TTC Self Insemination

[suzy124]

Hi all,

I just wondered if anyone else out there is TTC by self insemination? My partner has delayed ejaculation so it means we don't have a chance just by bd. I know there's previous threads on this topic from years ago (which have given me hope), but just feel incredibly lonely knowing we are doing things this way. My doctor didn't seem concerned at all, but I feel like it won't work.

Been TTC for 6 months, but half of those cycles I don't think I was timing it right (arrrgh!!), so really I'm on about cycle 3 where I've been using OPKS. I know people say not to use them but my ovulation date is anywhere between CD11 and CD16 so they help me a lot. I was using just the softcup method but switched to syringes when I started the OPKs, i feel like it mimics intercourse more??

Is anyone else in the same boat? I'm currently 9 or 10dpo and feeling like it hasn't worked again

@suzy124 a friend I went to school with did a pregnancy announcement yesterday. That was a bit grim.
DP did the necessary 5 days in a row, plus one on CD9, it seems he’s finally got his head round it.
I think I found the fact he couldn’t ejaculate so hard because I was weeing on sticks and counting days and the other bit was out of my control.
I feel remarkably relaxed about this month. Organising the wedding seems to have just taken the pressure off. Even if nothing happens and we don’t get pregnant this time, I don’t mind, we’ll just have a good party at the wedding. We’ve got another FW between now and the wedding and I’m thinking about not trying so I can just have a blowout at the wedding.
DP would like to try that cycle so while he’s on a roll I suppose I should.

@suzy124 yep, back on CD2. I could see my temps dropping for about 3 days prior so knew it was coming. Still rubbish though. I also went and bought It Starts With the Egg so now searching for a non plastic kettle (ours is plastic and oooold so god knows how much BPA I've already pumped inside my body). I'm yet to get to the supplements chapter so that will be next in the shoppubg trolley!

@bollocksthemess glad the wedding is taking the pressure off and that DP is producing the goods, maybe a more relaxed month will be a lucky one!

@Babyno1x thanks for your story, I'm curious though how you thought you missed the fertile window and then got pregnant, were you doing opks? Also sorry to hear about your MC last year. Were you doing SI every month since then? Did you orgasm after insertion or put a cup in after?

@bollocksthemess eugh it's so tough seeing announcements, that's why I removed myself from facebook.
So glad you had a stress-free FW, sounds like you're in a really good place this month and hopefully it does the trick. I'd have to agree with your OH to try next month if needed, don't miss any opportunity especially as things seem to be going your way finally!

@Missmcmonkeymcbean I almost bought that book a few weeks ago but didn't want to put myself under even more pressure trying to be perfect. I've heard good things though so fingers crossed. I got the gist from the amazon reviews re supplements and BPA etc so I've also been having a gradual plastic clear-out in the kitchen, though to be fair there's not much to replace. Def get rid of the plastic kettle though - if it's super old you don't know what might be in it! Apart from that though I figure just being healthy and taking supplements is all you need really. A lot of people change absolutely nothing and get pregnant so I think there's something to be said for overthinking things (says me who's constantly on MN 😅

I'm pretty sure this is ovulation day but not fussed on SI tonight as feeling a bit ill. I suppose we will though as don't want to regret not giving it all this month

@suzy124 my miscarriage was a Molar pregnancy so lots of complications and messed up my cycle lengths quite a bit, that month I wasn't doing OPKS as I didn't want to be disappointed if I missed ovulation as partner wasn't producing when I needed him to on previous months, so turns out after getting temping results we conceived the morning after ovulation day. (Even though my app had predicted it for earlier in the week)

We were TTC for months and months before the Molar preg in September and weirdly the 2 times I have fallen pregnant we only "had sex" (let's say) once in the month. I don't know if his sperm is stronger when it builds up for a few weeks? The molar was the day before O and this one the morning after. That was it for the whole of the fertile window.

I orgasmed after I inseminated and left the syringe inside me for a while but didn't use a cup. (You guys probably know this but I made sure I syringed it out really slowly) I just stayed laying down with my legs up for as long as I possibly could. I watched a YT video of a lesbian couple and the partner would literally lift her hips off the ground towards the ceiling and shake her a little to help the sperm travel, so I tried this by myself (by doing like a shoulder stand thing in bed) There really wasn't all that much semen either so I don't think that matters?

Hope that helps x

@Babyno1x sorry to hear about all your complications, sounds rough. It's interesting about having only done it once on the cycles you conceived. I read an article ages ago that abstaining for more than a couple weeks reduces sperm quality but who knows what to believe. I think if this cycle doesn't work out for us I might actually try doing it less in the FW, I've read a few stories similar to yours where less sex made a baby!

Thanks for the tips. I lie with my legs up but think i'll have draw the line at doing a headstand 😂 Also congratulations! hope you have a h&h 9 months!

How's everyone getting on?

Currently 7dpo, progesterone bloods today. Took a test this morning and obvs bfn. Was gonna keep testing so that AF isn't so much of a painful shock, not sure if it's made me feel worse even though it's wayy too early

Hi @suzy124

This week has been rather a rollercoaster.
Had a tiny bit of spotting on Sunday (9DPO) and some cramping. Tested Monday, 10 DPO, got the tiniest tiniest squinter on a frer that I thought I was imagining. Didn’t even go all the way across the test.
Felt dreadful all day, did another frer test yesterday 11 DPO and got another stronger line but still a squinter, still spotting.
This morning, did another, nothing but clear white empty space where I wanted a line. Nothing even my wildest imagination could consider a line. Still spotting.
AF due Friday. Pretty sure the sperm did meet the egg but just hasn’t stuck. I reassure myself that in not so distant times I wouldn’t even have known about the tiny squinty lines at DPO 10 and 11.

I haven’t told DP, he’s been away and he gets his hopes up so much that I don’t want to put him on the same rollercoaster I’ve been on.

Anyway, wedding planning is going ok, should have everything but the dress at the end of this week so that’s something. And I might be able to have a drink!
Trying to stay positive!

@bollocksthemess I'm so sorry. Do you think you will test tomorrow anyway or just wait for AF? Is it normal for you to spot beforehand?

I don't mean this to be insensitive to anyone but I really wish by now that I'd had some indication that OH's sperm was meeting my egg. We've had nothing at all and I'm losing hope. We're not coping well with the stress of this, it's lead to so many arguments and feel like I'm going through this totally on my own

@suzy124 no, it’s not normal for me to spot beforehand. Normally I have nothing at all until CD1.
I probably won’t be able to help myself so I’ll more than likely test tomorrow.

It’s really hard, especially when everyone else in the whole world gets pregnant by standing too close to their partners, and we have to do a million extra steps and still don’t have a baby.

I’ve accepted that my partner cannot begin to understand what it’s like for me, and that I’m basically on my own. Don’t get me wrong, he’s supportive, he wants a child just like me, and he’s willing to do the extra steps that need doing.

It’s just he won’t ever know what it’s like to get up, try and open a ovulation stick in the dark when you need a wee, wee on said stick, time 5 minutes, and look for a stupid smiley face. We do that 10 mornings a month, wait 10 days and then wee on pregnancy tests for 3-5 days until AF comes.

And all the while you’re symptom spotting and over analysing every cramp and twinge, 95% of which are probably wind or indigestion. And guilting yourself horribly if you just want a glass of wine on a sunny day. Then if you’re not pregnant that month, wondering if it was because of that glass of wine you had on the 12th.

Never mind reading everything there is about conception and buying a hundred different supplements in case THIS one is the one that works.

So no, they can’t understand. The best you can hope for is a bit of empathy and a willingness to come in a jar many times over.

This whole thing has become a lot easier for me since the month when he didn’t manage it at all.

I decided to try to remember that it’s not that he doesn’t want us to have a baby, and it’s not his fault he can’t do it in the normal way. While at the moment it’s all-consuming for us there’ll come a time when more than likely we’ll have a baby and then you’ve got to live with each other for a lot longer after that! So yes, it’s shit now but hopefully it won’t be shit forever.

@suzy124 re the sperm meeting the egg. If he’s no problem producing could you not just try every other day, all month?

My friend tried for ages, then gave up, then one month only dtd once on CD23 and got pregnant.
Sometimes the opks don’t tell the whole story.

@bollocksthemess wishing you luck for tomorrow.

I think my partner's lost all empathy for me already. He says he cares about this just as much as me but I know he just doesn't 'get it'. Yesterday he tried to blame me as the reason he can't finish because of the stress I'm putting us under - he had this issue before we met and has never once finished inside me. I feel resentful yes, but I've never once blamed him and it's like I'm even not allowed to mention it anymore when it's in relation to getting some help. I've read SI success stories till I'm blue in the face but the fact remains not having sex is pretty big obstacle to conceiving. If we could just have sex I wouldn't be half as stressed as I wouldn't constantly be thinking 'am I doing this right'. Feel like we're hanging on by a thread honestly

I've thought about ditching the opks but how inaccurate can they be? My cycle is regular and they match up with when I see ewcm. I also track temps, sometimes not the whole month but just to confirm ovulation. I get temp rises day or two after positive opk.
He's reliable yes but it usually takes him an hour or sometimes longer to produce and I feel like doing that all month long is a big ask and also pointless after I get my temp rise. I dunno.

Also, yes to the guilt-tripping. I thought it was just bc I have a bit of OCD but glad I'm not alone. This morning I fancied a coffee and talked myself out of it, it's just ridiculous

Send me some of your positivity!!

@Missmcmonkeymcbean @Meg5500 @bitheby how you guys getting on?

@suzy124 sorry to hear about the bfn but 7dpo is very early to test so you never know!

@bollocksthemess it sounds like it might have been a chemical? Sorry to hear that. I never know if it's better to know that you can get pregnant and it's the implantation that's difficult or whether to not test and not know if the eggs are even being fertilised.. either way it's rubbish.

I'm totally with you guys, this ttc thing is so hard and I feel like I'm going through it solo too. My oh wasn't overly keen on trying, he has a 7 year old daughter through a previous marriage and misses her terribly so has the guilt/heartache/pain associated. Hes really good with her and I get along with her really well too. He agreed to try ttc as it's what I really want and it was going OK (although no results) but he had a bit of a wobble last cycle and recently he's been feeling really down about being apart from his daughter and I asked him this morning to produce in a cup and he's just ignored it and gone to work. I get that he's feeling down but I only have 4 days and am up against the biological clock at 39, its putting a strain on us as I then feel guilty for feeling selfish and wanting him to just produce on command and feel lonely with it all. As you say, this ttc is just mentally all consuming. I've been switching plastic things around the house and now on a hunt for shampoo and other toiletries that are phthalate free just in case it helps. Though if we're not dtd (naturally or SI) it kinda goes out the window. I'm just scared he's going to change his mind about ttc altogether

@Missmcmonkeymcbean yep looking like another chemical. Currently bleeding like a stuck pig (sorry) a day earlier than my period was due, the only other time I’ve done this was with the last chemical, I’m normally like clockwork.

It makes it difficult to track the next cycle, but I’ll just start testing in 5 days and go from there.
At least the sperm and the egg got together I suppose, even if it didn’t stick.

It’s a hard road isn’t it. I haven’t told my friends I’m TTC never mind the way we’re doing it. It would feel like a betrayal of DP somehow.

@Missmcmonkeymcbean eeeesh that's harsh. Was it definitely deliberate though, like he didn't just forget in the morning rush? Try not to panic yet, there's always tonight and you've got 4 days. Remember it only takes one. I suppose being a guy he really doesn't want to talk about his feelings, but clearing the air might help if you can tell him again how important it is for you to be a mummy and it really can't be put off?

@bollocksthemess sorry it wasn't to be this month.

I know chemicals must feel utterly shit but at this point I'd take one over nothing at all. I feel like it would at least give me a morsel of hope.

TTC really is all-consuming, I find there's no relief or distraction that helps. The only person I've told in real life is my older sister and it was a relief, but there's only so much people can say to try and make you feel better. Or only so much they can bear you moaning about it.

@suzy124 absolutely, there's always this evening and the next couple of days. I think my brain goes into panic mode at the thought of not maximising every single month. Last month was dtd 4 days in a row and still nothing.

@bollocksthemess a chemical sucks, especially if it messes up your cycles. Fingers crossed it will be back on track soon and the next one will stick.

I've told a couple of people that we're ttc if only to have other people to talk about it with and moan about how difficult and emotional it is. Though yes, there's only so much complaining others will listen to lol. I just need to stop reading other mumsnet posts with people falling pregnant in cycles 1 or 2 as it makes me wonder what I'm doing wrong!

I'm starting to think less is more during the fw, however I know when it comes around I start to panic and want to SI as much as possible. I'm thinking next cycle I will just do it every other day since nothing's happening anyway. Hope I can be brave enough to ditch the opks too.

It's infuriating isn't it to read about others getting pregnant so quickly. I saw a gynae recently whose advice to me was 'stop thinking about it and it will happen'. Firstly I think that's BS and secondly how the hell are you meant to stop thinking about it?!

Hi ladies @suzy124 @bollocksthemess @Missmcmonkeymcbean and anyone else I have missed!

So I’ve been a bit quiet on here as you know when I said I was sure my period was coming, I had all the same signs, well it never came and I got a BFP.

I still can’t believe it and don’t think I will relax until I am 12 weeks. Defo do not want to join the graduates thread yet as I’m just always thinking something bad will happen. I’m only 7 weeks today so very very early. But positive news is that it’s all looking the right size and there is a heartbeat.

I’ve been worried to post on here in the fear i might jinx something but I need to get over that and realise it doesnt change the outcome. I keep thinking as soon as I post, something will happen and it will all be over. As you can tell I’m very anxious!

The only things we did differently this month was that I used preseed and I actually SI’d every other day until a week after ovulation as I read somewhere that presence of sperm in the cervix can help with implantation. Also this was the month I was on 100mg clomid and released two eggs so I am sure that helped boost the chances.

Sending lots of love to you all. Xxxxxxx

Congratulations @meg5500! Thats great news :). Really pleased and thanks for the tip re SI.
We only managed it once this month as I ovulated 2 days earlier than expected so next month I'll take your advice and just SI every other day (if I can) and after too.
Good luck to you :)

Wow congratulations! @Meg5500 I'm so pleased for you that it worked! I'm sure you are over the moon. Try not to be too anxious and just enjoy every minute. So great to hear everything's looking good on the scan and hope you're not having too many symptoms xx

Hi ladies,

I’ve read through your thread and felt like (for the first time!!) some of you were writing words inside my own head!

DH and I have been trying for a year now and probably only managed to try at the right time for 6 or 7 of those months, due to DH’s performance anxiety.

We’ve been through all the stuff you mention - me resenting him, him blaming me for the pressure, me feeling angry because I’m peeing on sticks, bbt, living in 2 week increments, symptom spotting etc, and all he has to do is produce sperm a few times a cycle!

Anyway, we had a big heart to heart (after an argument, obviously) this month after another tough fw, and he’s starting to open up to the idea of SI - as much as he’d rather not conceive that way.

So I guess I’m just saying hi, and thanking you all for finally making me feel like someone else might get it.

Hi @amy259! Welcome :)
I imagine it's not what any of us had planned when we thought we'd have a baby one day but I guess it's about working with the situation at hand. If trying to conceive naturally leads to anxiety and arguments then SI is definitely something to consider. Nobody else ever has to know that's the way it was done and if it means you get more chances then it's worth a shot!
It can still be kind of intimate too, after I SI my partner sometimes comes to chat with me as I'm laying on the bed which feels like we're still creating something together.
Good luck if you decide to SI and fingers crossed! :)

@Missmcmonkeymcbean thank you for the welcome, and for the words of encouragement.
I think if we do give it a go, we’ll do both the traditional method (if we can!) and SI each cycle, then that way I guess we’d never know which worked - which doesn’t matter to me, but I know DH feels a bit like he’ll have failed at his job if we have to use a method of assisted conception. Which obviously must be so tough, but I’m sure it’ll be worth it if and when we get the end result!

Hi @Amy259

Glad you found some comfort on this thread, you're most definitely not alone in the rollercoaster of emotions this brings. Here for a chat anytime

Hope your OH continues to come round to the idea of SI. Funny enough it's the reverse for me, I think I like the idea less than my OH! It's not how any of us imagined we'd be conceiving but when we get that BFP it really won't matter.

Since you've been trying for a year have you gone to the GP yet just to check that everything is ok?

Hi @suzy124, thank you.

Yeah it’s definitely more me who feels like it doesn’t matter how we make a baby, as long as we get one in the end. But I totally understand that he feels like it’s his “job” and he wants to do it the way he thinks is right.

I’ve had my 21day progesterone checked, which was really high so that’s good, and DH has had his SA which was all fine. I’ve got a call with GP at 8am tomorrow too, so going to ask for more hormone bloods like thyroid, FSH etc.

If I had to guess, I think out of the last 11 cycles we’ve not been able to try for maybe 5 or 6 of them because of DH’s performance anxiety. So I’m really hopeful having a backup plan for that will really increase our chances 🤞🏻