Trying to conceive over 40

[October1979]

Here is a new thread for us girls

@Mattieandmummy it takes so long to recover from bfeeding. I’m sorry to hear you’ve had depression and anxiety. Also that it’s affected your luteal phase. I do wonder about my early losses and whether I was still recovering from having ds. I’m only just feeling like myself hormonally speaking. My cycles weren’t massively affected by having and feeding ds. Still long and irregular with a long luteal phase of 16 days. I’ve just felt more hormonal and sensitive. I know they say that you’re more fertile after having a baby but I wonder if being older has caused a bit of a hormonal storm for me. Unstable hormones can’t be good for sustaining a pregnancy. I’m now 15 months PP and 9 months since I stopped bfeeding. I know I’ve had 3 losses and that doesn’t help hormones but I felt like it before the losses started. Over the last cycle I’ve felt a lot better, despite going through two back to back miscarriages. All my test results were normal so on paper it’s good but obviously these things fluctuate so it’s difficult to know over time. It’s not been enough to change ovulation or affect my cycles thankfully so I doubt I’m peri menopausal as no other symptoms. It’s also very emotional ttc late in life so could just be that. Xx

@birdbybird definitely agree regarding temping. It’s the only way to know for sure. I used Ovusense when ttc ds and would really recommend it for accuracy. Xx

Just catching up on messages.

@Honey2 glad you're doing ok.

@October1979 we'll both have our scans next week then! I'll be 12+4 for mine on Weds 21st.

My symptoms have just begun to ease and last night was the first night I had energy and could do more than just fall asleep on the sofa. I'd forgotten what that felt like! I'm hoping that's due to the fact the placenta is now taking over, as I've read symptoms can start to ease around week 11 for that reason.

Excited but also getting nervous for Wednesday now.

@littlemissfortyandfabulous the 12 week scan is so amazing, I hope all goes well for you. If your hospital is as backward as ours make sure you take some cash otherwise you can't pay for any photos.

@catconfusion yes it's not been a great few months, my gp thinks I actually had delayed post natal depression too which I had never even heard of tbh. I've had a miscarriage and two chemicals over the last few months so I completely agree that breastfeeding recovery could definitely be a factor but I think if you are feeling like yourself that's definitely a positive. I wish I had known about all this as I might have weaned my daughter earlier but then I might not....she has been the most awful sleeper

@Mattieandmummy when did you have your baby? I wondered if I had pnd in January at the 9 month pp stage. I’d felt awful for the three months after I stopped bfeeding, then had a loss. It felt like rock bottom emotionally. Then saying that we had just gone into lockdown again which made everything feel worse. Since then I’ve gradually felt better and now I feel much stronger.

I’m so sorry you’ve had a difficult time with sleep. Sleep deprivation makes everything feel worse. We’ve been reasonably ok with ds but he has his moments. I stopped bfeeding at 6 months pp, mainly because he cluster fed constantly and I was exhausted, but also to get my fertility back. It only took a few weeks to get AF back and ovulate but honestly it’s been a long journey. Even if you had weaned earlier, things might have been the same. Xx

@Littlemiss40andfabulous I’m so excited for you. Such good news the symptoms are easing too. Xx

@catconfusion she was born November 2018 so she was just over 2 when I weaned her. Apparently 3-4 months of hormonal craziness is absolutely normal in terms of shifting back to non-breastfeeding levels so I wouldn't be at all surprised if you've been feeling very low post stopping as depression post baby or post stopping breastfeeding is a result of hormonal imbalance. It can take some women up to six months and from what I've read it's more to do with your particular body rather than your age as to how long it takes.

You are completely right I might be in exactly the same position now if I had weaned earlier.

I had a good chat how long to try for with DH and about ivf and if that doesn't work donor eggs and if that doesn't work adoption. It's more to give me peace of mind that one way or another there will be number 2 than anything rather than feeling like we're just in free fall.

@Mattieandmummy it’s interesting what you say about it sometimes taking 6 months to recover from the feeding. I’m know lots of women successfully fall pregnant soon after birth and while bfeeding but I do wonder if the recovery could be a factor in my losses. The last loss happened in early June but I’d felt pretty rotten during that cycle. I thought it was because if was off the back of a previous loss but this cycle has felt different. It’s been long and O happened on day 28 (not uncommon for me) but I’ve felt a lot better. I really hope you get good news soon. It’s good you have a plan if not and I’m sure number 2 will be joining you soon. Xx

Ladies on progesterone, have you had the dreaded lightening crotch? I associate this with early pregnancy. I can’t remember having it in the 2ww before ds but then I wasn’t on progesterone then. Of course I’m hopeful it’s implantation but probably just pessary side effects. Xx

@catconfusion, I know!!!! But we're all different sadly. I would have loved to have fallen pregnant whilst breastfeeding and do worry that I have wasted the last few months when I didn't need to wean her but then most women can conceive once their baby stops night feeding and mine fed allllllllllll night long.... We'll never know but it's doesn't stop the doubt over whether I did the right thing x

@Mattieandmummy my friend fell pregnant 3 months after an emergency c section while breastfeeding. I believe her first AF was 28 days after her baby was born so fertility came back straight away. At the moment she has two two year olds until her eldest has his birthday. Whenever I worry about my c section causing the losses I think of her, it made no difference to her and hers was far more risky due to how quickly they had to do it. I bet her consultant was pleased with her when she had her first scan 😂. It had a happy ending though so all is good.

Well I doubt my decision to stop bfeeding early because I’m still not pregnant and although I found it tough, I could have dove a few more months. I guess what’s done is done. Both stopping early or carrying on are good decisions and ultimately we both have similar outcomes. Xx

@catconfusion what is lightening crotch!?!

@Mattieandmummy glad you had a good chat about the next steps. i totally know what you mean about feeling like you're in freefall. we just had our fertility test results back and my partner's are normal but i have an AMH of 2.7, so it's likely that we're not getting pregnant because of my ovarian reserve levels / egg quality. they basically said there was a 10% chance of conceiving naturally, which isn't totally impossible, but also isn't great, esp when i have a history of miscarriage anyway. IVF pushes us closer to 50%, so i think we're probably going to go that route sooner than later if we can make it work financially. it just feels like a bit of a race against time after 40!

@Littlemiss40andfabulous great news - so glad you're progressing nicely! 12 weeks is a big milestone - that scan is v emotional!!

Hi all,
Just had my gynae/fertility consultation to go through all my results and his. All fine. It's just my age, 43 next month and therefore down to low egg quality. She said I either keep trying as everything is working and it's down to luck or we go ivf with a 15-20% chance (which I don't think my partner would be on board for... further discussion needed...).

I also came on today and am away with the girls next fertile window so think I'm going take some time out to enjoy my holidays/birthday and get back on it late August until end of the year.
She did say she would get my bloods tested for clotting as had 3 MCs so if I do fall, might have a plan to sustain it.

@99pctpractice it’s sharp pains in the lower pelvis where the cervix is.

It sounds like your chance are fairly good if not naturally then with IVF. Obviously not nice to know AMH isn’t optimum but fingers crossed that good egg is there. Xx

@Lastyearttc it sounds wise to have a break and enjoy your birthday without the stress. Also gives you time to come up with a plan at here that be trying naturally or IVF. Fingers crossed for you. Xx

@Lastyearttc that’s great everything is in good shape! They’re way more optimistic than the statistics for a 43 year old - is it a natural ivf clinic? Most say around 5% I think.

@Geriatric1234 it was the nhs consultant but she also works privately at CARE Fertility. So maybe that was just her take on my odds for ivf I don't know. I'll look into it but gut feeling says I'd just stick to natural trying and what will be, will be.

Defo having wine tonight though lol

Ladies, would it be useful if I put together a list of us on this thread and where we are in our journey? Including the ladies who have their BFPs already. E.g. I'm:

birdbybird 40 - TTC#2 - Cycle #7 and have had losses in Cycle #1 and #2

@Lastyearttc I’m definitely with you on the wine!! Good news that all is well with your tests, but equally It’s quite demoralising when they say it’s all down to ‘luck’ at our age. Makes You feel so helpless…

all I keep thinking is that there are so many people having babies past 40 it must be possible if you are brave enough to keep going. Sue Redford practically popped one out every year between 40 and 44!

I've had a BFN today at 10DPO and although AF has not arrived yet I'm already planning what I'll do next cycle. DTD on peak day minus one and peak day :)

@birdbybird

Lastyearttc 42 - TTC#2 - Cycle #13 and have had 3 prior losses

@birdbybird 42 ttc #1 cycle 7 1 loss.

@Honey2 1dpo and already on wine here!! Not sure I’m committed enough 😳

@birdbybird nice idea!

Honey2 41 TTC#4 - Cycle#5 had early MC cycle#2 and #3 and chemical #4

@Geriatric1234 for the first few months I was so committed, not drinking at all, super healthy eating researching all the vitamins and supplements… but I feel a bit disheartened as it doesn’t seem to have made any difference! I’m still taking the preg vits, but I’ve decided I can’t put the rest of my life on hold. If I want to eat cake and have a glass of wine I will!! 😊

@birdbybird catconfusion TTC #2 - cycle #5 early mc on cycle #1 #3 and #4