Trying to conceive baby No 1 over 40

[October1979]

I am 40 nearly 41 and ttc baby no1. I fell pregnant for the first time in December but suffered a missed miscarriage at 8 1/2 weeks in February. I've been trying ever since with no luck. I use Clearblue advanced fertility monitor. Take vitamin B, C and Co Q10 as well as pre conception tablets daily. Until lockdown I did weekly acupuncture. I guess I'm feeling low as af turned up today and I turn 41 very soon.

I am usually positive and hopeful. Trying to think what's for me won't go past me...

Looking for some buddies in the same boat or some over 40s who conceived naturally to give me hope and share their secret to success.

I’m so sorry to those battling through the pregnancy announcements. New year is such a bitter sweet time. It’s good to have a fresh start but sometimes a stark reminder of what we don’t have.

I found it so hard after my mmc which was nearly two years ago. We did go on to have our ds but in the meantime I felt anger and jealousy towards our friends who seemingly got pregnant with no issues. One of whom was my best friend who got pregnant 3 months after an emergency c section with no issues. We were supposed to go through pregnancy together until I lost my baby.

Now I’ve experienced a full pregnancy what I will say is pregnancy is damn hard. It’s emotionally and physically draining. The fear of something going wrong is horrendous after loss also. Obviously I’m blessed to have ds but it was the hardest time of my life. I was bed bound for three months being sick. The only thing I can compare it to is a three month hangover that won’t go. I know this isn’t everyone’s experience of being pregnant but most people find it tough even if they don’t talk about it.

Try to be kind to pregnant friends. My best friend who got pregnant had three other friends other than me who were going through infertility or pregnancy loss. She got really down and felt she couldn’t celebrate her news with anyone. She herself had had three losses in the past so it hadn’t come easily. Every pregnancy is a little miracle.

At the same time I think it’s best to remove yourself from any situations that are challenging like baby showers or what’s app groups with pregnancy chat. If you feel it’s affecting your mental health your pregnant friends will understand.

Trying to conceive and having babies is such a difficult period of life to navigate but most people do get there. Try to make the most of each day if you can. I lost months to crying and feeling very down and I wish now I’d had more belief it would just happen. Also keep as busy as you can. Get your life in order as if it will happen as I wasn’t as prepared as I should have been mainly because I felt broken and too old. I really wasn’t.

Even those of us in our early 40s have a good chance. I really hope there’s some good news on this thread soon. Xx

Me too @Catconfusion let's hope for good news! Positivity goes a long way. Hope everyone is having a lovely day ☀️

I definitely think a positive mindset really helps. It was a turning point for me when I accepted my lot and made peace with the outcome, whatever it might be. It’s such a tough journey though and we’re all entitled to have rough days and feel sad, especially when friends have good news. Xx

Thank you all! It's good to know I'm not alone in this. I guess I feel angry at myself for naively thinking all I had to do was stop the pill and I can get pregnant in my own time. If I were struggling to conceive 10 years ago I don't think I would feel as bad as I would now because I would think it's out of my control that my body isn't 'playing ball', but for silly reasons I waited to long to think about kids and now I feel it's my fault I left it too late and I only have myself to blame 😔 Anyway, I know when I get back to work and have other things on my mind again I won't have time to wallow in my self pity, I will feel a better again lol 😊

I hope we all get our BFP this year, big hugs to you all 😊

Hey @sabtom try not to blame yourself. It’s not your fault at all. Nothing to say you wouldn’t have had problems when younger. I know loads of people who’ve had infertility problems and miscarriages younger than 35. In society in general there seems this subtext that if a women tries for a baby later in life it’s her fault for having issues. I think this is really unfair as many women fall pregnant in their 40s so why shouldn’t you expect it to happen.

Have you spoken to your GP and had some tests done? I really hope you’re getting the support you need! Xx

Hi @Catconfusion yeah, the tests that can be done, have been done, and has come back as unexplained infertility. The only options left for us now is keep on trying every month in the hope that one good egg pops out or IVF. And while we're saving up for IVF we just gunna keep on trying naturally and hope for the best 🤞🏻 thank you for your kind words, it's just what I need right now 😊 Like I said, I just need to get my mind back to something else and turn off social media for a while lol xx

@sabtom I’m sorry the tests didn’t throw up something that could be at least treated because you’d feel like you’re moving forwards. I think the ‘unexplained’ diagnosis is really difficult because not much you can do. I really hope it just happens for you. In the meantime this thread is a great sounding board. Lots of support here for you! Xx

How are you getting on @Bouncytree any good news?
Hi everyone I've just bought an Ava bracelet to track fertility. Just waiting on it arriving. Is anyone else out there using this? Would be good to hear your thoughts

@October1979 I don’t have one but I’ve heard good things. Temperature is a great way to track fertility. I had ovusense but would have gone with Ava had my cycles been shorter (think it’s 35 days and under). I still can’t find my thermometer so I think I’ll just test next week and order a need one for the next cycle. Xx

@October1979 ...no...AF has arrived here. Came on the 2nd and have been trying not to think too much about it since. Pesky new pms symptoms got my hopes up this month because they seemed different. Back to TTC fir 2021. I think I just want the trying party to be over now 🤦‍♀️ We got PG after the 2nd cycle last 2 times so I thought it might happen quicker, though deep down I know how much luck us involved. It really all is a game of chance isn’t in.

Ava bracelet sounds interesting. Hope it helps with tracking.

Sorry to hear about your trouble @sabtom. TatC can be a tough journey. 25% of Pregnancies end in miscarriage, it really is a normal part of the process. Though it’s hard to hang onto that sometimes. TTC can be a tough journey. It really is about persistence.

How are u doing @Catconfusion? Any sign of your cycle settling?

Oh no @Bouncytree I’m sorry to hear that. Onwards and upwards for 2021. It’s frustrating I know but hopefully next cycle will be the one.

So I thought I ovulated last week. We’d dtd last Sunday and I thought it’d happened on Tuesday as I got ewcm on Monday. We dtd on Thursday as well as insurance but I continued to keep having cm so did wonder if it had happened. We’ve been knackered as ds is teething and not sleeping well so felt relieved at least we’d tried. Anyway I got some ewcm last night so obviously it didn’t happen last week. We’d hoped to dtd last night but I fell asleep before DH got to bed. This morning I had loads of ewcm. Also getting some one sided cramps so pretty sure it’s happening today. I’m cd25 so seems my cycle is getting longer which is annoying. I do wonder is eating badly at Christmas is to blame. The plan is to try and get ds to sleep so we can try when he gets home at midday. Not sure if our chances are good. I guess the ewcm usually shows up the day before O so we might get lucky. My body is so confusing.

The day we conceived ds I got a load of ewcm the day before. I was temping then though so could confirm I’d ovulated so figured we had a chance. Just gutted we didn’t dtd last night or even at the weekend to cover all bases. Also wondering if it would mean another boy if we did conceive as close to O. We’d be over the moon with another healthy boy but a little part of me would love a girl. I think we’ll give it a go and hope for the best. Xx

So confusing @Catconfusion. But I would just get on and DTD as soon as you can. It’s difficult to time ovulation and things may not always follow the exact same timings. Also I’ve read the stuff on boy/girl fast/slow sperm...but I really think we can’t dwell too much on it...TTC is hard enough without adding another factor to worry about...when we really can’t control whether it will be a boy it girl. We have so much info now we can overthink this stuff. DTD every few days really is enough. We Conscience DS DTD every 3 days

Thanks @Bouncytree we did just dtd when DH got home so i'm pretty sure if this is O coming we've covered it. Yes I think getting bogged down in whether its a girl or boy is a mistake. Dtd too long before O risks not catching and with my crazy cycles its difficult to predict. It's not a massive deal now I know how difficult pregnancy is to achieve. Just a healthy happy baby is the goal really.

DS was conceived on day 33 so pretty miraculous really. I'm not holding out too much hope for this cycle. At least I've realised I'm not content unless tracking so will sort out a thermometer for next cycle. With longer cycles it just becomes really stressful so at least knowing it's definitely happened puts the mind at rest. I'm hoping O comes in the next few days. Last cycle it was two days after EWCM so actually it might not be just yet. The cycle we conceived DS it was within one day.

How long do you have before O? Will you be there soonish @October1979? xx

Aww no @Bouncytree don't worry 2021 is our year! I agree it's much harder to conceive in our 40s so I would cover your bases @Catconfusion I don't think it matters when you dtd. I've had friends think it was more likely to be a girl and it ended up being a boy. I think it's a roll of the dice. I'm on cd 4 ovulation usually around day 12 but was day 19 last cycle. So who knows. I'm using clear blue fertility monitor which has been good at tracking and alerting me to ovulation I think. However not pregnant so who knows. My Ava bracelet arrived today. I bought it off eBay from a woman who tried for 3 years and fell pregnant a few months after using. She put a lovely note wishing me luck and telling me her story. Saying she hoped it would bring me my baby. Was such a lovely kind note. I hope using this as well will help. I'm clueless with temping so this will help me.

Agreed @October1979 I’ve read a bit around timing of dtd and the sex and I think it’s so hit and miss. I would be gutted if I delayed things and then couldn’t fall pregnant. You’re right, every cycle counts.

I think it’s absolutely lovely you got the note in your Ava package. Do you know if you can start Ava mid cycle? Not sure if it’s worth getting hold of one. I really hope it works for you. I’ve heard the data is really interesting. 2021 will be your year. I’ve got a feeling! Xx

If you haven't had fertility checks I'd have that done asap as you only have a couple years of you need IVF. This happened to us, I had a MMC at 9 weeks when I was 39, as I'd got pregnant we assumed all was fine and continued TTC for over a year. We then had tests and turns out our chances of TTC naturally were very small, IVF was suggested as our only likely option. We went for it and I had a baby at 41. Good luck xx

Just joining in here. I’m 41 and fell pregnant on first attempt in November just gone. Had MC at 6 weeks which was sad, but not devastating...I suppose many of you will relate to the feeling that I wasn’t expecting much and we were so shocked (my OH is 47) that frankly the whole experience felt more positive than sad.

Really useful to read about tests.

Has anyone had any pre-conceptions scans? I am following this thread closely :-)

@October1979

Me too *@Catconfusion* let's hope for good news! Positivity goes a long way. Hope everyone is having a lovely day ☀️

Definitely on the same journey as you, and my day much brighter today for knowing I’m not alone (I know that sounds weird but it’s just nice not feeling utterly elderly in this area of life!!!)!

Sending you lots of luck!

Hi @Geriatric1234 welcome. You are definitely not alone! I had my AMH tested and had a scan to check uterus and make sure there was nothing to prevent implantation and determine my follicle count.

Me too age 44, no luck been trying for years

Hi everyone,

Just catching up on this week's posts - once work started back on Monday, time has just flown by!

So I had my peak ovulation days at the weekend and Monday and was gutted as DH didn't feel well enough so I thought this was going to be a wasted month, but on the final day he felt better so I am legitimately in that 2 week waiting period again....

How are you doing?

Hi @Littlemiss40andfabulous how's your 2 week wait going?
My fertile week has just ended so my wait is just beginning.
This was the first month of using Ava fertility band. It's been interesting. I used it in conjunction with my Clearblue fertility monitor. I found the bracelet predicted my fertile week ahead of time in real time allowing me to plan ahead. Also found the day I got my peak on Clearblue fertility monitor was my last fertile day according to Ava as my temp went up, meaning that the second peak day ovulation had already happened and I would have missed my window. So I have been quite impressed with the insight Ava gave.

Hey @Littlemiss40andfabulous glad you managed to try. When will you test? Xx

Hey @October1979 great news about Ava. I hope the 2ww goes quickly. I’m considering getting one, although I’m having a much longer cycle this time. I’m on day 38 and have a negative test so pretty sure my irregular cycles are back. I didn’t temp or test LH but I felt like O was 13 days ago so a pregnancy would be showing up now. My luteal phase is 16 days so expecting AF in a few days. It’s so frustrating as I’d hoped my cycles were better these days. Xx

Hi @Catconfusion it's been really quite good.

My plan was to order Ava if I didn’t catch this cycle but it’s not recommended for cycles over 35 days and it’s looking like that’s me again now.