been ttc #1 since forever...

[nomoremagnolia]

Feeling very fed up with failing every month and wondered if there's anyone in the same boat? It's a lonely boat on a journey to nowhere at the moment, but if anyone else wants to join me, some company would be nice

Boob-watch update: not as painful to run down stairs (I've tried!), but still sore at sides. Cramps update: suspiciously AF-like.

I often try to convince myself that in fact I don't want kids. In a way the primal drive to have kids is not really connected with the 'normal' brain, is it. I don't really envy the lives of mothers, with all the sick, whingeing, etc, and sometimes wonder if I'll actually LIKE having a baby, and read studies saying that couples without children are happier than ones without, etc etc, but STILL, the old ovaries won't be quiet!

CD1 for me Back soon when I have cheered up a little. Lots to comment on

Sorry Ready - thinking of you!

Herb - I understand exactly what your talking about. What if I am crap at it and end of rearing something the devil would be proud of???

(posted this in the hut, too. apols for tedious repetition)

Well it looks like it's all over for another month. And part of me was so convinced. As I always am.

Very down. It's now a year since I conceived my last baby, the one I miscarried 11 weeks later. The one thing keeping me going after four miscarriages was the fact that I could conceive easily (usually within 6 months), but maybe now I never will again, and never be a natural mother.

I should go to the GP and see what he can do, but a) dread his 'well what do you expect at your age' answer, b) don't want to be seen to be TTC, as also trying for adoption and don't want them to know (and they interview your GP, apparently). Not quite sure what he could do, anyway. I worry that three D&Cs in two years have broken me. Would a lap and dye spot that?

Anyway. Sorry to ramble on. Having my monthly wallow. Looks like we're cycle buddies Ready! There's a silver lining!

Oh Herby, sweetheart. Sending you lots of hugs. Thinking of you.
Now, I am weepy anyway today, but your post really tugged at my heart ? personally, I think you should still go to see your GP, everything with them is in strict confidence, and the Adoption Agency should really only be enquiring about your general health and wellbeing, not rooting into specifics?? Perhaps stress to your GP that you are also going down the adoption route, and would be happier if your ttc side of things was not disclosed. If that is possible? (how naïve am I? )
As for the lap and dye, go for it, you never know! And at least you will have some answers, if there is any reason for not conceiving.
Your GP will not wonder why you are asking for help at any age ? a good GP wouldn?t anyway! Demand only the best care!
What you said about trying to persuade yourself you don?t want babies anyway ? that is exactly what I was doing yesterday. Evaluating how easy life is, how free dh and I are to come and go. I am going to start calling it the fall back plan. I love my dh (soppy alert!) so much that although the thought of not having children breaks me heart, I know I can get through anything with him by my side.

Cycle buddies with me is a silver lining?? Like it ? You?ll regret saying that though Herb, I can waffle for England

Right? better go and catch up with the rest of the thread, like I promised

Oh ready you're great. Why is it all the great people seem to suffer so?

I love my DP so much too. Even after four years I look forward to seeing him every night, and I know he feels the same. With him, I can survive anything. But with him AND a baby, life would be complete...

Thank you so much girls. It's so good to know people understand, even if they only live on the internet! Thanks to your encouragement, I have made an appointment with the GP. The first available one's 10 days away, but still. It's a start.

As for adoption, it's nearly as frustrating as TTC. My local authority didn't want to know as they have no suitable children. They only have mixed-race, black, etc, children which they won't place with white couples. The same goes for all neighbouring boroughs. I contacted Essex council, quite close to me, but they're not interested as they only place children with couples in Essex. The one private agency i've contacted has failed to send me any information, even though I've been asking since August. The one glimmer of hope is Camden. Someone phone from there asking if we wanted to be interviewed. But whenever I phone back, they're not there, and colleagues don't pass on any messages. I'm >>>-

Gilly D - you exist in real life?? This web business is too confusing...

I'd love to go abroad, but you have to be approved by the local authority here as a suitable person. It's maddening.

Yes - that's the problem. i can't get our LA to approve us, as they can't place any of their children with us, so there's nothing in it for them. I've found most of the agencies extremely unhelpful so far. I suppose, also, my heart hasn't been entirely in it, as I've been hoping to get up the duff.

OMG!!!!!!!!! LondonLottie - WOW!! I am soooooo happy to see you sweets! How've you been?

I am going to catch up properly, I promise... Doing it now. I am.

Hi girlies...

herbaceous - BIG hugs...Have you been to the recurrent miscarriage clinic for all the investigations? Sorry if you have already told us all this.. I had all the tests and I'm already on aspirin for my next pregnancy... (when that will be god knows!).... I have looked into so many things, I might be able to help with clinics and tests etc???
The adoption agencies and fostering are so hard. We thought after we lost our baby that we had all this love and no one to give it too and inquired about fostering/adoption... anyway none of them would touch us with a barge pole as they felt we needed to grieve properly and look at all other options of having our own child first. Most of the agencies had children they would not place with us or children of a much higher age (8+), like you said. It does not sound like an easy process and I just feel bad for all those children stuck in the system, when there are good homes out there for them These days they would rather keep a baby with a 14 yr old drug addict, so its with its mum and manage the situation rather than remove the child on a perm basis. Also its so easy for young mothers now to keep their babies as the social provides for them.
I tried to get my husband to look abroad, but he does not feel its a viable option for him. Where for me regardless of a child's background or race it would be loved unconditionally. I think at the moment it is too early for him and still wants our child back...

gilly - I think I live in RL too!

londonlottie - How the devil are you? Are you back from Spain??

Ready - Are you out those PJ yet??? I sent to a pressie in the post today! ENJOY!

Hello to everyone else....

herbaceous - I think you just hit the nail on the head,,,Secretly hoping to get up the duff yourself... has a tendency to make you less demanding. It seems to come into all aspects of life

I Have read about the following:

In India they are allowing couple to go over from abroad and pay for a surrogate. The surrogate waives all rights from the beginning to the baby and is paid for their services. They use IVF to achieve pregnancy using your egg and your husbands sperm if viable. If they become pregnant the baby is then your in 9 months. Problem is the baby is not legally yours, so you have to higher a good lawyer in the UK, to get papers to bring it home, but it will be biologically yours or your husbands if you use egg or sperm.. So I think thats how they get round it legally.
I stole the magazine article from the doctors where I read it, as I know this sounds bad, but could be a viable option for me, due to 1) my aversion to get pregnant and 2) My inability to not be able to carry a baby.
But morally it sounds very wrong to use people, that are doing it as a trade. But on the flip side these families are very poor and they only use mothers who have established their own family already and the funds they receive can give them a completely different standard of living, including educate their children. Which was an unlikely option before...

What does everyone think in debate terms of this being ethical?

I really wanted to go back to the chat about ?other people?s children? ? One of my best friends dd (2.5) is adorable and she has me wrapped around her little finger. I can never say no, so we play the aeroplane game, and she says ?again? and I make a rod for her mum?s back by doing it again and again -I never seem to get tired when I am looking after her and the amount of mess we made with the bubbles last time I was there I think that is our right as ?aunties?
I think we are all agreed on how comfortable life is, and how a baby would massively change life as we know it, but that empty feeling is haunting isn?t it

I had a job interview today, wish me luck won?t you all?

PMSL at us ?living in the internet?

LondonLottie, you are back! Are you back back? So many questions? I?ll let you settle back in before I bombard you

Gilly, I hope the sun continues to shine for you. My fingers are crossed for you.
A DS Lite is a handheld games console, like a gameboy for the new generation. I really want one but then I would only want to play tetris on it, so it would be a waste.
PMSL at you teaching your DGD (?) how to surf cbeebies ? that is classic

Rah, any news from you sweets? Fingers and toes crossed that this is your month, but if not, next month Excellent news about your levels and the ovulation ? really positive. Yes, I am out of my pjs I had a couple of hours shut eye and now feel great. I will keep my eye on the post thank ya chickadee

Kd73, how are you doing? It always feels like a daft question to ask someone who has had a m/c

Herbaceous, I have asked that very question many times ? why is it the nicest people tend to suffer the most. It?s hard to grasp sometimes. But then I sometimes wonder if it isn?t because we can handle it, that?s why.
I still get excited to see dh and we have been together 11 years and married for 3.5 ? we still laugh and have a great time. Of course we moan from time to time, but I know how lucky I am to have him. When I think of couples with children but a questionable marriage ? I know I wouldn?t change it for the world.
Glad you made an appointment, it?s definitely a start

How is everyone else?? Where are you all?

Wow - Rah, now that is a topic and a half for debate isn?t it
Ethically, I guess so long as no one is being abused or forced to be a surrogate or being exploited, then I don?t think it is the worst thing I have heard of. The problem is how is it regulated? Because where there are not regulations, then there is always the possibility of exploitation. I guess, what I am thinking is, if a company is set up to offer this service to Westerners, will the women who are surrogate be given a fair price? Will they be approaching the company to offer their bodies, or will they be ?recruited? and by what means?
Also, it?s quite scary to think of the legal ramifications of it all, is it really possible for the surrogate to legally waive all rights to the child? How would this be recognised in Indian Law? Would it be recognised?
So many questions ? sorry, to sound negative (if I do) it?s just that with these things you need to be 100% certain that you have the right company and legal team, as the potential for exploitation (or the surrogate, and of the couple who wish to have a baby) is scarily high.

BUT? all of this is moot Rah, you will fall pregnant again, and you will have your baby! You will.

I'm Ok thanks Ready... My temp dropped this morning to 36.3, but I've started getting my hopes up as I should of really come on by now as my LP length is normally 11-12 days. However the drugs could of extended that, so if I make it to 16dpo I will test again... Pete has taken my tests off me (too my compulsive testing disorder going on!)

Question:

I had the injection to release my egg on Wed 9th Jan.... I had the IUI procedure Fri 11th Jan... so must of ovulated latest Fri 11th as my ovulation test was 56 on the following Fri. So my LP is normally 11-12days... So from my calculations I am on 14DPO or am I 13 DPO, as I counted the Fri the 11th a 1DPO...

Can anyone help!!!

OMG - I can't even write as I am getting too excited at thinking I'm pregnant.... someone stop me PLEASE!!!!!

This

Pete has taken my tests off me (too my compulsive testing disorder going on!)

was meant to be:

Pete has taken my tests off me (as too much compulsive testing disorder going on!)

PANIC OVER!!! Can you believe me... just left these messages popped to the loo and CD1 for me ... I knew I wasn't anyway... I'm off to sulk!!!!

Thanks anyway...

Oooh Rah, very excited for you. Everything crossed
If you think you ovulated on Friday then Saturday would be 1dpo wouldn't it? Which would make you 13dpo today? How long does it usually take after the injection to ovulate?
I had to laugh that your dh has taken your tests away