Is it stupid of me to want a kid at this age?

[moonbeamies]

So, I'm 19, and I really, really want a baby. I know I'm really young, but I think I'm mature enough to take care of a child. I'm still in university, but I've seen mums do both at the same time. I don't have a long term partner, but I also want to get married really young, and I think it goes well with me wanting to have a baby. But maybe I should find someone I would want to be my husband first? My family thinks I'm mental, but one of my best friends had her son in June, and she's doing amazing at being a mum, and that's what I want too :(

Any advice?

Convinced by what? @PurpleDaisies

the advice i would give is to grow up. Your expectations and unrealistic attitude to motherhood is a good indication of your immaturity

I'd expect this of a 12 year old

You're still a child yourself. Made even more apparent by thinking it's something to get into age 19

I'm actually really mature for my age. I've been taking care of my little sister constantly for years, and I did a pretty good job at it too. There was no reason to be so harsh :/

You've got 30 years ahead of you to have a child.

The thing is OP if this is real. You can’t look at one persons situation and assume your journey is going to be the same as there’s unfortunately (for many reasons).

I would ask to have your friends baby for a few days and see how you get on.

YABU, I was a young mum but I wouldn’t want to be if I could do it all again. I wouldn’t change my kids for the world but I’d like to have been much more financially stable and lived a bit more before having them

I would ask to have your friends baby for a few days and see how you get on.

Babies aren’t toys to pass around..!!!

OP if you feel settled and ready go for it.

@Poppypopi80

The thing is OP if this is real. You can’t look at one persons situation and assume your journey is going to be the same as there’s unfortunately (for many reasons).

I would ask to have your friends baby for a few days and see how you get on.

I know it wouldn't come without challenges. It's just always been my dream to be a mum, and I'm willing to put in the work for it. And as tempting as the idea sounds to ask my friend to look after her baby, it would probably be really unsafe with COVID and everything.

Nothing wrong with feeling the urge to have a baby. Don't give in to it though. Wait until your circumstances are stable and you are in a long term committed relationship. Anything else will come back to bite you or your child on the bum. That's not to say that plenty of people don't do a great job of raising kids in less than ideal circumstances, they do, but to actively seek it out is not wise.

@MrsMoastyToasty

You've got 30 years ahead of you to have a child.

You think op should consider up to 49 to have kids??

I'm still in university, but I've seen mums do both at the same time.

They’re the exception, not the rule. Those mums work really fucking hard and I’m sure if you asked all of them, they’d have preferred to have a baby and finish their degree at different times. Personally, every woman I know that has got pregnant during their degree or within 6 months of finishing their degree became a SAHM and entered the workforce in a minimum wage job that could be done without a degree when their children were in school. They effectively chose not to have a career. Which is fine, but seems a bit pointless you being at university.

It's not just about you, you're talking about a baby like it's a fashion accessory. This is a life you would create and be responsible for. You seriously need to think about what you have to offer a baby. How are you planning on getting pregnant without being in a relationship? How do you expect to provide for your child and how will you answer questions about where their father is. Babysitting your little sister and being solely responsible for a baby 24/7 are very different. Do yourself and your future family a favour. Finish uni, grow up a bit, get a good job under your belt and find a good partner. Then you'll have something to offer your child.

At 19, stick with the path you're on - get uni finished then get a good job, save up for a deposit to buy a house. Don't get stuck with a useless man, be picky and find the right man for you. Those things will put you (and your future children) in the best possible place for a good life. If you wait a bit to have children it'll be so so worth it.

Nothing wrong per se with being a young mum but a daft thing to actively choose if you are still at uni and also would like to meet a partner. Nothing like babies for removing opportunities for dating or peaceful studying. Give it a few more years and get more settled first.

So your plan in the midst of a pandemic is a ONS in the hope you concieve, or finding a boyfriend and lying about contraception?

Where will you live with your baby?
How long will you have off uni?
How old will baby be when you put him in childcare?
Who will pay for all the stuff baby needs?

Yes that would not be a wise move in my opinion.

Of course you like babies, they're cute, squishy bundles of loveliness. They're also exhausting, they take up all your time, they stop you going out when you want to, they cost a fortune, they remove your freedom. It's harder to work, travel, socialise and enjoy yourself.

Childfree adulthood is an amazing time you shouldn't squander

@Sherin18

YABU, I was a young mum but I wouldn’t want to be if I could do it all again. I wouldn’t change my kids for the world but I’d like to have been much more financially stable and lived a bit more before having them

Thanks for being honest. I see where you're coming from :)

That is a really good point about financial stability. My family is fairly well off, so they could afford to support me, but it's probably a better idea to be independent. I do also want to get a really good job once I finish my degree so my future kid has something to aspire to.

I had my first at 19. It was difficult but I wasn't studying and I was a single mum for the first year before her dad and I began dating seriously (and are now married). I was more immature than I realised and needed to grow up faster, not just because of handling a child but also handling a house, bills, big decision making etc. If you've never had to control your own house alone before, all of that coming at once can be a lot for anyone.

You're not mad for wanting a baby. I wanted children from a young age and went on to have two more babies at 23 and again at 30. I studied the last two years of my degree with a newborn but I also had a fantastic husband who did more than his fair share in order to help me. Those two years were some of the most tiring of my life.

Finish university, find someone who wants to have a baby with you or seek IVF but I'm not sure how you plan to get pregnant without a partner right now?

My family is fairly well off, so they could afford to support me

I bet they’d be thrilled with that plan.

I’d just like to point out that my previous post was not intended to be posted on the thread.

@moonbeamies

I'm actually really mature for my age. I've been taking care of my little sister constantly for years, and I did a pretty good job at it too. There was no reason to be so harsh :/

That's possible but even so, you don't have a very mature attitude towards marriage and parenthood.

I've known people who always wanted to get married and have children and there's nothing wrong with that but they did at least wait until they were 23/24 before marrying and were generally happy.

You have more to offer a prospective partner and your children if you've lived your life a bit.

It will happen for you but don't be so desperate to have it all now. There are plenty of things to enjoy as a single girl.

*Set your alarm to go off every two hours during the night and get up for half an hour at a time.

Don't clean or tidy your house for two weeks then try to just about keep on top of things.

Rub your nipples with a brillo pad every day and only wear stetched baggy clothes.

Don't get your hair or nails done.

Wear bras that are two sizes too small.

Take in somebody else's laundry.

Only leave the house twice a week.

Draw on the walls with crayons.

Pour rice krispies over the kitchen floor, but don't clean them up.

Put CBeebies on loud on your tv for nine hours a day.

Only have a two minute shower.

Every three days spend twenty minutes sitting on the bathroom floor drinking a luke warm coffee, eating stale bourbon biscuits and crying.

Make sure you keep up this regime even if you have norovirus, a migraine, period pain, flu virus or a casual injury.

This will cure your broodiness, I guarantee it*

I read this on here once, and saved it for future reference. I have 4 kids, and this is indeed accurate. I read it every so often to stop me wanting a 5th...

@Starlight39

At 19, stick with the path you're on - get uni finished then get a good job, save up for a deposit to buy a house. Don't get stuck with a useless man, be picky and find the right man for you. Those things will put you (and your future children) in the best possible place for a good life. If you wait a bit to have children it'll be so so worth it.

This is some of the best advice I've ever seen on MN