Is it stupid of me to want a kid at this age?

[moonbeamies]

So, I'm 19, and I really, really want a baby. I know I'm really young, but I think I'm mature enough to take care of a child. I'm still in university, but I've seen mums do both at the same time. I don't have a long term partner, but I also want to get married really young, and I think it goes well with me wanting to have a baby. But maybe I should find someone I would want to be my husband first? My family thinks I'm mental, but one of my best friends had her son in June, and she's doing amazing at being a mum, and that's what I want too :(

Any advice?

But you’re not even in a relationship?

The chances are that, in ten years or so, you will have so much more to offer a child in terms of patience, time, money, a stable home, hopefully a second involved parent and just generally life experience then you have at the moment.

Many young single mums are fantastic parents and many of their children do incredibly well, but statistically children are more likely to succeed in life if they have the things I mentioned above. In your shoes, I'd make a "bucket list" of all the things I really want to do that are more difficult with children (further/higher education, develop your career, nice restaurants, theatre etc.), then tick them off one by one and think about kids when you've got a good proportion of your list out the way.

That is a really good point about financial stability. My family is fairly well off, so they could afford to support me, but it's probably a better idea to be independent. I do also want to get a really good job once I finish my degree so my future kid has something to aspire to.

This just sounds so childish and inane. Had you really not considered achieving financial independence before procreating until someone here suggested it?

I felt like you at your age and younger OP, and then absolutely NOT like that at all during my 20s when my adult life really started and I realised how little I'd actually known in my teens. I don't mean to patronise you OP but you really will change so much as a person in the next 10 years.

At the very, very least please go out and have some fun and life experiences first, while you build your career and a life independent of your families finances.

I had my baby at age 21 , had a long term partner and we managed to buy our own place. I dont regret having a child young , but things seemed to work out for us because we saved for a morgage. I think its best to have some sort of plan , job , maternity leave, living situation , and in some sort of long term relationship. (I was with my partner for 2 years when we had our baby) now been together for 4 and a half years. Sometimes I do miss my child free life and the freedom that I had, now at 23 years old, my life revolves around my child , and I work part time around my partner, there isnt much time to do anything for myself. As much as I love my child , I think we all paint a romanticized picture in our heads, and the reality is , it isnt that simple , at times parenting had put hell of a stress on our relationship, for example when we disagree on things, tired... im just saying theres nothing wrong with having a child young, but if your going to plan this, maybe sort out your own place , be in a job for a while and be prepared for the hardships.

I don't have a long term partner, but I also want to get married really young, and I think it goes well with me wanting to have a baby. But maybe I should find someone I would want to be my husband first?

Hmm yes very mature

Sp your plan is to get pregnant by a randomer then let your parent pay for the baby and you? Wow, you DO sound mature you're right

Being a big sister and being a parent are so different

The one thing I wish someone had told me is you’ll worry for the rest of your life

Everytime your child gets sick. You worry. Everytime your child is hospitalised. You’ll worry. Everytime your child is not with you. You worry.

Could you cope if that child had a terminal illness. Could you cope if something happened? My friends niece is dying. She’s 16. Could you cope with that?

Though I know some of the best mothers whom are young. I really do and not one of them said to me. I’m glad I had my kids so young. Not one. Though I do know they are out there.

These are just questions that I think everyone should answer.

1. My advice: grow up and think hard before you have a baby.

Or

1. Quit university, get pregnant by a stranger and prepare yourself for the rest of your life on benefits, not forgetting that you'll have to deal with baby's dad for the next 18-20 years.

The choice is yours. I would take 1st way.

I do also want to get a really good job once I finish my degree so my future kid has something to aspire to.

Well there's your answer.

I wanted a child at 19 and only in hindsight I can say I’m so glad I Waited another 10years. Children cost so much money and time. Be a great Mum to your future children by having a stable job, home and life partner.

Why not get some experience looking after small kids - babysitting, aside from your sister? Or look into a career in childcare of some sort.
This will not only give you an outlet to love and care for children but will also give you more exposure to the challenges.

People mature at different rates but I personally would wait to have a steady partner (no offence to anyone raising kids alone) and some degree of financial security.
Haven't read the whole thread so sorry if I am repeating what others have said.

I always wanted to be a young mum.

I decided I wouldn't have kids before I married and owned a house.

I ended up having my first when I was nearly 28, married and in our own house and I wouldn't have it any other way.

The idea of being a parent is very different from the reality. It is honestly the hardest thing I've ever done and I have amazing support from my husband.
Please wait. It is honestly so expensive. Our pram alone cost £1200.

Live your life first.

OP, I also felt this way at your age so I understand. The cluckiness overcomes you! But yes unfortunately I agree with the other pp’s that you should continue with your uni.

You are 100% not mature enough for a child. Don't be ridiculous! Use contraception, finish your degree.

I think the number one most important thing that determined whether my friends struggled with motherhood or not is the father. To have the best chance, your relationship needs to be rock solid, with both of you on the same page about finances, parenting, the future. He needs to pull his weight at home, and be fully into the idea of kids.

I've known without a doubt that I wanted to be a mother since I was 19. I had my first child at 31 and second at 33 as that was how long it took for me to find the right bloke who also wanted the same thing as me, establish our business, buy a house and live a little. It can be done quicker obviously, but that's how long it took for me. My children undoubtedly would have had a worse life if I'd had them earlier and I wanted the absolute best for them (even when they were just an abstract idea) so it was a no brainer to wait.

@TenShortStories

Nothing wrong with feeling the urge to have a baby. Don't give in to it though. Wait until your circumstances are stable and you are in a long term committed relationship. Anything else will come back to bite you or your child on the bum. That's not to say that plenty of people don't do a great job of raising kids in less than ideal circumstances, they do, but to actively seek it out is not wise.

Exactly this

@FromABook

*Set your alarm to go off every two hours during the night and get up for half an hour at a time.

Don't clean or tidy your house for two weeks then try to just about keep on top of things.

Rub your nipples with a brillo pad every day and only wear stetched baggy clothes.

Don't get your hair or nails done.

Wear bras that are two sizes too small.

Take in somebody else's laundry.

Only leave the house twice a week.

Draw on the walls with crayons.

Pour rice krispies over the kitchen floor, but don't clean them up.

Put CBeebies on loud on your tv for nine hours a day.

Only have a two minute shower.

Every three days spend twenty minutes sitting on the bathroom floor drinking a luke warm coffee, eating stale bourbon biscuits and crying.

Make sure you keep up this regime even if you have norovirus, a migraine, period pain, flu virus or a casual injury.

This will cure your broodiness, I guarantee it*

I read this on here once, and saved it for future reference. I have 4 kids, and this is indeed accurate. I read it every so often to stop me wanting a 5th...

Omg if this isn't my entire life 😂🙈 Today I hid behind my kitchen counter and ate Nutella from the jar 🤷‍♀️

I and most of my friends went very broody around 18/19, none of us had babies that age and we all grew out of it. Those of my friends with kids started in their mid to late 20s and were much more financially stable (and married/ in a long term partnership). It's pretty normal to feel broody, but for most people it's best to put it to one side and concentrate on education/ career until you really know who you are and what you want from life.

Don't. You'll regret it in 10 years when you've got an older child and everyone else is just having babies. You won't relate to anyone. Speaking from experience.
(Mine was an accidental pregnancy).

The answer to your question is Yes, it is very stupid.

@FromABook

*Set your alarm to go off every two hours during the night and get up for half an hour at a time.

Don't clean or tidy your house for two weeks then try to just about keep on top of things.

Rub your nipples with a brillo pad every day and only wear stetched baggy clothes.

Don't get your hair or nails done.

Wear bras that are two sizes too small.

Take in somebody else's laundry.

Only leave the house twice a week.

Draw on the walls with crayons.

Pour rice krispies over the kitchen floor, but don't clean them up.

Put CBeebies on loud on your tv for nine hours a day.

Only have a two minute shower.

Every three days spend twenty minutes sitting on the bathroom floor drinking a luke warm coffee, eating stale bourbon biscuits and crying.

Make sure you keep up this regime even if you have norovirus, a migraine, period pain, flu virus or a casual injury.

This will cure your broodiness, I guarantee it*

I read this on here once, and saved it for future reference. I have 4 kids, and this is indeed accurate. I read it every so often to stop me wanting a 5th...

Don’t forget the pelvic floor.

Every time you sneeze cough laugh or run you just piss your pants a bit.

My advice is to print your opening post off and put in in a drawer somewhere.

Take it out when you are an adult and blush at how stupid you were as a teenager. Babies are not an accessory that you think you want cos your mate got one.

You've got no partner, no job, no qualifications and no money - but you think you'd like a baby that someone else should support. Lots of growing up to be done first.

I had my son a mi th before my 18th birthday. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, and I was 'mature', had a mortgage on a at, a well paid job etc. Thta made the blibdest bit of difference
There is a stereotype to having a baby as a teenager, and it doesn't go away, even now my son is at school I get comments about my age.
Having a grandchild filled my mum with joy but was also a controversial topic with my extended family. Everyone has an opinion on having a baby as a younger mum.
I yearn to have my young adulthood back, times I could pop out for a drink with my husband at a moments notice, book a spontaneous weekend away etc etc. I adore my children but life would have been a hell a lot easier had I had then 10 years later.

You sound like a little girl. It’s interesting that your first thought seems to indicate that your family could support you. This shows a huge amount of immaturity and presumption.

You have a lot of growing up to do before you should even think about having a baby. They are for life, not Christmas. Children having children is rarely a good idea.

The litany of stress that @FromABook describes is very accurate, and that’s on a good day.