Trying to conceive baby No 1 over 40

[October1979]

I am 40 nearly 41 and ttc baby no1. I fell pregnant for the first time in December but suffered a missed miscarriage at 8 1/2 weeks in February. I've been trying ever since with no luck. I use Clearblue advanced fertility monitor. Take vitamin B, C and Co Q10 as well as pre conception tablets daily. Until lockdown I did weekly acupuncture. I guess I'm feeling low as af turned up today and I turn 41 very soon.

I am usually positive and hopeful. Trying to think what's for me won't go past me...

Looking for some buddies in the same boat or some over 40s who conceived naturally to give me hope and share their secret to success.

Thanks @Bouncytree I'm actually ok. But Af not here yet. May feel different when it comes. You would think ordinary test would pick up. However just googled and 13.5 dpo is average for first positives. I would test and if negative test again in a few days. Good luck. Hope you get your bfp.

Sorry not read the whole thread but is your DP doing everything to enhance your chances of getting pregnant? Like not having hot baths, not drinking eating well, taking zinc and antioxidant supplements?

We both had free fertility checks which identified some issues so we made some lifestyle changes to improve chances.

I got pregnant just shy of 41, had a MC and got pregnant again shortly after. Now have a nearly 12 year old!

Hi October1979,

I'm also 40 (41 in March) and have been trying to conceive for the first time since May, with no success currently. I'm hoping it'll just happen naturally at the moment...

How are you getting on?

Hi @Campalumpa yes DH is doing all he can he is taking all vitamins and preconception vitamins that I am. He only showers we eat very healthy. He's very fit. His only vice is a few beers or glass or two of red wine now and again. It's so frustrating as I feel we are doing all we can.

Hi @Littlemiss40andfabulous Welcome to the thread. I'm fine. But was hoping this month was our month. I conceived last Christmas and had an mmc in mid February. So tad disappointed. Although Af not due till tomorrow but did an early test so I could have a guilt free drink to toast the new year. We are trying naturally and hoping we get the right egg. How are you getting on?

Thanks for the welcome October1979. Sorry it’s not your month but definitely enjoy that guilt free drink! I do treat myself to one each month when AF arrives.

We have started using the clear blue digital ovulation sticks and I’m expecting to have my peak and ovulate in the next few days (just as we return to work and life gets busy again).

We are trying to relax and be patient, hoping time is all we’ll need to conceive naturally too.

Happy New Year XxX

Welcome @Littlemiss40andfabulous

Negative this morning 😭 might be a bit on the early side, but I’d imagine you’d have a squint of a line. Will wait and see but have been thudded back down to earth this morning 😞

Hey @Campalumpa and congratulations on having your dc.

My DH is really healthy and had a full SA before we conceived dc last year. They apparently swim faster than normal and are very healthy. He luckily hates baths. Also takes a fertility supplement. Xx

Oh no @October1979 maybe it’s just too early. How many dpo are you now?

So sorry @Bouncytree I hope it’s just too early for you too. I guess it can implant late which would make the hcg rise late.

Hope you both get a surprise!

Happy new year! I hope this is our year! Xx

Welcome @Littlemiss40andfabulous and good luck for your peak in a few days! Xx

Thanks @Catconfusion I’m 12dpo. I had cramps at 5 dpo which was prob early, and also at 10 dpo. If I’m going my lute always phase length AF not due for another few days.

Definitely a different pattern than my last few cycles. After the MC I’ve had lots of pms symptoms, nausea etc that I didn’t have before. But this cycle felt very different so got my hopes up.

How are you getting on? Did you temp?or decide to have a rest till next month?

@October1979 hope you are doing ok.

@Littlemiss40andfabulous sounds like you doing a good job. It’s hard hitting in DTD when life gets busy isn’t it. Fingers crossed for you.

I think we will both go get fertility tests, with both the MCs it’s just been a rollercoaster. But looking into the new year it would be good to know where we are at. I think it will happen naturally but it would be good to know if there’s anything else we can do to support.

Hi @Bouncytree I hope you are ok. I was hoping you would get a positive result and give us all some new year cheer. I'm sorry. It may be too early? Was it frer?. Hi @Catconfusion it was 11dpo with frer so not holding out much hope. But you never know, AF still not here yet. Today is my due date and 12dpo. As they say we are not out until AF arrives. What a nice surprise that would be!. @Littlemiss40andfabulous so nice to have you join us. You are doing everything you can. We just all need to be patient. But I agree that fertility tests are good at reassuring you @Bouncytree. I've had my egg reserve and follicle count done. DH still needs to have SA done. Having said that Folicle count and egg reserve don't really matter as they don't tell you if you have good eggs left. Just the count as long as you are above 0 there is always a chance. Unless going for ivf it tells the drs how you would respond to treatment. I got myself all worked up even though I was normal for my age.

I also don't know why half my posts come out in bold? Sorry don't know what I am doing wrong😂

Hi @October1979

Your posts not in bold for me?

Thanks yes your right...not out till AF arrives for both of us! No AF is good sign esp if you are due today. My fingers are still crossed for you🤞. No AF here either, had another cramp for a a few minutes and thought here comes AF but then just went away. Whatever is happening is odd!

So are you saying not much point in tests if your not going for IVF? I do have some reservations, I d think all this self surveillance adds to the stress a bit. I just wanted to rile out doing anything that might help, but I havnt really done any research yet.

Oh test wasn’t a FRER just an internet strip test.

Going by luteal phase not due till 3rd.

this thread came up in Active and I don't normally follow this board. But I wanted to say two things.

Firstly, all your focus seems to be on your body, age, eggs, cycle, treatments etc. What about your DH sperm count? Even a 21 year old woman won't get pregnant if the sperm isn't good enough. My friend went through several ICSI IVF rounds after 40 and her body was perfectly fine, it was her DH who had the problem. She has 2 DC now. I say this because i think it is easy to miss the obvious sometimes, and you are working so hard to get the outcome you want, and focusing all your energy on your part, that you may turn any disappointment onto yourself unnecessarily.

And secondly, I had an accidental and successful pregnancy at 42 after DTD just once. It can happen! Not saying this to gloat, and I hope I don't upset anyone, but you asked for positive stories. Luck has so much to do with it!

Wishing you all the best, OP. And hope you get some good news soon.

For me the test was good as checked uterus was good. No fibroids that could affect implantation etc. There were 5 follicles in each ovary. Average for my age and AMH which is egg count was 2.4. Normal for age although low for predicted response for ivf. So showed eggs are running out. Which I knew due to age but no test can tell you about egg quality. As I said it only takes 1. The test was good as told me there were still eggs and both ovaries had follicles. Also told me lining of the womb looked good. As I said SA not been done yet. But would give piece of mind that everything still works relative to age.
For me I am considering putting a time limit on this and when we reach the end considering donor eggs abroad if I want to be a mum. There is only 16% success for ivf at 41 using your own eggs which is pretty poor. But close to 70% with donor egg. Also age is not an issue then as it's the age of the egg that matters. But I'm not there yet. It would be sad not to share my genetics with my child. But I think this would be my next consideration. Hope this helps with your decision.
Af still not here but had light cramping all day. That's me cd30 12dpo. My longest cycle has been between 24-26 over the last 8 months. But always had a luteal phase of 11 for the past 2 years. If I make it without af coming today this will be different 🤞

Hi @BendyLikeBeckham thanks for sharing. We are going to have SA done in January. DH took some convincing. But you are right. Thank you for sharing you got pregnant at 42 gives me hope.
@Bouncytree sorry forgot to tag you in my response below.

OP, your test outcomes sound great and bode really well for natural pregnancy (assuming the sperm are of good quality and number). I don't understand why your DH took persuading to be tested (I can take a wild guess). Surely he gets that it takes two gametes to conceive, right? It's a no brainer. My friend's DH felt so bad that his DW had to go through all the hormone treatment, heartache, pain, etc. and was 100% willing to do his part (easy) and just provide samples.

fwiw it took me a good few months of trying to fall pregnant when I was much much younger, and I remember the ache in my soul each month it didn't happen.

I'm sure it is just a matter of time for you. You are still young!

@BendyLikeBeckham yes he does get it. His concern was I was panicking and worried I was going to go down the ivf idea before I'd given natural a real chance. Especially as we have conceived and miscarried less than a year ago. My tests were a while ago and I am quite impatient. We decided together ivf wasn't for us due to low success rate and we'd save our money for egg donation if we got to the end.

Hello all! I've been following this thread for a while, and just wanted to wish you all a happy new year and fingers crossed for all of us. Feeling a little blue today, it's only day one of 2021 and I've already had to endure 3 (!!!) pregnancy announcements. It seems like everyone has just saved all their announcements to share today! It's getting more and more difficult to fake that smile and excitedly say 'congratulations!' And to rub more salt in the wound, this would've been the week our baby was due. I feel so horrible for not being genuinely happy for them, but I can't help it. Any tips?

I turn 41 in 20 days, so I'm hoping there's still time for us yet, but after 2 years of trying and a MMC, not sure how much I can take it emotionally 😔

Sorry for putting a dampener on things but sometimes it feels better just to let things out

Hi @sabtom,

Sending you a New Years Day hug as you battle through those pregnancy announcements. You’re not being horrible and I’m sure you are genuinely happy for them, it’s just it’s so so bittersweet and painful not getting to be the one who is being congratulated (again).

Not sure if it’s a tip but I try and remember that the older everyone gets the more heartache they will have faced in some shape or form so they will have their own painful wounds, even if it’s not obvious to me. I also allow myself to feel the pain privately, even if I don’t show it publically.

Definitely better to share than bottle things up. I’m glad you shared, and I read your post as was sitting here feeling a bit sad and miserable myself. I’m sorry for your MMC.

Happy New Year ladies - 2021 and a fresh year of possibilities for us. It’s nice having others to share this journey with XxX

[quote October1979]@BendyLikeBeckham yes he does get it. His concern was I was panicking and worried I was going to go down the ivf idea before I'd given natural a real chance. Especially as we have conceived and miscarried less than a year ago. My tests were a while ago and I am quite impatient. We decided together ivf wasn't for us due to low success rate and we'd save our money for egg donation if we got to the end. [/quote]
It's better to know sooner than later and avoid wasting time if there is an issue, imo. Then you can deal with it. But anyway, roll on his test soon, and it will hopefully all be fine.

Good luck to you and everyone else in the same boat.

Thank you @BendyLikeBeckham

Hi @sabtom it's good to get things off your chest. I turned 41 on October. It's really difficult hearing of pregnancy announcements. We have all been there and it doesn't make you a bad person @Littlemiss40andfabulous is right . It's also hard not to get caught up on google and read all the negative stats against conceiving over 40 and panic. That's my problem, worrying it's too late. But I find it helps to keep in mind the research you read is dated and the majority is from fertility clinics. You don't usually hear from those that don't struggle. So you only ever read from the perspective of fertility clinics. It makes sense it will take a bit longer being older. But I do believe it will happen if you cover all your bases. I've been doing SMEP the last 2 cycles and has helped me to settle my mind that I can't do any more. Before I always wondered if missing a day of dtd was possibly missing the one chance of a good egg. It's really hard isn't it. It's awful having all that hope in the 2ww only to have it dashed when af comes. You are in good company here. You're time will come and it will be all the sweeter when it does.