Month 12, 6 DPO, fed up and loosing hope

[fingerscrossed91]

Hi all,

I apologise in advance if this post is negative but I'm so so fed up with TTC. We have been trying for 12 months and haven't even had a hint of a line. My three best girlfriends (and soon to be bridesmaids) have all announced they are preggers this past month. Whilst I'm genuinely ecstatic for them I'm hurting so much as I don't believe it will ever happen for me.

I had to take a few days off work at the start of the week when the third told me they were preggers as I was just so overwhelmed and upset. A few days eating rubbish and watching Netflix made me feel a bit better but I have just lost hope that I will ever see a second pink line let alone have a baby.

I'm currently 6DPO and even though I know I won't be pregnant I'm still working myself up about it. I (stupidly) did a test today which was obv a BFN but it's like I can't help myself. It like a weird form of self torture!

I'd be so keen to talk to any hopeful mummas in a similar boat - let's keep everyone sain!

xxx

@HJen22 so I’m in cycle 13, with one chemical in cycle 2, so pretty much a year of nothing since.

I’ve had my progesterone bloods and DH has had SA (both grand) but my GP is weirdly not keen to do my day 2/3 bloods as she said gynae will do it.. so she’s referred me to gynae for HSG etc but I called the hosp and the waiting list is a year then another 3-4 months for HSG, then the fertility referral is currently sitting at 10+ months. So that means the current NHS Scotland estimation is 2.5-3 years before we even SEE a fertility doctor! I get they’re overwhelmed, and hopefully we’d fall naturally before then, but mentally that’s so tough.

So I’ve got a scan at just a sonography clinic (like early baby scans etc) on Sunday and a phone call with the GP on Monday to feedback the waiting time the hosp told me and ask again about bloods/what I need to do privately to just be referred straight to fertility. Then my acupuncturist is also a phlebotomist so she’s offered to take blood to be sent privately for a full hormone screen on day 2/3 (£79) if GP still says no.

I’m keen to try naturally, I’m not in a hurry for assisted conception (yet!), but it’s annoying me how long I’d need to wait for even just diagnostics. I just want to know if I’m wasting my time thinking it’s still going to happen naturally when really I’ve got blocked tubes or something!

@Amy259 ah yes sorry I remember now, you were told a crazy waiting time! Where are you that it's that long?! I'm Scotland too but North East. I totally understand and would be the same with wanting things done way sooner! My GP was the other way round, did day 2 bloods and partners SA then referred, and I'd have liked day 21 bloods to confirm ovulation. I didn't ask but I was unsure as to why they'd not have done them too! Why does it seem all GPs and areas are diffident?!

That's really good your acupuncturist can organise that! Hopefully the GP can do it but great to have that potentially too. How do you find acupuncture? I've thought about trying it!

Yeah it's the unknown isn't it. I'm now freaking about finding out about tubes and egg reserve with this appointment on Thursday 🙈 nothing about the TTC journey is simple is it, but it will all be worth it in the end 🥰 I've been thinking about going private if I do need any assistance; but unsure how that effects NHS funding should you need it later! Xx

@HJen22 that’s Glasgow Royal. My GP is in Glasgow but we’ve moved to Falkirk and I haven’t changed GP yet as the surgery here weren’t accepting new patients during lockdown… I imagine they would now, but I’m not sure if you can move during referral - my NHS region would change to Forth Valley so the hosp would change. Probably worth it because I doubt it would be longer than 2.5 years!! I’ll ask the GP on Monday and see what she thinks.

I love acupuncture, the woman I see is a fertility specialist so most women going to her are going through IVF - GCRM recommend her to their private patients. Which means I can also chat to her about what’s going on and she’s a knowledgeable ear and gives her opinion. It’s like therapy haha, so nice to talk to someone who knows exactly what I’m talking about too!

Is your appointment with a private fertility clinic? That’s such a reasonable price for scans and bloods at a clinic!

So I’ve asked this before - the NHS can’t legally turn you away if you meet all criteria even if you’ve paid for private testing, but apparently they will try to xx

@Amy259 yeah definitely worth an ask! That just seems like a crazy waiting time to even be seen! We waited about 3 months for our first call and then another 3 months for my scan and HyCosy which is all going to be through NHS. I did ask about private but they said they didn't do it privately, and I couldn't see anywhere else in this area that would. I'd probably have had to go to Glasgow if I wanted to do those investigations private.

Oh she sounds amazing! I haven't been able to find a local one that specialises in fertility but I think I'll take another look! How often do you go? That's so nice that you can chat to her too!

Yeah I wasn't sure. On the Aberdeen fertility page it gives prices so I guess it is an option but I'd not want to sacrifice NHS funding. Really hoping it doesn't come to that so trying not to overthink it too much! Xx

@HJen22 I got to acupuncture on Holburn Street but apparently there is a guy that does fertility on North Deeside Road but not too sure. Nothing specialised up here like you say. Same as private tests. I had to go to Dundee for a fertility scan.

Got my first zoom appt not this Thurs but next. Not really looking forward to it. Wouldn't mind getting the tube scan thing but otherwise mainly just fed up of it all!

I struggled looking at private stuff. It seems that here it's either all or nothing. Like you can't just pay for part of something whereas other places you can. I also think that you lose your NHS place if you choose to go private but you can get put back on the list but who knows haha

How are things going for you anyway?

@Loops01 how are you? Yeah my friend actually suggested the guy at North Deeside, I hummed and hayed a bit cos I've spent so much on other things already! I might after this appointment though! When I googled the other day a few came up I'd not heard of so will do some research!

Yeah seemed that more of the private options were down Glasgow way doesn't it! First call with the fertility clinic? The Dr I spoke to was lovely! So I hope you get the same one!

I am fed up too, not even tracking this month with temps or OPKs and it's not fun knowing I'm probably in fertile week but can't DTD until after my appointment. I just want it over and done with now and I'm so scared of the results! I'm also worried I'm going to feel faint, I'm a bit squeamish!!

I hope you're having a nice weekend! Been up to much? Xx

Hey All

Just had my private scan and pleased to say it showed no abnormalities and confirmed ovulation

To me it was money well spent to put my mind at ease.

So now 4dpo and in TWW now to keep my mind busy for the next 10 days xx

@Lynne425 that's great news, really happy to hear that and glad that it has put your mind at ease! Did you mention to them what you thought you might have?

@Amy259 I hope your scan also went well 🥰

@Lynne425 great news. Mine was the same - thick lining, no abnormalities, ovulation confirmed. She was an NHS gynae consultant so it was a really great chance to ask all my questions too, which was lovely. She was brilliant.

She advised if she was me she would pay privately to have a HyCoSy done. She said it’s the last/only thing she would pay for if we wanted to try naturally and not rush into assisted, as we will then have pretty much ruled everything (except unexplained) out. So we’re looking £500 plus consult fee for that, if we choose to do it.

@HJen22 thank you for asking 🥰

Hey all, hope everyone is well. CD2 for me and don't even know if I'll bother trying this month. So so fed up.

@Amy259 that's great that you've found a solution, gonna have to try something similar in future though I still think it will be impossible for us. Usually I'm waiting for the goods over an hour.

@HJen22 was your hycosy this week?

Xx

@suzy124 I feel you. Took the first opk this month. I let dh decide when he wanted to start the last of the opks and I just leave the test with him to scan. I'm cd10. I cba either but just got to keep going! You can do it! I don't feel like it'll happen and have no reason to think that other than the feeling but I guess it has to happen at some point...! Just gotta keep going!

@HJen22 sorry forgot to reply. I am still in that low depressive state as no known issues and nothing. Appt is thus Fri coming. Part of me feels like saying can you please just let me try something for my sanity but I know they won't. It'll just be the ticky boxes as usual. Had more announcements too. Just had enough of the trying and it not working! Are you any further or more positive?

@Loops01 you're right of course. In such a bad mood during my period and taken these last few cycles especially hard as my period was 'late' and allowed myself to feel hopeful in the 2ww. It's good you're on the last of the opks, I won't be tracking anymore either. Interested to hear how your appt goes this week, I think if when I have mine they don't do anything I'll have a breakdown!

Hi girls 👋🏻 hope you're all having a lovely weekend 💞 how is everyone?

@suzy124 thanks for asking and sorry in the delayed reply. Wasn't a great outcome sadly. My tubes aren't blocked but I have a low egg reserve. So we are being referred now for IVF 😢 the Dr said the waiting list is around 4-6 months. I had bloods taken that day too for AMH which I think gives them more info about egg reserve, the Dr asked if I'd like a follow up which I said yes to, as it's hard to know what to ask or say when you're first told and also said they offer counselling so I'll also look into that. Quite a lot to get my head around, feeling a bit numb about it. My OH is being so sweet and looking after me, that made me cry yesterday! I don't want him to feel like he's to walk on eggshells bless him. Anyways enough about me, how are you?

@Loops01 I'm sorry there's been more announcements, it just gets harder doesn't it 😞 I hope your appointment goes well next week, the Dr we spoke to was lovely and hopefully they can arrange some tests for you too. Xxx

@HJen22 I'm so shocked and sorry to hear this news!! What test showed your low reserve? I mean it is good you're being referred as there is still some sort of hope there. Did you have any clue to it? Does your family have early menopause or anything? It's good that your tubes are all fine but what a shame. I'm sorry to hear the news but I guess it is that thing of don't give up and hopefully if everything else is in working order then you should have a good chance with the ivf! I hope you're doing OK? I hope the wait maybe isn't as long as they say. There might be some posts on mumsnet where others are or were in similar positions which might give you some more knowledge, support and encouragement!! Hug!!

@Loops01 thank you lovely 🥰 I knew it was a possibility as my FSH levels were high from my initial bloods and on my letter from the clinic it said they couldn't rule it out. The internal ultrasound (which was the less uncomfortable procedure) shows them follicles and it's to do with the amount. I had 6 and they want 10 or more I think she said. I think that's between the two ovaries. Nope no history, my mum had no issues, my sister was diagnosed with PCOS her first and was given medication to ovulate and then fell pregnant second time round quickly with no treatment. I think I'm still a little in shock, I haven't been able to wallow as my OHs daughter is with us for holidays so it's been a distraction. Yeah we'll keep trying as I know it happens, and I didn't think to ask what the chances of conceiving in the meantime were but we'll keep causally trying, but I'll not be doing any tracking with OPKs or BBT or anything. How are you doing? Xxx

@HJen22 sending you the biggest hugs rn! I'm also really shocked and can't imagine how tough the news is for you. But as loops said it's great you're going to get ivf and there's every chance it will work!! I know 4-6months seems like an age away but it could be less as couples will inevitably drop out. When is your follow-up? It's good they're offering that and counselling instead of just leaving you in the lurch. And too right, I hope your OH is spoiling you rotten! 💜

Did they say much about the results at the time? Xx

@suzy124 thank you sweets 🥰 yeah it was quite a shock, even though I knew it was a possibility it's still not really real until you hear it. I am hoping the AMH results come back ok and 6 follicles is enough for IVF. She said 3 or less and you can't have IVF (I'm assuming with own eggs). So the internal scan checks your lining, womb etc and follicles. I'm sure Dr said everything looks ok during that. The HyCosy bit, to be honest I was being a bit of a drama queen about it so she said very little during other than telling me to breath and hold the poor nurses hand. I wasn't even sure she'd done the fluid but as she asked if I wanted to stop; said there was 2mins left so I said carry on. The scan probe thing is put back in I think to see the fluid on the screen. It wasn't agony but for me (with a low pain threshold so I don't want to worry anyone else!) it was uncomfortable and crampy but I managed. The Dr then came out and told my partner and I together. I asked if it was my age and she said no I was still young (I'm 33) and think it's just the way it is for me.

Not too sure when the follow up is, I am going to call end of next week or the beginning of the following to ask about blood results and follow up and the counselling. I think I'll maybe get something in the post too re the results. But I def want to see the Dr again; I was trying hard not to cry and couldn't really think what to ask but there is lots I'd like to know.

Sorry wasn't finished... so I think I'll take some notes of things I'd like to ask. Then when my step daughter is back home, really focus on my health and fitness and getting into the best shape for what's to come.

How are you doing lovely? I hope you are having the best time away; a much needed rest from all things TCC and catching up with lots of friends and family ❤️ xxx

@HJen22 oh I'm sure, it takes a while for news like that to sink in before you're ready to move forward. You sound like you're coping so well though 💕 I cry all the time in front of doctors so you did better than I would! I really hope the amh comes back ok and everything is go for ivf. And you never know it could happen before you even need it! Are you able to try this month with your ovulation date and hycosy? I think we might take this month off. I'm feeling really low despite being away but don't want to moan with the news you've just had! Just waiting for my period to end and first fertility call in about 4 weeks. I've signed up to a few information evenings about going privately too (all online tho). I really hope the doctors can put your mind at ease when you have the follow-up. Definitely start a list and keep adding as undoubtedly things will pop into your head at random moments! And sounds like a great plan to focus on health and fitness while you wait - I might join you on that one! Xx

@suzy124 I'm a super emotional person, I managed to hold it together in front of the Dr but I started crying in the poor nurses off right after who did my bloods 😂 think my poor BF is worried I'm going to cry at any moment, which to be fair I probably will get to that stage.

Yeah we'll keep trying, although pretty sure this month is out as I was due to ovulate day of / day after HyCosy and we've not since. I was a bit sore after and been so tired I've been going to bed early, think the break this month is needed anyway!

Don't be silly, please don't feel like you can't say how you feel! We all struggle and know how hard it is. I'm sorry you're having a rough time, I hope you are ok and still managed to enjoy your time away ❤️ are you home now? 4 weeks will hopefully fly by and you'll have your call before you know it. That's a really good idea doing some info evenings, they will be helpful I'm sure! And good to have options.

I've def been comfort eating lately and the lbs are pilling on! If I'd known I was getting weighed at my appointment I'd have been better on the lead up haha! Exercise helps my mind too, I had gotten back into it but not been able to go with having days off with my BFs daughter up visiting too. Excuses excuses but will get back next week I hope! Xxx

@HJen22 well if you get to that stage remember it's totally normal! And we're here to talk to if it helps 💕 I hope the nurse was nice and comforting, and that your OH continues to be a great support during this difficult time. How is he handling it all? My OH has been better in recent months when I get my period but still loses patience with me eventually!

Sounds like the procedure was a bit nasty, I have a really low pain threshold too so I understand. A month off might do you the world of good especially after something like that. Be extra kind to yourself this month 🥰

And thank you, I return home later this week. Was enjoying it lots until my period came, told myself if it comes I'll be fine but I really wasn't 😕 And it takes me pretty much a week to get over it and move on. Think I'm just not feeling hopeful about my first call either.

Oh tell me about it! I've eaten more this summer than during the winter, and certainly not going hungry at home! Do you have a gym membership? Hope you're having a lovely time with your stepdaughter xx

@suzy124 thank you lovely! Yeah all of the staff were so nice, the Dr who did the procedure, the young nurse who held my hand and the nurse who did my bloods. We went for a coffee and cake afterwards at Dobbies haha. He is handling it really well, I think he is more just concerned about my wellbeing than thinking too far off into the future. I'm glad to hear your OH has been better, it's so hard NOT to get down when AF arrives and for days after, I really dont think they can fully understand as its not their bodies.

I had read loads of people saying it was fine, I think it was just me haha! The scan bit is totally fine as its just like a probe thing, and the speculum fine too after a second, the catheter was just so weird going in! I really wasn't convinced the Dr had mananged to insert the fluid. I've had some spotting since, and a bit crampy afterwards but other than that, ok.

I'm so sorry it came when you were away :( horrible when it comes and ruins something you really wanted to try and enjoy as much as possible and not think about TTC. Hopefully on your call they can organise some tests and things, and if they don't suggest it I am sure you can, but i am sure they will.

I know, I am either really good or really bad, never really anywhere in between! Yeah i used to have one before covid, then i cancelled it when they all closed again at the end of the last year. So have started that again and will go with my best friend. Really just need to reign in the eating of chocolate and carbs though!!! We have had a lovely time thanks, she's getting older so it's harder to find things to do but we are trying out paddleboarding this week! What all do you have on before heading home?

How are the rest of you lovely ladies? xxx

@HJen22 Hi lovely, I know I've been a bit quite on this thread but wanted to send you a message with the biggest virtual hug and to let you know I'm thinking about you lots. Feel free to message me if you want to chat. Much love xx

@HJen22 that's great, it makes such a difference to have nice doctors and nurses to put your mind at ease. I take it the spotting and cramps afterward is normal?

Yeah I expect I'll have to jump through more hoops but I really want some help ASAP, especially as I'll be 35 soon and I think too old for funded ivf in my area.

That sounds great, I'm actually planning to try that out too as my sister got into paddleboarding last year. Hope I don't fall in! Xx