Month 12, 6 DPO, fed up and loosing hope

[fingerscrossed91]

Hi all,

I apologise in advance if this post is negative but I'm so so fed up with TTC. We have been trying for 12 months and haven't even had a hint of a line. My three best girlfriends (and soon to be bridesmaids) have all announced they are preggers this past month. Whilst I'm genuinely ecstatic for them I'm hurting so much as I don't believe it will ever happen for me.

I had to take a few days off work at the start of the week when the third told me they were preggers as I was just so overwhelmed and upset. A few days eating rubbish and watching Netflix made me feel a bit better but I have just lost hope that I will ever see a second pink line let alone have a baby.

I'm currently 6DPO and even though I know I won't be pregnant I'm still working myself up about it. I (stupidly) did a test today which was obv a BFN but it's like I can't help myself. It like a weird form of self torture!

I'd be so keen to talk to any hopeful mummas in a similar boat - let's keep everyone sain!

xxx

@HJen22 that’s so funny, we have an 8 year old indoor cat! She loves the dogs, follows them around and headbumps them, but they never cuddle. I think if we had the dogs first, she definitely would’ve snuggled in as a kitten.

We lost our other cat in Feb, she was 8 too but never grew to like the dogs. She tolerated them fine and would be around them, but when they walked by sometimes she randomly swiped them - I think she just liked to keep them in check and remind them who was boss 😂

Yeah that’s hard, puppies will chase anything that moves won’t they haha. Your nephew and him will be the best of friends as they grow up 🥰🥰

@Amy259 Awwww love the photo 🥰 and I'm so sorry to hear you lost your other beloved cat in February. They really are part of the family so that must have been so hard!

Yeah puppy will sit and just want to be best the cat, he tolerates it but then runs away and she chases him, sometimes with the poor cats head in her mouth 😂 but he doesn't hiss at her, just likes to as you say show the puppy who's boss, she often gets a bop to the nose. But he hasn't ran away when he's been out in the garden so he can't hate her that much!

I know bless, she just thinks it's a game! The boys love her just a little unsure as she's very bouncy and they don't have a dog. My friends kids who have a dog don't bat an eyelid at her jumping and licking haha! It's all very comedic having pets!

Not sure if I posted the pic wrong haha but if you click on it you'll get the whole puppy's head haha and not just her wee "please be my friend" face 😂

@HJen22 oh look 😍😍 is he a ragdoll? They’re both so gorgeous! Our pair are well used to a boo to the nose haha. The younger one has a tiny grey mark on her black nose where she got too brave as a tiny puppy - she was scared of the other cat from that day onwards haha, wouldn’t even walk by her!

It was really tough, we found a lump in November and she was gone by the Feb. My husband was hit really hard as he’d never had pets before our 4, and she was his little best pal. It’s still very said! I drew a picture of her and it’s framed in our living room and sometimes I find him just standing looking at it, bless him!

It’ll be so good for her having them visit too! Our wee one is scared of kids, keeps her distance unless I tell her to come close, so it’s so good your pup is growing up around them!

@Amy259 yes he's a ragdoll 😻 he's super docile. Used to live in a flat in the centre of town so had to be a house cat. He roams about how we've a house and a garden but I don't leave him outside if we're out or anything. Although the other day he accidentally spent the night outside, I felt awful the next day and so sad he'd been outside all night when he wasn't used to it 😂🙈 he was totally fine of course haha.

Aw that's so sad. Your poor husband losing his little best pal. That's so lovely you've got a picture and he looks at it, I'm sure remembering fond memories 💞

Haha our dog definitely isn't scared of kids, she doesn't seem to understand they are small though and she can knock them over. So still a bit excitable. Panics me when we've her off the lead and I see kids! The cat is a bit timid of little people though but getting better. How is your DH coping?

I just heard on the radio about possible restrictions in Scotland I really hope not. That's the last thing I need; delays in appointments when I think they are finally getting back on track at hospitals etc! Xx

I didn't get notification of all these updates so just caught up!

@Amy259 I'm sorted with you but still loving the furbabies pictures!!

@suzy124 how are you feeling now? Feel crap if you want just try not to get yourself too down. I've been pretty bad recently and like @HJen22 I've put on like half a stone with eating and drinking crap just to feel better. Need to stop it and get back but it's difficult to get out of the slump.

It is crazy how different things are everywhere in Scotland and again in England. I don't see why everyone can't do roughly the same thing and keep it fair.

@HJen22 glad you're feeling a bit better. If you find a secret to losing weight quick please let me know haha. 6 follicles is good! At least you have what's needed for ivf. Keep us posted as the months will fly by. You're looking at dec/2022 so I think that will be a difficult but potentially really exciting start to 2022.

I've got my first zoom appt today but I am starting to worry about the thought of a circuit breaker etc. I've still not had second vaccine but will get it after this cycle or next.

Nothing more to report from me really but it was nice going from page 11 til here catching up on everyone. So much support and just being there for each other is heart-warming to read. Just sorry I missed thread a bit.

@HJen22 ahh I love ragdolls 🥰 our wee one is the same, allowed out in the garden with the dogs but not alone or when we’re not here. And I’ve definitely accidentally locked her out before too 😂

That’s DH’s PCR confirmed him as positive (not sure if I told you that already?) so he’s locked away now until next Friday. A long week ahead! He’s coughing away today, feels generally flu-like but nothing too wild. Fingers crossed that’ll be it for him and he’ll be on the mend soon.

I will lose my shit if she brings in more restrictions again and we can’t travel in September 😂 I don’t think I will cope if I’m honest haha.

@Amy259 I know you need something positive to keep you going and holiday would have been the ideal thing. We were looking at going away in Feb but not sure if we will now. Just want something to look forward to! We are off to Edinburgh on Tues for a night. Just to enjoy time off together and try to chill. It'll be fw time still then so I guess it'll help to be relaxed and happy!

Hi ladies, still feeling really low but don't want to be a downer so I'll keep it brief until I have some actual news!

@Loops01 wishing you all the best for your fertility appt today, really hope it'll be positive news and they will help you. Be insistent! Also let us know how it goes!
@HJen22 sorry you couldn't go paddleboarding lovely but hope you had a nice dinner and enjoy the remaining days with SD!
@Amy259 oh no that's awful! Really hope he won't get any worse and you manage to stay free of it too. Does this reset the day count for isolation? Hope not!

Xx

@suzy124 feel free to be a downer to me as I feel ya! Just waiting for the call now and I'll update soon

@Loops01 that’s great timing - hotel dtd will be a nice change of scenery for you 😂

@suzy124 sorry you’re still feeling rubbish, remember we’re always here for a rant. No doesn’t reset so it turns out today is day 4 - freedom comes next Friday haha.

@Amy259 😂 premier Inn quality too 😂. But no it'll be nice!

Just had appt. It was fine. @HJen22 I had Holt-Kentwell? Not sure if same one or not. She basically said no issues with all our tests so far. They no longer do day 21 bloods unless there is no known cycle. I have sent on my scan pics but she isn't worried tubes or follicle wise from history but we will get a letter for the hycosy through within 3 months and then we will call to book which may be a bit longer. They only do them on a Thursday and we aren't meant to try that month and needs to be after the bleed so I'm hoping I can time it well but 🤷🏼‍♀️. Otherwise if all fine it's wait until the 2 Yr mark and then we will go to ivf. So that will be 2023 at the earliest I think with all the waits. Not much else really. Just keep doing what we are doing! Get fed up doing it these days! Gone are the fun days 😂

@Loops01 I hate when they say “just keep trying”! What else do you think I’m doing?! 😂 hopefully you don’t have too long to wait for your hycosy letter and can crack on with that. Does it feel better to have actually spoken to someone about it all?

Is your 2 year mark around June next year? That’s when mine is. I’m really hopeful they don’t make me do a hycosy again!

😂 You do make me laugh. Exactly! As if I'm not. But I guess a lot of people get really down and take breaks. Completely understand why! And funny enough my opk from 1am (when I finished work) was 0.19 but I knew I was approaching fw due to ewcm and the tests before slowly getting darker. Did one at noon after appt and it's 1.04 which is reading as high. So peak will be tonight or tomorrow. I'll try to test in work if not then home. Typical. I'm thinking peak will be tomo which is cd17 meaning a 28 day month. Nice and normal again for me so I'm happy with that.

1 Yr would be Sept technically. Been off pill 9m before that but it wasn't until then cycles became more regular

Happy Friday ladies 🥰

I'm so sorry you still aren't feeling great @suzy124 and don't be silly, you can say however you feel in here, that's what we are here for. We have all been in the same position, and very often are!! So you're not alone ❤️

@Loops01 aw fab glad your call went well! That wasn't the Dr I had for my first call but actually that was who did my internal scan and HyCosy last week, I really liked her, shame she had a view of down there and not my face haha! I'm really glad to hear all sounds good and all well with your results so far. And that's good to know about why they don't do day21. Yeah when I called I was told only Thursday so think that's why it takes a wee while, and same about after AF. I just scheduled mine for when I was pretty sure I'd not have it, although it's hard to know like 2 months in advance! We had our call June and I think I got the letter in July to book for August. In all honesty it came round pretty quick, surprisingly.

@Amy259 im sorry to hear your poor OH has tested positive, have you done your test too? Hope you aren't! Isolating must be very difficult! I hope the lovely pooches and kitty are keeping you company 🐶 🐶 🐱

Haha sadly I know the way to lose weight is eat less move more blah blah blah but I'll let you know of any words of wisdom that aren't common sense from this nutritionist app I have next week 😂 I've completely cut caffeine, even decaf as a start, as I know she'll tell me that, and it's the one thing that seems easiest to do haha. I barely drink now but carbs and chocolate are the issue 😂

A night away in Edinburgh will be lovely @Loops01 what are you getting up to whilst there?

Xxx

@HJen22 such a small place isn't it! I am the same! I don't drink coffee or anything with caffeine really (don't like it) so my nightshift I run off adrenaline only! It's my sweet tooth or love of bread that's the issue! I need to go to gym to lose the love handles and belly but just don't find it easy esp during fw or not long after. Always think I'm going to exercise the swimmers out of me! 😂

We are actually going to go shopping and then just go and have a gin tour (I have started having my gins every now and again now) and then some food! Nothing too special but it'll just be nice to get away together and esp we don't have to run after the dog and cat or work!

You feeling OK about everything? Will you just get a letter through in months to come?

@Loops01 yeah it is! All of the nurses that dealt with me along with the Dr were absolutely lovely so you're in safe hands ❤️ I cried when I went into see one for bloods and she must have thought what on earth haha!

Aw that will be so nice! How fun! Love things like that! Yeah I stopped drinking right at the start of TTC but then thought I need to still have a life whilst trying if it takes ages! So I know no harm done, we need to enjoy ourselves and gin helps! And wine and Prosecco and cider 😉

I'm feeling ok, I'm trying to be positive and think well at least we're on the way to the next step. It's still a very surreal feeling, like you know it could be the case but you just don't expect it to happen to you; you know? Yeah await a letter I think just with what we went over at the appointment, one for my counselling session which is booked for 24th September and one for a date with my follow up appointment. So waiting on post really. But I'm glad I'm on a list for a follow up or I'd not see anyone again for months. And it really was hard to string any words together when the Dr first said it was IVF. How are you feeling after your call? Xxx

@Loops01 ahh okay, so you’ve been off pill for over a year and a half now? You’d think they’ll just count from then, no? Get you to the 2yr mark quicker? I’d certainly go from there.

@HJen22 yeah my PCR was negative and my lateral flows are negative each morning, so I’m safe for now! Staying well away from him haha, such a rubbish week - almost dreading it being our anniversary tomorrow.

Hope you all have lovely weekend plans! Xx

How is everyone? I hope you all had a lovely weekend ❤️

@Amy259 how are you and your poor hubby coping?

@suzy124 I hope you enjoyed the rest of your trip away and got some much needed R&R!

Xxx

@HJen22 I'm glad your coping and trying to be positive. You'll have to keep us posted on how the whole ivf process goes. Are you still trying every month or just not testing etc but still dtd? Tbh I'm not feeling that positive but I guess the ball is rolling. Looking forward to my scan. Painful or not I'd rather know better. It's getting a bit difficult though as family are saying it'll be Sept or Oct they predict that we will be pregnant. Dh thinks it'll be before the end of the year. It's nice that they are positive and I have relaxed a lot more recently (relaxed or given up... Not sure which one really) but its just gonna be a let down in a sense for them and me if none if it happens.

In Edinburgh just now enjoying some time away from home. Dog and cat being looked after (although I do miss them already!). Been having a few drinks but nothing to excess. The fertility Dr asked if I drink (I've only just started after not having for months ttc) and I was like hmm do I lie and say no and I just went YES. and then felt the need to clarify that it was only like a gin or two a week if that sometimes! She said we shouldn't be drinking but they don't monitor it. Kinda thought a gin or two is a lot better than eating a load of shitty fatty foods all the time but they don't ask about diet?! I did say I've put on a few pounds (half a stone!) but apparently my bmi is now 23 so still fine. Phew!!

@suzy124 how are you doing my love?!

@Loops01 I have up and down days, I'm still feeling pretty numb to it all and can't quite get my head around it. But my sister bought me a really good book that's from both a man and woman's perspective, I read it so quickly and have passed it on to my OH. I really want him to read it and understand all there is, and the feelings and perhaps realise why I'm finding it so hard to process. He is very much there for me but I know it's not effecting him as much as it is me.

That's good everyone is being so positive though, and glad to hear you are feeling more relaxed. It's so easy for it to become the only thing you think of. We haven't really this month what with the appointment and the way I've been feeling but we will next month, no harm still trying although I'm not sure what the chances are of conceiving naturally, I'm guessing pretty low.

Sounds like you are having a lovely weekend away! Aw I'm sure they miss you lots too 🐶 🐱 And don't feel bad about having a couple drinks, we have lives to leaf outside of TTC. On my call the Dr asked and I just said a few if any at the weekend and she was fine with it. I'm going to really try and clean up my diet although I said this yesterday in prep for my nutritionist appointment and I was so bad haha! So trying again today! I also booked acupuncture for 2 weeks time so looking forward to that! How was your gin tour? Xx

@HJen22 hello lovely! DH is fully recovered now, occasional cough but otherwise well and testing negative now - it was funny to be holding Covid tests against the light to squint for a line rather than hcg strips! Day 9 of isolation now so almost done. How are you doing?

@Loops01 people are telling you the months they think you’ll be pregnant?? Do they know how long you’ve been off the pill? I think I would find that super insensitive and not handle it very well, so 10/10 for seeing the positive in it. It’s mad they don’t ask about diet, but maybe if your bmi had been too high or too low they would have. Hope you’re having a wonderful time in Edinburgh!

@Amy259 I'm glad to hear OH is on the mend, and great he's testing positive! What are you going to do to celebrate his release haha! Has he been able to still work whilst isolating? Oh I know, I've done a few of the lateral tests and it's strange looking at anything other than a pregnancy test isn't it!

I'm doing ok thank you! Trying to get back into healthy eating, I managed a full day yesterday for the first time in forever haha! My BMI is fine but you know when you just feel yuck? I've def put on a bit the last few weeks emotionally comforting myself! So gyming and healthy eating and I'm hoping helps me mentally as well as physically!

How are you doing? ❤️

As everything in TTC it's just a waiting game. Think AF is due any day, didn't track this month though. And not sure if it will be different after the hycosy!

@HJen22 yeah he’s been working the whole time. Well we have a family wedding on Saturday and then fly to jersey for a couple of days on Sunday so we’re not taking any chances and he’s doing his full 10 days separated from me! So the celebrating will need to wait until Friday 😂 I’m okay thank you, a bit knackered from having to do everything with house, dogs, run after DH and work from home, but okay! Now on CD11/12 currently though so starting to get slightly anxious about needing to dtd very soon.

Yeah I’m the same, my hunger is wild on the run up to af and I just eat crap when I know it’s bfn again. I’m trying to be good at the moment but I know in two weeks time I’ll be eating all the chocolate! Life is about balance I suppose haha. My bmi is 22 apparently according to the nhs website I just checked 😂 I’ll put down the chocolate when my jeans don’t fit!!

I wondered if anything could be different after hycosy too. I had a weird large amount of clear but thick (tmi?!) cm around cd9 and I’d never normally get that, so I wondered if it was stuff coming out after the hycosy.. she did warn me that may happen, just didn’t expect it 6 days later. I might pee on the odd opk this cycle just in case but I doubt it would change anything?

@HJen22 what is that book called? I feel dh doesn't understand it all too at times. Like I know he will be a great dad and wants it but I feel like they don't get it in any way. I have had many a break down with him so now we have an agreement that I pee on the tests and he logs them all and it's more him to do and he realises now how annoying it is lol.

@Amy259 yup I say nothing and I get told all the usual and I think they think that telling me soon or a month helps when really it just makes me more certain it won't happen! I was off the pill but using condoms just until my cycles got back to normal (took 6m).

Edinburgh has been lovely but I really can't drink as much as I used to. In the sense of it takes me ages to finish a drink 😂