Is it stupid of me to want a kid at this age?

[moonbeamies]

So, I'm 19, and I really, really want a baby. I know I'm really young, but I think I'm mature enough to take care of a child. I'm still in university, but I've seen mums do both at the same time. I don't have a long term partner, but I also want to get married really young, and I think it goes well with me wanting to have a baby. But maybe I should find someone I would want to be my husband first? My family thinks I'm mental, but one of my best friends had her son in June, and she's doing amazing at being a mum, and that's what I want too :(

Any advice?

My family is fairly well off, so they could afford to support me

Really?

I had four children by the time I was 24, I had my first at 15. Honestly? It was major hard work and i feel I've missed out on so much. I would really recommend waiting. Go and really enjoy your freedom first.

@FromABook

*Set your alarm to go off every two hours during the night and get up for half an hour at a time.

Don't clean or tidy your house for two weeks then try to just about keep on top of things.

Rub your nipples with a brillo pad every day and only wear stetched baggy clothes.

Don't get your hair or nails done.

Wear bras that are two sizes too small.

Take in somebody else's laundry.

Only leave the house twice a week.

Draw on the walls with crayons.

Pour rice krispies over the kitchen floor, but don't clean them up.

Put CBeebies on loud on your tv for nine hours a day.

Only have a two minute shower.

Every three days spend twenty minutes sitting on the bathroom floor drinking a luke warm coffee, eating stale bourbon biscuits and crying.

Make sure you keep up this regime even if you have norovirus, a migraine, period pain, flu virus or a casual injury.

This will cure your broodiness, I guarantee it*

I read this on here once, and saved it for future reference. I have 4 kids, and this is indeed accurate. I read it every so often to stop me wanting a 5th...

Oh goodness. I can't lie to you, reading this made my ovaries wilt a bit. This probably the most potent discouragement anyone could have offered.

I was broody at 19 when at uni.

It’s such a strong urge but really not the best life you can give a child.

Get a job and your own home first.

With all due respect OP...taking care of your sister and parenting are two COMPLETELY different things.
Finish university
Get a good job/career
Find a nice guy who wants the same things as you.
Get married
Sort out a house.
THEN have children... YOU HAVE PLENTY OF TIME!!

There's lots of things they don't tell you about parenthood, things even your friend won't be telling you.So you will only see it with rose tinted spectacles.

If that's what you really want and you've thoroughly thought it through then you should go for it. It's your life, your body, your choice. If 2020 has taught us anything it's that life is too short.

FromABook

OP I am 20 years older than you and really REALLY glad I waited until my 30s to have kids.

If you want to travel, made strong lifelong friends, go to festivals, dance until dawn, have a career, earn decent money etc etc then do it before having kids. By the time your kids have grown up you will have missed out on so much.

Op I had my first at 19 and my mum had me at 14.if you think you can do it go for it as only you can make that decision best of luck whatever you decide

You say you're mature for your age.... according to who exactly?

The things is you don't realise how young you are, or how much opportunity you could have until.... it's gone.

I was similar to you. So wanted a baby at a young age. So started working in childcare..... realised it was dull and under paid so moved on to something else. But was so broody!! It got even worse when my brothers girlfriend got pregnant. I was still in my early 20s had a partner and our own place and worked in a good job! Thankfully DH wasn't as keen to rush into having babies so we waited.
Waited till we had a house, waited till we were married.
Finally had DD when I was 30..... and I can honestly say that killed any and all broody ness. I love my DD but when people say parenting is hard you never believe them... when they say its constant.... you never believe them. And that is why we only have DD and we won't have anymore.
I couldn't imagine purposely having a baby as a single parent, with no way of supporting yourself.
And what if, god forbid, you have a child that needs extra care or medical needs?! It happens. How would you cope! You'd have to kiss goodbye to uni and friends... and any sort of life.

Seriously, just enjoy your life. I know it's hard right now, but a baby is not the answer! X

Try asking these girls managing a baby and uni if it was a choice to have a baby before uni? I think you will find for every one of them, the pregnancy was unplanned.

Personally I don't believe this question is genuine

At 19 you might think you are mature but you just haven't had the time to have enough life experiences yet. I think most people think they are mature but when they are in their thirties and think back to when they were 20, it's a different story.
You have your whole life ahead, keep on a path to educate yourself, make yourself financially stable, find a life partner that you can depend on and will be a good father to any children you have - that's doing yourself a good service as well as your future children. Also don't compare yourself to your friend. Everyone's circumstances are different and she may be jealous of you in the future.

I love when people claim they are mature while telling people they want to make a really immature decision.

I had my child when I was just turned 21. I am now in my 40s and am so glad that I am not having to deal with schools and teenage drama now. But would I suggest to my son (who is the same age that I was when I had him) that having a child is a good idea? No. He's not in a stable relationship (or indeed any relationship), has little money, still lives at home and is not mature enough, despite having babysat for his little nephew lots of times. I was lucky that I had met the love of my life at 20, but none of my friends are still with the man they met at that age, so I know its rare.

Hi op. I got pregnant at 19, had my ds at 20. Im now 26 and have 3 kids. I love them all the world but Im now trying to make some sort of a career for myself and earn some decent money but its hard whilst juggling 3 kids, school runs, clubs etc. Sounds like your doing well for yourself allready, so I would maybe finish uni first. I wish you luck in whatever you choose to do.

I would actually look at it a different way to the people talking about how hard it is (although it is hard). If having a baby is your dream and what you want to really do in life, then it’s worth doing it the best you can and in the best circumstances you can. I had my DD accidentally at 25 just as I was about to start a 2 year professional masters and it’s manageable and I’m doing it, but why make it harder than it needs to be?

My maternity leave would have been so much nicer if I had been in a steady job with actual decent maternity pay. I wish I could have luxuriated in being pregnant and enjoyed decorating a nursery in my own home and buying cute outfits instead of panicking and scraping by.

Having a baby is lovely and it’s something you probably only get to experience a few times in your life so make the most of it and do it right! It’s so much more pleasant when you have a supportive partner, a decent job, a house, etc.

My family is fairly well off, so they could afford to support me, but it's probably a better idea to be independent.

No kidding. What were you saying about being really mature?

When I was 19 I was also desperate for a baby and in university. But I also wasn't stupid and realised I needed to concentrate on my degree. I think your situation is made even worse by the fact you don't have a long term partner. That isn't fair on the poor lad you intend on being the father or your unborn baby!
I ended up having my first baby at 25 (also very young IMO) but it was what I wanted. And let me tell you it's the hardest thing you will ever do in your life. I didn't listen to the people who told me it would be difficult, I thought they were all just negative. But it really is, it's nothing like looking after someone else's child. Your baby will need you 24/7 you won't have a rest or downtime to do uni work and even if friends or family offer to look after the baby whilst you do uni work in that spare time you have you will need to catch up on sleep, wash, clean.... Don't do it until you have graduated, have a job and most importantly have a partner you are happy with.

Op, I was one of them people that finished my final year of university around the same time I had my first baby, I graduated in the September and she arrived in the October. She wasn't planned as I wouldn't have planned a pregnancy for this time. It wasn't easy but was doable. However I was 26 when she arrived, which still felt very young to me, and in a long term stable relationship and also had the financial support from dp to take the time out with my baby before starting my career, which I did when she was 12 month old. I had a house to move into with dp and baby, do you have this? Do you live at home? If so you need to consider how having a baby in the house affects every member. I found it practically and emotionally exhausting at times, it's not all sunshine and roses trust me. I thought I knew a thing or two from helping raise other family members, it's a whole other ball game with your own, it's intnese, relentless and you never get time off. Nonetheless good luck if you decide to go ahead with motherhood.

Honestly, go for it if you have the support, means and resources. Don't end up like me childless at 38 and trying everything is their powers to get pregnant and failing.

Who is paying for this imaginary baby Op?

Ok, I had my first at 22 and did my degree after. I'd done some travelling and had some life experience first but having a baby with someone who wasn't the love of my life wasn't ideal!

It's doable and was lovely but honestly go and travel the world and have some wild times first. My DC1 is a little bit older that you are now and in a LTR but I've told her exactly the same. Please have some fun first. 😉

What course are you doing? What career do you want? Imo work as hard as you can to get into a good well paying career that will provide for your future DC/allow you to work flexibly, establish yourself and you will benefit so so much when DC comes along.

Do you have a DP? out your energy into finding someone you really love and will be a great life partner for you, your DC growing up in A happy stable home will benefit them enormously

Laying these foundations will be brilliant for your future DC and you can be "working toward that". You don't need to be 30 but a few short years will make all the difference (and adulthood flies by - I promise!)

Focus on buying a property and getting on the ladder, another benefit for your DC will be having a stable living situation

You will find parenthood so much easier if you start to put things in place before having DC

It's not just a baby though is it? That baby grows into a tofddler, then a child, then a teen.
I had my first at 30 - you've plenty of time. Build your life and your career, create a stable home if you manage, and then think about children!

@FromABook

*Set your alarm to go off every two hours during the night and get up for half an hour at a time.

Don't clean or tidy your house for two weeks then try to just about keep on top of things.

Rub your nipples with a brillo pad every day and only wear stetched baggy clothes.

Don't get your hair or nails done.

Wear bras that are two sizes too small.

Take in somebody else's laundry.

Only leave the house twice a week.

Draw on the walls with crayons.

Pour rice krispies over the kitchen floor, but don't clean them up.

Put CBeebies on loud on your tv for nine hours a day.

Only have a two minute shower.

Every three days spend twenty minutes sitting on the bathroom floor drinking a luke warm coffee, eating stale bourbon biscuits and crying.

Make sure you keep up this regime even if you have norovirus, a migraine, period pain, flu virus or a casual injury.

This will cure your broodiness, I guarantee it*

I read this on here once, and saved it for future reference. I have 4 kids, and this is indeed accurate. I read it every so often to stop me wanting a 5th...

This is excellent and I'm glad it's got you thinking OP. It is indeed accurate.

My son is now 4 months old, I'm 34. Would I have had a child earlier? Yes, knowing now how much I love it (even though it's hard work) I definitely would. Would I have had one at 19 (or even before the age of 25)? Hell no. Have some of your own life first before you devote yourself to raising a child.

There's a thread on the mumsnet classics board about regretting having children...see if you can find it or maybe someone can link to it...I have no idea how to do it. Please read it. I'm not saying you'd regret it but it certainly highlights the downsides of parenthood...it's not all cute outfits and pushing it in a pram.