Month 12, 6 DPO, fed up and loosing hope

[fingerscrossed91]

Hi all,

I apologise in advance if this post is negative but I'm so so fed up with TTC. We have been trying for 12 months and haven't even had a hint of a line. My three best girlfriends (and soon to be bridesmaids) have all announced they are preggers this past month. Whilst I'm genuinely ecstatic for them I'm hurting so much as I don't believe it will ever happen for me.

I had to take a few days off work at the start of the week when the third told me they were preggers as I was just so overwhelmed and upset. A few days eating rubbish and watching Netflix made me feel a bit better but I have just lost hope that I will ever see a second pink line let alone have a baby.

I'm currently 6DPO and even though I know I won't be pregnant I'm still working myself up about it. I (stupidly) did a test today which was obv a BFN but it's like I can't help myself. It like a weird form of self torture!

I'd be so keen to talk to any hopeful mummas in a similar boat - let's keep everyone sain!

xxx

Hey ladies... how we all doing?!

It's so hard but please keep the faith. It took us 14m to conceive our first. You may want to get the ball rolling re testing (I conceived the month after a HSG) but otherwise it can just happen after that length of time

Oh blimey I've just RTFT and can't delete my comment. I'm very happy for you 🙂

Hi, hope you're ok after last month @xoJellyBean how are you doing? @HJen22 hope you had a lovely holiday. Your Hycosy must be coming up soon?

Pretty sure I'm past ovulation but we're still going... if anything it makes the 2ww shorter and more bearable. Got my partner's SA back, all normal though I was a bit disappointed with the morphology result. Have nothing to compare it to so could be fine. They mentioned his anti-sperm antibodies were raised but still within the limit, I was like great so you're trying to kill your own sperm then 🤦‍♀️ x

@suzy124 thanks, I'm fine 🥰 although soooo weird but I got a peak opk yesterday and today, I'm CD12! This I has never happened me lol i usually have to wait until CD20ish! I'm glad your OH results were fine, I didn't even know there were anti-sperm antibodies 🤣🙈 x

@xoJellyBean glad to hear you're doing well. I love early ovulation- shorter cycles! Yeah neither did I, I'm not sure every man has them but has me a bit worried. Got to stop googling x

@suzy124 I think the same thing about shorter cycles. How are you doing?

@Loops01 feeling chilled this month, not been tracking anything and kind of accepted there's nothing I can do. But also struggling. Just sick to death of all the emotions around ttc, the heartbreak, the anger. Not to mention the dreams.

How are you doing? Still throwing everything at it this month?

@suzy124 I'm with you. Nah given up after last month. Just using stuff up to finish things off then won't buy more. Don't see the point. Dh was away from 3 days before ov and ov so pretty sure I'm out. Due on Thurs. Don't think it'll ever happen naturally at this rate

Hi ladies ❤️ how is everyone?

@xoJellyBean I'm so sorry for what you just went through, that must have been incredibly hard 😔 it sounds like you have the best attitude and yes, you'll get there ✨

My holiday was lovely thank you @suzy124 exactly what I needed, some time away with my family! Took my mind off things. So pretty sad that AF appeared yesterday 😢 even after no stressing or symptom spotting. No DTD now for us until after my appointment next week; I'm dreading the outcome more than the procedures. And the way it's landed my predicted ovulation is the day of the appointment so likely we'll miss this month all together. How are you doing? That's great the SA came back all good! And glad to hear you've for your telephone appointment through!

How is everyone else? Sending lots of luck and positive thoughts this month for you all 🥰🤞🏻 xxx

Hi ladies!

@Loops01 I’ll leave checking in with you to just one thread 😂♥️

@suzy124 it’s like you’re in my head with that last comment - I’m way more chilled this month with no OPKs but still struggling/fed up at the same time. Where are you in your cycle now?

@HJen22 sorry to hear af came for you, hope you’re taking care of yourself and spoiling yourself a bit. Fingers crossed for your appointment next week, hope you’re not feeling too anxious about it?

@xoJellyBean how are you doing??

Evening ladies 🥰🥰

@HJen22 thank you. Hope your upcoming appointment goes ok! Please keep us posted❤️

@Amy259 doing ok thanks!! How are you? I think I'm 1dpo today! My chart is looking a bit crazy though🙈😂

@xoJellyBean enjoy your month of early ovulation!! 😂

I’m doing okay thank you, think I’m around 4dpo and not going too loopy just yet.. but give it time haha. I’d happily never temp again, mine never know what they’re doing either!

@Amy259 did my temp this morning and it's confirmed ovulation was 4 days ago now! No idea what's going on 🤣 ours is around the same then!

@xoJellyBean thank you, will keep you updated! Just want it over with now!

@Amy259 a bit anxious more of the results than the actual procedures, trying not to think too much about it! How are you doing?

No temping or OPKs this month for me seeing as can't BD till after my appointment. If we can will just try and do it after but may miss ovulation. But I think I'd rather just not know I was missing it and hope it will maybe be later this month!

How is everyone else getting on? Xxx

Hey All

Hope your all good - update from me, finally got my gp appointment and basically got told they'll not do anything/tests etc until March 2022. To not think about it and go and have fun - I nearly told her where to go - was soo angry!! Surely TTC for a year (not including a miscarriage) some sort of tests would be available!!

However came home and looked online and found a private clinic locally that does fertility tests and scans and booked into there for Sunday!! She was shocked at GP response!!

I have googled/researched and think I could have something called Asherman Syndrome and would like to find out sooner than later if I do.

Hopefully I go on Sunday and everything is ok tho - If not I've already looked at going private for any treatment!! Honestly fed up with the NHS this year as I feel they have failed me xx

@Lynne425 I'm so sorry that you've had such a terrible experience with your GP! I would be very disappointed and angry at that response too, they should definitely be doing some tests if you have been TTC for a year!! Did she say why they wouldn't?!

Glad you've found somewhere that can do them privately so quickly and I hope at not too expensive a cost! Really unfair you've been forced to do that though! I hope it all comes back ok! Tests are daunting but a step in the right direction xxx

@HJen22 she said it's because the miscarriage is counted as a pregnancy therefore it resets the timer as such so wouldn't do any testing for a year since my surgery!

Also because I have a 2yo son and had a miscarriage - they don't see me as having any fertility problems!!

The scans & tests this weekend is costing £150 so not too bad!! Be money well spent to give me answers good or bad!!

I'll be on CD16 on Sunday and I've got my peak ovulation this morning so should be 3/4 dpo then xx

@Loops01 makes sense. I've just resigned myself too, I'll keep taking a prenatal but other than that probs nothing. Hope you and your OH can have timings match up next month?

@HJen22 lovely to hear from you and so glad you had a fab hol. What did you get up to? I was hoping it would be just what you needed so I'm really sorry AF appeared. Hope your being extra nice to yourself and enjoy a glass of wine or two ❤️ I know it must be scary thinking about the hycosy results but just remember that even if there is something wrong, it's better to know sooner so they can sort it

And thank you, I was mostly relieved about the SA, but the antibodies now have me worried after doing some reading. I'm just about to go on my trip home for a couple weeks which feels bittersweet because I thought the next time I visited I'd have some exciting news

@Amy259 not tracking has been great hasn't it? Think I'll keep it up. I'm day 20something but don't know exactly and not checking the apps either! Did you SI this month?

@Lynne425 that's just awful! So unfair that it resets the clock especially after something so traumatic. It's not like we have all the time in the world either. Wishing you all the best for your private scans

Xx

@suzy124 thank you, it was great. Lots of lovely time with my nephews, parks and swimming and putting them to bed reading a book and singing, got me emotional one night and I cried when we were leaving and I thanked my Mum telling her it was just what I needed. I'd hoped so too but wasn't meant to be, I've taken it a little better this month and won't be tracking so maybe that's a good thing! Yeah I just want it over and done with now.

Oh I know, reading online and google always scares us but try and not look into it too much if the Dr didn't seem too concerned? I thought your trip must be soon, that will be lovely! When do you go and what do you have planned? I hope you have the best time and lots of great catch ups ❤️

@Amy259 glad you're getting on good not tracking, I think a month or two off is what I need too. I hope it's been a more relaxing month for you!

@Lynne425 that's so unfair and after suffering a miscarriage you should still have access to the same NHS tests. I'm so sorry, issues like these just aren't what you need in top of how hard it is already! I hope everything comes back ok for you xxx

@xoJellyBean yesss we must be around the same, we can go through the torture together 😂 I think af will be due next weekend for me.

@HJen22 I’m okay thank you! Yeah I bet, but fingers crossed all is okay and it’s one less thing to score off the list of wonders/stresses! I’ve got a private scan on Sunday (not fertility clinic, just a sonographer) and I’m looking forward to them even finding nothing just to rule a lining issue out.

@Lynne425 that’s so rubbish! My GP has been pretty similar, not hugely pro-active. If your scans/tests find anything will you call back and see what the GP has to say?

@suzy124 it’s so lovely! I’m day 21 and was pleasantly surprised to just discover that I had to count that back rather than just knowing - I never thought I’d be able to not obsess about it 😂 no we didn’t, we managed to dtd every other day plus a random extra day without problem. We seems to have finally found a performance-anxiety-proof way of dtd naturally, and I think having a potential back up chills him out more too. Did you just SI every other day around fw?

Hi @Amy259

Looks like we both have our private scans on Sunday!!

Depends what the outcome is whether or not I'll go back to my GP.

If it is I have asherman syndrome I'm gonna go private and get the treatment/surgery that way as I know it'll be done quicker than waiting on nhs.

If it's something that antibiotics etc can sort then they will refer me back to gp

Hopefully if it's all clear then no need to go to the GP again, and just try and chill out more and DTD every other day lol xx

@HJen22 aw that sounds so nice and relaxing, and I totally get the emotion of it all. Does your mum know you're ttc? That's great that it's been a little easier for you this month and I highly recommend not tracking from now on, esp with what you have coming up next week!

Thing is we haven't spoken to a Dr about it. We just got the results from the clinic who noted the antibodies were raised but still within limits. Not v reassuring. Our first appointment is with a gynae at the hospital, I think the clinic just deals with if you are referred for treatment and obv the initial SA.

I go tomorrow! Thank you, hoping it will be just what I need too ❤️

@Amy259 me either! If I tried really hard I could probably work out what day I was but for now happy to be a bit oblivious.

Wow that's amazing, please tell me your secret! 😂 only ever SI for us and just so fed up how clinical it is now. Doesn't feel like we're trying to make a person 😕 Yep just every other day for about ten days I think

@suzy124 has not tracking made you less obsessive in the tww? I definitely feel way less consumed by it this month, and can only think it’s down to not kicking off the stressing by peeing on sticks all the time. What will you do about testing as your tww goes on..? Will you just wait and see if af comes?

The one time we did SI I felt really weird, it’s so much better than not trying at all but I definitely agree it feels really clinical. Haha my secret is probably a fairly obvious one so I’m betting you’ll have tried it.. (and apologies for the tmi everyone!) but basically DH lies there and I head under the covers and get him to the point of almost there then hop on 😂 thankfully I thoroughly enjoy it, and it works. He’s also mastered the art of flipping us at the end from me on top to him on top without breaking seal, whilst going on about gravity, which is all very hilarious and light hearted! A bit difference from us both feeling hopeless a few months ago.

@suzy124 yeah my mum and dad know, I had told my sister about 6 months into trying then told my parents just when it got to the year mark. They have been great and super supportive 🥰

Yeah I agree, I don't think I'm going to bother tracking anymore, I think I'll just try and DTD every second day when AF ends until we can, even if it's just the first 2 weeks.

Ah I see, so you're waiting for your gynae appointment? Hopefully they will have some more information for you regarding the SA results.

Happy holidays back home, I really hope you have the best time and it takes your mind off things, can't wait to hear all about it! X

@Amy259 that's good you've got an appointment on Sunday too! I hope all comes back ok! Remind me, Are you awaiting an appointment with the fertility clinic after your bloods and SA? X