TTC Self Insemination

[suzy124]

Hi all,

I just wondered if anyone else out there is TTC by self insemination? My partner has delayed ejaculation so it means we don't have a chance just by bd. I know there's previous threads on this topic from years ago (which have given me hope), but just feel incredibly lonely knowing we are doing things this way. My doctor didn't seem concerned at all, but I feel like it won't work.

Been TTC for 6 months, but half of those cycles I don't think I was timing it right (arrrgh!!), so really I'm on about cycle 3 where I've been using OPKS. I know people say not to use them but my ovulation date is anywhere between CD11 and CD16 so they help me a lot. I was using just the softcup method but switched to syringes when I started the OPKs, i feel like it mimics intercourse more??

Is anyone else in the same boat? I'm currently 9 or 10dpo and feeling like it hasn't worked again

I've been trying with this donor for a year and conceived last March on the weekend before lockdown. Unfortunately that pregnancy only got to 5 weeks and then due to lockdown I had to miss April, May and July. Then I had a few more goes - chemical in September - and then lockdown interrupted things over the winter.

I then in desperation broke lockdown rules a couple of times to travel and am pleased that I'm now able to travel legally but not pleased that I'm still trying.

I'm using a softcup and calpol syringe hoping that my mixed methods approach will bear fruit.

I've had fertility tests done by the NHS and have a consultation on Wednesday where potentially will be discussing IVF. Age is against me and I'd have to do it privately so it's all a bit of a head at the moment.

@bitheby the whole thing is grim isn’t it. It must be doubly hard to TTC while not living with the sperm provider. Mind you my live-in sperm provider is less than reliable at actually producing!

@suzy124 I’m low at the moment. I know it’s not my OH’s fault but I’m resentful. I fancy my partner. I’d love to have sex every other day but since deciding to TTC we manage twice a month between him wanking in a pot on my fertile days.
And still after 10 months of being off contraception here I am.

@bitheby I don't blame you for breaking lockdown to get the goods, these things can't wait so I would have done the same. I'm sorry to hear about your MC and wishing you all the best for your IVF consultation. I know it's not a route any of us wish to go down but it could be the start of something amazing.

@bollocksthemess you're managing it more than me these days! Although I am resentful at my partner I'm more so angry at everyone around me who are popping out babies like it's nothing. I know that makes me sound horrible, but both houses either side of me have newborns now and it's driving me up the wall. I actually go out of my way to avoid bumping into them Took myself off facebook too, couldn't handle another announcement

@suzy124 so AF has arrived for me too, bang on time as usual!

So we’re both back at the beginning again.

I knew I wasn’t pregnant this time when I poas at 14dpo, but you still hold out a tiny bit of hope don’t you, until you don’t.

Here we go again!

How you getting on @bollocksthemess hope you're feeling a bit more positive this cycle?

Hi ladies!

So glad i found this thread! I am TTC using self insemination as husband has trouble finishing during sex and at least this way we can be sure it all goes to where it needs! This is my third month trying SI. I've been trying since June last year but now not even sure if that counts as not sure he was giving me the goods!

I am just using a 10ml syringe. Heard a lot of you using softcups...if i'm honest they terrify me! I'm very small and just scared it won't be very easy or comfortable to do.

Has anyone has success just using a syringe? Or is there more success when you use a softcup too?

So glad i found this thread! Nice to know more people are trying this way! xxx

Hi @Meg5500 nice to have you and you're definitely not alone!

I haven't had any success yet, but it definitely has worked for others so important to keep trying. I also use 10ml syringe, lie with my hips up for a bit and then usually put a softcup in after. I honestly have no idea if the cup helps or not but just trying everything. I wouldn't stress if you don't feel comfortable using one, in my first few months I was just using a regular menstural cup which scared the hell outta me too. They are tricky at the beginning but with practice you no longer worry that it's gonna get lost up there! Now I use the ferti-lily which has a longer stem and is much easier to remove. I also find it a bit more comfortable and it's designed to hold the sperm much closer to the cervix.

Where are you in your current cycle?

Hi @suzy124

Thank you for the reply! And thanks for explaining what you do!

Yes i think maybe I should just at least try them! Is the fert-lily reusable?

I'm on day 9 of my cycle so starting to SI every two days in case I ovulate on day 14. I'm actually on clomid as well. I ovulated fine on my own but I was having 35 days cycles so they put me on clomid to try and shorten my cycle a bit. Last month was my first month on clomid and it actually lengthened my cycle!! So was so upset about that! But apparently that can happen the first time you take clomid. I just hope i'm not messing my body up as I was ovulating fine on my own.

How long have you been TTC by SI for? xxx

Good luck all. 25 years ago, we used syringe and it worked, twice! Get it in you as quick as possible, then lie with hips up and orgasm! Definitely try to as I was told it helps move the sperm along. Wishing you all success 

Thanks @PennyRoyal

Ah yes i've heard about orgasms helping! I do try...but it's not always easy! It takes me a lot to O! I figured it wasn't that important as i'm sure not every woman O's during sex when TTC....but I know it can help!

I get it up there about 5-10 mins after DH has done a sample! Hope that's quick enough!

Hoping it works soon!!!

Hi @Meg5500 @suzy124

So, I’ve been using my fancy £100 ovulation predicting machine this month, I’m on CD 13 and my LH surge was indicated this morning. I’ve got the egg white CM and my usual cramping so DP is on warning to do his bit later when I get home from work.
We’ll try this month and next month and if still no joy then we’ll do some investigating.
I’m so regular (26 day cycle, ovulate on day 12/13 every time) that I’m hoping it’s something that’s easily fixed. I have no faith that it’ll work this month however after all the previous tries.

@Meg5500 Yeah absolutely no harm in trying and if they're not for you no biggie. I really don't know if they even help, I can't imagine that most people who are doing it the conventional way think to put one in after but who knows. I think we all just want to do everything possible to feel a bit more in control! Ferti-lily is reusable for 6 cycles but I'm sure it could be used beyond that if there's no wear and tear. Sorry to hear the clomid lengthened your last cycle, I'd be freaking out too but at least you know it's normal when you first start. I've been TTC since October, but this is month 4 of the syringe method and using OPKs.

@PennyRoyal Great to hear another success story thank you. I'm one of those 'on top' only girls so not stressing myself out over orgasming. I figure it can't be that every woman who ever conceived had the big O!

@bollocksthemess good to hear you're back on it, do you think the ovulation predictor was a good investment? I'm the same as you, wanting to start some investigating sooner rather than later, maybe this month. I'm jealous that your ovulation is so regular so yeah definitely something to be thankful for!

Seems we're all at a similar stage I tried the clearblue advanced for the first time this cycle and been SI every day since flashing smiley. Been having EWCM for several days so happy about that. Got static yesterday and cheapie OPKs indicating surge today. So will SI tonight and tomorrow and then into the 2ww ugh! Not sure if we've been doing it too much this cycle but I figure once a day is ok?

Good luck girls, fingers crossed this is our month! x

@suzy124 DP has now got stage fright and is saying he can’t produce.

I may kill him.

Because his ejaculation problems are so bad we can’t SI every day from day 10 like I’d like to, he’d never do it.

So for the last six months I’ve been religiously tracking my cycle and I ALWAYS ovulate on day 12/13. I give him a heads up at day 10, then another when my LH surge happens.

He reckons he can’t do it when I’m in the house either, so I’m now sitting in my car round the corner with the dogs trying to make sure I don’t come in crying, as that’s really not going to help him produce anything.

Think it’s time we got some help to be honest. This is ridiculous, trying to get his sperm to meet my egg is like trying to expect a blind person to hit a target with a bow and arrow, he’s literally disabled.

I’ve tried not telling him anything, so as not to put him under pressure when I first came off the pill. That gave me two months where he didn’t touch me at all, then three months where he tried to do it the normal way and managed to ejaculate in me once, on the complete wrong day.

Then we had a chat and I explained that it was a very specific set of days that he needed to do it, bought all the SI stuff, he managed it once at the right time in December.
Couldn’t do it at all in January. Great.
February he did it once. Had a chemical in March which didn’t make me feel much better. April he did it twice on the right days, but nothing happened.
Now we’re May, I’ve had my LH surge this morning, egg white CM all over the place and fucking nothing.

I just have to tell myself it’s a disability, repeatedly, so I’m not horrible. He’s not doing it deliberately.

@bollocksthemess that sucks so much. Have you or him spoken to the doc at all about it? I would definitely get on it this week and insist on some help. I can't imagine how frustrated you are right now, just hoping he's been able or will be able to produce the goods tonight.

Were you able to SI previously this month to cover your bases?

You're not horrible, this is such a hard situation to be in. Go easy on yourself. Big hug x

@suzy124 no nothing all month and he didn’t even try again last night.

I tried to be understanding but I’m just so upset. I do all the timing, weeing on sticks, picking the right day, making sure we’ve got supplies of pots and softcups and preseed. Literally all he has to do is jizz on the appropriate day.

He’s managed it three times since last June.

Then he’s all upset with himself because he’s upset me, but I’m struggling to even look at him.

I don’t even know what treatment is available given that he absolutely won’t be able to ejaculate to any sort of schedule or appointment time.

I know he’s not doing it on purpose but it doesn’t make it any easier.

I hope this is your month as it’s definitely not mine!

Hi all, hope its OK to join. I'm in the same boat too. Only starting this but doing a mix of normal and SI. Managed one of each in cycle 1 but no luck so I'm hoping for more in cycle 2. I find it's a bit of a battle getting the samples/dtd on the days I need them as it automatically induces a bit of stage fright which doesn't help.

@suzy124 yeah I’ve actually heard some other women say just a syringe worked for them On another thread so that makes me feel better and you are right that people who conceive through sex don’t often have them! I might buy some abs see how I feel! Good luck for your TWW coming soon! Keeping everything crossed!

@bollocksthemess I’m so sorry to hear all you are going through lovey! It is so frustrating as I don’t think they realise the emotional turmoil it puts us in! I defo think seeking some help - maybe some sort of psychosexual course might help as it might be all in his head as to why he can’t do it? Just a thought!

@Missmcmonkeymcbean welcome! Could you just say he needs to produce three times a week and then leave him to do that? Rather than telling him specific days? You are bound to catch ovulation if you do 3 times a week.

@bollocksthemess I'm so sorry. Definitely I would make an appointment to talk about it asap, I know they won't have any miracle fixes but I think it would help to let them know what's happening at least. They may be able to give some new advice or refer him for help. I broke down in front of my doctor just telling her that we are SI, but it helped just having someone in the medical field know about our issue. I know it's not the same but getting the ball rolling is the best thing you can do here. Don't even think about the worries that he won't be able to in a clinic yet, just see what your options are first. What is there to lose? x

@Missmcmonkeymcbean hi and welcome! I agree with Meg maybe don't tell him you need it on specific days, but just aim for every other and see how it goes? That way he knows when it's expected but isn't aware that you are really anxious to have it on a certain day etc. Good luck this cycle! x

@Meg5500 yeah I'm on the other thread too, that's good news then! Definitely gives hope. Tbh I don't enjoy using the cup too much but I just don't want it all falling out when using the bathroom before sleep! And thank you, I wish you all the luck with SI this cycle! x

@suzy124 we’ve been saving for a kitchen and an extension for two years, I’m going to speak to him about using some of that to go straight to a private fertility clinic. We are 37 and 39, we don’t really have time for him to have counselling or whatever to try to fix him.

The costs are brutal though, IVF plus surgical extraction of his sperm will run to about £8/9K including all the initial tests they have to do.

I currently can’t talk or think about it without crying so I’m going to leave it a bit, poor DP feels bad enough as it is.

@bollocksthemess my heart is breaking for you.

I understand that there's no time to try and fix the problem. I feel the same way. But even just talking options with doc and explaining the situation? There must surely be some help available through nhs.

@suzy124 it’s the wait that will be inevitably involved with the NHS, and the fact that trying it by ourselves is damaging our relationship.

Crying myself to sleep when he can’t produce doesn’t really take the pressure off for the next time.

He has managed to produce this evening. I’ve not SI. I ovulated yesterday morning (I feel it when I do, on the side of the ovary that throws it out)

It’s far too late and I don’t want it in me as then I’ll have stupid hope for 14 days and then there’ll be nothing again.

Thanks guys, I'll try that instead which gives a bit of room for manoeuvre which may help! Good luck to all this cycle 🤞

@bollocksthemess there will be a wait yes, but if it was me I would get myself on the list at least while considering the private option. In the meantime I really hope these 2 weeks pass quickly for you and you have better luck next cycle. You never know x

I've just entered my 2ww and immediately my thoughts are it hasn't worked again. I hate the waiting so much

@bollocksthemess I am so sorry that you feel like this love. It’s such a stressful process. But you are not alone!

@suzy124 good luck lovely! You never know! You aren’t out until AF shows! Keeping everything crossed for you! Xxx

How are we all doing? @bollocksthemess @Meg5500 @Missmcmonkeymcbean @bitheby

Wasn't my month, CD2 for me and struggling but I know once my FW week comes around I'll be a bit better. Basically now have one week of the month where I feel ok, it's the not doing anything and having no control that drives me crazy. This month we have started investigating also, I'm having my bloods done and OH having his SA so something to focus on I guess. Just want my little bubba so bad as I know we all do 😥 xx