if they’ll make me repeat the hycosy after I tell them there was some pooling… I feel sick at the thought 😂 but it’ll probably just be repeat that if necessary, I’m going to ask about AMH and see what his chat is there, and then I’ll just need to wait it out until the 2 yr mark I imagine.

@HJen22 yes loose clothes! I’m sure you won’t, you hardly see any of them because you’re lying down and it doesn’t hurt at all, wayyy less than a normal needle! Xx

@HJen22 it hurts so little that I actually had one left in my arm and had to turn to do massage and never realised I was lying on one that was still in my arm. I felt a slight discomfort but nothing else of it haha.

@Amy259 hopefully you don't have to do it again! Do they test amh? I was told I wouldn't get it done unless they needed to. Dont know if it is just dependent on how many follicles they see? Did you see a few on your private scan? I have counted some of mine from the pics and I think in OK? Maybe not the most but then the follicles are all at different angles so 1 pic won't show them all.

@Loops01 I hope not, but I think they might as it’s quite weird to find a dilated tube that isn’t blocked, because apparently the only way to dilate a Fallopian tube is with a blockage… so I think they might repeat it to see if there’s any issue or it’s all resolved now. All guess work until the 29th.

Yeah they’ll test it if you have concern, as follicles on a scan don’t tell you they’re functioning/can mature/can shrink. Permanently large (there’s a word but I can’t remember it) follicles that look like they’re ready to release are bad, and permanently small (the ones who would enlarge next month) are bad, and obviously a scan just shows you a snap shot so you don’t know. Nothing points to low AMH or anything, I don’t think, but it’s pretty much the only thing I haven’t checked now so I’d like the reassurance. I’ll probably do an at home test if they say no.

@Amy259 so why don't they scan at different times during the cycle to see these things? I know they probably do during ivf procedures or similar but wouldn't it be handy to know before? Minefield this ttc stuff

@Loops01 because think of the resources repeat scans throughout a cycle would cost for every woman ttc. That’s why they only do it for those going through ivf - the nhs couldn’t cope with scanning us all, all the time.

@Loops01 it’s also why, if there are concerns with FSH, they couple your internal or hycosy with AMH bloods - you need both to get the whole picture.

I hope everyone is having a nice weekend ❤️

Yeah I had AMH bloods taken afterwards on the day I was in for my internal / HyCosy and it just said on my letter that they would be discussed at next appointment. Trying not to think and worry about it too much. That will have been down to the low follicle count. I agree though that it would be good if they did a few scans at different times.

Off to IKEA for a jolly today, we have been speaking on the way down about it I should tell my boss about IVF. What do you girls think? In normal circumstances I'd prob try and not to, however my colleague is due in February. I'm pretty sure if I don't say anything I'll be left to do her and my job. If I tell my boss that gives her the chance to properly think about maternity cover for my colleague and not leave me with two jobs and IVF to deal with. Also I don't live very close to the clinic and my work is also not close to it so appointments wouldn't be able to be done in an hour sort of thing.

@HJen22 I guess it depends how you trust your boss? I tell one person one thing in my work and it gets spread like wildfire! You probably will need time to inject at certain times and might be unwell etc with it so if your job does not allow you time etc then it would be worthwhile! I have to tell my boss tomorrow about my scan because they aren't allowing anyone time off at the moment but I would need in order to attend as its mid shift! Did you bleed a lot after? Just thinking that I'll have to go from work to the scan then back to work - is that reasonable?

@Loops01 I totally trust my boss. I mean it's not ideal with my colleague being pregnant and me telling her this, team wise but it really can't be helped. She's so lovely about appointments and stuff too. It's just one more person to have to tell though and I want to keep it to the very minimum.

I'm sure your boss will be understanding about your appointment. I used a pad afterwards and there wasn't anything on it but for a few days after I had spotting. I think you could manage but also if your boss let you just go home it would be nice. As if not have wanted to go back after mine but then I had some not so great news and of course I really hope that doesn't happen to you

Sorry wasn't finished - and I meant spotting on wiping / going to the toilet rather than in my underwear.

Sorry I meant what with my news not being so great I'm not sure I'd have coped going into the office. But I hope your scan and HyCosy come back all clear ❤️

@HJen22 thank you. I'll speak to her tomorrow to see. They aren't the best when it comes to welfare stuff (unless you have kids) and I don't see them letting me get away at 130 and not coming back when I'm due to finish at 5 but we will see. Just whether I need to cancel annual leave or work some extra hours. Never actually thought about it if it was bad. Although saying that when dh's grandad passed and I needed away the next day on time to go to the funeral they held me on... They really don't care 😂 they just expect you to deal with life outside of work. Would be easier if I had a better work life balance

@HJen22 if she’s lovely (and legally she can’t tell your colleagues anyway, that’s a HR nightmare waiting to happen) then yeah I would tell her. I coincidentally listened to a bfn podcast about this exact thing last week - there’s a group of women trying to change the law because women aren’t protected until the day of and 2 weeks following transfer, so they recommend having an absence plan in place with your boss before it begins. Like whether it’ll be annual leave, flexi, etc, because you’ll probably need a fair amount of time off and if you can have a policy in writing it would protect you - not that you’ll need it, hopefully! Just because women going through ivf don’t get any work place protection like you get when your pregnant, it’s probably a good idea to know exactly where you stand?

You could always wait until you have actual dates before you tell her? Maybe depends on the size of business too, both in terms of how much she can offer to help you (is she the big boss?) and how easy it’ll be for her whenever you need the odd day/half day off?

I’ll try and find out if there’s an Instagram page for these women, they are HR specialists and their whole business is advising and helping women navigate work whilst undergoing treatment.

@HJen22 the Instagram page is @fertilitymattersatwork - full of info and advice xx

@Loops01 I'm sorry to hear your work aren't very flexible or understanding, that can't be easy! They should realise we all have lives outside of work. Can't believe they were like that for your DHs Grandad's funeral. These things are hard enough. Like we want to be going through all this without work being another worry.

@Amy259 ah fab thank you so much I will take a look. My boss isn't the biggest boss (I have another above her who's senior in the company too but he'd have no idea what to say so I'd rather leave him out of it bless him, albeit it he is so lovely too).

Yeah that's a very good idea re a plan. I kinda think it's best to give her plenty notice so that she takes it into consideration whether or not they want maternity cover for my colleague. I feel like it would just be down to be to cover as well as my own job, or do more of hers than my own but I don't want that either as then when she comes back I'll be out of the loop in my own job (which I really enjoy). I'd hate for my boss to say later down the line "oh if you'd told me" sort of thing. But yeah I think I'll wait until after my follow up in October. I really am doubtful anything would happen this year and it would be into next. Which would be fine if it weren't for my colleague being due in February! Why is nothing ever simple 🙈

How have your girls weekends been, been up to much? Xx

@HJen22 try not to get too worried about what’ll happen with work in your absence and because your colleague is going off - I know that’s easier said than done, I’m the exact same as you and was stressing last year about accepting a new job and potentially falling pregnant quickly, how would I tell them, what would they do etc. But you and your wee (future) family are so much more important and the less stress the better - life throws enough at us at the moment without us worrying about staff cover!! ♥️

My weekend has been lovely thanks, had a wee day out yesterday wandering around shops etc then today we’ve had a very Sunday Sunday! Went for a morning run (jog!) then did washing, food shopping, made a roast, watched a film etc. How has yours been? Xx

Morning ladies!

I hope everyone is keeping well and had a nice weekend?

I’ve had a lovely weekend away - exactly what we both needed. The weather wasn’t too bad - was a little drizzly the Saturday but apart from that wasn’t that bad. Visited some lovely places with great views & had some amazing food - including a lovely tapas place!

We’re already trying to plan the next getaway to have something to look forward too. Thinking maybe London next time and we have another lodge getaway in November.

Really feel in a good place mentally after taking a break from all things TTC.

The only annoying thing is I’ve not not had the same cycle length since MC - last three have been 32, 27 now 29 days! I know it can take few cycles so going to keep an eye on it and see if it settles down.

Images didn’t attach for some reason.

@AZ1992X ahh it looks so beautiful 🥰 glad you had a great time and a much needed break from ttc!

Hmm that is annoying cause I guess it means you can’t really avoid tracking altogether? Hopefully it settles down again, what was it before your mc?

Hi ladies, how are you all doing this week?

@AZ1992X so glad you hear you had a lovely time and a relaxing break! It’s so nice finally being able to get away from home without all the restrictions 😃.

@HJen22 I guess each work place is different but if you feel your boss will be supportive, I would tell her. If we end up going down the same route I will tell my boss, it will probably be an awkward conversation but I’d rather not feel like I have to justify any appointments etc. I would try not to worry too much about covering your absence either, agree with @Amy259 that your family is more important, everything else will come out in the wash!

@amy259 I was the same with my job, I wanted to leave but decided to stay on as we started TTC and was worried about taking a new job and falling pregnant, but obviously it hasn’t worked out that way. I used to plan trips and think ‘but what if I’m pregnant by then’ and then the trip would come around and I wouldn’t be, it was quite upsetting! I’m trying now not to think about things in that anymore, or else I’d never get anything done! The things we go through as women eh😆.

I think I am going to give this BFN podcast you are all talking about a listen, that’s my afternoon at work sorted xx

@User1400 I would go back to the very start of bfn, I think it was 2018 it started, because they’re both just starting the journey and it’s way more relatable for right now. I’m on series 3 now and it’s brilliant but it’s very ivf focused so it’s really interesting but a wee bit further ahead than where I am now.

Yeah I was so worried about accepting this job. And the mat leave policy only comes into affect if you’ve been there 1 year by the time you give birth (so can’t conceive in first 4 months if you want the full package) - I’m laughing at old amy now because I “worried” I would conceive quicker than that, 8 months after starting I’m still waiting 😂😂

How are you doing this week? Xx

@Amy259 I shall give it a listen from the start then 😄. I am so glad we have access to all of these resources, makes the TTC journey bearable lol.

I’m feeling better this week thanks. I had dinner with my best friend (first time since her pregnancy announcement), surprisingly I held it together and had a really good time. I think the announcement itself was the hardest part, I always feel knocked for six when someone announces.. especially if it’s out of nowhere!

The fertility clinic told me last week my HyCosy appointment letter was on its way but it still hasn’t arrived so feeling a little anxious in anticipation!

How about you how are you doing xx

@User1400 my letter took just less than 3 weeks I think which was similar to @HJen22! I was starting to worry that they hadn't done it. I know they had every Thurs in October free when I called on Friday. They only do Thursdays and you can't be bleeding and you can't have unprotected sex that cycle until after the procedure. I thought I was lucky in getting one after AF but before peak but it turns out that you've got very little chance of getting a bfp that cycle cos of the procedure. No change there!

@AZ1992X where were you and where was the tapas?! We love tapas and your pictures look lovely!

@Amy259 is your new job close by or very different from old? Didn't realise you got something new. Either that or I've misread? I did the same. This role I took I thought that's fine I'll be sorted when pregnant and I put up with absolutely rubbish awful shifts not seeing dh cos it is the better job if you're pregnant but I can't do it much longer hence the role change in Nov! I'm hoping I won't be in the new/old role too much longer after Nov but 🤷🏼‍♀️. All my friends are telling me to get a new job and I tried but was unsuccessful but I passed a few due to the policy. Some had no support until 1 year of employment meaning I couldn't get pregnant for a year/take matty for the year. It's tough for us gals!

@User1400 aww I’m glad you had a lovely time with your friend, had she been nervous too in the end?

Hopefully you won’t have to wait too much longer for your letter!

@Loops01 this was at the end of last year, I started my new job in January. So same job as you’ll know of I think! To be fair I went from self-employed to civil servant so I really lucked out mat leave wise, but I’d applied in the August so all the clearance checks took 4 months and I was worried about timing/telling them if I fell pregnant early, or if I was even pregnant before I started!

The policy is that as long as you’ve worked there for a year before your due date, you get the full policy. But at the time, it meant falling preg in Jan-April this year would’ve meant I didn’t qualify and would’ve only got statutory - so back then I was worried about it (poor old Amy used to think it would happen soon!). In May I told myself that’s why I hadn’t conceived yet, so I could qualify for the full whack but I don’t know what my excuse is now 😂

@Amy259 ah sorry I misread! I mean that's good you went for it and it's worked out. I know it's not easy and its really rubbish that it feels never-ending. I've just booked for ABBA voyage next year in July and panicked about the fact that if I get pregnant soon I'll be due at that time. The other part of me would love to go when pregnant so the baby can get used to the tunes that'll I'll be playing as it grows up 😂. Then there's a small part that thinks wow I might still not be pregnant then! It's so different knowing whats best. Men have it easy

@Loops01 yeah I know, I remember saying to DH last Christmas “ahh next Christmas I won’t be drinking or we’ll already have a baby!” and we booked a show for Dec 10th this year and when he booked the tickets (back in maybe like March time) DH was jokingly like “you’ll be driving so I’ll be on the pints!”. Now these dates are right round the corner and I never would’ve wanted to believe I might still not be pregnant!