Month 12, 6 DPO, fed up and loosing hope

[fingerscrossed91]

Hi all,

I apologise in advance if this post is negative but I'm so so fed up with TTC. We have been trying for 12 months and haven't even had a hint of a line. My three best girlfriends (and soon to be bridesmaids) have all announced they are preggers this past month. Whilst I'm genuinely ecstatic for them I'm hurting so much as I don't believe it will ever happen for me.

I had to take a few days off work at the start of the week when the third told me they were preggers as I was just so overwhelmed and upset. A few days eating rubbish and watching Netflix made me feel a bit better but I have just lost hope that I will ever see a second pink line let alone have a baby.

I'm currently 6DPO and even though I know I won't be pregnant I'm still working myself up about it. I (stupidly) did a test today which was obv a BFN but it's like I can't help myself. It like a weird form of self torture!

I'd be so keen to talk to any hopeful mummas in a similar boat - let's keep everyone sain!

xxx

@Amy259 ah I see, I know, the feeling is gut wrenching isn't it. And its so horrible to feel that way, i feel guilty about it. My colleague is similar and it was something I thought about too, I have done SO much to try its hard not to be a little bitter when it happens easier to someone else.

Its hard on the run up to possible AF knowing whether to have a drink or not isn't it, but look at it in the way so many people don't know they are pregnant and drink. But for us its so different as we are trying to hard we can't not think about it! Perhaps have one or two and then try and pretend?

I can't drink on this diet either and don't want anyone to say "oh are you pregnant", one i find it SO rude for people to guess - imagine you were and they ruined it! And two, its the thing we very much wish for! So stings! I am hoping to avoid anything, don't think I have much on coming up. My OH was like just say you don't want to, or I guess I could drive to things or say its for health reasons - but thats a bit mysterious and would just start rumours ha!

Ahhh I've missed so much!! Sorry I've been so busy with work and then life.

AF showed up the night before it was due which threw me a bit as technically only 9dpo but then I looked back and actually because of my shifts and testing at like 1am etc it's probably expected! So I'm 3dpo and today. AF has been absolutely fine this month. Normally I get a bit of bloating or a bit of pain the first day but nope! Don't know if I didn't because I went for a run g with the dog for the first time in ages and now the rest of my body aches haha. Just been feeling so tired from the shifts at work. Slight headache just now but I think it's emotional and the fact I've not drank enough. I've tried to reach out to dh's family a bit as they never ask about ttc or speak to me really since I've made this a 'thing' and I barely got a response. So I'm pretty upset about that. It's like they want me to be happy about ivf 2 yrs away and just accept that it'll be ivf. When it's like it's not that easy. So yeah I've been struggling a bit and upsetting myself over that. My fault for trying to speak to folk who don't really want to know about it.

@User1400 I'm glad dh says he supports you! Sometimes you need to hear it. I told dh of AF starting again and he said nothing. I asked him if he had anything to say and he just rubbed my back and said I don't know what to say. Whereas I was like SAY SOMETHING HAVE EMOTION (on the inside. I wasn't wanting to start a fight). I cant remember if it was you or @suzy124 that mentioned it but ttc has totally messed up our relationship. I never want to have sex much any more. It is a total chore to dtd and one month we had sex just 5 times. Mainly its because of shifts or being tired because of the shifts and then other times I'm just not in the mood. It's so much effort and yet it's so much effort putting on a face to everyone else that I jsut don't have the energy to do that at home nevermind dtd.

@Amy259 your holiday looks amazing and it's nice to see your face! And to see you're a ginger like me ☺. You looked really happy. I'm sorry about the joke with dh but I would say it too as a joke and at least you know he had feelings about it even if he doesn't speak about it! Hopefully all fine now! Is he fine otherwise?

@AZ1992X so glad to have you back! I went to reply on the other thread and was like ahhh I don't know what to do. Had we really come do far that mumsnet was like nah yous are done now 😂. Sorry to hear about AF again. Are you cd1 or 2 now? Need to figure out where everyone is in their cycle again as its easier to remember that way.

@HJen22 so I got my letter yesterday! Called today and they had a cancellation on Sept 23rd which is just a few days before peak is due so I'm just gonna get it over and done with then! Looking forward to it in some way. How's the diet etc going! My exercise has been good and I'm going to try to go to the park run with the dog when I can to keep me motivated. When is your 4-6 months anyway for the ivf? Like January being the 6 month mark? Do you know how the process all works? Eg is it over a few cycles? I've not researched too much into it just now.

@Loops01 sorry to hear AF arrived 🙁 I got a bit confused sorry are you on AF now or 3dpo? I'm currently in 2ww but not sure exactly where again. That's fab news about the hycosy! Not long to wait at all and I hope it brings some answers/ reassurance. How do you feel otherwise about being told to wait to the 2 yr mark? I'm really sorry your hubby's fam aren't being supportive. Did they say anything at all? It's awful because it takes so much courage to reach out in the first place so no wonder you're hurt 😔 Don't know if it was me but yeah we're pretty much asexual atm...has a lot to do with our method of SI tho. 5 times in a month for us would be alot lol

@HJen22 and @User1400 I hope you guys are feeling a little brighter today! I had another really weird awful pregnancy dream which threw me this morning but I have therapy on Friday's where I can talk about all my issues and it really helps. So doing a little better now. Just infuriated with OH atm but trying not to show it haha

@AZ1992X I'm so sorry AF arrived and just as you're going on holiday too! I hope you can really switch off these next few days and give your mind some space and come back refreshed

Xx

@suzy124 sorry I meant cd3. Wishful thinking as I think I'd rather be 3dpo lol. No they just said that's good that I'm getting the scan and there's a plan in place. Or such like. I've not heard from the others. It's fine. They are different from me and haven't experienced what I have so why should I expect them to understand.

Did you say you had a phonecall about you and dh sex wise? I really hope he can get therapy or coping mechanisms to help him as I'm sure it won't be just that in his head.

@Loops01 eughh do they all have kids then already? Not sure if it was his siblings or parents you reached out to. It's really not fine though is it, I know saying that helps you cope but you need support. Could you even approach it like that with them, that you'd really appreciate some understanding bc this is so hard for you?

Have a call on 22nd. No point going down the therapy road now, he's avoidant and also been on a wait list for such a long time. I have to force him to chase up with his doctor. My clock is ticking and I'm gonna insist on some intervention otherwise private I guess

Xx

Lovely to hear from you @Loops01! Sorry to hear af arrived, but glad it’s not causing you much bother this month.

So shitty about DH’s family. No one in our families knows (although I’m sure they’re wondering) or asks, but I can’t imagine how hard it would be if they knew but weren’t supportive. Brilliant news you got a cancellation for the hycosy too! Not long to wait at all. All okay here, DH is fine now thanks, all recovered! Haha yes ginger here! Not that you can really tell with all my hair scraped back in that photo!

@HJen22 I had thought about driving but tbh I’m sure that would conjure up the exact same thoughts in peoples’ heads - because there can only possibly be one reason a 30 year old married woman would drive to a wedding apparently 🙃 I always say to DH that no one bats an eyelid if a man drives and doesn’t drink, but everyone’s eyebrows go through the ceiling when it’s a woman.

@suzy124 we’re tww buddies again! But I’m quite early on, do you know roughly when af is due?

@Amy259 😊 think I'm sort of in the middle, I find the 2ww much more bearable by not thinking exactly what dpo I am. Give it another full week and AF will be here. How are you getting on? I'm sure this weather isn't helping with the holiday blues! Xx

@suzy124 that’s a great tactic for not obsessing about where you are in the cycle.

I’m okay thank you! Holiday blues aren’t too bad as we go away again next Saturday for the delayed trip 😂

Just been for acupuncture, which I love, so that was nice. She did tell me though that after a hycosy there’s pretty much zero chance to conceive that cycle even if you have it near the start, because it takes a bleed to get rid of any leftover dye and the chance of pregnancy with that in there is pretty much nil. So that’s a bit rubbish! But manages my expectations this cycle I suppose. She also said there’s some theory that the next cycle has higher than normal chance of success and she has seen it a lot, but there’s no studies to back it up so who knows 🤷🏼‍♀️

@Amy259 yeah I keep having to tell my brain 'don't go there' but it's getting easier with time and definitely worth it.

Oh that's great it's going ahead after all! I'm sure you can't wait. Where are you off to again?

Aw really? That sucks but I mean stranger things have happened! I guess if anything you can go into next month feeling pretty positive 😊 xx

@suzy124 I’m jealous of your ability to control yourself - zero self control at this end 😂

We’re going to the Outer Hebrides, so Uist, Barra, Harris and Lewis. Driving and camping, tents and bothies, with our two dogs. Can’t wait, I’m holding my breath until we’re actually away because I almost can’t believe it’ll actually happen 😂 do you have any fun weekend plans? Xx

@HJen22 have fun at your nephew’s birthday! Xx

@Amy259 it's not easy but I've never been a poas addict or anything as it's too painful! So I guess that's helped

That sounds amazing, I'm jealous! I bet the beaches there are out of this world too. Do you go camping often? Last time I went I mistakenly brought my summer sleeping bag in the middle of March 😂

@HJen22 yes have a great time today! Stay strong with all the sugary snacks and cake! Funny enough it was my nephews 4th during the week and he has his wee party with friends today too 🥰

@xoJellyBean haven't heard from you in ages! Really hope you're doing ok

Xx

Yeah @xoJellyBean and @Lynne425 hope you’re both keeping well!

@suzy124 oh I’m a real addict, normally start at 8dpo! But I’ve got none in this month so trying to resist buying any.

Yeah we’re quite big walkers/hikers so tend to couple that up with a night or two in the tent. We have a couple of tents so taking the big one with us for this trip - lots of space for the 4 of us 🐶🐶 but the forecast isn’t looking great so hoping we don’t get washed away!

Happy Saturday! Xxx

Morning @Amy259

I'm doing ok thanks - currently 4dpo (ish) haven't been properly tracking this month!! I've just went with some cramps 4 days ago lol

This month I've zero tests in the house which is helping the urge to test BUT I know I'll cave next week and purchase some lol

We are going on a small staycation on 20th for our wedding anniversary so either I'll be celebrating a BFP 🤞🏻 or a moody cow with AF due during the holiday 🙈🤣

I'm looking at it tho if it is bad news I can at least have all the cocktails and wine without a care in the world 🍹🍷 lol xx

Haha @Lynne425 snap on many accounts - I’m about 5dpo-ish as haven’t tracked, also have no tests but will probably cave, also due af on holiday!

Where are you off to for your staycation? Lovely to hear from you xx

@Amy259 lol - funny how things/people are soo similar in these groups!

I'm just going a lodge break in Argyll! Looking forward to it - isn't it funny how it doesn't matter how far away you go - just not being at home is exciting lol xx

Hey ladies 👋🏻 hope you are all having a lovely weekend! I managed to avoid food at my nephews haha there were too many people for anyone to notice me not eating. I'm going to tell my mum and sister but my mum is very "you're too thin" (I am not) so will think I'm on a diet 🙈

@Loops01 that's great you've your HyCosy booked! Mine ended up being on day of predicted ovulation so we missed that month. But yeah I've heard the few months after can possibly make you more fertile after a clear!

I'm not really sure at all what's happening, I'd think yeah probably January what with 4 months being November ish and then it's Christmas and New Year. I actually got a letter the other day with what I can only assume is our follow up call in October. So I'll be able to ask questions then. I didn't get any info or pamphlets or anything the day I was referred. And google scares me! Also everyone is different! But from a letter I go it says antagonist protocol and fresh transfer.

Also feel you re DTD, since the IVF news I've really lost my mojo. Did it last night as we are into FW but I just feel so defeated and not very confident with my body at all. And I'm tired of the disappointment and worry of TWW. So we'll do it when we can and then I'm just going to forget about my app. If it happens before IVF it would be amazing but after all this time, I'm not holding my breath!

I'm so sorry your DHs family haven't been very supportive. My only guess is that they don't know what to say and don't want to upset you?

@Amy259 I know you're so right, why do we always get questioned about not drinking but the men no one bats at eyelid?!

I start acupuncture on Monday and really looking forward to it! Have you been having it for long?

Xxx

@HJen22 I’ve been going for a few months now, I really enjoy it but it is pricey. When I first started it was weekly but now I go every two weeks or so, it’s just not sustainable for me every month. My lady is a fertility specialist and used to be a nurse so it’s amazing because she’s super clued up and knows ALL there is to know about trying naturally, IVF, the processes, everything. So it’s brilliant because my brain is quite science-y and if it was too wishy washy an experience I wouldn’t like it. It’s also a bit like therapy because I don’t have anyone else (in person) who has a clue what I’m on about, everyone I know with kids fell pregnant so fast, so it’s lovely to chat about it with someone who knows what a hycosy is!! Obviously it hasn’t magically got me pregnant yet but I really enjoy the experience.

Speaking of, she told me yesterday that Glasgow only do ICSI, they never do normal IVF. I’m sure it doesn’t make much difference, and probably can only be more successful if anything, but I didn’t realise that.

Well done on avoiding the snacks - you’re a stronger woman than me! Xxx

@Amy259 she sounds amazing! And so great to have her to talk to! Does she put needles in your stomach? What should I wear? Yeah I'm not expecting miracles but have heard lots of people get it when going through IVF too! And yeah, it's expensive it's it, I'd rather keep it every 2 weeks at the most too! Especially after spending so much recently on all these vitamins and tests!

My guy is Chinese, @Loops01 was it you and I that were talking about the man on North Deeside road, that's who I'm going to see! Don't really know what to expect but if it relaxes me then great! I've not done much else recently like yoga or meditation, haven't been bothered.

Oh really, yeah they must have a really good success rate with it. That's when they inject the egg directly with sperm isn't it?

My poor pup is in heat, got her wee period pants on bless her. I'm like; I feel ya hun. Poor OH putting up with us females 😂

@HJen22 yeah it was me that mentioned him - can I ask how much he is as I'm tempted to move? I'm £65 a sesh for an hour. She's really nice (Holburn St) but obvs doesn't make any difference fertility wise but she has stopped my migraines and the guy that does the massage is genuinely the best I've ever had 😂.

Well done not giving into temptation. I'm with @Amy259 I couldn't do it 😂. That's good re the fresh transfer! It sounds more interesting and maybe less likely to be issues with the freezing/defrost lol.

Weird that Glasgow only do ICSI though but who knows! I read a recent article about NHS Scotland in comparison to England for fertility and apparently all 4 (grampian, Lothian, Glasgow and the other one that escapes me) are all really good and work together and has a lot higher success rate! Plus they do it a lot quicker than England too. Mental to think!

@Amy259 didn't know about the hycosy and that month being a no go - that'll help me as I think dh is hoping it'll clear the tubes out and we can get pregnant. But I did Google and it does give you a higher chance in the months following but who knows! The amount of stuff we have tried and it made no difference 🤷🏼‍♀️

@suzy124 so his family is his mum (who had two) and tells me that her and her daughter (who is currently due to give birth start of Nov) used temping and that's what I need to do. But I've discussed it with @Amy259 and I can't do it because of my 10wk shift pattern of days, lates and nights. They don't know what to say but they also don't ask. I spoke to my friend about it and she thinks I was overreacting but said that she understands where I'm coming from as I want to be able to speak about things openly and about how complicated and difficult it is but they don't ask. So when I pour my heart out about things they don't respond because they never asked. They didn't ask about it in detail. So it's my fault in a sense for telling loads and not getting a response because they don't want to know it. I think it's rude and not very caring for someone who is meant to be family. Like it's not just me going through this, it's theirs son/brother too but then he is so laid back he doesn't say anything so they think meh. It's my fault in a sense. I just expect folk to want to know and care because I am like that. I'm that person on a night out that makes friends in the bathroom by helping them holding their hair back with sick or when they are crying cos of a break up etc 😂. Just me.

@Loops01 some of us are in England you know! If you've read that the success rates are higher, it's probably because Scotland has more replicates in the fact they give women under 40 three chances at ivf

@suzy124 yeah I think it's ridiculous that England, Ireland and Wales is not all the same. It's not as if we aren't connected!! Crazy. We are really lucky in Scotland to get 3 funded ivfs and yeah it's ridiculous and absolutely wrong that England etc don't do the same! But yes that is why they have a better success rate. To be fair, I don't like Scotland vaccine passport thing now as I've got to get my 2nd vaccine now before Elton John concert in Dec. I booked it well before covid and I don't think we should be forced to get the vaccine. I'd ask for my money back but he's ace live 😂

@suzy124 come move to Scotland! Where are you in England? I'd easily let you use my address if I didn't need it!

@HJen22 yeah so I normally get 3 needles across my lower tummy, one just below my bra in the middle, then knees, feet, wrists, forehead and top of my head. I would wear a T-shirt and shorts/loose trousers you can roll up if you can. My appointments are normally after work so I take shorts and change in her bathroom beforehand and afterwards, but if going from home I’d wear shorts.
Yeah that’s the injecting sperm straight in one - I thought it weird they’d jump straight to that given it must be more work for them, but maybe because it’s more successful it’s less rounds and therefore work in the long run?

Your poor pup - I remember when our two each had their season pre-spay, they were always so hot bless them. Panting away! Hope she’s not feeling too sorry for herself.

@Loops01 yeah so if you’re hycosy is near peak day, from what she said it sounds like that cycle will be a write off.

Careful what you read about it being more successful/fertile the next cycle though - the head of Oxford Fertility recently released a paper debunking that. There’s some truth in fat soluble dyes helping if you have deposits in tubes, but it’s a tiny difference and most clinics use water soluble anyway (which makes no difference). My GP said the pooling of dye that then overflowed after more pressure sounds like the unblocking of mucus in my right tube (especially given the pain), so technically that coooould improve chances if that’s what it was, clearing of a blockage, but I wouldn’t pin your hopes on it improving fertility in general sadly - it doesn’t seem to be true. But there are some anecdotal stories out there so who knows!

Thanks @Amy259 you know what I'm like - never have much hope anyway 😂.

Funny as when I go for my acupuncture I have to strip off to pants and bra and just have a towel covering pants. I get about 8 needles around tummy. 1 in each arm. 1 in each hand. 1 in each ankle. 1 in each Calf. She's has done 1 at the top of my head before which has felt lovely for headaches! I once went to crack my foot and the muscles in my legs tensed and it was so painful haha! I find it so relaxing and love it! The needle in one of my hands is always a bit stingy as I know that muscle ends up getting sore if I use my phone tok often but it helps it within minutes. Surreal really.

@Amy259 I think it's good they do that though since you know there is no issue with you! Do you have a rough date for it all or not yet still? Thinking of anything else private?

@Loops01 I'm not actually too sure the cost, my friend who's been for other things thought £50 and you buy some Chinese medicine 😂 I will let you know!

The letter freaked me out as I hadn't been told any of that, it's just tick boxes so who knows if things could change further down the line, thing it all depends how well you respond to medication and I'm worried about the fact I have a low amount of follicles to work with!

I don't think you're overreacting at all; they should be there for support and try to understand what you and your OH are going through. We know people don't know what to say, but sometimes just being there, offering a hug and a shoulder to cry on is what we need. It's not your fault at all. Know that we are here ❤️ we've not told my OHs parents yet and I'm not looking forward to it, his mum is rather blunt and already mentioned me "being too old" in passing - she doesn't have a clue we are TTC and it upset me later on. I'm the sort of person who doesn't have the guts to reply but later thinks "I wish I'd said'.

@suzy124 yeah it's absolute crazy it seems to be a postcode lottery with NHS! So unfair it's different all over the place and I really don't get it!

@Amy259 great thanks I'll wear lose clothes! Thought there might be stomach ones! God I hope I don't feel faint or anything haha!

Pup is ok, bit grumpy haha but otherwise ok. Attracting all the horny male dogs though so walks are a bit cautious 😂😂😂