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Original poster

We'd quite like a dc3 but have a 6yo and 4yo - would a new baby in the household make life difficult for them?

47 replies

BiancaCastafiore · 03/11/2007 11:42

My children are both at school (almost, dc2 goes full time in the new year) and so are pretty used to the pattern of their days etc. I'm worried that if we have a 3rd at this stage the two we have will have to make sacrifices for the baby. There will be activities etc which will become more difficult to do because the baby needs feeding/to sleep/is too small and so on...

Is this really the case or have others found a baby can fit easily around their school-age older children?

Any opinions welcome, thanks

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MarsLady · 03/11/2007 12:53

The school age ones will love it. Gives them kudos in the playground. "My mummy's got a baby in her tummy. In true life!" ... I remember it well.

If you want a third you will make it work!

GunpowderDragonsAndSoup · 03/11/2007 13:02

DSs were 7 and 5 when BabyDragon came along and yes, it has made their lives more difficult and they've had to make sacrifices for her. It's especially tricky now she's at the "I can walk so I'm going to bolt in this direction now..." stage which means there's stuff like bowling, children's farm etc we can't do like we used to before she arrived. As baby it was fine. She has to fit in around them too and she does fairly easily. She misses them loads when they're not around.

But
Do they love her? Oh yes.
Did they ever want to get rid of her? Nope. In fact DS2 burst into tears when I said (on a particularly difficult day!) that I was going to give her away.
Do they play with her? Yep. They do the Big Brothers thing to perfection, hauling her up onto the trampoline, into the swing, pushing her in the pushalong car, walking her round the school fireworks display last night on reins whilst I helped with the glow-light stall.

It's different to how it was with 2 school age children but it's fun

GunpowderDragonsAndSoup · 03/11/2007 13:03

Oh, and the sacrifices are only short term. Once she's older and less likely to bolt things will return more or less to normal. Whatever normal is.

LadyTophamHatt · 03/11/2007 13:46

my 8, 6, and 4 yr olds LOVE having baby brother.

He's nearly 10 months old now and if I asked each Big bro individually who was their fav they'd all say DS4.
Honestly he's the best mistake we've ever made and has bought so much to the family.

Original poster
BiancaCastafiore · 04/11/2007 08:59

Thanks everyone

Pretty positive then over-all. I think that's what I wanted to hear

We never talked about having 3 originally and I think everyone expects us to have finished our family but that feeling that someone is missing in the family just isn't going away (for me anyway).

I am worried about how our exsisted two would cope emotionally too - dd is moody enough at the moment as it is without introducing any jealousy issues and ds is a sensitive boy so dh is worried that he'll become the middle child and will never be the same again. Any problems along those lines anyone?

There are other issues (money, space etc) too so we're still weighing up pros and cons.

I'm also worried about how I would cope with pregnancy/labour again. Will I be unbearably tired? Is labour any worse after a 5 year gap?

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LadyTophamHatt · 04/11/2007 18:09

think of it this way Bianca, in 10 years time will you look back and think "Ohh I really wish we'd had another baby...."
Because if you feel ike there one missing now I'm almost positive you will then and it may very well be too late then.

IMO, You'll regret not having another one but you'll never regret having one IYSWIM.

Go on....have another

pointydog · 04/11/2007 18:16

I think another baby could oinly be positive for siblings. It's the adults who have the hard time of it

GunpowderDragonsAndSoup · 04/11/2007 18:21

DS2 sits better in the family as a middle child then he did as The Baby Also, there's a big enough gap that, in some ways, he's not in the middle and still is the baby.

My family feels right now - there are no children missing.

moopymoo · 04/11/2007 18:25

Hmm, just to play devils advocate...we are thinking of a third too and were at a party last night with our closest friends, 3 families all with 3 children. there was a unanimous cry of ' dont do it, it will tip you over the edge, god gave you 2 hands, you will be outnumbered, you can never have a decent holiday again, we love them but...' the strength of feeling from them all really brought us up short. we had all had a few glasses of wine though!

LadyTophamHatt · 04/11/2007 18:31

IMO 2 is so....normal.... so text book.... so safe.......so, and I know this is a bit mean and OTT, boring.

Three is the new 2, you know.

4 is the best though....

GunpowderDragonsAndSoup · 04/11/2007 18:35

Odd numbers are better, LTH. even are too neat. You need to have a fifth...

pointydog · 04/11/2007 18:36

It doesn't really make sense, though, does it, to define your boringness or any other part of your personality through the number of children you have

LadyTophamHatt · 04/11/2007 18:37

I agree with that actually, soupy.

I said to Dh the other day, I liked having an odd number. He rolled his eyes at me....

Original poster
BiancaCastafiore · 04/11/2007 18:38

I like your thinking LTH

Has anyone actually regretted having a third?

Do most people who have 3+ children come from larger families? Dh and I are both from families where there are 2 dcs so to make it 3 would be breaking that pattern but we don't have any cousins on the horizon (SiL has been told she unlikely to have any babies another worry about me having a third, would it seem like a slap in the face for her? )

I have a friend who is the middle of 3 who remembers life being hard work when her little brother was born and for the first few years so she's trying to influence me against another.
Another friend we met this morning was saying that although they wanted 3 they never expected the third dc to be such hard work - a completely different personality to his elder brother and sister who are very laid back types.

Oh, I don't know...I have started taking folic acid just in case though

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GunpowderDragonsAndSoup · 04/11/2007 18:39

Go and read your birth story, LTH

And then adopt.

GunpowderDragonsAndSoup · 04/11/2007 18:40
LadyTophamHatt · 04/11/2007 18:41

pointy, going by my post I'd be the most intersting person ever. having 4 would make me really unboring (is that even a word??)

When actually I'm really quite boring

Original poster
BiancaCastafiore · 04/11/2007 18:41

I think the whole 2 dcs is boring is a factor...I am a person who likes to play everything safe usually but perhaps this'll be my little rebellion?!

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Original poster
BiancaCastafiore · 04/11/2007 18:44

I do get the whole "God gave you two hands" thing too though - how do you cope out and about with 3 small people to hold on to?

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GunpowderDragonsAndSoup · 04/11/2007 18:46

Ah...but you don't have 3 small ones. At least 1 is old enough to be trusted () and one is small enough to be confined to a pushchair!

LadyTophamHatt · 04/11/2007 18:47

there are 2 handles on a buggy bianca, one for each older Dc

soupy, I have read my birth story. I've replayed the whole thing over in my head......still doesn't stop me wondering about another one

charliemama · 04/11/2007 18:54

I have 3 dcs under 5 and it is TOUGH, especially as ds2 seems to want to continue with all day colic post 12 weeks!!

However, I agree with LTH 1st comment. I remember talking to a colleague with 2 sons who said she'd have liked a 3rd, but her dh didn't. She said it so wistfully I thought I don't want to feel like that when its too late. (Probably could have spread them out a bit more mind ).

TBH my life is a nightmare at the moment, but I know it will pass and I think the benefits of having siblings rather than a sibling outweigh any negatives. My 2 adore their little brother and it's me whose suffering not them!!!!

Original poster
BiancaCastafiore · 04/11/2007 18:58

Charliemama, 3 under 5 must be tough - you have my greatest admiration!

Until a year ago I wouldn't have been able to cope with a third and I knew it, hence leaving thinking about it till now when I have more time on my hands (although I could use the time by going back to work...) Now I feel more stable all round a third isn't so daunting.

LTH at thinking of a 5th! Wow!

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charliemama · 04/11/2007 19:03

Problem is we never planned to have them so close. Thought we'd try and see what happened. Look where that got us!!!

We fully expected it to all take a bit longer. Got increasingly embarressing trying to explain it at work I can tell you.

For me I knew my family wasn't complete and so no.3 was inevitable. Will be stopping now though!

Original poster
BiancaCastafiore · 04/11/2007 19:05

Dh has just said he thinks it'll all be too hard having a baby in the family again. He admits that in some ways it'd be great but his overall feeling is that he's too old (at 40) to be doing the whole baby thing again

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