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Conception

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Original poster

We'd quite like a dc3 but have a 6yo and 4yo - would a new baby in the household make life difficult for them?

47 replies

BiancaCastafiore · 03/11/2007 11:42

My children are both at school (almost, dc2 goes full time in the new year) and so are pretty used to the pattern of their days etc. I'm worried that if we have a 3rd at this stage the two we have will have to make sacrifices for the baby. There will be activities etc which will become more difficult to do because the baby needs feeding/to sleep/is too small and so on...

Is this really the case or have others found a baby can fit easily around their school-age older children?

Any opinions welcome, thanks

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Original poster

BiancaCastafiore · 04/11/2007 19:08

lol Charliemama. I feel a similar way about having had this large space...it's very clear that everyone thinks we're done and that the family is complete - I'd feel more awkward explaining a 3rd pregancy than I did the first or second.

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charliemama · 04/11/2007 19:11

My Dh would go for dc4 if I let him. But then again he doesn't have to bf does he!

Is he willing to consider dc3? It must be hard if you both feel strongly about it, but can't agree. I know I couldn't do the baby stage a 4th time, but I find the first 6 months really tough. I know other mums who seem to breeze it.

My stepsister had dcs 3 and 4 13 months apart when she was 39/40. (Mind you she does say she is exhausted!)

charliemama · 04/11/2007 19:13

I know quite a few families with a 4/5 year gap and it doesn't seem odd imo.

Mog · 04/11/2007 19:23

Charliemama, had three under 4 at one point so sending sympathy vibes your way. Oldest is now 6.5 and it has got easier. I think people's experience of having a third child is linked to how far apart they are spaced.

charliemama · 04/11/2007 19:30

I have definitely found going from 2-3 the hardest and that is the biggest gap. (1st 2 18 months apart, no.3 2 1/2 yrs apart).

I think dcs close are hard initially, but people have assured me it pays off in the long runbecause its easier when they're older.

goingfor3 · 04/11/2007 19:38

If all goes well I'm going to have another one next year when my girls are 4 and nearly 7. They both really like the idea of having a baby around. I know three people who are pregnant with their third and will also have a similar age gap, it seems to be becomming the norm where I live.

Original poster

BiancaCastafiore · 04/11/2007 19:39

He has been willing to discuss a dc3 over the past few days but seems to be feeling more as though it'd be hard - not just for him, he's worried about me too (I had PND after dd and have had bouts of depression ever since. I am well at the moment though) I'm still in my early 30's so have time to have a third comfortably but I am feeling that I wouldn't want the age gap to get much bigger than it is now if we do go for a third.

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sazb · 04/11/2007 19:44

hi there im sarah 33 live in banbury with 2 children.charlie 3 and chanel 13.would love to meet up with other mums in the area.for a natter.

tortoise · 04/11/2007 20:08

Go for it! having 3+ is great.
My DC get on so well with their younger sisters. I don't think they feel they miss out.
It won't take long for activities to become easier again once baby is a little older.

Evenhope · 04/11/2007 20:16

Bianca you asked "Do most people who have 3+ children come from larger families?"

I have 5 children. I was the eldest of 2 and DH was the youngest of 3. We planned originally to have either one or three because of my experiences growing up With two, if one is the favourite, the other is clearly the unfavourite

We had our four close together- no 1 was 5.5 when no 4 was born and it was flipping hard work

Then we had no 5 this year when the others were 21 to 15.

Tell your DH that my DH was 45 when this baby was born. We are now 44 and 46 ( and easily old enough to be her grandparents)

Original poster

BiancaCastafiore · 04/11/2007 20:30

Wow, well done and congratulations Evenhope

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Anchovy · 04/11/2007 20:37

LOL BiancaCastafiore.

I have long admired your name - it is the only other name on Mumsnet I would really like to have.

I alos have a 6 year old and a 4 year old.

Can you see where I am going with this...?

Original poster

BiancaCastafiore · 04/11/2007 20:37

....and.....?

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madness · 04/11/2007 20:46

ds (nearly 7) really loves his 1 y old sister, the fighting is mostly with his 4 y old sister. It really is driving me mad at the moment!!
Mostly the youngest just tags along everywhere with the others, but some bits are more difficult

Anchovy · 04/11/2007 20:50

DH would love another one.

He is one of 3 and I am one of 4 and I think we both secretly think that 2 is a bit...lightweight (which is bizarre as we both work very full time and it really doesn't feel lightweight).

we have one of each and it all feels a bit too...neat.

I do not think we would have coped with a third when the other 2 were smaller.

Original poster

BiancaCastafiore · 04/11/2007 20:58

Well, I will if you will

We have one of each too, I'd love to see who we'd have next.... Three is just a little bit alien - whole family is made up of 2s....

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charliemama · 04/11/2007 21:06

Before we had ds2 My friend (who has 2 ds) asked why I would want anymore as we had 1 of each already. The point is I wanted another child, it didn't matter what type.

By the way my dad was an only child and he ended up having 6! The last 2 (2nd marriage) when he was 45 and 48.

BalsamicVinegar · 04/11/2007 21:09

We're actually planning to have a baby when our 2 are that age.
For all the reasons you mentioned. They'll be in full time school and in a good routine. Then I'll be able to spend the day with the baby.
Also most activities are after school and not in a usual nap time for older babies. And newborns sleep anywhere anyway.
And by then they'll be old enough to share a room , which they'll have to do.

rosybud · 04/11/2007 21:11

I feel the same as you Biancacastafiore, have 2dcs, one of each, in my early (ish) thirties and would love 3rd. dd started school this term (maybe that is the reason for the broodiness??) so would have 6 year gap between youngest two. am thinking this is too big a gap? but would regret not going for it...but all my friends with 3 do the whole 'tipped the balance, changed family dynamic too much etc.'

Rolf · 04/11/2007 21:31

My DS2 were 4 and 5 when DD was born. DD is now 2. I found the first year fine. We just lugged her around with us and I fed her wherever we were. The main difference was that I was sometimes less able to get stuck in with whatever the boys were doing. I think that they felt really special because they were so much bigger they could show off their little sister.

I have to admit that I'm finding it very hard at the moment. There are very few activities that we can do without DD either taking over or spoiling the boys' fun. If we're at the park and she isn't getting 100% of my attention, she runs in front of the swing I'm pushing. If we're at the beach playing football she either runs in the opposite direction or grabs my leg wanting to be carried. I worry that the boys are losing out and I'm using the TV as a babysitter on days when DD is being difficult.

DH and I are very un-placid people and our children are the same. You might be more serene!

But I think that our family is much more fun and interesting with 5 people in it and I tell myself that this phase won't last forever. When she's cheerful she's wonderful and seeing the 3 of them playing together is just brilliant.

I'm pregnant again and I bet DD will be the sort of child who tries to kill the baby or give it away!

largeginandbloodpunch · 04/11/2007 21:52

I would say do it, the other kids will love it. Any disruption to normal routine is short lived and it does other children the world of good having to think about a younger sibling.

Im deliberating, well lets be honest here, ttc #7 3 was a walk in the park...

Original poster

BiancaCastafiore · 05/11/2007 09:21

We did discuss a third about 18mths ago but there was no way I was ready to cope with 3 at that point and so we'd dismissed the whole idea. However, I feel differently again now.
I do wonder if the whole 3rd debate is just a reaction to the children I do have starting school....

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